Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse
by Uchiha Sasaki-chan
Summary: COMPLETE! Just Sasuke and Naruto and the rest of the Naruto gang trying to ride out the zombie apocalypse. Story way better than the summary makes it sound. Tragedy, romance, and comedy involved in mostly equal amounts. Rated M for cussing, some serious ass-kicking zombie mayhem, lots of NaruSasu yaoi, some rape, and gruesome nasty deaths. Everyone's OC, just in varying degrees.
1. It's the End of the World

**Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse**

**Uchiha Sasaki-chan**

Summary: Basically what the title implies. Just Sasuke and Naruto and the rest of the _Naruto _gang riding out the zombie apocalypse, or trying to. The story is _way_ better than the summary makes it sound, at least in my personal very humble *ahem* opinion. Tragedy, romance, and comedy involved in mostly equal amounts. Scenes of NaruSasu yaoi. Rated M for cussing, some serious ass-kicking zombie mayhem, a lot of yaoi, some rape, and some very gruesome deaths. This is not a crossover fic, but some of the events in here are loosely based on the manga/ anime _High School of the Dead._

**Chapter 1: It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)**

"Uzumaki!"

A loud voice broke Naruto out of his pleasant daydreaming, and he glared up at the Literature teacher, Kakashi Hatake, who was glaring back.

"Since you find my lesson so boring, maybe you should go down to the principal's office and talk to him about your problem. Oh, and you'll need to come to detention tonight. I'm sure I can find something to interest you then."

Naruto's friend Inuzuka Kiba snickered. Kakashi-sensei rounded on him.

"You think this is _funny_, Inuzuka?" he snapped. "Go join Uzumaki in the hallway!"

The two friends walked out laughing, feeling the eyes of their Lit teacher burning into their necks.

"What is this, the second time in a _week_ you've been caught daydreaming in Kakashi's class?" snickered Kiba. "You must _really_ like him to wanna spend so much time with him after school…"

Naruto snorted and clacked the tongue piercing he'd gotten for his sixteenth birthday against his teeth in evident amusement. "As if. He's not my type anyway, 'ttebayo…"

"Yeah, and Uchiha is?" Kiba laughed.

Naruto punched his friend. "Shut up or I'll put my foot up your ass, Inuzuka."

Uchiha Sasuke was the student council president, as well as the captain of the school's _kendo_ team and debate club. He was going to be the valedictorian at their graduation at the end of the year. He was also the hottest guy in school, with his creamy white skin, jet black hair that stuck up in the back and shone a dark purple when the sun hit it, and incredibly expressive, gorgeous deep sea blue eyes. Almost every girl in the school wanted to be his girlfriend, so Naruto couldn't understand why he was still single. Of course, the apparent lack of a girlfriend also made Naruto _very _happy… He was gay and had had a huge crush on Sasuke since the tenth grade.

"I've seen the way you ogle him," twittered Kiba, fluttering his eyelashes in an effeminate manner. "When're you gonna propose to him, Uzumaki?"

"Okay, Inuzuka, _that's_ it," snarled Naruto, getting ready to make good on his earlier promise. "Prepare to get ass-fucked by my _foot_, 'ttebayo!"

"'Ass-fucked', dobe? Really?" said a silky, soft voice behind him. Naruto jumped and turned around to be met by Sasuke's dark blue eyes narrowed in a look of displeasure. He made a mental note to kill Kiba and dump his body in the sewer the first chance he got.

"Uh, hi, Sasuke…" he said, shifting nervously, trying to look anywhere but at Sasuke, which was kind of hard because he was wearing his _kendo_ uniform, which Naruto thought he always looked particularly sexy in. Behind the Uchiha Kiba was making kissy faces, and Naruto heartily wished that Sasuke would leave quickly so that he could kill Kiba in a messy way that involved the dog lover's baby-making equipment and a meat grinder.

"Don't tell me you got in trouble again," the raven-haired teenager sighed, shaking his head. "You know, as it stands now you are dead _last_ in the graduating class this year. If you keep this up, you won't _be _graduating this year… What a moron…"

"Watch it, temee," growled Naruto, "or I might consider giving you the punishment I was gonna give Kiba…"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow in amusement and irritation.

"I _doubt_ you could get near _my_ ass with _your_ foot, sweetie," he smirked.

"You asshole…" Naruto snapped.

"Yes, I do have one," said Sasuke, walking away at a leisurely pace. "So does everyone else in the world."

When he was gone, Kiba burst out laughing.

"What do you _see_ in that guy, Naruto? I mean, he's _obviously _gay –he's _flaming_ gay- so you've got that going for you, but that's not _just_ a pole up his ass; it's a fucking _oak tree_! There'd be no _room_ for your foot, let _alone_ your dick!"

"I dunno," said Naruto thoughtfully. "There's just something about him…"

"His dominant personality?"

Naruto glowered.

"Please. _I'm_ the dominant one in my relationships, okay?"

"That's news to _me_," said Kiba. "When you were dating Neji _he_ was the dominant one."

Naruto glowered at him.

"_Don't_ mention that clingy bastard to me. Believe me; I _wanted_ to be _seme_, and we had a shitload of fights about it, some of which ended in physical violence, but in the end he was even more domineering than I am. And it's something else, okay? I just have this feeling that Sasuke isn't who he wants everyone to think he is; that is to say that he's not a _complete_ asshole inside. Plus, the way he calls people 'sweetie' all the time is so _cute_! Now come on; let's go to the roof and watch dudes, 'ttebayo."

"Hey, _you're_ the one into dick, not me," said Kiba, raising his hands as if to ward off a blow. "You wanna scope out the _dudes_, I'm not coming."

"There'll be babes too," said Naruto slyly. Kiba groaned.

"How did we _ever_ become friends, Uzumaki?"

The blond rolled his eyes as they walked toward the roof.

"We may be different sexual orientations, Inuzuka," he replied, "but being fucked up doesn't discriminate on _anyone's_ account."

X333333333333333

"Relax, Nara, you're holding your sword too tightly," said Sasuke. Inside he was thinking how he _always_ had to correct this guy's grip, and wouldn't it be great if he could just kick him off the team?

Of course, Shikamaru's dad was friends with the coach, Asuma-sensei, so Sasuke _couldn't_ kick him off or else he would catch hell. Having friends in high places or a lot of money was nice –hell, _Sasuke's_ family had more money and influence than they knew what to do with- but not when it interfered with the _kendo_ team's performance.

As he stepped in to spar with Rock Lee, the acting captain whenever he was out, Sasuke let his mind wander onto the subject of Uzumaki Naruto. Sure Naruto was an idiot when it came to school, or at least he seemed to be, but he was really smart in other aspects. Sasuke had seen him step into a situation that was getting hairy and diffuse it more than once with his easygoing attitude. There was just this atmosphere around him that made people like him. His laugh and his good mood were infectious, and his sky blue eyes were always glowing so happily, as if he'd just heard a good joke. His habit of saying "'ttebayo" all the time was incredibly cute, if a little annoying at times. And there was the fact –which everyone at school had known since tenth grade- that he was gay. That and he was smolderingly sexy and yet somehow single.

Sasuke had never admitted to anyone except Gaara and his older brother Itachi that he was gay, although he knew plenty of people suspected it. He actually hadn't entirely admitted it to himself, but he _did_ know that he liked the impish blond sex god as more than a possible friend. It would be amazing to have Uzumaki Naruto as _his _lover... He'd had a crush on Naruto ever since they'd first met in seventh grade.

"Ouch!" he said, more out of surprise than pain, as Lee's wooden sword hit him in the side. He glared at the bowl-haired boy as he rubbed the place.

"I am sorry, Uchiha-kun," said Lee, "but one should never let down their guard, as you have painstakingly told us."

"Well, I'm glad _someone _has been listening to me talk," said Sasuke, glaring at the members of the team that were there. His best friend Gaara rolled his eyes, and Shikamaru yawned.

At that moment the door of the _dojo_ slid open, and in stepped something right out of a horror movie. Sasuke's nerves were instantly on edge.

It was one of the girls from his stupid fanclub, an annoying skank by the name of Haruno Sakura. Her school uniform was torn and covered in blood, and she looked extremely pale. Worst of all, there was blood coming out of her mouth.

Rock Lee, who had a crush on Sakura, immediately ran toward the pink-haired girl and hugged her.

"Oh my god, Sakura-chan!" he cried. "We have to get you to the nurse!"

"Lee, get away from her!" Sasuke said loudly, readying his wooden practice sword, but it was too late. As he readied himself, Sakura sank her teeth into Lee's neck.

The next scene was just too horrible for words to describe. Lee screamed, and blood spurted from the hole in his jugular vein, bathing the floor and the wall in red. Shikamaru and the other members of the _kendo_ club were frozen, horrified at the sight before their eyes as Sakura began to eat Lee.

Sasuke, on the other hand, took action almost immediately, sweeping the wooden blade up and then bringing it around in a curving arc to hit the pink-haired girl in the side. She stumbled, then got up and began to walk toward the rest of the team. All the while, a horrible moaning emitted from her mouth. The sound sent chills down Sasuke's spine, and he felt cold all over.

As a general rule, Sasuke never hit a girl, no matter _how_ annoying they got. This time, he made an exception. Sakura needed to be stopped before she hurt anyone else. Drawing the wooden sword back, he put all his force behind it and drove it through her heart. She slumped over, and he wiped the wood off on his _hakama_.

Then, as he turned to walk away, he heard the bone-chilling sound again. This time, there wasn't just one moan, but two, as Lee got unsteadily to his feet and Sakura joined him.

"Holy shit," said Shikamaru.

Sasuke almost panicked. The key word being "almost," because he was an Uchiha, and Uchihas didn't panic. How the hell could Sakura be up and moving after he'd just stabbed her in the heart? And what the fuck was Lee doing up? He shouldn't even be _alive_ after losing so much blood when Sakura bit him.

'_They're zombies!' _Sasuke's mind shouted at him. He didn't want to believe it, but there was the evidence in front of him. And what was the only way to take out a zombie?

"Nara, I need the _kusanagi_ hanging on the wall over there."

"Eh?" said Shikamaru, looking at Sasuke as if he had just sprouted three extra heads. The Uchiha got irritated.

"_Goddammit_, Nara, just _do_ it!" he snapped, and Shikamaru snapped out of whatever daze he was in and raced for the wall, while Gaara helped Sasuke ward off the two flesh-eating monsters that had been Sakura and Lee.

"_Oi_, Uchiha!" he yelled, and threw the _kusanagi_ in Sasuke's direction. He was a bad thrower, but the raven-haired teen caught it anyway and whipped it out of its sheathe, decapitating Sakura with a deadly and graceful speed.

"A little help, Sasuke?" shouted Gaara from the floor, where he was fighting the thing that had been Lee, just barely holding it off. The Uchiha wasted no time running the blade through the back of Lee's head, and he dropped like a stone. Gaara pushed him off with a groan of disgust.

"That was _way_ too close for comfort," he said, wiping his bloody hands on his _haori_.

"What the hell _is_ this?" asked Shikamaru.

"I have a hunch," replied Sasuke, wiping the blade before putting it back in its sheathe, "but it sounds crazy just when I _think_ about it…"

"What is it?" asked Gaara.

"Zombies."

Dead silence greeted this statement, and Sasuke was starting to think that he really _had_ lost it when Shikamaru nodded his head.

"It makes sense, in a very strange sort of way," he said thoughtfully. "The transmission of the disease through a bite and how Sakura kept coming even after you stuck a blade in her heart… And then they only died when you got rid of their brain…"

Gaara and Sasuke looked at each other awkwardly.

"Whatever," said the raven-haired teenager, heading for Iruka-sensei's office. "Come on, we're all going to need real blades if we don't want to become lunch."

X3333333333333333333333

"Dude, what the _fuck_!" snapped Naruto as he warded off another of the zombies with a baseball bat. "This _cannot_ be happening!"

"Well," said Kiba, using his switchblade to down an undead Yamanaka Ino, "it's happening. I think we'd better get used to it, because something tells me it's gonna be this way for a while."

"Thanks for that encouraging note," said Naruto sarcastically as he bashed in the brains of an undead teacher. "I'll add that to my Facebook blog under inspirational quotes."

The door to the roof started rattling and pounding as students screamed and cried, begging to be let up. Naruto and Kiba had already let people up once and now the few students and staff who had taken refuge on the roof with them were the ones whose brains they were bashing in. It was a hard decision, especially for Naruto, who hated leaving people behind, but they left the door locked. Eventually the screaming died away, replaced by the horrid moaning and scratching of the animated dead. The two boys were alone now, surrounded by the dead.

"How long d'you think this will last?" Kiba asked Naruto as they wedged an iron bar through the door handle, barring entry to anyone.

"I dunno, but hopefully a while," replied the blond. "We need to figure out a way to get off the roof before they break through."

"What about a fire escape?" asked Kiba.

"D'you _ever_ see one when we're down on the ground looking up at the school, 'ttebayo?" rejoined his friend.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to _look_ would it?"

But Kiba had to admit that Naruto was right after they had combed the edges of the roof twice; there was no exit, and they were as good as dead unless someone got through the living dead on the other side of the door or a helicopter passing overhead rescued them. Naruto highly doubted either would happen.

Then, just as the door started to give, Naruto found a long length of lead pipe with a jagged end perfect for spearing zombie brains with.

"Heads up, Kiba!" he yelled as the door collapsed and the undead poured onto the roof. The brunet had just enough time to get out of the way before Naruto rammed the long metal rod through the air and into the head of the nearest zombie, which dropped like a stone. Despite the killing of one of their members, the others didn't even slow down. They marched fearlessly on. Well, not so much marched as staggered along.

"There anything I can do, or you just want me to stand here and look pretty?" called Kiba, clearly annoyed that he wasn't doing anything to help his friend.

"I dunno about looking pretty," Naruto retorted as he speared yet another zombie through their eye. The eyeball burst, and its juices flowed onto the ground like an egg melting, followed by some of the zombie's brain as Naruto pulled out his impromptu spear. "The looking pretty is my job too. You're just dead weight, 'ttebayo."

"Fuck you," snapped the brunet, taking up another section of broken lead piping and ramming it through the chin of the creature that used to be their headmistress Tsunade. It exited out the top of her head, and Kiba pulled back quickly to avoid having his weapon pulled from his hands as she fell.

"I didn't think you swung that way, Kiba-kun," said Naruto with a snicker. Kiba sighed in irritation.

Just then there was a new commotion from the direction of the door, and who should step through the door but Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru, and Sabaku Gaara. They were all still in their _kendo_ uniforms, which were now bloodstained, and each wielded a real sword, not the wooden practice blades the _kendo_ team usually worked with. They were all breathing hard, and sweat was trickling down their faces.

What Naruto was thinking was, _'I have _never_ seen anything as sexy as Sasuke covered in blood and sweat and in his_ kendo_ uniform. It makes me wanna take him right now on the roof.'_

What he actually said was, "It's about damn _time_ you guys showed up, 'ttebayo! I thought we were royally fucked!"

What Sasuke was thinking was _'Oh my god, if Naruto can use that kind of power to thrust that pole through zombies, just think what he could do to me with his dick…'_

What he actually said was, "Hn."

Naruto rolled his eyes as he speared yet another zombie.

"It's nice to see that _some_ things haven't changed…"

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" snapped Sasuke, bringing his _kusanagi_ down on the head of one of the animated dead, cleaving it in two and dropping it instantly.

"Your glib responses, temee…"

"I should have left you here…" the raven-haired teen muttered as he wiped the blade on his _hakama_ again, knowing he could never do what he was muttering about. "Come on," he said in a louder voice. "If we don't hurry the way back down will be blocked."

Kiba and Naruto did not need to be told twice.

X33333333333333333333

Aren't they so eloquent? Then again, the time to tell each other those kinds of kinky sex things is not when you are covered from head to toe in zombie guts. Unless you're into that kind of stuff, then it's the perfect time. Well, actually no it's not even then because then you get distracted and then that results in two brand new zombies.

Yeah. I thought it was time to do a zombie story, because my three favorite things in the world are _Naruto_, zombies, and Rammstein. (Rammstein has nothing to do with this fanfic, except that I listen to them whenever I'm writing a particularly violent or tragic fanfic like this one, but whatever.) So here is my favorite couple (though they're not really a couple yet) fighting together and kicking zombie ass. (I think I've already touched on how odd it is that NaruSasu is my favorite pairing in a few of my other stories, me being a lesbian…) How much more awesome could it get? (Well, it would be way more awesome if they were kicking ass to a Rammstein soundtrack, but oh well.)

Ooh, _Mein Teil_! That's a perfect song for this story; maybe I should make it the story's theme song; it's creepy enough… (Read the lyrics and their English translation and you'll see what I mean. It's all about a 2004 murder case in Germany in which a homosexual man (Arwin Miewes) cut off Jurgen Brandes's (his lover's) penis, fed it to him, and then let him bleed out and then cut him up and ate him. I'm not making this up; it's a true story. I think he even fed some of his lover to his dog. And the guy only got eight years for it, because while Miewes had sick fantasies about eating people, Brandes had sick fantasies about being eaten. A match made in Paradise, right? All right, more like the Underworld, but whatever.)

Sasuke: 0.0 That's _extremely_ disturbing. What lives in your head?

Me: Anthony Hopkins, Jack Nicholson, Saeki Kayako, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, your mom, and a couple of strippers. 8D

Sasuke: -_- Wow. o.O Wait, did you mention my _mother_?

Me: 8D Yep! Did I also mention your mom was one of the strippers?

Sasuke: #*_* I'LL _KILL_ YOU!

Me: 8D -Laughs crazily and runs for the hills as fast as I possibly can, narrowly avoiding a Chidori by a few feet-

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Chapter two will be up soon. Review, please. And as for Kei-kun, I'm sorry I killed off Rock Lee in the first chapter. I love you. Please don't kill me.

Naruto: -_- I dunno what _you're_ talking about. I want to personally thank you for getting rid of the creepy eyebrows dude.

Me: _ Yeah, you, me, Sasuke, and everyone else in the series except for Gai-sensei, who is _not _appearing in this story, and Kei-kun.


	2. Children of the Grave

**Chapter 2: Children of the Grave**

"How the _fuck_ can this be _happening_?" Kiba yelled as he jammed his sharp metal rod through the eye of another walker. "This is scientifically _impossible_!"

"Yeah, well, what would _you_ know about science?" Naruto shot back as he sent a zombie flying with his own. "You're _failing_ science, 'ttebayo!"

"Before I tell you two to pay attention and shut up, I should say that _both_ of you have absolutely dismal grades," smirked Sasuke as he rushed past them to decapitate the zombie that Naruto had thrown and a few more besides.

"You know, Naruto," Kiba said conversationally to his friend, "I _still_ don't know why you- ouch!" he yelled as Naruto brought the back end of the rod around to hit him in the head.

"Not one word, asshole, or I'll rip you a new one right where your dick is," he growled. Sasuke's snort sounded somewhere between annoyance, disbelief, and amusement.

"So do you have any plans as to our destination, dobe?" he asked Naruto casually as he gracefully cut an undead student in half.

"Well," said the blond thoughtfully as he kept spearing zombies and throwing them, "our first goal should be to get to a vehicle and get outta here. Once we're comparatively safe we can decide what we're gonna do next."

"Fair enough," said Sasuke, mildly impressed; he'd always thought that Naruto was incapable of strategic thinking. He'd also had no idea that Naruto even knew big words like "comparatively." "Do you know how to drive?"

Somehow, even swinging the metal rod all over the place, Naruto found the time to whip his wallet out, showing his driver's license, and then tuck it safely back inside his pocket.

"Why?" he teased. "Don't _you_ know how to drive?"

"I am in the process of learning how," said Sasuke stiffly, trying to hide the blush from his cheeks.

"Wow," said Naruto, smirking, "who'd've known the class loser would ever be _ahead_ of the class president in anything?"

Sasuke growled. "Shut up."

"Hold on, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, "I wanna savor the moment."

"We don't have _time_ to be standing around or arguing," said Gaara emotionlessly, coming up to them and wiping his blade off on his _hakama_. "We need to find shelter soon."

At that moment a blood-curdling scream came from behind them, and they whipped around. It was coming from one of the classrooms. Without hesitation Kiba and Naruto ran toward the sound of the screaming, leaving the other three boys behind.

"How troublesome," muttered Shikamaru, rolling his eyes, and for once Sasuke had to agree with him.

"Dobe, you're going to get yourself bitten!" he yelled. When Naruto didn't answer, he ran after the retreating golden streak.

When he reached the classroom door he heard yelling, and he shot through the door. If Naruto died…

Sasuke shook his head. It wasn't going to happen. Naruto seemed practically unkillable.

The room was filled with walkers, and they seemed to be centered around Naruto, Kiba, and four other girls who Sasuke didn't even recognize. Three of the girls appeared to be triplets, but the raven didn't spare them a second, more discerning glance as he rushed in, his _kusanagi_ swinging in gracefully deadly arcs.

"You idiot!" he yelled at Naruto. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Aww, Sasuke, I'm so touched that you _care_ about me!" Naruto laughed as he imploded the head of a zombie with a particularly hard swing. He winked at the raven, who blushed profusely and muttered an embarrassed "shut up" at him.

This exchange didn't go unnoticed by Kiba, who raised his eyebrows. It looked like maybe Naruto's feelings for Sasuke were being reciprocated. But then, it was kind of hard to read the raven-haired teenager. And Kiba wasn't exactly an expert on feelings…

"OUCH!"

A whack on the head brought him back to his senses, and he glared at Naruto, who was returning his glare while killing a zombie.

"Pay attention or you'll end up dead!" he snapped. "And stop staring at me like you're fascinated by me, 'ttebayo!"

"Maybe I _am_, Uzumaki," Kiba teased. "How do you know that I'm not secretly gay?"

"Save your real and imagined sexual quirks for _later_, dammit!" Naruto growled. "Let's go!" he added to the four girls, who were standing there looking unsure of what to do now. "With the noise we've been making every zombie inside the school will have been attracted to this side of the building by now!"

Sasuke started. He hadn't even been thinking about the noise they'd been making, and it occurred to him that if what Naruto said was true, then they'd have more zombies to fight at the front door. The thought made him groan internally; his body was growing tired, and he couldn't keep up his current momentum for much longer.

"Right, the parking lot it is then," he said, walking out of the classroom. Then a thought made him stop. Turning around, he leveled his _kusanagi_ at the other four girls. Two of the triplets screamed, and the odd girl out, who had long light blue hair and eyes of lavender, pushed the third triplet behind her.

"Are you fucking _nuts_?" she hissed at Sasuke. "Put that thing down!"

"Have any of you been bitten?" he barked, adrenaline running through his body.

"N-no!"

"Show me your arms," he commanded, leaving no room for compromise. Without hesitation the girls pulled up their sleeves, showing him four pairs of unblemished arms. He lowered the _kusanagi_, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Who are you?" he asked. "I don't think I've seen you around before."

"That's because we're first years," said the triplet behind Odd Girl Out. "I'm Taira Sasaki, this is my girlfriend Yamazaki Sayuki, and these are my sisters, Taira Saya and Taira Sayuri. We're triplets, as you might have already noticed," she added, with a wry look at Sasuke, who looked back at her impassively.

"Taira as in…?" said Naruto, awestruck.

"Yeah, the royal clan of legend," said Sasaki. "Now do we leave, or do we stand around making conversation and waiting for the flesh-eaters?"

"We're leaving as soon as Naruto stops making googly eyes at you," snickered Kiba. "I thought you only make faces like that when you look at S-"

Naruto kicked him in the balls and stalked off down the hallway, muttering obscenities under his breath.

"I'm only trying to help you get over your _perpetual shyness,_ asshole!" Kiba shouted after him, clutching his injured crotch. "And _this_ is the thanks I get?"

Naruto's only response was the middle finger, to which Kiba shouted, "Sorry, Uzumaki, I don't swing that way!"

"You and Uzumaki-kun seem to have an interesting friendship," Sasaki commented wryly to Kiba, helping him up from his place on the floor. "You act like brothers."

"We practically _are_ brothers," said Kiba, wincing a little as he stood up. "Our parents knew each other since before we were born, and we've been friends since we were babies. We grew up together, we went to the same schools, have always been in the same classes, and we've shared things with each other that we would never tell anyone else."

Sasuke felt a twinge of envy. He wished he could have that kind of connection with Naruto, but they came from two different ends of town and had gone to different elementary schools, so he hadn't known the drop-dead gorgeous blond until seventh grade. If only…

"Hey!" yelled Naruto irritably at the group. "Are you coming, or are you electing to become zombie fodder!"

"Where're we going?" asked Shikamaru.

"The parking lot, 'ttebayo," snapped the blond, shouldering the bloody section of plumbing pipe and walking away.

The remaining group looked at each other.

"Troublesome," murmured Shikamaru, and they walked in the direction Naruto had gone.

They found him on the landing between the first and second floors, just standing there.

"What are you doing, dobe?" asked Sasuke.

"Shh," whispered Naruto, pointing down the stairwell to the hallway below. Sasuke drew even with Naruto and looked down on more roving zombies.

"They're in our way," he hissed irritably. "I was really hoping not to have to fight our way out…"

"We don't have to," whispered Naruto. "Stay here, I wanna test something." He began walking down the stairs quietly, but Sasuke grabbed him by the elbow in a strong grip and wouldn't let go.

"_Are you in-fucking-__sane_?" the raven-haired teen hissed, real fear in his dark sapphire eyes for the first time since the shit had hit the fan. "They'll see you!"

"I dunno. That's what I wanna test."

"By offering yourself up as _bait_?"

"You got a _better_ idea, 'ttebayo?" Naruto snapped.

Sasuke remained silent, and the blond gave him an annoyed look which softened a little when he saw the worry on the raven's face.

"You know, temee, for someone who seems to shun displays of emotion you show a lot of it yourself," he murmured, making the dark-haired teenager's pale face turn a light shade of pink. "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine." He began to creep down the stairs toward the roaming undead hoard.

Sasuke hoped silently that Naruto would change his mind and come back up, but instead he kept going, right into the center of the zombies. Everyone held their breath, so it was quiet, except for the occasional moan from a walker. None of the undead seemed to notice Naruto in their midst, even though a lot of them were facing him, looking right at him. It was inconceivable to Sasuke how they couldn't see him.

Then Naruto started swaying back and forth, slowly, and behind Sasuke Kiba did a soft but sharp intake of breath. But it wasn't necessary; none of the zombies noticed Naruto. Carefully the blond dug in his pocket and produced a rubber ball and threw it down the hall. The racket the ball made as it went down the hall, banging off lockers and classroom doors, drew the zombies away, sending them after fresh meat that wasn't even in that direction. Naruto breathed a small sigh of relief and waved to the others to follow him, and then pushed the door open, hoping that it wouldn't squeak as it opened.

It didn't, and everyone made it out quietly.

Everyone, that is, until Saya tripped coming down the stairs. The loud thud that she made caused the zombies to turn around and come toward the small group, moaning. The eerie noise sounded almost like a hunting call. Naruto grimaced as he heard the predatory moan.

"Goddammit!" he yelled in frustration, running back toward the doors. "Everyone go, I'll catch up!"

He got to Saya and dragged her up, but she fell back down.

"My ankle's sprained," she cried agonizingly. "Just go!"

"Fuck that, I've watched _enough_ people die today!" the blond said angrily, putting the injured girl on his back. Turning toward the doors, he saw that of the rest of the group, only Kiba and Sasuke remained, keeping the only way out clear.

"Goddammit, I told you to _go_!" he snapped. "Come on, 'ttebayo!"

As they neared the parking lot, they heard an engine revving, and just barely managed to get out of the way as a bus came barreling past them and screeched to a stop a few feet away. Cursing, Naruto and Kiba picked themselves up and grabbed Saya, while Sasuke merely looked a little winded and more than a little annoyed.

Naruto reached the bus first.

"All right, assholes," he barked, "it's great and all that you came to us so we wouldn't have to go to you, but get some fucking driving lessons! You could've _killed_ us, 'ttebayo!"

"What, and the zombies _wouldn't_?" deadpanned Sasaki.

"Hey, idiot," snapped Sasuke, "you're blocking the entrance."

"Fuck you," muttered Naruto, standing aside so that the raven and Kiba could get in and so the door could close.

Sasuke leaned in close to Naruto, and Naruto noticed for the first time that he was at least half a foot taller than the ebony-haired teenager. "Any time, sweetie," he said quietly, smirking.

Naruto blushed. "Shut up, you pervert…"

"If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who offered to fuck _me_," said the raven, still smirking. He brushed past Naruto to the back of the bus, where he put the seat in a reclining position and closed his eyes. The smirk was still on his beautiful, seemingly porcelain face, and Naruto fought his overpowering libido viciously. Naruto, Jr. was _way_ too happy at the sight of that sexy little smirk.

"Gimme the wheel," he said to Sasaki, "before you kill anyone."

"There's no one _to_ kill," she pointed out wryly. "They're all walking dead." She indicated the zombies scratching at the bus door, smearing it with their blood.

"All right," conceded Naruto with a shudder, "point taken. However, I dunno about _you_, but _I_ wanna get outta here alive. So move over, 'ttebayo."

Sasaki having gone to the back with Sayuki, the blond took his place at the wheel, turned the key in the ignition, and roared off, rolling over any undead in his way. One particularly messy encounter involved a zombie and the windshield, where Naruto hit the zombie, and blood and guts and brains splattered all over the windshield. As he turned on the windshield wipers, he heard one of the people in back throwing up. He felt sorry for whichever one it was, but he didn't have time to stop and ask if they were okay. He kept going.

With one last burst of speed, they were through the gates. Naruto sighed. They were alive for now.

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Did I mention that Rammstein is especially conducive to bloody and gory scenes? Yes, I have, but I'll say it again… When writing a bloody or tragic scene, listen to Rammstein. It'll really get your morbid juices flowing. Of course, the trick to that is actually knowing what the songs are about and the rough English translation, the songs being mostly in German, with few exceptions. If Rammstein doesn't work, try Marilyn Manson, Disturbed, Slipknot, or Korn. (Although a combination of Marilyn Manson, Korn, and Nine Inch Nails works better when you're trying to write yaoi or yuri hentai.)

I should also mention something else… The reference about the triplets' last name is from a combination of Japanese history and folklore. See, there was this royal clan called the Taira, and there was another really powerful clan called the Minamoto, and they fought at what became known as the battle of Dannoura. The Minamoto won, so rather than be taken captive, the empress dowager took her young son, the seven-year-old emperor Antoku, and jumped into the water and drowned along with her son's nursemaid and all of their royal entourage.

Now that I've imparted that particular bit of wisdom to you along with a lovely tidbit about Japanese history and folklore, please review! (That's also a good piece of wisdom, because if you don't I'll kill off Sasuke or Naruto.) Please stay tuned for chapter three!

Oh yeah, and _Vengeance_ and _Love Knows No Boundaries_ are on hiatus for now. _Vengeance_ is on hiatus because I still haven't gotten over my writer's block, and _Love Knows No Boundaries_ is on hiatus because I have to figure out what my stupid computer did with the story (I can't access it at all) and if I can fix it. If I can't, I will kill my stupid fucking computer deader than a twice-dead zombie.

Be warned, if you get on my bad side I have really good aim. Dad says I should go into the Army as a sniper, but I'm a girl, and girls aren't allowed in the infantry because apparently the leaders of our nation's military don't think that a girl can shoot as well as a man, because they're male chauvinist pigs… Honestly, I think that if a female has the cajones to fight on the front lines and die for her country, she should have the same rights as a male does to do so. That's not to say that I'm suicidal, I'm just saying that the Army needs snipers, and I'm pretty good, but I'm not allowed because I'm a girl, which is fucked up.

Naruto: O.o Remind me to stay away from you when you has a gun in your hands.

Me: D Damn right! Be _very_ afraid! –Laughs evilly and Naruto backs up-

Naruto: o.O You scare me.

Me: I scare everyone. 8D Well, _almost_ everyone. I don't scare my bro (not my actual bro) for whom I am writing this story in the first place. At least, I don't think I do _too_ badly… Great, I'm rambling again. I need to go to sleep now, so review!


	3. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**Chapter 3: Boulevard of Broken Dreams**

The streets were infested with corpses, both walking and unmoving. The disease, or whatever it was, had spread so fast that many people had little or no time to respond while it was still in the early stages. Some people had evidently tried to escape, because there were cars packed full of whatever people could take with them, and zombies inside the cars. Everyone in the bus averted their eyes, and Sasaki started sobbing.

"Oh my _god_," she moaned, "Mom and Dad, and Satoshi-nii-san, they're all gone…"

"You don't know that, 'Saki-chan," said Sayuki soothingly, holding her girlfriend, but from the rearview mirror Naruto could see the same fears in her light purple eyes. He could feel the same fear permeating the air, rolling off of everyone in the bus.

Of course, everyone was handling it differently. Kiba was being very fidgety; Gaara stared out the window, a mildly annoyed and worried expression on his face; Sasuke was seemingly untroubled by the goings-on around him, except for his eyes, which betrayed a potent mix of fear and exhaustion; Shikamaru was sleeping; and Naruto was focusing on the road and keeping them on it. It helped him not think about his twin sister Naruko, who went to a private school on the other side of Konoha, or his older brother Kyuubi, a college senior at Tokyo University, or his mom, a big-shot lawyer, or his dad, the town's mayor…

"Holy _shit_!"

His momentary lapse of concentration had almost run them into the car in front of them, and he jammed on the brakes, throwing everyone out of their seats. The seatbelt cut into his shoulder, and he knew that it was going to bruise later.

"I thought you _knew_ how to drive, Uzumaki!" groaned Kiba, picking himself up off the floor, glaring at his friend.

"If you don't like it then get out and walk, 'ttebayo," countered Naruto, and that shut Kiba up, at least temporarily. "Besides, we're stuck. There's no way we can get through the traffic in this, so we have to get out and walk anyway."

"You _shitting_ me?" muttered Shikamaru, rubbing his head where he'd bounced it off the back of the seat in front of him.

"I know where we are," said Naruto. Eight pairs of eyes sized him up.

"Yeah?" snapped Kiba. "So do I… We're as good as zombies now."

"Shut up, Inuzuka," said Sasuke in a quiet, deadly voice that indicated that he was about to beat the crap out of Kiba. Kiba bristled.

"Who's gonna _make_ me, pretty boy?" he growled at the young raven, walking up to him and poking him in the chest. "_You_? You're at _least_ three inches shorter than me. Besides, you _know_ it's true, what I just said."

"I said _shut it_, you asshole," rejoined the smaller teenager, whipping out his _kusanagi_ and backing Kiba up against the back wall, the blade pressed to his throat.

"Okay, I'm sorry I poked you in the chest, Princess!" squeaked the brunet. "Goddammit, Naruto, your boyfriend's fucking _lost_ it!"

The comment threw Sasuke off a little bit, and he looked at Naruto, a little bit of shock and confusion apparent through the fear and anger. Naruto felt himself coloring as they held each other's gazes. Then his attention snapped to Kiba.

"Kiba, just 'cause I'm gay does _not_ mean I'm attracted to every guy that I set my eyes on, first of all," said Naruto calmly, despite the fact that he was turning as red as a tomato. "Apparently you haven't read my GLBT column in the school newspaper at _all_ in the three years I've been writing it, 'ttebayo. Second of all, Sasuke is _not_ my boyfriend. And finally, fighting and getting each other pissed off isn't gonna help the situation any, so stop calling each other names, and for fuck's sake Sasuke, put your blade down. Everyone sit down and we'll talk calmly about this."

That diffused the situation a little. Kiba flopped into his seat, holding his neck where Sasuke's blade had nicked him, and Sasuke sheathed the _kusanagi_ and sank back into his own seat, a look of irritation and exhaustion on his face. Naruto tried to get his intense embarrassment under control before he turned and faced the group again, and he heard Kiba say, "But y'know, it's true, Uchiha. Uzumaki _does_ have a huge crush on you."

"_One more word_ about that stupid shit, Kiba," snarled Naruto, rubbing his temples with his thumbs, "and the next time you piss Sasuke off I'm gonna stand back and watch him dismember you. No, fuck that; I'll _help_ him."

In the rearview mirror the blond watched Kiba's face go pale and smirked. It served him right for outing his huge crush on Sasuke. He didn't care about the other stuff… It was no secret that he was gay; everyone who read the school paper knew this, because he'd had a column in it ever since tenth grade in which he started answering peoples' (appropriate) general questions about the GLBTQ community. He had even had a fanclub that rivaled Sasuke's.

When he was positive that he wasn't blushing or feeling the strong urge to kill Kiba anymore, he turned around again, fully composed.

"OK, so as I was _going_ to say earlier, this is the road that leads straight to my house, which is only about five minutes away. Unless someone else's house is closer, that's the best place to go, because it's getting dark. I'm gonna scope out the least zombie-infested route. Everyone else stay here. If I don't come back, take the bus and get out of here. Go back to the school and hole up in either the nurse's office or the cafeteria. Those seem like the two best places to be."

"We're _not_ going back to the school!" snapped Sasaki, who seemed to have gotten over her crying fit. "Did you see how many _zombies_ were there? We'll get _eaten_!"

"You got a _better_ idea, 'ttebayo?" snapped Naruto.

"I do," said Sasuke. "How about I go with you so that you have someone watching your back in case of an attack?"

"You're just saying that _so you can get quality time with Naru-chan_," said Kiba, making kissy faces.

"No," said the raven-haired teen calmly, "I'm saying it because if I stay on here with you for another minute _I am going to commit murder in the first degree."_

"Well then," said Naruto, trying to hold back a grin, "that's settled. Kiba, piss off anyone else and I give them permission to twist your balls till you can enter the opera as a soprano. Sasuke'll be with me, that way Kiba has two less people to worry about."

Everyone else giggled, except for Sasuke and Naruto, who were already out of the bus, weapons at the ready, Gaara and Shikamaru, who were generally stoic individuals, and Kiba, who was eyeing everyone cautiously.

"So," he said, smiling nervously, "anyone up for Truth or Dare?"

X33333333333333

"So did you _really_ volunteer because Kiba was getting on your nerves, or just 'cause you couldn't bear to see me go, 'ttebayo?" Naruto teased Sasuke, grinning that obnoxious grin that nevertheless made him so sexy and lovable.

The raven raised an eyebrow in amusement, trying to ignore the stirrings in his groin. Now was not the time for that sort of stuff.

"_Please_, sweetie," he smirked. "I came because you might get your sorry ass in trouble otherwise, and because if Inuzuka said one more word I was going to kill him. How you became friends is _beyond_ me."

"We've been friends pretty much since birth because our dads have been friends since college and we've been around each other since birth," said Naruto wryly, "although sometimes I can't see why I tolerate him myself… He's a bit of a douche, isn't he?"

"Indubitably," intoned the raven, a slight smile tugging up the corners of his lips.

They walked in silence for a bit, looking around for any potential threats that might come their way, but so far there were no zombies walking around. They did however see plenty of the undead inside the cars. Sasuke supposed that they'd been bitten by someone nearby who was already infected, or dead, or whatever. They'd tried to get themselves to the hospital, and while they were in the cars they'd died and reanimated.

Some cars had whole families inside. Naruto cringed as a zombie baby opened and closed its mouth, as if without its teeth it could somehow chew through the glass and get to the two living people surrounded by the trapped undead.

"I wonder if it's just Japan," he commented quietly, "or if it's the whole _world_ that's like this."

"Let's just focus on finding a good route to your house," said Sasuke, suppressing a shudder as a very rotund zombie banged its head on the window of one of the cars, smearing it with blood.

Then, when they were almost to Naruto's house, which was on the very top of the hill, just off the road, something broke with a resounding crash.

"Holy shit," squeaked Naruto, looking around wildly for the source of the noise, "what was _that_?"

"I don't know, but if it was a zombie we are royally screwed," murmured Sasuke, taking his _kusanagi_ out and looking warily around. At that moment something grazed his shoulder, and he nearly dropped his weapon, grunting in pain as he gripped his right arm.

"Oh my god, are you all right, Sasuke?" squeaked Naruto.

"Yeah, I'm fine," replied the young raven with a grimace. "At least we know that it's not a zombie…"

Just then a head of red hair popped over a barricade made from a seven car pile-up, aiming a pistol at them.

"State your names!" the person called in a shaky voice. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Kyuubi?" he called. "It's me, Naruto! Is that you, Kyuu-nii?"

After a moment, the man jumped over the barricade, ran toward them, and crushed Naruto in a hug.

"Holy _shit_, Naruto!" he cried. "I was so _worried_, 'ttedana! Where're Mom and Dad and Naruko?"

"You mean they're not here with you, 'ttebayo?" asked Naruto. "I dunno. Hey, listen, I've got a busload of people about three minutes down the hill, can we go get them?" He indicated himself and Sasuke.

Kyuubi squinted suspiciously at the raven.

"Who're you?" he asked. "Are you bitten?"

"_Watashi wa Uchiha Sasuke desu_," replied Sasuke, showing his arms to prove that he wasn't infected.

"Oho!" said Kyuubi, his eyes brightening mischievously. "You're that boy Naru-chan has the biggest crush in the history of crushes on! Are you two finally- ow!" he yelled as the blond teenager punched him in the head.

"Shut up, Nii-san," he growled, his face as red as the sunset, "you talk too much. Ignore him," he added to Sasuke, who was also blushing, albeit unconsciously, "he doesn't know half of what he says; he's psychotic."

"Am _not, _'ttedana!" whined Kyuubi, clutching his head.

"Are _too_, 'ttebayo," muttered Naruto, walking back down the hill. Sasuke snapped out of it and followed the blond, confused.

He'd heard, now from two different sources, both close to Naruto, that the sexy blond had a crush on him. He highly doubted that they were lying or trying to play a joke on him. However, Naruto was pretty good at confusing Sasuke enough that he couldn't figure out Naruto's true feelings. The raven-haired teenager didn't know what to think. He wanted Naruto to like him, to love him, to claim him for his own, but he didn't want to get hurt if Naruto didn't actually love him, if he were reading the blond the wrong way…

"Earth to Sasuke!" shouted Naruto, waving his hands in front of the raven, snapping him out of his reverie. "We're here!"

And indeed they were in front of the bus, and everyone was watching them approach. The two of them walked in and everyone immediately besieged them with questions. It was like feeding time at the zoo.

"Is it safe?"

"Did you kill any zeds?"

"Did you meet any survivors?"

"Are you guys okay?"

"All right, quiet down!" called Naruto, clapping his hands together. "Yes, in a manner of speaking it is safe. No, we did not kill any zombies, and where the _hell_ did you come up with _'zeds'_? Yes, we found my older brother Kyuubi, and yes we're okay. We're getting out of this bus and walking up to the seven car pile-up at the top of the hill, behind which we'll find my house. Any questions?"

"Yeah, I got one," piped up Kiba. "Since when are _you_ in command?"

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"You're my best friend, but you're _really_ starting to irritate me at this moment. Let's just go. And don't look around," he added. "Some of the scenes along the way aren't pretty, to say the least."

X33333333333333333

"What happened, Naruto?" Kyuubi asked as he, Sasuke, Naruto and Kiba sat around a fire in the Uzumaki-Namikaze family's living room, all dressed in pajamas or sweats. Kyuubi had apologized profusely to Sasuke for shooting him and had bandaged the shallow but painful wound well, but then given him a pair of Naruto's mom's PJs, which rankled a bit, even though Sasuke _would_ admit that he was small and effeminate for a sixteen-year-old boy, and that Naruto's mom had good taste in nightclothes. "How the hell did you escape?"

"Well, Kiba and I were trapped up on the school roof, and Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Gaara kinda helped us get untrapped," said his younger brother. "How in the hell did you get here from Tokyo?"

"I took a plane, 'ttedana," deadpanned Kyuubi, his eyes sparkling with suppressed mirth. "We had a half day because of college exams, remember?"

"Wiseass," countered Naruto, "how d'you expect me to know your college schedule?"

"Pay attention to the emails I send you guys?" said his brother. "I know that's a novel idea to you, but…"

Sasuke watched this casual banter with a mild amusement and longing. He wished that he and his brother were more like Naruto and Kyuubi… He could tell Itachi things, sure, but there wasn't a lot of casual banter; it was mostly just straight-forward serious brother-to-brother talks.

"Oh hey!" said Kyuubi to him, interrupting his thoughts. "Do you happen to be related to an Uchiha Itachi?"

"Yeah," said the raven-haired teenager, nonplussed. "That's my older brother. How do you know him?"

"He's in all of my college classes," said the red-haired man, grinning. "We have the same art major, 'ttedana. Does he have a stick up his ass _all_ the time, or just _some_ of the time?"

Sasuke sweatdropped.

"Uhm?"

"I think having sticks up their asses is an Uchiha thing," Kiba cut in, "because _this_ little princess is growing a tree up there." He put his arm around Sasuke's shoulders, and the raven shrugged him off irritably.

"How would you like me to take said tree and shove it up _your_ ass?" he asked softly and dangerously, relishing the fear in the brunet's eyes. Kyuubi and Naruto burst out laughing, not stopping even when Sasuke turned his murderous gaze on the two of them.

"I can see why you like him, Naruto," said Kyuubi, wiping tears from his eyes. "He's hot, especially in women's clothing, and he's got a good sense of humor. Neji had a major chip on his shoulder all the time."

His little brother blushed furiously.

"Shut up, Nii-san, you're embarrassing me," he muttered, also wiping mirthful tears from his eyes.

"_Oi_, will you guys shut up in there?" hissed Sayuki, poking her head out of the downstairs bedroom. "We're trying to sleep!"

"Sorry, 'ttedana," giggled Kyuubi before getting hit in the face with one of Naruto's shoes. "Ow!"

"Shut up, 'ttebayo."

Just then something thumped against the front door. Sasuke jumped involuntarily, and Naruto walked out of the room and came back with a rifle.

"Do you know how to shoot that?" Kiba asked the blond nervously.

"Believe it," he said quietly, creeping toward the front door. Taking up a position in front of it, he lowered the rifle into firing position.

"Who's there?" he called out.

"Open up!" called a female voice. "It's me!"

"Holy _shit_!" said Naruto excitedly, throwing open the door and dragging the person on the other side in and hugging her. "We were worried out of our fucking _skulls_, Naruko!"

Sasuke looked Naruko up and down. She looked exactly how he imagined Naruto would look as a girl, minus the sinfully short private school skirt and the huge breasts… He imagined that if Naruto were a girl his chest wouldn't be quite as big.

"Ne, temee, what're you staring at?" said Naruto, catching the raven-haired teenager watching him and Naruko.

"I didn't know you had a twin," commented Sasuke.

"Yep, double trouble, 'ttedana," Kyuubi chortled. "Naruto's older, by three minutes."

"Hn," commented the raven. "You need to check if she's bitten, dobe…"

"Oh, right!" said Naruto, smacking his head with the palm of his hand. "Show me your arms, Naruko."

"No zombie bites here," said his twin, holding up her arms for inspection, "although I had a few close shaves. I came here by myself, so there was no one to watch my back."

"None of your friends came with?" asked Naruto incredulously.

"They _did_, originally," said Naruko, and now she looked like she was trying not to cry, "but Megumi, and Akane, they got bitten… Akane first; we had to… We had t-t-to…" She broke down in tears, and Naruto looked at Kyuubi, Sasuke, and Kiba for help. Kyuubi offered it.

"Hey, sis," he said soothingly, "let's get you upstairs… Take a warm shower…"

The two brothers led their sister up the stairs, trying to comfort her.

"Holy shit," said Kiba, looking like he was trying not to throw up.

"It will only get worse," Sasuke assured him grimly. "This is just the beginning."

X33333333333333333

Chapter three is done! And it's exactly midnight! And I'm tired as shit! Please review! So that I can go to bed happy! And why am I using all these exclamation points!

Sasuke: -_- Because you're an idiot?

Me: Maybe! Review! 8D

Sayuki, Saya, Sasaki, and Sayuri are mine, as are the briefly mentioned Akane and Megumi. Everyone else is Masashi Kishimoto's. And yes I do have a special affinity for names that begin with the Japanese character "Sa", or just with the English letter "S".\

I was going to wait for my friend to tell me if I needed to fix anything, but he hasn't sent me any feedback yet, and I thought "To hell with it, chapters three and four need to go up now." (Sometimes I like making people wait, but now is not one of those times; it's been two weeks since my last update!) So hopefully you'll enjoy chapters three and four! 'Ttebayo!


	4. Commotion

**Chapter 4: Commotion**

Eight-year-old Sasuke walked through the hallways of his family's traditional Japanese home, met by no one. He heard nothing but his footsteps and saw nothing but his shadow on the rice paper and plaster walls. Every room he looked into was empty. Just when he was wondering where everyone could be, a moan came from the last room in the hall that he was walking in. The sound was creepy, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

Cautiously he crept toward the door and pushed it open.

"_Haha-ue_?" he asked timidly. "_Chichi-ue_? _Nii-san_?"

A light clicked on, and Sasuke saw his parents and older brother properly. Blood dripped from their mouths and raw flesh hung from their teeth. When they heard Sasuke they turned blank eyes on him and uttered the eerie moan of the undead, the one that sounded like a hunting call. They began to drag themselves toward him. He tried to run, but his feet remained rooted to the floor in terror. Itachi grabbed him and pulled him toward them…

X33333333333333333

"AAAAUGHHHHHH!"

Sixteen-year-old Sasuke's eyes snapped open, and he found himself not in his house, in his own bed, but in an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar bed. He began to panic, and a hand grabbed onto his wrist. He almost screamed again, but then he turned and saw Naruto beside him. Slowly, with the blond's soothing voice helping him, Sasuke calmed down enough to remember where he was and how he'd gotten there. He sank back onto the pillows, breathing heavily.

"God," he groaned, "I thought I had gotten over talking in my sleep…"

Naruto looked at him sympathetically.

"If it's any help, I can't stop worrying about my parents either," he offered.

"Did I say anything while I was dreaming?" Sasuke asked nervously.

Naruto looked pensive, as if trying to remember if he'd heard the raven say anything.

"Yeah," he said at last with a completely straight face, "I remember you saying a few things. You said that you wanted me to bone you and that your mom should give you an allowance raise."

Sasuke glowered at the blond.

"In your dreams, sweetie," he snorted, some of the tension draining away. "And just as a kind of non-sequitur, why am I in _your_ room, in _your_ bed?"

"Because you fell asleep downstairs, and the guest bedroom's already taken, 'ttebayo," said Naruto. "Kiba's sharing a room with Gaara and Shikamaru, and Kyuubi and Naruko are sharing a room. We'll check to make sure that Kiba, Gaara, and Shikamaru haven't killed each other in the morning," he added when he saw Sasuke's raised eyebrow. "Actually, Kiba _insisted_ that you and I share a room. Something about how he didn't want to interrupt us…" The blond rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

Sasuke giggled, and the blond looked at him strangely.

"Did you just… _giggle_?" Naruto said incredulously. "I_ swear_ I actually heard Uchiha Sasuke giggle, not snort or snicker like he usually does."

Said Uchiha blushed, and was glad that the blond couldn't see him doing it.

"Shut up, dobe," he muttered, though a warm feeling was spreading throughout him.

"You know, Sasuke, I used to dislike you," said Naruto pensively. "I used to think that you were a snob, and I always wanted to best you in everything. I used to be jealous of you, because Haruno Sakura liked you, not me, or at least that's what I _thought_ was the reason for my jealousy. Then I started realizing that I wasn't jealous of _you_, I was jealous of _Sakura_."

"W-what do you mean?" asked the raven-haired teen, his heart beating quickly. He could see where this might be going, but he wanted to hear it from Naruto's mouth.

"Well, she was in a place where she could flirt with you and not get laughed at, because she's a _woman_. If _I_ tried, I'd get laughed at and called a fag. At first I tried to tell myself that the feelings I had for you were bullshit, but then I began to come to terms with my sexuality, and I came out to Kiba and my siblings and later admitted to them and to myself that I had a crush on you, and I realized that maybe I'm not so much of a freak as I thought I was. Eventually I came out to the entire school, but I was still afraid to ask you out because I was afraid of getting rejected." He turned to face Sasuke, and the raven felt his face heating up under the intense gaze. "Point being, Sasuke, that I'm in love with you. Yeah, I know," he said, holding up a hand to stop any words that Sasuke was about to say, "you probably think I'm weird now and want me out, but I just thought I'd get that off of my chest."

Naruto went to put his slippers on, but Sasuke stopped him.

"Where the _hell_ are you going, dobe?" he whispered, and then pulled the other teen down by his blond tresses and kissed him.

The first few seconds were kind of rough, but then Naruto closed his eyes and let himself enjoy this intimacy that he'd ached for for three long years. He didn't know what he'd expected, but kissing Sasuke was better than he'd ever imagined it to be. The raven-haired teen kissed him gently, but with passion, and he returned it, tasting and inhaling the other boy's scent: lavender and cherry, with a hint of fresh snow, though where the fresh snow came from Naruto had no idea.

His hands were on Sasuke's slender ivory hips, and he went to take off the other boy's pajama pants…

X333333333333333333333

"_OI_!"

Naruto woke up with a start. His first thought was, _'Dammit, it was all a dream…'_ His second thought was, _'Is it morning already?' _And his final thought, when he looked at the position he was in, and who he was in the aforementioned position with, was, _'Oh. Holy. __Shit__.'_

Because it wasn't Sasuke he had been kissing… It was Kiba. And Naruto's hands were in Kiba's pants.

"Wha- HOLY _SHIT_!" he screamed, pulling his hands out and scrambling backward so fast that he fell off the bed and hit his head on his desk. At the same time Kiba scrambled the other way and fell off the opposite side of the bed, hitting his head on the wall behind him. The ruckus brought everyone else running.

"Whazzit, N'ruto!" yelled Kyuubi sleepily, looking around wildly, a gun in his hand. "Whereza zombie!"

"Ouch," moaned both boys, rubbing their heads. Then they looked at each other wide-eyed.

"You had your _hands_ in my pants, and you were trying to _French_ me! What the hell were you _dreaming_ about?" yelled Kiba, disbelieving.

"You were sleeping in my _bed_!" Naruto shouted back, mortified. "What the _fuck_ were you doing in my _bed_, 'ttebayo? _Because you sure as hell weren't there when I went to sleep!"_

"Uhm, well, that's a funny story," said Kiba to Naruto and the rest of the people gathered, blushing. "I uhm, I sleepwalk, and I, uhm, was dreaming that I was five and it was a thunderstorm, and uhm, I crept into my mom's bed like I used to do when I was a kid… Yeah…"

Then he seemed to remember where he was. "Explain yourself!" he said to Naruto. "What the _hell_ were you doing _with your hands all over me_? You _know_ I don't swing that way! Who the _hell_ were you _dreaming_ about!"

"I was _asleep_, 'ttebayo!" replied Naruto, blushing a brilliant red. "Uh, sometimes I, uhm…?"

"Who _were_ you dreaming about?" asked Sasaki curiously.

"Uhh…" stammered Naruto, growing even redder than he already was. His eyes were trying to look anywhere else but at the group or at Kiba, but for a moment he and Sasuke linked gazes, and before the blond looked away he saw sudden understanding in the raven-haired teenager's eyes, and a blush appeared on his face too.

"Uhh, n-nothing, 'ttebayo," Naruto stuttered. "It's nothing, just go back to bed. Sorry I woke everyone…"

He got back into bed and covered his head with the blankets. After staring at the lump for a few seconds, everyone walked out.

"Well, I think that was enough excitement for one night, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi to the group. "Kiba, stay out of Naruto's room, lest you be mistaken for someone else." Here he looked pointedly at Sasuke, who blushed and looked away, trying to maintain some semblance of his dignity. Then everyone dispersed. The young raven alone stood in the hallway, embarrassed and confused.

He'd seen it in Naruto's eyes when they'd linked gazes… A kind of longing, and also a nonverbal apology and plea for forgiveness. Maybe he was just hoping too much, but maybe it meant that the blond really _did_ want him…? Maybe the blond had been dreaming about kissing and touching _him…_?

But then, he couldn't really ask Naruto, could he? Because if that was the case, the blond was incredibly embarrassed about the situation he'd just been in and probably wouldn't want to see anyone at the moment, especially not Kiba or Sasuke. Said Uchiha frowned in frustration. Sometimes you just couldn't tell with Naruto.

Well, Sasuke was tired, so he wasn't going to put any more thought into this tonight. He practically crawled downstairs to the very comfortable chaise lounge that he'd been sleeping in, curled up, and was asleep within minutes.

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The next morning dawned cold and rainy. Naruto, who hadn't been able to get back to sleep after last night's incident, finally screwed up his courage around six-thirty to go downstairs for black tea. He was really hoping that he wouldn't meet anyone on his way to the kitchen or while in said kitchen, especially not Kiba or Sasuke, and he was hoping to make a quiet escape back to his room. But of course, the gods must have really enjoyed torturing him and then laughing at his expense, because when he got there, someone else was already up. And as if the day couldn't start out any worse, that someone else had to be Sasuke, still wrapped in the blanket Kyuubi had given him last night.

Naruto tried to duck out before the ebony-haired teenager had a chance to see him, but he accidentally stepped on a rough spot on the floor. It creaked loudly, and Sasuke jumped a little and turned to look at him. Naruto mentally cursed any gods that might be listening and swore that the next chance he got he would take Kiba and run him through a meat grinder, even though the incident last night hadn't been entirely his fault, and then for good measure deface the Shinto shrines around his home with unappealing phallic symbols. He would go to hell for it, but he really didn't care…

"G'morning, 'ttebayo," he said to the raven, who looked at him through half-open eyes and mumbled something akin to "good morning to you too" and burrowed into the thick blanket. Naruto smiled at the lump.

"Not a morning person?" he teased Sasuke, who pulled the blanket off of his head and glared.

"Not until I've had a cup of black tea…"

"I can fix that," said Naruto, yawning. He began to bustle around the kitchen, getting mugs and teabags and sugar, putting water on the stove to boil. All the while, he could feel Sasuke's gaze on his back. It made him a little nervous, but he ignored it and in a few minutes returned with two black teas, the teapot, the sugar, and some milk on a wooden tray.

"Uhm, so, uh, how'd you sleep last night?" the blond asked lamely as he watched the other teenager take a cup and sip it. He immediately started beating himself up mentally.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"With the racket you were making?" he smirked. "Surprisingly well. Do you _always_ ask woefully lame questions this early in the morning, or did you bump your head harder than I thought last night?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, stuck his pierced tongue out at the raven, and dumped milk and sugar into his tea before taking a sip of it. Sasuke watched him with a slightly disgusted look on his face.

"What?" snapped Naruto.

"Nothing," replied the raven. "I just don't like sweet things, and I don't understand how you can take _that_ much sugar and still have room for your tea in that mug. That and I don't understand how you could have gotten a tongue piercing. Those things are supposed to hurt like hell."

Naruto looked at him blankly.

"Kiba's right, 'ttebayo," he said finally. "You _do_ have a stick up your ass."

Now it was Sasuke's turn to roll his eyes.

"Yeah, well what would the _mutt_ know? _He_ won't get a glimpse of my bare-naked ass in this _lifetime_, much less the _inside_ of it, unless in our old age he becomes a physician by some academic miracle and gives me a colonoscopy."

Naruto couldn't take it and burst out laughing. Sasuke watched him, somewhere between amused and annoyed. He also felt kind of happy, knowing that it was him that had made the blond laugh so hard.

"What in the _world_, Naruto?" muttered Naruko, coming into the kitchen, followed by a half-asleep Kyuubi. "It's the second time in the last twelve hours that you've woken us up. Could you refrain from being so loud? My head is pounding."

"S-sorry," wheezed Naruto, "S-Sasuke said s-something really f-f-funny…"

And he was off again. The other three inhabitants of the kitchen looked at each other bemusedly.

"I didn't think it was _that_ funny," murmured Sasuke.

"Eh," said Kyuubi dismissively, "let him have his fun, 'ttedana. He'll wear out eventually…"

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Lolz, I made Sasuke into a comedian! XD I wonder what that would look like if he were funny in the actual series… Oh wait, he already is. XD

Sasuke: #-_- I'm right here.

Me: :) Oh, hey Sasuke. What's up?

Sasuke: -_- The ceiling.

Me: -_- You're turning into my bro-sky. How are you?

Sasuke: Neutral. :/

Me: '^.^ Oo-kay then…

Yeah, I know the verbal quirks might be kind of annoying, but I figured it might be interesting to give the Uzumaki boys their own thing, since Naruto has his own already, and he got it from his mother Kushina, so yeah... I didn't give one to Naruko because, well, I didn't feel like it. And Sasuke has a verbal quirk, too! Did you notice? I hope it's not too annoying… I just thought it would be kind of cute for him to call people "sweetie"…

Anyways, review! And as always, see you next chapter!


	5. Couldn't Stand the Weather

**Chapter 5: Couldn't Stand the Weather**

"That's it," said Naruto after two days of them sitting around in the house, not really able to do anything besides take lazy potshots at the zombies around the Uzumaki-Namikaze estate, occasionally nabbing one in the head. "I'm going out to look for Mom and Dad."

"Great, tell us how the zombs treat you when you get out there," said Gaara nonchalantly, earning a glare from the blond teenager.

"That's suicidal, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi. Kiba and Naruko nodded, and Sasuke grunted his agreement.

"Besides, how the hell are we going to get to the middle of town with a shitload of the undead and a traffic jam?" said Sasaki, raising an eyebrow.

"We're _all_ worried for our families, dobe," Sasuke put in quietly, "but you don't see _us_ rushing out to get ourselves killed, do you?"

Naruto sighed and clacked his tongue piercing against his teeth in frustration.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "it's just that we've been in here for two days without much of anything to do and the caffeine's running out."

"What happens when you don't have caffeine?" Sasuke queried sarcastically.

"He turns into the Incredible Hulk," said Kiba, and then imitated the Hulk. "Hulk angry! Hulk has no caffeine! Hulk smash!" He brought his fists down on the table with a loud crash that made everyone jump. The brunet looked sheepish.

"Sorry, got a bit carried away," he muttered.

"You are officially an idiot, Inuzuka," said the raven, shaking his head in resignation.

"Well, up _yours_, Ice Princess," the dog lover shot back.

Naruto snickered while Sasuke gave Kiba a death glare that promised pain and eternal suffering for calling him "Ice Princess."

"Hey, is it just me, or is it getting _really_ dark out there _really_ early?" interrupted Shikamaru, who'd been staring out the window for most of the time they'd been there.

Just then a bright flash of lightning, followed by a loud crash of thunder, assaulted everyone's ears. Kiba yelped, hands over his ears, Naruko, Saya and Sayuri shrieked, Kyuubi jumped a little, and Naruto jumped up and ran for his room. Everyone watched him bemusedly and then turned to his older brother.

"Uh yeah," Kyuubi said, rubbing his head, "Naruto has a pathological fear of thunderstorms."

"He just jumped up and ran," said Gaara emotionlessly. "Like the devil himself were chasing him…"

An evil grin lit up his face, and everyone except for Sasuke scooted as far away from him as possible.

"You're a creep, Sabaku," Sasaki stated baldly. "Did you know that?"

"He's not a _creep_," Kiba corrected her in a shaky tone; "he's a _sociopath_. You know, the kind you think of when you watch _The Shining _or _Psycho_."

"He's my best friend," said Sasuke, raising an eyebrow.

Everyone stared at the raven incredulously.

"I never knew you were part of a network of serial killers, Uchiha," said Kiba in a conversational tone as another flash of lightning lit up the kitchen.

"Only where _you're_ concerned, Inuzuka," Sasuke retorted. "I'm going upstairs to check on Naruto."

"Okay, you'll probably find him under his bed with his thumb in his mouth, sobbing like a baby," offered Kyuubi with a snicker. "He's such a little pussy sometimes…"

Naruko smacked him. "Don't be mean, Nii-san. Although," she added to Sasuke, "he's probably right about Naru-nii being under his bed. That's what he used to do as a kid when there was a thunderstorm."

"So how did you get him out?"

"Well, we didn't," said Naruko. "We tried everything from distracting him to singing to him, and nothing worked."

"I see," said the raven, heading up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs he paused, watching another flash of lightning light up the hallway. With the lighting came the rumble of thunder and an almost inaudible squeak from the end of the hallway. Getting to the end of the hall, Sasuke found the door open a crack and peeked in.

"Naruto?" he called softly. After a moment, when he had no response, he let himself in and sat on Naruto's bed.

"It's okay, you know," he said quietly. "I have an insanely irrational fear of snakes."

The voice that came from under Naruto's bed didn't sound much like Naruto.

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah," said Sasuke. "When I was younger my brother used to tease me with a rubber snake. He would leave it everywhere in the house for me to find, and inevitably it always sent me screaming in tears to my mom or caused me to have an asthma attack. Itachi always got in big trouble."

"I didn't know you had asthma, 'ttebayo," said the timid voice from under the bed. "I've never seen you use an inhaler."

"Well, most times I've got it under control, so no one except my family really knows. And I do have an inhaler, but I only use it in emergencies. But that's beside the point. The point is that every person in the world has something that they're afraid of, and there's nothing wrong with that; it's just that you need to learn how to handle that fear properly."

Then a loud crash of thunder sounded again, and Naruto squeaked. Sasuke felt the mattress moving as the blond tried to move as far away from the window next to his bed as possible and mentally cursed the uncaring storm.

Getting down on his hands and knees, the raven-haired teen looked under the bed at the blond, who stared back at him with eyes the size of dinner plates. Sighing, he held out his hand.

"Come on, sweetie," he said soothingly. "It's not too bad once you get used to it." When the blond whimpered, he smiled sympathetically. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Naruto's hand stretched out and grasped the one that Sasuke was offering to him.

"D-don't leave, p-please," he whimpered, holding on tight.

"All right," said the raven with a drawl, "but are you going to sleep on the floor all night? It seems rather uncomfortable."

Naruto thought about it for a minute, then crawled out from under the bed and dove under the blankets. Sasuke laughed, the sound drowned out by the loud rumble of thunder, and sat down on the bed next to him, their hands still linked.

"Thunder and lightning are _not _going to kill you, usuratonkachi," he said amusedly.

The blond blinked owlishly at him from under the covers. "You never know."

"Please, dobe," said the raven, rolling his eyes, "the chances of a fatality from a thunderstorm are only a step above your chances of meeting Bigfoot or seeing Santa Claus."

"Are you_ laughing_ at me, 'ttebayo?" Naruto growled, squeezing Sasuke's hand until he winced.

"Ouch!" he said in a pained tone. "All right, all right, I take it back!"

Just then another flash of lightning illuminated Naruto's room, followed quickly by the loudly rumbling thunder, and Naruto let go of Sasuke's hand and put both arms around his waist instead and buried his face in the raven's side. Sasuke sighed, running his fingers through Naruto's soft golden locks.

"Dobe," he muttered, yawning; he hadn't realized until now how tired he was.

"Temee," came Naruto's muffled reply.

X33333333333

"Sasuke's been up there an _awful_ long time, 'ttedana," commented Kyuubi, sipping his tea. "I hope everything's all right…"

"I bet it's fine," snickered Kiba as a flash of lightning lit up the sky. "He's probably fucking around with Naruto, and they'll have forgotten all about the thunderstorm."

"I don't think so," said Naruko, "because when Naruto's doing something like that it carries throughout the house. Much like Sasaki-chan and Sayuki-chan last night."

Sasaki and Sayuki blushed.

"Shut up," they said in unison.

"Anyone willing to go check it out, at risk of getting their retinas burned out by smoldering hot gay sex?" joked Kyuubi.

Everyone looked at him incredulously.

"What?" he said defensively. "I walked in on Naruto by accident four years ago when he was getting nailed by his then-boyfriend Hyuuga Neji."

Shikamaru groaned.

"We did _not_ need to know that. You go check."

"But-!"

"It's_ your_ idea," said Naruko, completely deadpan. "_You_ go check."

As Kyuubi went up the stairs, he braced himself for a repeat of four years ago… Clothes strewn in the hallway, the sound of panting and moaning from behind Naruto's…

Open door? What the hell?

All right, so they probably _weren't_ having sex. Still, Kyuubi listened for any groans or noises that would indicate that he should just go back downstairs without looking. Hearing none, he peeked into the room.

Nope, no sex here. All clothes were where they were supposed to be. In fact, the scene before Kyuubi put him in mind of a couple of sleeping babies. Naruto was curled up with his arms around Sasuke's waist, and his head rested in the smaller teenager's lap. Sasuke was slumped backward on the pillows, and his left hand was gently entwined in Naruto's golden hair.

Kyuubi quietly closed the door. He wasn't going to wake them. It had been a long three days, and they could use some alone time together. Maybe it would get them to admit their feelings for each other…

The redhead grinned and crept back down the stairs.

"Well, was it messy?" asked Kiba eagerly. "Cum everywhere? Clothes thrown every which way?"

"I _swear_ you are secretly gay, Kiba," Kyuubi teased the brunet. "Nope, they were both asleep, 'ttedana. All clothes were where they should be, which is to say on the owners' bodies. And Naruto actually came out from under the bed!"

Kiba gasped.

"Are you serious?" he said indignantly. "You guys have been trying to get him to come out from under the bed during thunderstorms for years without results, and Sasuke just goes waltzing in there and he comes out!"

"I know, right?" said Kyuubi thoughtfully. "I wonder what he did that we didn't."

"Naruto has a _huge_ crush on him, Nii-san," said Naruko, rolling her eyes. "He's got our brother wrapped around his finger. I bet you Naruto would do anything Sasuke asked of him."

"True…"

"But you'd have to admit that they'd make _such_ a cute couple!" she tittered.

"That's my _best friend_ you're talking about!" said Gaara and Kiba at the same time, and then glared at each other.

"If they _do_ start going out and _your_ best friend breaks _my_ best friend's heart, Sabaku," Kiba warned the other boy, "I'm gonna kill him. Understood?"

"How do you know that Sasuke's even interested in _guys_, let alone your _friend_?" said Gaara, glaring at the brunet.

"It's kind of obvious, Sabaku," countered the dog lover. "He's so flaming it's a _wonder_ he doesn't burn everything he touches to ashes. He couldn't hide it even if he _tried_, and if he really _is_ trying to hide it he's failing _epically_. I've never met a boy that girly and obsessed with hair and skin care who calls people 'sweetie' that _isn't _gay. And I've seen the way he looks at Naruto, as if he wants so _badly_ to just rip his clothes off and do the nasty with him right where they stand."

Gaara bristled.

"My best friend is not a whore. And _your_ friend is neither girly nor flaming, and yet he's gay."

"I never said anything about him _not _being gay, but whatever," said the brunet. "And what I said amounts to 'Every flamer I've met is gay, but not every gay I've met is a flamer.' Are you picking up what I'm putting down? The point is, if he hurts Naruto in _any_ way, don't be surprised if I beat the crap outta him."

"The same goes for Uzumaki, Inuzuka," said Gaara.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"Fine."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Morons…"

Kyuubi chuckled.

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Yep, there is chapter five for anyone who cares… XD

Anyways, for a few days I panicked because I thought I'd lost my thumb drive, which has all of my stories and half of my artwork on it, and that I was going to have to start over. I was almost ready to shoot myself, but then I found it in the first place where I'd checked… my backpack! What the _hell_, people! That means that I freaked out over nothing, which is good, but also bad because I freaked out for no reason at all in the first place.

As always please review! Or I will kill Sasuke and Naruto! –Dangles couple over a boiling vat of tar-

Naruto: 0.0 Please review so the psycho lady doesn't kill us!

Sasuke: _ I don't think she really means it anyway…

Me: D'you wanna _bet_, pretty boy? D –Cackles evilly-

Sasuke: 0.0 Uhm, no, thank you. Review, please, so that we don't have to find out how serious she really is.


	6. Mother

**Chapter 6: Mother**

The sun was too bright. That was all Sasuke could think as he woke up. He groaned.

"Too bright…" he mumbled, shielding his eyes from the glare the sun made reflecting off of the small puddles on the roof and trying to reorient himself. He remembered last night's thunderstorm, and he remembered falling asleep with Naruto's arms around his waist…

Except that Naruto wasn't there anymore. Sasuke didn't worry about it; Naruto had probably just gone downstairs to make tea or get food or something.

There was a knock on the door and the raven went to get it. He opened it to be met by Naruko, who looked kind of panicked and was holding a note in her hands.

"Sasuke, did you see Naruto leave?" she asked frantically.

"Erm, no; why do you ask?" _'Great, so much for caffeine before today goes to shit…'_

Naruko's eyes bulged, and Sasuke feared that they would fall out of her head.

"You were asleep when my brother got up, took a rifle and a _katana_ and ammo, and _left the fucking house_!" she screamed.

"So I was tired!" he protested. "Wait," he said, Naruko's words finally sinking in. "He did _what_?"

"He _left_!" she yelled. "You were in there with him; why didn't you _stop_ him!"

"I was _asleep_, dammit!" Sasuke snapped at her. "Let me see that!" He snatched the note from her.

_To whoever finds this first,_

_I'm worried about Mom and Dad. I'm going to look for them at the town hall. Don't bother following me. I don't want anyone else possibly getting hurt._

_Naruto_

Sasuke read it over a few times, his heart beating so fast and hard that it felt like it might burst out of his chest at any given moment. That idiot…!

"Did he take some kind of vehicle?" he asked Naruko.

"His motor bike's gone," responded the blonde-haired girl.

Sasuke facepalmed.

"That dumbass is going to get himself killed…" he muttered. "Does anyone else know about it?"

"Yeah, Kyuubi and Kiba and I are going out to get him."

"Well, count me in," said the raven-haired teenager. "When we get to the dumbass I am going to beat his face in for being so stupid."

"Take a number and get in line," muttered Naruko, eliciting a grim laugh from Sasuke as he threw on a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, put on a hoodie to guard against the autumn chill, and snatched up his _kusanagi_. "You might want to carry a gun as well," she added, "so you can fight long-range."

"I honestly don't know how to shoot a gun," said the raven, "and I doubt you would have the time to teach me right now."

Naruko groaned.

"Whatever," she snapped. "Come on. I'll teach you when we get back."

"Hn."

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Naruto sped along the twisting winding roads, trying to avoid the most populated areas and what had been the busiest streets of Konoha as much as possible. Those zombies that he did encounter he beheaded with the _katana_, not wanting to attract attention to himself by making more noise; the motor bike was already loud enough. It was a miracle Naruto hadn't drawn more zombies than he had so far encountered.

He'd woken up at five in the morning with his arms around Sasuke. Honestly, the guy slept like the dead, no pun intended, and _still_ managed to look unbearably gorgeous. He hadn't even stirred when Naruto removed his arms from his waist. Naruto wished he would've at least woken up temporarily when Naruto kissed him on the forehead and told him he loved him, but you couldn't always get what you wanted… Besides, the blond had no idea how Sasuke would react to a show of affection like that.

His thought process took him right to the door of the town hall. He turned off his motor bike, put the helmet down on the seat, grabbed his _katana_ and the rifle from the back of the bike and proceeded cautiously into the large building.

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"So I have one question," said Sasuke, looking at the Hummer in the five-car garage. "How the _hell_ are we going to get past that traffic jam we met on the way up?"

"Simple," said Kyuubi happily. "Dad has a snow plow attachment under that tarp in front of the Hummer. We attach the plow to this baby, and it's easy cruising, 'ttedana!"

Sasuke could see a lot of flaws in that plan, but he chose not to say anything. All he was really interested in was getting to Naruto, beating the shit out of him, and then holding on to him tightly so he couldn't leave him again.

'_You really like Naruto, don't you?'_ Sasuke's inner voice said to him. _'A few days ago you wouldn't even have admitted that to anyone, even yourself.'_

'_I don't _like_ him, I _love_ him,'_ the raven told the voice.

'_Oh, well excuse me,' _said the voice sarcastically.

Sasuke ignored it.

"Well, what are we waiting for then?" he said tersely. "Let's put it on and go get the dobe."

X33333333333333333333

Naruto walked softly through the halls of the municipal building, careful not to let his weapons bang off of anything and alert any zombies that might be in the building.

'_Where would they most likely be?'_ he wondered. _'I know Dad would most likely be in his office, but he could've been called out for a meeting. And I don't know where Mom would be… Probably in the judicial wing… I think I'll go check for Mom first…'_

Up three flights of stairs, he encountered his first zombie inside the building. It was a man in an orange jumpsuit who had evidently either been on trial or had been awaiting trial. His hands were chained, but his feet weren't, and the second he heard Naruto he shambled toward him with an eerie moan. Naruto took careful aim with his rifle, and the zombie fell with a thump to the landing of the upper floor.

Free of the zombies for now, the blond made his way carefully to his mom's office. With the butt of the rifle he slowly pushed open the door…

And recoiled as a bullet sped past his face.

"_Motherfucker_!" he swore, poking the barrel of his own gun into the gap in the door. "Don't shoot!" he called softly. "I'm not bitten!"

"Who is it!" said a familiar voice. Naruto had heard that voice when its owner had tucked him and Naruko in when they were small children, and then for the last time a few days ago, wishing him good luck on his Art exam. Putting his rifle down, he burst into the room.

"Mom!" he cried, running to the speaker and hugging her.

Uzumaki Kushina hugged him back, her turquoise eyes shining.

"Oh, my baby!" she said happily. "I thought you were the orange-suited zombie, 'ttebane!"

"Nope, I rekilled him, 'ttebayo," said Naruto. Then he looked at the people behind his mom.

They were mostly in suits and dress pants and blazers with ties, though a few wore orange jumpsuits like the zombie out in the hall. Naruto was wary of those with the orange jumpsuits, but before he could ask his mom what the hell they were doing there, a petite woman came to stand behind Kushina. Her black hair and very dark blue eyes reminded Naruto a lot of Sasuke.

"You go home, Shi-chan," she said, smiling. "I'm sure your son is anxious to get you to safety. I'll stay here and watch over things."

"No, Miko-chan," interjected Kushina firmly, "I'm not leaving anyone behind. Naruto, I'd like you to meet my best friend since second grade and law partner, Uchiha Mikoto. Miko-chan, my youngest son Naruto."

"Nice to meet you, Naruto-kun," said Mikoto, putting out her hand. Naruto took it and they shook. "Where do you go to school?"

"You mean _did_, 'ttebayo," said Naruto sardonically, eliciting a wry chuckle from the raven-haired woman. "I _was_ a senior at Konoha High School before the stuff hit the fan."

Mikoto's eyes lit up.

"Konoha High School?" she said eagerly, and Naruto saw a little desperation in her eyes. "Do you know my son Sasuke?"

"Yeah, I do," said Naruto. _'Oh, so _that's_ why she reminds me of the bastard.'_ "There's no one in Konoha High who _doesn't_ know Sasuke, as far as I'm concerned."

"Do you know if he's okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," said Naruto. "He and his friend Gaara helped me and my friend Kiba get out of the school. He's at our house at the moment. Oh, and by the way, Mom," he added to Kushina, "Naruko and Kyuubi are at home too, just so you don't worry too much."

Kushina and Mikoto hugged Naruto and then each other, tears of happiness streaming down their faces.

"My baby!" said Mikoto happily.

Naruto had to hold back a snort. He'd never thought of Sasuke as anyone's baby. Sure, he knew the guy had parents, but seriously, hearing Uchiha Sasuke being called "my baby" was so odd. He looked around for his father, the payor of Konoha, but didn't see him in the throng of refugees.

"Hey Mom," he asked worriedly, "do you know where Dad is?"

Kushina's face became apprehensive.

"I don't know," she said. "He was supposed to go to a meeting with the Board of Education at the middle school when the zombie outbreak occurred. For all I know he could still be there…" There was unspoken fear in her voice. Naruto nodded, mentally cursing.

Just then there came a screeching of brakes from outside the window, and everyone jumped up to look.

"Is that… our _Hummer_?" said Kushina faintly.

"Is that my _son_!" said Mikoto, shocked.

Naruto ran to the window and looked out. He paled in anger at the sight of his two siblings, Sasuke, and Kiba getting out.

"Ugh, I _told_ those idiots to not come after me, 'ttebayo!" he shouted. "Now _every_ zed in the area is gonna come flocking _here_! I'll _kill_ them!"

He ran out of the room and down the stairs…

And right into a zombie horde.

"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SWEET CREAMING _SHITBAGS_, 'TTEBAYO!" he yelled, turning around and running back up the stairs. "_BAD_ ZOMBIES! _BAD_!" he yelled as the zombies gave chase, moaning their hunting calls. Where the hell had all these zombies come from?

From three flights down he heard the front doors of the municipal building bang open, and a lot of gunfire and yelling. Slamming an ammo pack into his rifle, he took aim at the nearest zombie and shot him dead center between his eyes.

"NARUTO?" yelled Kiba from down below.

"YOU DUMBASS, YOU HAD US WORRIED AS _FUCK_!" roared Sasuke, pissed off beyond a doubt. "WHEN WE GET UP THERE I AM GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY _UNRECOGNIZABLE_!"

Naruto scowled.

"YOU IDIOTS, THE NOISE OF THE CAR HAS PROBABLY DRAWN EVERY ZOMBIE IN THE AREA, 'TTEBAYO! AND YOU CALL _ME_ STUPID?"

"Naruto, don't talk to your siblings or your friends like that, 'ttebane!" yelled Kushina coming to the doorway and looking out, her crystalline blue eyes angry.

"Sorry, Mom," said Naruto sheepishly, before returning his attention to the zombies. "Screw this," he muttered, setting his weapon for full automatic. Then he fired at head level continuously into the group of zombies on the stairs. The undead went down in heaps, clearing the way for Naruto to move down the stairs. At the same time, he heard shooting moving up the stairs, along with the slashing _whoosh _of a _katana_, meaning that the little group at the bottom was making progress. He ran down one flight, then took the next one three stairs at a time, and looked down at the same time Kyuubi leaned over and looked up. They glared at each other.

"Naruto, you're a _dead_ man when I get up there!" Kyuubi snarled.

"We'll see who's dead when we meet, 'ttebayo!" Naruto shot back. "I told you not to follow me for a reason, that reason being that large groups attract more attention, as do loud noises! I got in here fine with very few zombies in sight, and I'm sure I would have gotten _out_ fine, with Mom, except that now you've gone and driven that stupid monster truck through town. Every zombie will converge on this point! Did you even _think_ about how to escape!"

Kyuubi's silence told Naruto that he hadn't thought that far. The blond facepalmed.

"You _imbecile_," he groaned.

"Don't talk to your brother like that!" yelled Kushina, smacking her younger son on the back of his head.

Now Naruko leaned over the railing.

"Mom?" she said excitedly. "You're okay! You're okay! I'm so happy! But Naruto's dead meat when we get up there!"

Mikoto also leaned over the railing.

"Sasuke?" she called.

The aforementioned raven leaned out, looking up with relieved incredulity on his face.

"Mom!" he called back. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, darling, just fine!" she said cheerily, running down the stairs.

And then a zombie came out of nowhere, headed right for Mikoto. Naruto saw what was about to happen, and Kushina did too, but they were too far away to do anything, and all they could do was watch in horror as the zombie grabbed Mikoto's hair and started to lean its head toward her neck. She screamed.

"Miko-chan!" yelled Kushina, running down the stairs toward her partner and friend.

"Uchiha-san!" cried Naruto, trying to get a bead on the zombie's head without hurting Sasuke's mom.

"Mom?" yelled Sasuke, his voice laced with fear. "Naruto, what the hell is going on!"

Blood splattered everywhere as the zombie sank its teeth into Mikoto's throat. It splattered all over Kushina, and she in turn began to scream. Naruko's and Kyuubi's cries of concern and fear were added to Sasuke's, along with the new chorus of pounding feet as the group below started running, trying to get quickly past the zombies on the floor below. Naruto stood rooted to the spot in horror, but only for a second, and then he took aim at the zombie.

"Mom, get down!" he screamed.

Blood and zombie brain tissue splattered everywhere, and the thing that had sunk its teeth into Mikoto was blown backwards. Naruto wasted no time in getting over to where Kushina was leaning over Mikoto, her hands futilely trying to keep the blood from spurting out. The raven-haired woman made gurgling sounds in her throat, trying to speak as Naruto's mother shushed her.

"It'll be okay, Miko-chan," she was saying quietly into her friend's ear. "It'll be all right…"

At that moment the four-person group reached the top of the third floor landing. There was a strangled cry and Naruto was pushed out of the way as Sasuke went barreling past him to fall to his knees beside his mother.

"Mom?" he whimpered, cradling her in his arms, not caring about the blood he was getting all over himself. "Please, Mom, hold on… We'll get help…"

Mikoto looked up at her son and smiled, wiping tears he didn't even know were there from his cheeks.

"M-my baby…" she whispered, brushing hair out of Sasuke's face. "You're so brave… You've made me so… p-p-proud… Sasuke… when I die… I'll t-turn into... one of them… I need you... to kill me."

The raven-haired teenager's eyes widened.

"Mom, no!" he whispered, aghast. "What are you saying?"

"P-please, Sasuke," she whispered, grasping her son's hand in her own.

After a moment's hesitation, he nodded, and Mikoto breathed a sigh of relief.

"I l-l-love you… my p-precious baby boy…"

Her grip on Sasuke's hand slackened, and her eyes became blank. And still he clutched her, like a little kid clutching a security blanket. He was in shock and didn't protest when Naruto gently pulled him away from his mother's body.

"She's going to reanimate soon," said Kushina quietly, also backing away from Mikoto's corpse. She also seemed to be in shock, but was still capable of speech.

"There'll be time for mourning later," said Kyuubi gruffly, sounding like he was trying not to cry. "You have to stab her in the head to kill her."

Sasuke unsheathed his _kusanagi _and tried to hold it steady, even though his hands were shaking badly. He could see the body of his mother starting to move again, and knew he should move now, while she was still down, but he wanted to look her in the eyes, in case there was anything left of her pre-zombie self.

The thing that had only maybe thirty seconds before been Uchiha Mikoto got unsteadily to its feet. Sasuke aimed the point of the blade at her left eye.

"I love you t-too... Mom," he said almost inaudibly, his voice breaking horribly as she stumbled closer to him, raising her arms and moaning predatorily. Then, putting all of his weight behind it, he thrust the blade through her eye socket. It exited through the back of her head. There was a sickening squelching sound as he pulled the blade free.

She stayed upright for a moment, and Sasuke couldn't tell if he was imagining it because his sight was becoming blurred by unshed tears, but he thought he saw a flicker of relief in those cold dead eyes. Then she pitched forward with a final groan, her head coming to rest at his feet, and a splatter of blood radiated outward, covering the floor and the Converses he was wearing and splattering over his face. He didn't care; only one thought reverberated through his mind…

He had just killed his mother.

X3333333333333333

Yeah, I know it started out kind of slow, and then turned really tragic pretty quickly, but if I'd let Mikoto get saved then it would have been such a cliché, and as a general rule I hate most clichés. Except for sympathy sex and _Romeo and Juliet_-esque story endings… Sympathy sex is fine because it's still sex (though I personally would never participate in it) and _Romeo and Juliet _is one of the best Shakespeare plays out there, bested only by _Hamlet _and _Henry V_.

Uh, yeah, I'm rambling again, so please review. Please no flame reviews. And next chapter is when we get to some mattress dancing and confessing! The freaky matress dancing doesn't come until later, but rest assured that there's quite a bit of it coming. (No pun intended XD)


	7. The Dark Night of the Soul

**Chapter 7: The Dark Night of the Soul**

Screaming, moaning, gunshots, the sounds of running feet… Nothing mattered anymore. Sasuke couldn't even move. He stood rooted to the floor, chaos all around him, his mind numb with shock. How could everything else still be going on? How come the world hadn't come to a stand-still when his mother had died? When he had _killed _his own mother? Nothing made sense to him anymore.

Faintly he heard someone screaming his name, and a tanned hand, Naruto's hand, tugged at his own. As if in a dream he allowed himself to be dragged down the stairs and out the door by the blond. In the distance he could hear gunshots, and the sound made him unconsciously cringe.

The next thing he knew he was in the Hummer, and they were speeding off. Everyone was making sure everyone else was all right, checking for bites. Someone shook Sasuke, and he looked into Naruto's concerned cerulean eyes. The blond was saying something, and he tried to refocus.

"-you bitten, 'ttebayo?" he was saying. Mutely the raven shook his head, automatically holding out his arms. Everyone else was looking at him, and he angrily wished that they would stop. He didn't need anyone's pity or sympathy…

"Hey, Uchiha," said Kiba in a worried tone, "you're covered in blood."

Sasuke looked at his hands and arms. Indeed they were covered in blood, most of it his mother's.

And just like that he began to shake violently as the imagery of his mother lying at his feet in a pool of her own blood flashed through his mind again. He began to hyperventilate, and felt the small ell shape of the inhaler he'd brought along being pressed into his hands.

'_I will not cry,' _he thought to himself as he took a breath from the small apparatus and struggled to get his emotions under control. He was an Uchiha, and Uchihas didn't cry. No matter what.

X3333333333

Sayuki and Sasaki were sitting on the couch, making out, when the front door lock clicked and the door swung open. Sayuki went for the gun, but it was just Naruto. She growled.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" she hissed. "We've been worried as _fuck_ about you!"

At that moment everyone else came in, and Sasaki spotted Sasuke and screamed.

"OH MY GOD! YOU BROUGHT ONE HOME WITH YOU!" she cried hysterically, pointing at him. Despite his numbness, the young raven mustered up enough energy to glare at her, albeit without any of the normal killing intent behind it. Sure he must look like hell, but was it really necessary to _comment_ on it?

Naruto looked at her, then at Sasuke, and then back again.

"Don't ask," he said quietly. "Come on, Sasuke," he added to the raven-haired teen, "you should get cleaned up."

The Uchiha offered no complaint when Naruto took him gently by the hand and led him up the stairs. Sasaki and Sayuki waited until the two were gone, and then turned to the rest of the group, shocked and horrified looks on their faces.

"What happened?" asked Sayuki quietly.

"Sasuke had to kill his own mother when she got bitten, died, and reanimated in front of us," said Kyuubi grimly.

"Oh my god, that's _horrible_," whispered Sasaki. "Poor Sasuke…"

X3333333333

Naruto would have given Sasuke some privacy to get cleaned up, but the raven had insisted nonverbally that he stay. So Naruto was sitting on the toilet lid, consumed with guilt, while Sasuke sat in an upright fetal position in the water-filled tub, alone with his own thoughts. Neither of them really seemed to notice the bath water turning red.

After a while, Naruto sighed.

"Ne, temee," he said quietly, "the water's probably getting cold."

Sasuke merely stared straight ahead, navy blue eyes dulled to a dark gray, the occasional silent tear creating tracks down his cheeks through the blood before falling into the water below with a soft _plip_. He didn't really take notice of anything, even when Naruto grabbed a wet washcloth and started softly rubbing it across his face, cleaning off the blood. When he was done, he grabbed the shampoo and put some into the raven's hair, lathering it up.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke," he said as he worked the shampoo in gently, his hands turning a light brownish-red from the matted blood in the other teenager's hair. "If I hadn't left, then none of this would've happened. Watch out for your eyes, 'ttebayo," he added, rinsing the raven's hair out.

Sasuke didn't acknowledge anything that the blond had just said. He just sat in the tub with his knees pulled up to his chest, oblivious to the water turning a light cloudy red around him, and stared blankly down at his hands. Naruto would have thought that he was dead but for the fact that his bare, pale chest was just barely moving up and down rhythmically with each quiet inhalation and exhalation. The blond sighed.

"I'll go get you some nightclothes, 'ttebayo," he said softly, making to stand up. A pale hand grabbed his wrist in a vise-like grip, and he started. He looked at Sasuke, who was shaking his head mutely.

'_Well, it is kinda my fault,' _he thought to himself. _'I left this morning, and now his mom's dead…'_

"All right, I'll take you with me. Just hold on a minute…"

After Naruto had draped a towel over Sasuke's bare shoulders and let the water drain, he took the raven by the hand and led him into his bedroom, where the raven sat quietly on the bed while Naruto rooted through his pajama drawer for something that would fit… Sasuke was small enough that he'd been sharing Naruko's and Kushina's night clothes for the last few nights, and Naruto didn't know if he had anything that would fit the smaller teen.

Finally the blond found a Metallica T-shirt that was too small for him on the bottom of his drawer, one that he hadn't worn in ages.

"Here," he said to Sasuke, turning around, "you can wear this for the night… Sasuke?"

There was a choked cry of anguish just as Naruto turned around, and the raven-haired teen began sobbing so hard that his body shook with the force of them.

"Mother," he gasped between sobs. "Mother, I'm sorry…"

All thoughts of nightshirts forgotten, Naruto went over to the bed, though not exactly sure what he was going to do… He was worried about the dark-haired teenager having a full-blown asthma attack. He also felt extremely awkward, as well as guilty, and at the same time he was turned on, which was just wrong, given the situation. Luckily Sasuke saved him the need of deciding how to act by almost falling off the bed. The blond caught the smaller teenager and held him close as he fisted his hands into Naruto's shirt and cried into it.

"N-Naruto…" he sobbed.

"Hush, 'ttebayo," the blond soothed. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"I-I-I should have waited," Sasuke whispered brokenly. "I should have waited till we were upstairs… She's dead because of _me_… It's my fault…"

"Shh," said Naruto quietly. "If I hadn't left, you wouldn't've come after me in the first place."

"It's my fault," said the other boy, shaking his head, evidently not having listened to a word of what Naruto had said.

"Sasuke…"

"It's my fault… Mother, I'm sorry…"

"Sasuke."

"All my fault…"

"Sasuke, it's not your _fault_!" said Naruto loudly, and before the young raven could dispute it again, the blond leaned over and kissed him roughly.

At first Sasuke was taken by surprise, so much so that he immediately stopped crying, his eyes going wide for a moment. Then slowly they slid shut, and he allowed himself to be lost in Naruto's demanding but gentle lips.

Kissing the blond was more than Sasuke had ever imagined it would be, and all thoughts of the day were pushed from his mind as he kissed back passionately. Naruto's tongue asked for entrance to his mouth, and he gladly gave it, the blond's jeweled tongue twining around his own unblemished one. The raven put all of his sadness, all of his grief, all of the emotions he'd been feeling for the last hour or so into the kiss, along with a longing, trying to tell Naruto without words that he wanted more than just a kiss…

Then just as suddenly as it began, Naruto broke away, and Sasuke felt empty for a second… But it was only a second, because then the blond's lips were on his neck, teasing the area that sported the tattoo he'd gotten for his sixteenth birthday, and he gasped. His penis became enlarged as blood rushed to it. Apparently Naruto had gotten the message loud and clear.

Naruto felt the erection against his legs and smiled against the smaller teen's neck. But first, he had to know something. Pulling away slightly, he looked at Sasuke with eyes full of concern.

"Are you sure you wanna do this, 'ttebayo?" he asked. "I don't wanna take advantage of you, especially at a time like this, and especially if this is your first time…"

Sasuke hesitated for a moment. _Did_ he want to do this? He was afraid of it hurting, of this being just a one-night stand, of being taken advantage of. But then, technically this wasn't his first time, although he really didn't like to think about his actual first time. And from what he'd seen so far, Naruto didn't seem to be the type of guy to take advantage. Besides, over the last few days he'd been around Naruto, he had fallen ever more hopelessly in love with the blond. How could he say no, even if it might be bad for him? That decided it.

"I'm sure," responded the raven-haired teen quietly. "I need you, I love you, and I want to be yours."

Naruto smiled gently, sincerely.

"I love you too, Sasuke," he whispered into the raven's ear, giving it a soft lick. He grabbed a tube of lube from the nightstand, and then he was pushing Sasuke's legs apart and putting them over his shoulders. The other teenager tried to help him take off his pants, but Naruto grabbed his wrists and pinioned them over his head while he unclasped his own jeans and pulled them and his boxers down past his large erection. He uncapped the lube and coated his fingers in it.

A wet, slick finger slid inside of Sasuke, and he gasped in surprise… Naruto's fingers felt a little cold. But then he forgot that as a second, then a third finger were put inside him, stretching him, scissoring, brushing gently and sensuously against his prostate, preparing him for Naruto's monstrosity of a dick.

And then Naruto was pushing inside of him, filling him to the brink. The transition between fingers and erection was so sudden that the raven almost cried out in pain, but once Naruto was inside he waited for Sasuke to adjust, stroking him to ease his discomfort, before beginning a slow but strong rhythm in and out, in and out, always stopping just short of the spot that would make his partner come.

There was a wonderful feeling building up inside of both boys. The feeling of sharing this sort of intimacy with each other was absolutely elating, and a kind of blissful happiness coursed through Naruto. He began thrusting deeper, moving more quickly, and Sasuke was gasping, trying to get a handle on himself as the feeling pooled in his groin.

"Na-Naruto…" he panted, "I-I'm going t-to… I'm going to- AGH!" he screamed as Naruto hit his prostate, going faster. At the same time, the blond bent his head down, capturing the raven's neck in his mouth and clamping down almost painfully on the tattooed nape, brushing the tip of his tongue -and his tongue piercing- against the soft sensitive skin. With another scream, Sasuke came, his semen shooting all over their stomachs and chests. With a final thrust and a loud shout of ecstasy, Naruto also came, his seed filling the smaller teen to the brink and dripping from his saturated hole around the shaft of Naruto's penis.

Naruto pulled out and collapsed beside Sasuke on the bed, pulling the raven-haired teenager into his arms and kissing him.

"Listen to me, Sasuke," he whispered, his soft, warm breath fluttering against the raven's ear. "I love you. I don't _ever _wanna let you go. From now on, where you go, I go. If you die, I die. That's a _promise_, 'ttebayo."

"You had better not _break_ that promise, dobe," the raven-haired teen whispered back, kissing the taller blond. "I love you so much… I couldn't take it if you died. I won't lose you too…"

They fell asleep, hands clasped together.

X333333333333

Downstairs, everyone looked very awkward or very disgusted or a combination of both. Except for Naruko, who looked extremely happy, and Gaara, who remained as blank as ever.

"Kyuubi, did you _know_ Naruto was gay, 'ttebane?" asked Kushina in surprise.

"Yep, 'ttedana," replied the red-haired man, shrugging. "I didn't think it was important to tell you. After all, it's not _my_ information to divulge…"

"Aww, I _knew_ it!" said Naruko excitedly. "They make such a cute couple!" She clapped her hands together happily.

"Wait, that was a _guy _screaming?" said Kiba, blanching. "Oh _god_, I think I just lost what was left of my sanity…"

"I had no idea Sasuke's voice could reach such a high register," commented Gaara blandly.

"I'm scarred for life," shouted the brunet. "Where's a _hammer_ when you need it! _Bad_ images! _Very_ bad images!" He ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, hitting himself in the head with his fists, trying to knock himself unconscious.

Everyone else rolled their eyes.

X333333333333333

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP WAKE UP YOU LAZY SHIT BEEP BEEP BEEP GODDAMMIT!_

"Naruto, did your alarm clock just _curse_ at us?" Sasuke mumbled sleepily.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP YOU LAZY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER GET YOUR SHITTY ASS OUTTA BED! BEEP BEEP BEEP-CRASH!_

"Yes, it did," groaned Naruto, throwing his alarm clock at the wall and smashing it. "The operative word there is 'did.' Just go back to sleep…"

"Dually noted," the raven-haired teen breathed as he fell asleep again, nestling into the safety and comfort of the blond's arms. Naruto stayed awake just a little bit longer, enough to note how warm Sasuke's body was against his own and to hope that the other boy didn't have a fever.

X33333333333333

Everyone –except Kushina, who was still asleep- was drinking the last of the black tea in the kitchen when the two causes of the previous night's excitement slouched in, yawning.

"Did you sleep well, sleeping beauties?" asked Kyuubi, eying Naruto, who was wearing nothing more than the boxers he'd worn yesterday, and Sasuke, who was wearing a pair of boxers and a Metallica T-shirt from the bottom of Naruto's nightclothes drawer. The boxers were tied off at the waist to keep them from slipping off.

Both boys stopped yawning long enough to shoot him a glare.

"We slept fine, 'ttebayo," said Naruto peevishly. "What about you?"

"I had nightmares," said Kiba with a haunted look in his brown eyes. "I dreamed of things knocking against the wall and men screaming in ecstasy. The horror… Oh the horror… I think I've lost all my innocence…"

"I didn't ask your overly dramatic sorry not-so-innocent ass, 'ttebayo," growled the blond, throwing the sugar bowl at him.

"So is it official?" asked Naruko and Sayuri at the same time.

Naruto and Sasuke nodded without the slightest hesitation.

"We discussed it before we came down," added the taller teenager.

Naruko and Sayuri squealed happily and did a little happy dance.

"What the fuck?" muttered Sasuke, edging closer to his boyfriend.

"I have no idea," Naruto murmured back, putting a protective arm around the raven, "but it scares me."

"I thought you were _gay_, Naruto," teased Kyuubi. "I thought I heard a girl up there in your room, screaming as you fucked her brains out, 'ttedana."

Sasuke looked positively murderous, and Naruto had to really work to physically restrain the smaller teenager to stop him from taking his_ kusanagi_ from the nearby living room coffee table and slitting the red-haired man from ear to ear. Goddamn, for a small skinny guy Sasuke was pretty strong.

"Well, I'd like to see _you _remain composed when someone with a dick the size of the Tokyo Tower is fucking you up the ass," the raven snarled. "That dick of his is not normal. It's a _mutant_."

"Well I wouldn't know, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi, grinning. "I'm always the fuck_er_, not the fuck_ee_."

Naruto blushed tremendously, and everyone else stared at the three of them open-mouthed.

"Oh. My. _God_," moaned Kiba, turning a pale shade of green that could be compared to pea soup. "I did _not_ need to know _any _of that. The terrifying mental images that puts in my head… Where are my sedatives?" He slunk off, giving Sasuke and Naruto a wide berth.

"I think I have a theory about where they are, 'ttedana," Kyuubi called after him, grinning mischievously.

"Where?" the brunette called back.

"Up Sasuke's ass."

This time Naruto didn't bother to stop the raven as he beat his older brother into a pulp, although he still held onto the sword tightly.

"Help, Naruto! Get your psychotic midget boyfriend _off_ of me, 'ttedana!"

"Then you shouldn't have teased him, 'ttebayo…"

"_DIE_, YOU PRICK! WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING _DIE_!"

"AGH!"

X333333333333

EAT MY DUST, PROFESSIONAL PORNO WRITERS! MWAHAHAHA! (I kid...)

I got the idea of using comfort sex as a thing in my story after reading a fanfic called _Agent Duck-Butt, _where Naruto and Sasuke are secret agents and about halfway through the story Sasuke has a major emotional breakdown and Naruto basically fucks him and gets fucked by him to get him to shut up about major psychotic breakdown shit.

Of course, it's more funny than sad or anything else, so you might like it more… I'm just kidding; you better like this one more or I'll skin you alive.

Naruto: D No! _Bad_!

Me: T_T B-but-

Sasuke: -_- It's not polite to threaten your readers.

Me: -_- Shut up, Duck-Butt.

Sasuke: :( Fuck you, bitch.

Me: I don't swing that way. 8D

Anyways, that's enough about my sexual quirkiness. Review please, and stay tuned for the next chapter! I dunno what's gonna happen next chapter, but it'll be here eventually! And it'll be good! Or else…

Naruto: O.o You scare me.

Me: -_- I scare everyone. Well, almost everyone… I have some friends who are crazier than I am.

Sasuke: o.O I didn't know there was _anyone_ crazier than you…

Me: _ There are plenty out there. Wait a second; didn't we already go over this, twice? Fuck it, this chapter's over. Go make out or something so I can go to sleep.

And by the way, the Tokyo Tower is a tower in Tokyo. That may sound obvious, but it is also a smaller almost replica of the Eiffel Tower. I went up there on a trip to Japan, and since I'm terrified of heights I couldn't even get close to the windows, which have a panoramic view, because I got horrible vertigo. I was immensely glad when we took the elevator back down to our bus. XD

Anyway, that's enough about me. Review, dammit, or else!


	8. Shoot to Thrill

**Chapter 8: Shoot to Thrill**

"Oh shit, 'ttebayo," groaned Naruto, pulling open the cupboard. "We're fucked."

"Language, 'ttebane!" snapped Kushina. "I _know_ we're running out of food!"

"Belly… shriveling… up… from… hunger…" Kiba gasped dramatically, clutching his stomach and rolling over. This action put him in Sayuri's lap, and she gave him a disgusted look when he unabashedly tried to look up her night shirt and pushed him off.

"You're a pig," she snapped.

"Damn_ right_ I'm a pig," said the brunet, grinning pervertedly.

"_Language_, 'ttebane!" said Kushina, throwing a ceramic teacup at Kiba's head. The brunet ducked, and it hit Kyuubi, who was just coming into the kitchen. The redhead howled in pain, clutching his nose. Sasuke, who was behind him, edged past and took a seat at the table while Kyuubi tried to keep himself from yelling out all sorts of cusswords that might get more things thrown at him.

"So is it time for a shopping trip?" he asked quietly. He didn't like the idea, especially after what had happened the last time they'd left the house. He didn't want anyone else he knew or loved to die in front of him, much less to have to put them down when they reanimated. However, it was either risk another death by zombie or slowly starve to death, and in Sasuke's opinion, starving to death was the worst way a living being could possibly die.

"Yep," said Naruko, "it's time for a shopping trip."

The raven-haired teenager sighed.

X3333333333333333

"All right, do you know the basics of a proper gun stance?" Kyuubi asked Sasuke, who just shook his head.

"I don't know much about guns period."

"All righty then. Naruto, get over here and help me teach your boyfriend how to hold a proper firing stance."

The blond's voice floated to them out of the shed.

"Why, 'ttebayo? You're better at teaching than I am. I dunno how to explain what you need to do well. You've seen what happens when I try to teach people how to do shit that involves a weapon of some kind or another."

"What happens?" Sasuke asked Kyuubi in an undertone.

"Most times either weird shit, or just plain bad shit," said Kyuubi before addressing his next words to his younger brother. "Because I don't want him coming on to me when I stand behind him to correct his stance. OUCH!" he interjected as a small handgun, thankfully unloaded, flew through the shed door and hit him in the face. Sasuke laughed, and inside the shed Naruto smiled at the sweet sound.

"Don't be a dick, Kyuu-nii," he snickered.

"I think your aim was off, dobe," the raven said.

"Why?" asked Naruto, coming out of the shed with a frightening amount of ammo and a bunch of different guns. "I _was_ aiming for his face. Although," he added thoughtfully, "it would've hurt more if I'd hit him in the _crotch_, wouldn't it?"

"Indubitably," Sasuke acknowledged.

"You two together scare me even more than Gaara does alone, 'ttedana," groaned Kyuubi, trying to stem a nosebleed. "I'm going inside before I get hurt more."

"You dickweed," Naruto called after him, "you _know_ I'm no good at explaining how to hold, fire, and reload a gun!"

"No need," said Sasuke, "I can learn by observation."

"Okay, 'ttebayo, then you need to bear with me, 'cause I suck at teaching anyone anything. So when you shoot a handgun, you generally need to hold it steadily in both hands, contrary to what they do in most movies. Unless you're really good with a handgun, in which case you can hold it with one or both hands, as long as you have enough arm strength to control the recoil."

Giving Sasuke an unloaded handgun, he took one himself to demonstrate. "You wrap one hand around the butt of the gun, like this," –he demonstrated by wrapping his right hand around the gun- "and then put your remaining hand over the one you just put down. Take the index finger of your top hand and stick it out, like this," –he pushed his finger forward so that it was almost straight out, touching the trigger but not pulling it- "and put your thumbs below this point" –he indicated a spot on the gun- "so that they don't get hurt when you fire."

"What's the proper stance?" asked the raven-haired teenager.

"We'll get to that when I see that you can actually hold a handgun properly, temee," said Naruto, smirking.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dobe." Wrapping his left hand around the gun and putting his right hand over it, he brought his thumbs together, and then looked at the blond.

"Tuck your thumbs down so that they're not in the way when the barrel recoils," said Naruto. "You could end up breaking your thumbs. I should know; that was a mistake I made, and I couldn't write for a month after that."

"You would," smirked the raven.

"Shut up, Sasuke," said the blond, "or we don't have sex tonight."

"Ooh," retorted Sasuke, "look at _you_ getting all tough." That earned him a light smack on the back of the head from Naruto, though the blond's grin told him that he didn't take it personally.

"All right, loading a handgun," said Naruto, grabbing a box of ammo. "Now this gun has an ammo clip, so you don't really need to worry about the time it takes reloading if you have other full ammo clips with you, unlike with a revolver. So how you load the clip is you take the round and push it into the clip like this," –he demonstrated- "until it's full. This little pistol can hold up to eight rounds. To load the gun, you push the ammo clip into the handle of the gun until you hear a click, which means that it's locked." He pushed his clip into the gun's handle by way of demonstration.

When Sasuke had loaded an ammo clip and put it in his own gun, Naruto put his gun down for a moment and went to stand behind the other teenager. The young raven had to restrain himself as his blond boyfriend's soft, warm breath fluttered over the back of his sensitive neck. Naruto's strong tan arms wrapped around him, just holding him there for a minute, and he leaned into the embrace. Then the blond reached to the gun and turned it slightly, not enough so that it pointed at either of them, but enough so that he could see the side of the gun and the safety switch.

"All right, d'you see the safety switch, 'ttebayo?" he asked softly. Sasuke nodded. "Right now it's locked, so even if you pulled the trigger nothing would happen. When you're not using the gun, make sure that you always have the safety on. Otherwise you might accidentally shoot someone or yourself."

"Have you ever seen anyone do that?" asked the raven.

"Yeah," Naruto snickered. "Kyuubi accidentally shot himself in the foot once."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and smirked in amusement. Naruto nodded, not needing the other boy to clarify what his expression meant.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Anyway, so to turn off the safety, all you gotta do is flip the switch all the way to the other side. I say all the way because sometimes the switch stops in the middle and that's not what it's supposed to do. We've been meaning to fix that for a while, but we never got around to it. Now, if we had earplugs for everyone, they'd have them, believe me, but we weren't expecting this, so we only have enough for the five members of our family. Everyone's gonna get to wear the earplugs, but you won't always be able to wear them, so I should just warn you that the shot is pretty loud."

"Dually noted," said the raven-haired teen. "Are you going to show me the firing stance?"

"Are you _always_ this impatient?" Naruto teased, picking up his gun. "Yeah. You might wanna stand on the other side of me though, because this is a left-handed gun, and where you're standing right now the ejected shell could possibly hit you when it comes out. All right. The first thing you do is bring your gun up and line up the sights, which is this little groove and the little bump in the middle of it." He pointed before gripping his gun properly. "Before you shoot, inhale deeply, and as you exhale, pull the trigger."

Lining up his sights on a target at the end of the yard, he took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger as he exhaled.

Naruto was right, it was loud. Sasuke winced and stuffed his fingers in his ears, despite the fact that they were already ringing. Still watching, he saw a hole appear in the target, almost dead center. He whistled.

"Wow…"

"What, didja think I wouldn't get it?" smirked Naruto, flipping on the safety and putting his gun down. "I've been at it longer than you have, meaning more practice and better aim. Let's see you try to match _that, _'ttebayo."

Sasuke glared at the blond.

"You are _way _too cocky," he muttered. Stepping up to where Naruto was, he turned off the safety, aimed, breathed in, and fired as he exhaled.

Beside him, Naruto cursed vehemently. Sasuke grinned, because right there, in the center of the target, was a little bullet hole.

"Beginner's luck, 'ttebayo," he groaned. "Let's see you do it again."

"I doubt it will happen, but okay," said the raven. "I mean, what are the odds of that happening twice in a row?" He then proceeded to prove both himself and Naruto wrong as he shot the target dead center seven more times.

Now Naruto looked positively peeved. "I _cannot_ believe that it took me _five years_ to get just outside the center circle," he ranted, "and in approximately _five minutes _you're doing better than I am. _It's unnatural_!" He threw down his gun and stomped on it, cursing, while Sasuke looked on in amusement.

"Dude, what the _hell_ is going on, 'ttedana!" said Kyuubi, running out to see what the yelling and cursing was about.

"Naruto's mad because I took five minutes to get better at shooting a gun than he has in five years," smirked the raven-haired teen.

Kyuubi whistled. "You're probably just a born natural," he said. "Naruto, stop being a sore loser."

Naruto stomped off, muttering something about unfairness and bastards and no sex tonight. Kyuubi grinned.

"He'll get over his soreness by tonight," he teased.

"No I won't!" yelled the blond before slamming the door.

"Or he won't and you either won't get _laid_ for a week or your ass will be so sore you can't _stand_ for a week."

Sasuke glared at Kyuubi in disgust.

"I'm leaving, you pervert," he muttered, following Naruto.

Kyuubi looked after them, grinning.

"Yep," he said to himself, "I bet it'll be the angry sex."

X33333333333333333

That be-eth chapter 8, 'ttebayo! Yes it's incredibly short and for that I am sorry, and yes I stole Naruto's verbal tic and I don't give a flying fuck! Tell me what you think of it! And no, you cannot use this to actually learn how to shoot a gun, because I suck at explaining complicated shit.

Sasuke: -_- It's not that complicated.

Me: -_- Explaining it is… Showing it isn't.

Sasuke: -_- Because you suck at teaching people.

Me: :( That's not _true_! I taught my friends how to make paper cranes last year and most of them weren't confused at _all_!

Sasuke: -.- Great. Now, do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Me: -_- I've got a chest. Now, do you still want your dick to stay attached to your body or a newly-made vagina?

Sasuke: 0.0 -backs away with his hands covering his crotch-

Me: That answers that question. 8D Review, people!


	9. Dead Bodies Everywhere

**Chapter 9: Dead Bodies Everywhere**

"All right, it's shopping time, 'ttebane!" called Kushina, banging on the door of Naruto's room, startling the two naked teenagers inside awake and making them fall out of bed. "Get your butts out here, and make sure they're fully clothed!"

"Whereza cannon?" yelled Naruto sleepily, thrashing around.

"Not a cannon," Sasuke mumbled, "your mom."

"Don't _talk_ 'bout my momma, bitch," Naruto said, grinning. "Agh!" he spluttered as Sasuke hit him in the face with the pillow. "God, you're _so pissy_ when you wake up, 'ttebayo. Do we need to start having morning sex?"

"No," said the raven, "because then I won't be able to move without discomfort for the rest of the day and I'll be even _more_ pissy. I hope you realize that before we became boyfriends five days ago I had never had real sex before, and as such I still have _yet_ to fully adjust to having something as big as _your dick_ shoved up _my ass_. Now where's a clean pair of pants?"

"It should be somewhere in my closet, temee," smirked the blond. "Whaddya define as real sex?"

"Having your brains fucked out by your significant other, dobe," sneered his boyfriend. "What's _your_ definition?"

"About the same," said Naruto grinning. "Just add whips and chains and maybe a blindfold."

"Holy shit," said Sasuke, externally wincing but inwardly shuddering with orgasmic pleasure at the idea. "Remind me not to do anything that might provoke something that painful."

He got up, wincing slightly again, walked over to the closet and started rifling through the clothes, which were all heaped in a pile on the floor, for a clean pair of jeans, fully aware of Naruto's eyes roving hungrily over his bare behind. He smirked.

"Is there something about my ass that you find intriguing, sweetie?" he purred.

"I'm just trying to imagine myself in it," replied Naruto, grinning pervertedly. The raven-haired teenager rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's lame sexual innuendo and dragged on underwear and a pair of dark gray skinny jeans that were only slightly too big on him. Naruto whistled at him, and he glared at the blond as he pulled on a plain black long sleeved shirt and black hoodie and rolled up the sleeves so his hands weren't hidden in the folds of the fabric.

"What, can't I appreciate your sexy, gorgeous, and all around amazing body when I see it in its full unadulterated glory?" Naruto said innocently, fluttering his eyelashes. "You look _particularly_ ravishable in black. Ouch!" he snapped when Sasuke threw a shoe at him, which hit him in the face. "_Stop throwing things at me, 'ttebayo!"_

"You deserved that last one, for whistling at me _and_ for saying such embarrassing things," rejoined the raven unapologetically.

"You know you like it," said Naruto huskily, walking up behind his boyfriend, putting his arms around his waist, and biting his neck and suckling it, letting his tongue piercing rub against the sensitive nape. Sasuke moaned loudly, and would have melted into the blond's arms if at that moment Naruto's mom hadn't come and kicked the door down.

"Naruto, get your clothes on!" she yelled, picking up the nearest thing –Naruto's lamp- and throwing it at him. The two boys had to separate and dive out of the way, and the lamp smashed on Naruto's chest of drawers.

"Mom, you could have _killed_ us!" shrieked the blond, pointing angrily at her.

'"Whatever," snapped Kushina. "Sasuke-chan, make sure the little turd gets dressed!"

"I'm taller than either of you by at _least_ half a foot, and you're still calling me a _little turd_?" said Naruto in disbelief. "I'm _insulted_, Mom!"

Kushina picked up Naruto's comb and threw it at him. He dodged.

"Stop _throwing_ things at me!" the blond yelled angrily. "_I'm getting dressed already_!"

Sasuke wondered, again, why this family couldn't be more normal.

X3333333333333

"It's about _time _you showed up," said Naruko casually when the two boys finally got downstairs. "I heard a lot of yelling and stuff being thrown. Naruto, is that a shoe mark on your face?"

"Yes," said her twin, feeling his face and wincing. "How'd you guess?"

"Did someone step on it?"

"No, Sasuke threw a shoe at me. Did I mention that he has really good aim?"

"Good job, Sasuke-chan!" cheered the blonde. "Naruto needs a shoe in the face every once in a while… He forgets that he can be an asshole."

The raven snorted.

"He whistled at me. And why 'Sasuke-chan'?"

"Because you sound like a girl when I screw you, and you're the more effeminate one in the relationship, 'ttebayo," offered Naruto.

Sasuke hit him.

"Naruto," said Naruko disapprovingly. "_Girls_ don't appreciate it when boys whistle at them; why would other _boys_ appreciate it? Especially a boy that has earned the illustrious title of Honorary Girl."

Naruto laughed a little.

"'Honorary Girl' is a _very_ accurate description," he said smirking.

"And then he bit my neck," griped the raven, rubbing the growing hickey and pointedly ignoring the twins' jibes at his acute lack of masculinity. "_Hard_."

Naruko looked at her brother sternly.

"Naruto?"

"I promise I'll play nice with the other children, Mother," said Naruto cheekily, with a wink at his boyfriend, who rolled his eyes, and then ducked as his sister grabbed the nearest small object –a hairbrush- and threw it at his head. "Not you too. It's bad enough having _two _people throw things at me."

"Just be glad I don't have my bow and arrows in hand yet," warned Naruko with a smirk, heading for the garage.

"I've shot a bow and arrow maybe twice in the course of my life," said Sasuke, "and it's not my weapon of choice."

"Naruko's the captain of the archery team at her school," said Naruto. "She's pretty damn good with a bow and arrow. She was actually good at it _before_ she joined the archery team… I remember when we were ten I pissed her off and she shot me in the foot while I was trying to get away from her." The blond winced. "It _still_ hurts when I think about it."

Sasuke snorted. "Serves you right…"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Just for that, when we get back I'm gonna-"

"Don't wanna hear it!" shouted Kiba from the next room over, the kitchen. "La la la la la!"

"I felt my maturity level drop by ten points listening to him just now," muttered Naruto.

"I didn't know you _had_ a maturity level," said Sasuke, raising his eyebrows in mock surprise.

Naruto growled and was about to jump his boyfriend, wrestle him down to the floor and do unspeakable pleasurable things to him when Kushina came out of the kitchen with a rifle slung over her shoulder.

"Come on, 'ttebane!" she snapped. "We're running out of food, so unless you want to go hungry tonight you'd better come help me get stuff to eat!"

"We'd better do it, or she'll go all Rambo up in here, 'ttebayo," murmured the blond. "Come on, temee…"

X333333333

"Wait, are we _all_ going?" said Kiba when he saw the other ten people in the small group of survivors. "Is that necessary?"

"Yes, it's necessary," Naruto responded, "because if we're not able to make it back here tonight then we don't want anyone to be left behind wondering what happened to us. Now, since we have only enough room in the Hummer for eight people max, even if we squeeze in, Sasuke and I are taking my motorcycle. We can scout ahead for any undead and warn you. We're gonna try and make this a quick get in and get out shopping trip, since we have no idea if there're zombies in the supermarket. Got it?"

"Got it," everyone else said.

"Good. Now let's go kick some zombie ass!"

"_Language_, 'ttebane!" growled Kushina.

"Thanks for ruining my moment, Mom," groaned Naruto. "I was going for dramatic."

"You missed dramatic by a _long_ shot, sweetie," Sasuke pointed out jokingly. "It ended up at cheesy."

The blond punched him lightly in the shoulder, smirking. "Shut up, temee."

X3333333333

"Hey, where the hell _are_ you?" snapped Kiba in Naruto's helmet, which was equipped with a headset.

"I'm up your ass, Inuzuka," the blond retorted sarcastically. He heard Sasuke's amused snort through the headset and felt his boyfriend's arms squeezing around his waist. "We're the recon, remember? We scout ahead."

"Well, we can't see you," said the brunet. "Where are you?"

The blond looked ahead for a landmark that Kiba would know.

"We're coming up on Ichiraku's Ramen," he said. "Holy shit, that's a_ lot_ of blood."

The door of the establishment hung open, almost torn off its hinges. There was congealed blood all over the glass and tracking out into the street. Naruto felt Sasuke starting to shake, even though the motorcycle was vibrating pretty hard, and squeezed the raven-haired teen's hand, rubbing it soothingly with his thumb.

"Just take a deep breath and look away, _koishii_," he said quietly.

"I'm right here, guys," said Kiba awkwardly. "Can you save the tender moments for when I'm _not_ listening?"

"Can you suck on my chocolate-covered _balls_, 'ttebayo?" retorted Naruto. "Anyway, there's a convenience store another two kilometers from Ichiraku's, and another three kilometers after that is the grocery store. The advantage of the grocery store is that it has a pharmacy, so we should go there. Hopefully they won't be out of painkillers, sleep aids, and whatever other meds we need, or be out of canned food."

"Well, we can't really stop you, since you're so far ahead of us anyways," said the brunet, "so go on. We'll catch up."

"All right," said Naruto. "Now get off the headset."

"Why?" said Kiba. "So you and Uchiha can have headset sex?"

"_Please_, sweetie," said Sasuke, and Naruto heard the smirk in his voice, though he could still feel the raven-haired teenager trembling a little. "If we _were_ going to do that we wouldn't _bother_ to tell you to get off; we would just _do_ it."

Naruto roared with laughter while Kiba gagged.

"You're a _pervert_, Uchiha," the brunet groaned. "I'm getting off before I projectile vomit all over this car." The click over the headset told the couple that he had made good on his last statement.

"_Really_, Sasuke?" snickered Naruto, pushing up his visor to wipe tears of mirth out of his eyes. "Way to get rid of him."

"No problem," came his boyfriend's voice, sounding like the raven-haired teen was trying not to laugh. "'Chocolate-covered balls?' _Really_, Naruto?"

"Shut up, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, grinning.

X333333333333

When they got to the supermarket there was barely anything in the parking lot. The scene put Sasuke in mind of one of those spaghetti westerns where the two cowboys were about to face off, minus the fact that Japan didn't have tumbleweeds, cacti, or deserts. The only things in the parking lot besides the two boys on the motorcycle were a few overturned shopping carts, and a lone Mitsubishi in which a nearly naked bloated female member of the undead horde scratched at the driver's side window.

"If I were a straight guy _I'd_ want me some of _that_," joked Naruto, trying to affect a light tone as he parked the motorcycle. His boyfriend wasn't fooled; he saw the blond's hands shaking slightly as he grabbed a sniper rifle from the back of the motorbike and turned off the safety and saw a slightly green tint in his skin. Still, he played along to keep the blond calm.

"Hey, mildly offended boyfriend right here," he said in a mock indignant tone, elbowing Naruto.

Said blond rolled his eyes and grinned.

"Trust me, Sasuke; you know I love _you_ more than anything. _No one_ could _ever_ replace you in my heart," he said gently, and the raven smiled a genuine smile, something extremely rare for him -at least before Naruto came along- even as a light blush spread across his pale face. He squeezed Naruto's hand.

"Come on," he said softly, walking toward the store.

As they neared, Naruto thought he saw shapes moving inside, and he pointed it out to Sasuke.

"Get ready," he said quietly, training his gun on the door.

Pushing the door open cautiously, the teens entered the store, weapons at the ready, on the lookout for any zombies.

"Fuck!" Naruto shouted suddenly, clutching his shoulder. When he took it away, there was blood on it and on his shirt. "Sonofabitch… Don't shoot, we're alive!" he called, training his gun on the area from whence the bullet had come.

After a minute, a tall muscular man came out from behind a shelf, still with a gun trained on Naruto. For a tense moment they sized each other up, and then lowered their weapons. Sasuke sighed in relief.

"Are you guys done chest-thumping and showing off your exorbitant testosterone levels?" he asked irritably, walking down the nearest aisle, which happened to be medical supplies, and grabbing a bunch of bandages and generic meds. "We have more _important_ shit to do this side of the jungle, Tarzan."

Both Naruto and the other guy looked at him incredulously, and he heard a snort from behind the shelf where the man had come out. Two other people came to join the large man: a guy with white hair and sharpened teeth, and a girl with shockingly red hair, red eyes, and glasses. Naruto eyed the newcomers warily.

"I've never seen you around town before, 'ttebayo," he said, "and I know almost everyone who lives here."

"Yeah, well, we got here a few days ago," said the tall guy. "We've been trying to find other survivors to hook up with, but we got waylaid by all the walkers and took refuge in here. We used to live in a house on the rural outskirts of Konoha."

Naruto wasn't completely convinced, but he put his doubt aside and put the safety lock on. Sasuke came back and wound the bandages around the blond's arm, tying it off tightly.

"Well, it's good to see that someone besides us and the people with us survived," the blond said. "I'm Naruto, and this is Sasuke-chan. What about you? Ouch!"

"I am _not_ a girl," snarled his boyfriend.

"I dunno," quipped Naruto, "you sounded pretty girlish when we were putting tab A in slot B last night. OWW!"

"Don't pay attention to him," the raven-haired teenager said coolly to the three onlookers, whose jaws had dropped. "We go over this all the time."

"Just for that," muttered Naruto, clutching his injured balls, "I _won't_ have sex with you for the foreseeable future." As was his intent, only Sasuke heard him.

"You wouldn't be _able_ to anyhow," retorted the raven in a hushed tone.

"Riiiight. I'm Juugo," replied the large man, "and this is Karin" –he indicated the red-haired bespectacled girl, who was trying to stem a nosebleed at the sight of the two incredibly hot boys who had just been fighting with each other in front of her- "and Suigetsu." The white-haired boy waved his hand lazily. "You said that there are other survivors with you?"

"Yeah," said Naruto, "they should be here any minute."

The screeching of tires was the only warning they had before the front end of the Humvee crashed through the glass store front, forcing them to dive out of the way. Karin screamed loudly, and Sasuke dragged Naruto backward down the aisle. The blond was cursing like a sailor.

"Son of a motherfucking shit-eating _bitch_, you could've _killed_ us, you dickheads!" he yelled as the car doors opened. "Whoever was behind that wheel I swear to fucking _God_ I'm gonna _kill_ 'em and then shoot 'em again when they _re-fucking-animate_, 'ttebayo!"

"I dunno _where_ you got that language, 'ttebane," shouted his mother angrily as she hopped out, "but you need to _can_ it!"

"Sorry, Naruto," said Kyuubi sheepishly, hopping out of the driver's side. "I didn't mean to- OUCH OUCH OUCH GET THE FUCK _OFF_ OF ME YOU PSYCHOTIC LITTLE MONKEY!" he yelled as Naruto leaped on him and started pistol-whipping him anywhere he could reach that wasn't his face.

"ALMOST KILLED BY MY OWN _BROTHER_!" roared the blond. "I _SWEAR TO GOD_ I'LL TAKE YOUR BABY-MAKER, CUT IT OFF, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS ALONG WITH MY _FOOT_, 'TTEBAYO!"

"He's going to _kill_ him!" shrieked Sayuri hysterically. "_Do_ something!"

Sasuke started to go over to pull Naruto off of his brother, but then suddenly Naruto and Kyuubi were three feet away from each other as Juugo pulled them apart.

"Come on, guys," he said softly, "fighting's not going to help anyone. Besides, we've got unwelcome company."

He was right; the combined noise of the Hummer and Naruto and Kyuubi's yelling and fighting had brought nearby zombies, and they were tromping through the parking lot, moaning their predatory moan. Sasuke facepalmed.

"You _idiots_!" he snarled at the two brothers, who backed away quickly, trying to get away from the anger radiating off of him. Two feet away from him, Naruko had the same murderous look on her face.

"If we survive this, I'm going to _kill_ you immature assholes," she snapped. "Get outta the way, Gaara!" she added as she knocked an arrow and let it fly, hitting one of the closer zombies in the center if its forehead, dropping it immediately.

"Where did my children learn such foul language, 'ttebane?" moaned Kushina. "Am I a bad parent?"

"Less talking, Mom," said the blonde girl, "and more zombie-killing."

"Forget that," said Sasuke, "just get back in the car; we can run them over!"

"_Touch__é_," Naruko conceded, shooting another zombie through the eyeball. "Everyone in the car!"

"Ne, what about Naruto's motorcycle?" Sasaki called over the din. "And what about that minivan that we saw in the parking lot?"

"We'll go over there, but get in the Hummer!" screamed the blonde-haired girl, and everyone raced for the Hummer and dived in, slamming the doors shut.

"Floor it, 'ttebayo!" Naruto yelled at Kyuubi.

"I figured as much, 'ttedana!" snarled his older brother, putting the car in reverse and stomping on the gas pedal. There was a satisfying crunch and splatter as they crushed walkers below the large SUV's treads.

"Uh, just so you know," said Naruto, "when we arrived there was a zombie in the minivan, and unless she was able to unbuckle herself and open the car door, which I doubt, she's still there. And she's mostly naked."

"No minivan, got it," said Gaara emotionlessly.

"Ew," said Kiba, becoming a pale shade of green.

"I thought you _liked _naked women, Kiba," Naruto said, smirking.

"I'm not screwing maggoty pussy!" said the brunet. "I'd rather turn gay or join a Buddhist monastery than tap that!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"We could arrange for you to join the Buddhist monastery easily," he said. " And you don't _turn_ gay; you're _born_ gay."

"I can see that," Kiba joked. "I mean, who would _choose_ to be gay when there's so much major boobage out there?"

Naruto and Sasuke both eyed him with disgust. He looked at the couple and sighed.

"C'mon, guys, are you telling me that neither of you have _any_ desire whatsoever to tap pussy or jerk off to the foldout page in the latest edition of _Playboy_?"

"Never have, never will," they chorused, linking hands.

"The crush I had on Haruno Sakura in fifth through seventh grade can be chalked up to temporary insanity and not having hit puberty yet," said Naruto. "I can't believe I _ever_ had a crush on someone like that. Once the hormones took over it was all dicks. So yeah, making sweet love to Sasuke is the closest I will _ever_ get to having sex with a girl."

Sasuke hit him hard, and the blond yelped, glaring at his boyfriend.

"Hey, we're coming up on your motor bike, Naruto," said Naruko. "We're going to stop, and you need to get out quickly. Good luck!" she yelled as the car stopped and Sasuke and Naruto jumped out and ran.

"We're gonna need it, 'ttebayo!" Naruto yelled back. He jumped on the front, Sasuke jumped on behind him, and they were off faster than anyone could blink.

"I've never seen Naruto move so fast," said Kyuubi, impressed.

"Well now you have," said Kiba, grinning like a madman. "I bet he and Uchiha are trying to get back home so they can have sex before we get back and hear it."

"Uh, dude, why're you so obsessed with what Sasuke and Naruto do in bed?" asked Sasaki. "Did you get dropped on your head as a kid or something?"

"He's secretly gay too," joked Kyuubi. "He's jealous because he wants some of the action, but he can't get it because Sasuke and Naruto don't share."

"As _if_, you pervert," snarled Kiba.

"You're so troublesome, Inuzuka," came Shikamaru's voice from the back, sounding a bit squished because Juugo was on top of him.

Karin's jaw fell open in shock.

"You mean, the hot guy with the dark hair that sticks up in the back… is _gay_! And _taken_! By _Blondie_!" She began to cry. "No fair; all the hot ones are either gay, taken, or _both_!"

Naruko sweatdropped, but the thoughts in her mind were quickly driven out as she watched Naruto make a wrong turn; he didn't turn back the way they'd come, but the opposite way. She snarled.

"What the _hell_ is that moron _doing_!" she yelled. "Kiba, give me the headset!" Wrenching it out of his hands, she jammed it on her head and turned it on.

"Naruto, where the _hell_ d'you think you're going!" she shrieked.

"Whaddya _mean_ where the hell do I think I'm going!" her twin brother shouted back. "Anyone with working eyes should be able to look down the street and figure out what I'm doing pretty damn _quickly_, 'ttebayo!"

"I don't see wha- HOLY _SHIT_!" Naruko cried.

Coming from the direction that they had taken to get to the grocery store was an army of the undead. There were so many of them that they formed an almost solid wall. Naruko gulped.

"All right, point taken," she said shakily. "What's plan B?"

"My place," Sasuke cut in. "The main entrance of the Uchiha compound is only a few blocks away; it shouldn't be difficult to get to it if there aren't too many obstacles."

"Your family has its own _compound_?" said Naruko faintly. "How many of you _are_ there!"

"A shitload," replied the raven-haired teenager sardonically. "It _does _make for easy travelling at family reunion time…"

The twins snickered.

"Our little Sasuke-chan is learning how to crack jokes that are actually _funny_!" Naruto laughed. "Ouch!" he added.

"What did he do?" asked Naruko.

"The bastard punched me in the head, 'ttebayo!" Naruto groaned comically.

"If you don't like it then stop making fun of me and calling me 'Sasuke-chan'," said Sasuke unapologetically. "Turn right," he added.

"Hey, what's the address?" said Naruko on a prompt from Kyuubi, who'd been listening closely to the banter.

"It's 198 Kohaku Road. Left, dobe."

Naruko relayed the info to Kyuubi, who wrote it down and handed it to Kushina. The red-haired woman began plugging the information into the GPS. In a few seconds the location popped up. Naruko gasped.

"_This _place?" she said in shock.

"Uhm, yeah," said Sasuke bemusedly, "if by 'this place' you are referring to the place where I live with the rest of my immediate and extended family. Why?"

"I'm dating a boy named Sai who lives there! He goes to an exclusive private boy's school in Kyoto! Of course, I haven't met his parents yet…"

Everyone in the car heard an audible groan from both boys.

"What?" snapped Naruko.

"That's my asshole cousin," explained Sasuke.

"By asshole he means _major_ asshole," Naruto put in. "Like, if Sasuke's got a tree up his ass, this guy's got the fucking _Empire State Building_ up his. Ouch!"

"Stop alluding to the tree that is supposedly up my ass or I won't let you remove it tonight and put something more pleasurable up there," snapped his boyfriend.

"Come on, no sexual innuendoes or flirting while we're running for our lives, and lay off my boyfriend HOLY _SHIT_ KYUUBI!" screamed Naruko as Kyuubi floored the gas pedal, nearly throwing her through the windshield.

"_Right turn on Main Street,"_ said the female GPS in a bland voice.

"KYUUBI I'M GONNA _KILL_ YOU!" Naruko shrieked angrily.

X3333333333

Yeah, um hi. I've been kinda busy lately, so I haven't had the time I usually do to post chapters, hence why this one is coming a week later than I had hoped... Did I ever tell anyone how much I hate getting set up for college? All the books to buy, and people to meet with, and student orientations... Ugh.

I think it's funny how even though it was so obvious that Sasuke was taken Karin was still shocked. She really is a dumb bitch who needs to get shot. I hate her so fucking much. Although I had quite a good laugh at her expense when I finished reading chapter 574. Seriously, she's _that_ obsessed over a guy who tried to _kill_ her? Even _Sakura_ is smarter than that, and I _hate_ Sakura! If Sakura's dumb, then Karin's dumber. No, screw that, she's _pathetic_.

Anyways, review, and please stay tuned for chapter ten! The big old one-oh! Yeah!

Karin: 8D SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Me: O.o …What the fuck?

Naruto: 0.0 Who let _her_ in?

Sasuke: -.- Great, now I won't get a moment of peace.

Me: :) Oh, I dunno about that. I think we can arrange for you to get your Zen back, if ever you had any to begin with.

Sasuke: o.o How?

Me: -Throws Karin off of a cliff- Taa-daa! 8)

Sasuke: -_- That wasn't the solution I would have used…

Me: -_- No, you Chidori-ed her through the heart the last time you two were together in the same vicinity. I actually applaud you for that, and I only wish Sakura had let the whiny stupid obsessed little bitch die.

Naruto: ^.^ Why do you hate Karin so much?

Me: :( She gives a bad name to women everywhere. She's a complete slut. And it's quite obvious that Sasuke isn't interested in her, but she still insists on hanging off of him.

Sasuke: o.O Wow, tell us how you _really_ feel, why don't you? And since you put it that way, I kind of wish Sakura _had_ let Karin die.

Me: I'm glad you see it my way. Review! :D


	10. Comatose

**Chapter 10: Comatose**

"Right there!" Sasuke said to Naruto over the headset. "The entrance is two blocks down that street- WATCH OUT, NARUTO!"

The blond teenager saw the roadblock, but he knew it was too late to slow down properly. Turning his bike sideways, he slammed on the breaks, and the bike stopped so suddenly that they were both were thrown from it. Naruto's hands were wrenched from the handlebars, and the momentum with which he flew off sent the bike into a spin. Both boys slammed into the concrete barrier, and their helmets were knocked off by the impact. Naruto felt bones breaking and gritted his teeth against the sharp pain, even as he tasted the blood in his mouth.

'_This is how it ends,' _he thought wryly. _'I always thought I'd go out in a burst of glory, saving a baby from a burning building or something, not in a freaking motorcycle accident…'_

"Naruto?" called Sasuke from off to his left, and he looked up just in time to see the raven-haired teenager standing up and limping toward him and then getting thrown as the heavy bike crashed into him. He slammed back into the concrete barrier with a cut-off cry of pain and then dropped like a stone, bleeding from the head.

"Guys, what's going on!" Naruko was yelling from the headset in his helmet, which was lying on the ground beside him. "Naruto-nii-san! Sasuke-chan! One of you _answer_ me!"

Naruto ignored his twin, crawling toward Sasuke's inert form and turning him over. The pain just from those two simple actions was intense, and he fell over with a yell of agony, but he managed to hold on to consciousness. Grabbing the smaller teenager's wrist, he checked for a pulse and found it, although it was weak. Breathing a shaky sigh of relief, he crawled slowly back to his helmet and put it on with a hiss of pain.

"Naru-nii!" Naruko cried.

"Don't yell so loud, sis," said the blond teenager, wincing as he crawled back over to Sasuke and set his boyfriend's head carefully in his lap. "You're making my head hurt more. We just ran into a concrete barrier two blocks from the compound. We got thrown off, and then Sasuke got hit by the bike when it rolled. He's alive but unconscious, and I dunno how badly hurt he is. As for me, I've got a concussion, a broken leg and at least three broken ribs. Hurry up," he added nervously as a loud collective moan went up from the zombies chasing them. "I dunno how far away the undead army is."

He heard Naruko relaying what he'd just told her to the rest of the car, but it sounded very far away, as opposed to right in his ear, and he knew that he was losing consciousness.

"Naruto, baby!" said a new voice, the voice of Uzumaki Kushina. "Where are you!"

"You're almost here," said the blond faintly, hearing the roaring of the Hummer's engine getting closer. "Imma sleep…"

"NO!" shouted Kushina. "Don't you _dare_ fall asleep! Stay awake! We're almost there, sweetie!"

At that moment, the Hummer rounded the corner and skidded to a stop a few feet away from the seriously injured couple. Car doors opened, and someone pulled the helmet off of Naruto. He looked blearily into the scared and concerned eyes of his mother, siblings, and best friend.

"How the _hell_ did you manage to keep your helmet on?" asked Kiba.

"I didn't," replied Naruto groggily. "We both lost them when we got thrown off. I grabbed mine after the fact."

"Come on, get them into the car!" yelled Juugo from the other side of the Hummer. "We've got company!"

"Can you walk, Naruto?" asked Kyuubi.

"Leg broken," said Naruto, hissing in pain. "Feel like I'm gonna pass out…"

He felt a lack of pressure on his lap as Kushina picked Sasuke up and carefully moved to the Hummer, where she gently laid him out on the back seat. Naruto was picked up by Kyuubi, taken to the car, and deposited on the passenger's seat in the front. His older brother started to close the door, but he stopped him.

"Gimme a gun," he said quietly.

"Are you _insane_?" said Kyuubi. "In _your_ state? No fucking _way_ am I letting you touch a gun!"

With a burst of strength, Naruto grabbed the neck of his brother's T-shirt.

"Gimme my fucking rifle, 'ttebayo," he snarled, wincing at the pain. He coughed, and blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He must have punctured a lung or something.

"Okay, okay!" said the redheaded man, grabbing Naruto's sniper rifle, which had miraculously been undamaged in the crash, and handing it to him. The blond teenager cocked the gun and lined his sights up on a large zombie's forehead.

"Move!" he shouted with all the strength he could muster, and then fired. The zombie dropped. Kyuubi turned to him indignantly.

"Why'd I have to carry you, you bastard?" he yelled.

"Because my leg's _broken_, dumbfuck," spat Naruto, trying to blink away the darkness at the edges of his vision. "We need help; there're too many!"

At that moment, a small ovular object flew over the concrete barrier that Naruto and Sasuke had crashed into only minutes before. It landed in the middle of the zombie horde, and with a loud boom body parts flew everywhere. Suigetsu and Juugo, who were the closest to the zombies, were splattered in congealed blood. Karin screamed.

"We're going to die!" she yelled hysterically, running toward the Hummer.

With a loud grumbling noise, a gate that hadn't been in the concrete wall before opened up, and a dark-haired woman dressed from head to toe in black waved them through. Kushina jumped in the driver's side and drove through the gate. She was closely followed by the others, and the gate boomed closed behind them.

"Is anyone bitten!" barked the female, training a power rifle on the group. "Everyone in the car get out!"

"We have two injured boys in the car!" cried Kushina. "They can't be moved!"

"No, Mom," said Naruto, fighting through the pain, "I'll get out…"

He slid down carefully, but the second he did both legs gave out beneath him, and with a cry of pain he went down. He only heard the cries of alarm from a distance, and then he knew no more.

X3333333333333333

_Three days later..._

"Whaddya _mean_, it's _my_ little brother's fault that _your_ little brother is lying unconscious in bed?" snarled Kyuubi, poking Itachi in the chest with his finger. "If _you_ hadn't put up that big-ass concrete barrier Naruto and Sasuke might not have run into it _in the first place_!"

"Maybe _your_ brother shouldn't have been _going so fast_!" the raven-haired man spat.

"We had a _horde_ of zombies after us, 'ttedana!" shouted his red-haired counterpart. "Would you rather have us going fast or would you have us all get turned into flesh-eating monsters!"

"Shut up, _both_ of you!" snapped Naruko, slapping both men in the face. "You might wake them up!"

Itachi looked shocked, as if no woman had ever hit him before. The look on his face sent Kyuubi into gales of laughter, which stopped only when Naruko kicked him in the crotch, turning his tears of laughter into tears of pain.

"I _told_ you to shut _up_, you no-good sorry excuse for an older brother!" she hissed. "What happened to Naru-nii and Sasuke-chan was a horrible accident. The Uchiha clan had no idea that there were any more survivors out there, and none of us had any idea there was a barrier between us and the Uchiha compound! Leave it at that! This case is officially _closed_!"

Just then there was a thump and a cry of pain from inside the room where Sasuke and Naruto had been put. Rushing in, the three found the latter of the boys on the floor, trying to pull himself back up.

"Naruto!" Naruko whispered urgently, hurrying to her twin's side. "What happened?"

Naruto ignored her. His eyes darted around wildly.

"Where're the zombies?" he yelled hysterically, backing up until his body was pressed against his boyfriend's bed. "Don't let them hurt Sasuke!"

"Hey, hey, hey," soothed Kyuubi, placing a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. "It's fine. You're both safe now. We're inside the main house of the Uchiha compound. You and Sasuke both got hurt pretty badly though, and you really should be resting."

Naruto seemed to calm down for a moment, and then he sank to the floor with a groan.

"How long has it been?" he queried.

"Three days," responded Naruko.

"How bad is it?" he asked, gritting his teeth against the pain.

'Well, you've got a broken leg, a mild concussion, five broken ribs, a sprained wrist, and numerous cuts and bruises," said Naruko, but Naruto was shaking his head impatiently.

"I wasn't talking about _me_!" he snapped. "I don't care about how badly _I_ got hurt! How bad is _Sasuke_!"

"Why do you care so much about my brother?" asked Itachi, looming over the blond.

"I thought Kyuubi might've told you already, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, nonplussed. "I'm Sasuke's boyfriend. We've been together for almost a week."

The look on Itachi's face was priceless.

"_Nani_?"

"Never mind, 'ttedana," Kyuubi interjected quickly before the raven-haired man could get a word in edgewise. "It's pretty bad. He's got a moderate concussion, right leg broken and one sprained wrist, and the lower right part of his ribcage caved in. There was some serious internal bleeding, but the doctor managed to stop it and set his ribs. He's obviously still unconscious though. You're both lucky you're still alive."

Naruto ignored that last part. Dragging himself up by way of Sasuke's bedpost, he limped to the head of the bed and gazed down at his boyfriend.

An oxygen mask covered the lower part of the raven-haired teenager's face, and a bandage was on his left cheek, but he still looked beautiful. Farther down, IVs went into his arms, injecting plasma, nutrients, and meds directly into his bloodstream. Naruto sank down to the floor and took one pale, effeminate hand in his own, cupping it between his own tan appendages.

"Please, Sasuke," he begged the inert form before him, tears in his eyes, "wake up… I love you… I love you, temee…"

"Let's leave them alone," said Naruko quietly, pushing Itachi and Kyuubi out and closing the door behind her, drowning out the sound of Naruto's sobs. Immediately Kyuubi turned to Itachi.

"Do you mean to tell me you seriously had _no idea_ that your brother was gay?" he asked incredulously.

"No," said Itachi, "he told me four years ago, and I'd kind of figured even before then, what with his fascination with dolls and make-up and Lady Gaga and the way he called people 'sweetie' all the time even back then. It's just that he's never brought home a boyfriend before."

"Never!" said Kyuubi, shocked. Then he shook his head. "Whatever. Is there something bad about that?"

"Not in my point of view, and Mom would be fine with it if she were still alive," said the black-haired man, "but if Father finds out he'll disown Sasuke."

"Not very accepting?"

"Not very accepting _at all_," agreed Itachi with a sigh. "So Father can't find out. Do you hear me? I told him I was bisexual and he was _murderous_. The only thing that stopped him from killing me or disowning me was that Mom was there; she told him that he had better not do anything or she would take me, Sasuke, and the dogs and divorce him. Imagine what he would do to Sasuke for being gay if he was that worked up over me being _bi_."

"Hey, I got you loud and clear the first time," said the redhead, putting his hands up defensively. "I'm not telling anyone. I didn't know you were bi…"

"Well, we've never really talked much before this, _have_ we?" said Itachi coolly. "And when we did you weren't really being sociable."

"_I _wasn't being sociable?" said Kyuubi indignantly. "_I_ am _extremely _sociable, 'ttedana! _You're _the introvert!"

"Well excuse _me_, Mr. Social Butterfly," said the raven-haired man, rolling his eyes.

"YOU'RE AWAKE!" came a loud cry from the room, making everyone jump. "OH MY GOD I WAS SO _WORRIED_!"

"_Itai_… N-Naruto… g'offa meh…"

"Sorry…"

Kyuubi and Naruko ran in, followed by Itachi, startling Naruto so badly that he jumped a foot in the air and landed on his bad leg with a yell.

"Fuck!" he snapped. "Could you guys _not_ scare the living crap outta me, 'ttebayo?"

"Hey, Nii-san," mumbled Sasuke weakly. "Ouch!" he gasped as Itachi hugged him fiercely. "N-nii-san, tha' h-hurt…"

"Don't _ever _do that again!" Itachi yelled. "You had me scared to _death_, you smug little bastard!"

Despite not being able to move much, Sasuke glowered at his brother.

"Though' ah toldja t' stop callen meh that," he slurred… The painkillers were still running through his system, and he was extremely tired despite having been unconscious for three days.

"Your brother's nickname for you is 'you smug little bastard'?" said Naruto, looking like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"On'y when 'e's mad a' me," growled the raven-haired teen. "Y'laugh, N'r'to, an' I _swear _when I get th' use of my legs back imma kill you painfully."

Naruto burst out laughing anyways, which put a strain on his newly set ribs.

"Hahaha, oh ouch! Hahaha, it's so hard to take you seriously when you're slurring your words like a drunk! 'Smug little bastard'… Ow!" Naruto roared with laughter. Sasuke sighed in resignation.

"Dunno why th' hell we're lovers," he muttered peevishly. "Dobe annoys th' fuck outta meh halfa th' time…"

"Because you love me, temee," gasped Naruto, wiping tears of mirth out of his eyes.

"Th' question though ish _why_…"

"What the hell is going _on_ in here!" yelled Kushina, running in, followed by Fugaku.

"Sasuke woke up, 'ttebayo!" said Naruto, still wiping the residue of his laughing fit off of his face.

"And that's why you're laughing like a maniac, 'ttebane?"

"Nope, I just found out that his nickname from Itachi is 'you smug little bastard,'" said Naruto, and he was off again.

"It's not that funny," said Itachi, Naruko, and Sasuke at the same time.

"I think he's just relieved, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi. "Like I said, he'll wear out eventually."

X333333333333333333

Hey! Yeah, this is chapter ten! Hopefully it's okay despite being somewhat short...

Why it is that Naruto chooses stupid moments to burst into maniacal laughter in this story, the world may never know. Why it is that in the actual series Sasuke seems to get batshit crazier every time he reappears, we can speculate. Me, I speculate that he didn't take his anti-psychotic pills in the morning. All this talk about revenge and shit and his "I-will-destroy-everything" mentality is getting seriously annoying. I just want him and Naruto to meet up, beat the shit out of each other, then have makeup sex and go back to Konoha and have a few kids and Naruto can be the hokage and Sasuke can be the stay-at-home wifey character. XD

As if. That will never happen. And I'm kidding about having a few kids… I can't stand m-preg most of the time. I mean, come _on_! Although the way Sasuke bitches all the time he could very well be preggers… XD

Sasuke: :( I'm not _pregnant_!

Me: -_- Says you. What the science says, I'm not so sure. 8)

Sasuke: :( It's scientifically impossible for a guy to get pregnant!

Me: o.O What about that guy a few years back who got preggers?

Sasuke: #-_- He was a hermaphrodite or something! I'm not!

Me: ^.^ You sure? 8)

Sasuke: -Tearing his hair out- Argh, you infuriate me so much… #*_*

Me: 8) I infuriate a lot of people. Like my mom. She frequently gets angry with me. I've given her a lot of gray hairs in my almost twenty years of life. She's fifty now, and she looks it. Why? It's all because of the little bitch standing in front of you. –Smirking-

Sasuke: o.o That's not a good thing. Why are you grinning about it? And why do you still live at home?

Me: ...Because I'm a douchebag with no fucking money. 8D Get over it and review people!


	11. Here in My Room

**Chapter 11: Here in my Room**

_Two weeks later…_

"Hey, guys, the parents are coming!" hissed Kyuubi from outside the door. "Whatever you're doing in there stop it!"

"We can't, 'ttebayo!" said Naruto. "We're in the middle of something!"

"Surely you can stop!"

"Kyuubi, what are you doing standing outside the door like a stalker, 'ttebane?!"

"Uhh…"

"Shit," Sasuke groaned, looking up just as the door banged open.

Uzumaki Kushina came in, followed by Uchiha Fugaku. They both stopped dead.

"What the hell are you _doing_!?" they said in tandem.

The two boys looked at them.

"What?" asked Naruto innocently. "Is there something wrong with Sasuke teaching me how to play Texas Hold-'em?"

"It's a gambling game!" said Fugaku. "Something played in casinos! Not for respectable people to be playing!"

"It doesn't _always_ involve money," said the raven-haired teen, trying to placate his father. "Besides, you can only play so many games of Uno Attack and Battleship before you want to go shoot yourself out of boredom."

"Why couldn't you boys play Go Fish, or War, or Twenty-One?" suggested Kushina.

"We've already played those _numerous_ times, 'ttebayo," said Naruto nonchalantly. "Besides, you didn't see a problem with Kyuubi teaching me how to play Rummy. That's a gambling game…"

"Kyuubi, you irresponsible, horrible excuse for a respectable adult!" yelled Kushina. "You've been teaching your brother _gambling games_!?"

"You can turn _any_ card game into a gambling game with very little imagination, Mom," said Kyuubi, standing in the doorway. "You taught me Hearts and Black Jack!"

Stymied, Kushina stormed out of the room, muttering something about ungrateful children and "boys and their games." The four males in the room looked after her, eyebrows raised.

"I don't see anything wrong with Rummy," muttered Fugaku, walking out.

"What was _that_ about?" asked Itachi, walking in a few seconds after his father got out.

"Something about how all card games are gambling games," said Naruto. "I stopped paying close attention after your dad said something about respectable people. Respectable people bore me."

Sasuke punched his boyfriend hard with his good hand.

"Show some respect for my father, dobe," he sneered, and then growled in frustration. "Goddammit, I _hate_ being stuck in bed! And the area under the cast is _so fucking itchy_!"

"Maybe you should get Naruto to scratch it for you," Kyuubi quipped, winking pervertedly. "Ouch!" he shouted as Naruto took one of his crutches and whacked him in the crotch with it.

"Get the hell out of our sex life, Nii-san," the blond snapped. "Especially as it seems we've got a better one than _you_ do. How was your toothbrush last night?"

Itachi and Sasuke looked at the blond with their mouths hanging slightly open, then at Kyuubi, who was turning beet red with anger and embarrassment, and then burst out laughing. Kyuubi snarled.

"If you weren't already a cripple," he yelled at Naruto, "I'd come over there and _neuter_ you!"

"Hey hey hey, hands _off _my cajones, 'ttebayo!" said Naruto defensively, hands over his aforementioned appendages. "I _need_ those! At least I get action! Your toothbrush doesn't count!"

"For your information," said Kyuubi haughtily, "I'm the fuck_er_, not the fuck_ee_."

"Wait, are you gay too?" asked Itachi, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, even though he was still chuckling.

"No, I'm bi like you, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi. "Why, you wanna see some of this?" He started taking off his shirt, but Naruto threw his other crutch at him, and at the same time Sasuke took his alarm clock from the bedside table and threw that. The two items hit the redhead at the same time, and he fell to the floor, howling in pain.

"Well," said Itachi, smirking, "I guess the answer is a unanimous and resounding no. This case is closed. Well done, detectives."

Naruto saluted, and Sasuke smirked.

"At least until tonight," said Kyuubi, winking.

"What happens tonight?" asked Naruto curiously.

"Ah yes," Itachi said. "We _did_ have an appointment, didn't we?" He directed a sadistically lustful look at Kyuubi. "My room, eight o'clock, Namikaze. Don't be late. And bring the lube."

There was a long silence.

"That is _disgusting_, Kyuu-nii," stated Naruto.

"Naruto, unhook my lamp," groaned Sasuke.

"Throw _anything_ at me, my dear fool of a little brother," said Itachi serenely, "and I will find the _personal_ pleasure in sadistically torturing you with Britney Spears, Ke$ha, and Beyoncé until the end of time."

The raven-haired teenager paled.

"_Anything_ but that," he pleaded. "_Anything_ but the musical equivalent of the Axis of Evil…"

"I was kidding anyhow."

"Like hell you were," said Naruto, grinning. "I've seen you looking at Kyuu-nii's ass when you think no one else is looking. I think you're trying to imagine what it would feel like to be on the end of his dick."

Itachi blushed and snarled at the blond, but he just smiled innocently. Sasuke tried not to laugh at his older brother's flustered attitude.

"Are you idiots done?" said a bored voice from the doorway, and the males turned around to see Naruko tapping her foot and leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed.

"Yes, we're done."

"Great, because Dad just showed up at the front gate."

The effect that those simple words had on her brothers was galvanizing. Kyuubi jumped up, and Naruto tried but fell out of his chair with a loud thud and a snarled "sonofabitch!"

"Dad?" said Kyuubi, his face pale. "As in, mayor of Konoha Namikaze Minato Dad?"

"Do we _have_ another father?" asked Naruko irritably. "_Yes_, idiot!"

"Holy shit!" said Naruto, grabbing for his crutches, but his brother got to them first and held them out of his reach.

"Are you gonna hit me with them again?" he asked.

"I will if you don't give them back, 'ttebayo!" snarled the blond.

"But if you don't have them, then how can you do that, 'ttedana?" asked Kyuubi.

"I'll tackle you and then grab them and beat the shit out of you afterwards."

"Wrong response, little bro," replied his brother, grinning sadistically. "OW!" he yelled as for the second time in five minutes a long appendage connected with his crotch, namely Naruko's foot.

"Give Naru-nii his crutches or I will beat you so far down into the ground that you'll have to use a hundred-meter-long rope to get back up," she threatened.

"I'm gonna get killed by my siblings, 'ttedana," Kyuubi sobbed to Itachi as he gave Naruto his crutches. Then they all got out of the room as quickly as they could, leaving the two Uchihas behind. Sasuke took this time to grab his inhaler and take a few puffs from the small device; he still couldn't catch his breath after the laughing fit.

After a moment, Itachi came over and took the seat that Naruto had so recently vacated.

"It's still warm," he said with a straight face.

"I swear," muttered his younger brother, "hanging around Naruto's sad excuse for an older brother is dropping your IQ."

"What, and dating Naruto doesn't drop _yours_?"

"My IQ was already low to begin with," joked the raven-haired teen.

"Well, at least you've finally admitted it," murmured Itachi.

"You know, the idea of suffering through your idea of good music doesn't sound so bad anymore when I think about you rolling on the floor in pain like Kyuubi was just doing," griped his younger brother. "You are an _asshole_."

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"So how is the recovery going?" he asked, his voice taking on a more serious tone.

"Sometimes I feel extremely dizzy, and that usually prefaces a full-blown migraine," replied the younger Uchiha, "but it's getting better. Still can't be the fucker or the fuckee, as Kyuubi so eloquently put it…"

"Too much information," said Itachi, shuddering. "Focus, Sasuke. You _do_ remember what almost happened when Father found out I was bisexual, right?"

"Please," said the raven, "how could I _forget_? First he got most prized _katana_ from the wall and told you to get the hell off his property, that he wouldn't have that kind of unnaturalness in the Uchiha clan, and then he threatened to disown you, and then Mom came in and they got into a huge fight that almost started World War III, which climaxed in her threatening to take you, me, Yuki, Hime, and the stuff she'd brought along to their marriage and divorce his sorry ass. Then he called Shisui and excommunicated him from the clan and sent him off to the United States. He calmed down after that if I recall correctly…"

Itachi sweatdropped.

"How the hell can you _remember_ all of that?" he asked incredulously. "You were only eight!"

"I have a photographic memory, remember?" said Sasuke, tapping his temple with the fingertips of his good hand. "So if this is about me coming out to Father about being gay and in a relationship with Naruto, I'm not doing that until Naruto and I have at least the Sea of Japan between us and him. Or at least until I'm fully healed."

"Well, at least I know my foolish little brother isn't suicidal," joked the raven-haired man.

"Hey," rejoined the aforementioned little brother, "foolish doesn't necessarily equate to being suicidal."

Just then a loud racket erupted from the end of the hall: a cacophony of screaming and yelling, followed by the sound of something metallic dropping. Both brothers jumped, and Itachi grabbed a gun and ran to the door.

"Itachi, what the _hell_ is happening?" Sasuke yelled frantically.

Itachi looked down the hall for a minute and then his shoulders sagged.

"It's the mayor. And it looks like your boyfriend has reverted to a two-year-old mentality."

"'Reverted to'?" said Sasuke, raising an eyebrow. "He's _always_ been like that, even before we started dating."

"Naruto… Naruko… Get off of me… And Kyuubi, explain why the hell your younger brother is on crutches with a cast on his leg."

Just then a red streak flashed by the door, and there was a loud thump.

"MINATO YOU BASTARD! I WAS SO _WORRIED_, 'TTEBANE!"

"Hey, Kushina, don't do that; I've already got the twins hanging off of me like I'm their personal jungle gym again… Kind of like they did when they were two."

Itachi snorted.

"The imagery that puts in my head is extremely overblown. It reminds me of the way you used to hang on to Mother whenever she got home from work… Uh, Sasuke? Are you okay?"

Sasuke's eyes were hidden by his bangs, but Itachi didn't miss the lone tear.

"Sometimes it's not fair how the world works," he said, a slight tremor coloring his voice. "Naruto's family is together and alive, and this family couldn't even keep it together in the best of times. Forget about it now, because Mom's dead."

"Hey, it's not your fault that Mother's dead," said Itachi, taking a seat on his brother's bed and putting his hand over the smaller, paler one.

"Yes it is!" yelled Sasuke, facing his brother. "The day that she died, Naruto went to the city hall to figure out what happened to his parents. I don't blame him; I wanted to do the same thing. So Kyuubi, Naruko, Inuzuka Kiba and I went to go get him back. Maybe if I'd waited until we were all the way up the stairs to greet Mom, it wouldn't have happened. But she ran down the stairs, and she got bitten." Tears slid quickly down his face. "_She died in my fucking __arms__, Itachi._ And then I had to run her through when she came back!" He completely broke down.

Itachi held his little brother, horrified and guilt-ridden. He couldn't have known, but he wished he had been there so that maybe Sasuke wouldn't have been subjected to the trauma of having to kill their mother. He wished he could take it all away.

Sasuke was right. It wasn't fair.

X333333333333333

Me: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW –doing my special review dance- 8D

Sasuke, Naruto: D WE GET IT! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!

Sasuke: #-_- And stop jumping around and clucking like a retarded chicken!

Me: 8D -Giggles- Yer nekkid… -points down-

Sasuke: #-_- That's because you interrupted us in the middle of something.

Naruto: #-_- Dammit, it's gone down…

Sasuke: :( Fuck! It's going to take _forever_ to get it back up…

Me: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW –Doing my special review dance with my fingers in my ears- 8D

Sasuke, Naruto: D8 SHUT UP!

Me: 8) Have you ever noticed that if you write a word enough times it starts to look really weird?

Sasuke: -Facepalms- You're an idiot. -_-

Me: -Mimicking- You're an idiot. 8)

Sasuke: Really? #-_-

Me: -Mimicking- Really? 8)

Sasuke: -Sighs- I am an annoying douchebag with no life. -_-

Me: Wow, you actually admitted it… 8D AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WIN, SUCKER! –Does my victory dance, which is really the same as my special review dance, except with more chicken noises-

Sasuke: -Veins throbbing in his forehead- #-_- I'm going to kill her. I really am.

Naruto: Can I help you? -.-

Me: 8) If you do that, then I can't finish the story.

Naruto: :( Dammit…

Me: I WIN! AGAIN! 8D –More victory dance-

Sasuke: #-_- Way to go, usuratonkachi.

Naruto: -Sheepishly- Sorry… ^.^'

Me: I'm also not even half done with the story, I don't think, so you still have to endure my craziness and immaturity if you want to finish this story! So review! 8D

Sasuke: -Facepalms- #-_-


	12. Everything's Ruined

**Chapter 12: Everything's Ruined**

A month later, the first snow came. It blanketed everything in clean white fluff, including the zombies that were safely outside the barrier around the Uchiha compound. This didn't stop the zombies from moving around; it just made their movements slower than they already were, for which everyone inside the compound was grateful, as it made it easier for them to get what they needed done whenever they had to go outside the barrier.

Inside the compound, life went on. Birthdays were celebrated, and a modicum of education was attempted, though it was less traditional education and more how to hold and use different types of weapons. Kyuubi had braved the zombie hoards and gone back to the Uzumaki-Namikaze household to grab clothes, since Naruto was borrowing Itachi's clothes, Kyuubi was sharing Fugaku's clothing, and Naruko was wearing Mikoto's old clothes, which made for an incredibly awkward vibe between her and the Uchihas, especially Sasuke. Everyone was incredibly happy when he brought the contents of their closets back.

Naruko was sleeping on the couch in the den, since Kushina and Minato had the only guest bedroom and they were unwilling to let her sleep at Sai's house. Naruto and Kyuubi, obviously, were spoken for. Naruto, now off of his crutches, was being given lessons in how to properly hold and wield a sword. Sasuke, finally out of bed after the accident a month and a half ago and almost off crutches, went down to the _dojo_ every day to watch him and either encourage him or laugh at his foolish missteps.

"Come on, dobe," he said, smirking, "what was _that_? Itachi sucks at wielding a _katana_, but he's doing better than _you_!"

The blond growled as he clumsily parried an attack from the elder Uchiha brother.

"One more time, dattebayo," he said, waving the _katana_ threateningly, "and I'll take this and shove it up your ass and leave it there."

"I thought you said there was already something there," rejoined the raven-haired teenager.

"There _is_," Naruto replied, "but I could always remove it and put this in its place."

"Please," sighed Itachi, "no one wants to know about your sex life together."

"And _we_ don't want to know about _yours_," Sasuke retorted. "How was your time with Kyuubi last night? Oh wait, I don't need to ask, _because your voice carried all the way down the hallway to where Naruto and I were trying to sleep_. You two are _disgusting_."

Naruto gagged by way of emphasis, and then winced as he parried a particularly vicious attack from Itachi.

"Not so _hard_, dattebayo!" he whined. "That almost sprained my wrist!"

"Get over it, Princess," Itachi smirked.

"Don't be a hypocrite, asshole," said Kyuubi lazily, strolling in and sliding the door shut behind him. "Heck knows you look more like a girl than Naruto does. You _sound_ more like a girl too, 'ttedana. Especially when I've got my rock hard dick up your skinny ass."

Itachi reddened and glared at his red-haired lover.

"Not in front of the kid brothers," he said through gritted teeth, while Naruto rolled on the floor, shaking with laughter, and Sasuke tried to turn his laughter into a violent coughing fit.

"Heck knows _they_ know more about it than _we_ do, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi slyly. "Why're _you_ laughing, Sasuke-_chan_? You sound like Itachi when Naruto's got you lying down and fucking you into the mattress. I think you Uchiha boys are just natural-born _uke_."

Sasuke stopped laughing and glared at Kyuubi murderously, but the redhead just grinned. Naruto laughed harder at the priceless look on his boyfriend's face, while Itachi tried to hide a smirk at the redness creeping onto his little brother's pale cheeks.

"'Natural-born _uke_', you say, Namikaze? The last boyfriend that I had, when I was thirteen, told me that I was an exceptional _seme_, and my last girlfriend told me the same thing. Maybe I should demonstrate my abilities for you sometime. Pay attention, Naruto," he added, hitting Naruto in the side with the blunt edge of his sword so as not to hurt him too badly. The blond jumped and winced, rubbing his side.

"Can I beat your bastard brother into a pulp? May I, please?" he asked his boyfriend.

"'Can I' and 'may I' are two different questions, dobe," said Sasuke. "Yes you _may_ beat my brother into a pulp, because I'm finding him to be just as annoying as you do at the moment. However, I doubt you _can_ do it, since he's faster than you are anyways, even with the grace of a steamroller. You move like a freaking turtle."

Naruto took off one of his _geta_ and threw it at Sasuke, who ducked. The shoe flew harmlessly over his head, knocking over a silk painting on the wall, and then rebounded, hitting him in the back of the head. His boyfriend laughed.

"Gotcha, temee!" he crowed victoriously.

"That's _it_," Sasuke snarled. "I swear to fucking _God_ I will jump you and pound you into a pulp the first chance I get once I get the full use of my leg back."

"You won't _get_ a chance, Sasuke dearest," said Naruto, grinning cheekily. "We both know who _gives_ the hot and kinky sex and who _gets_ it."

"And we both know who can_ withhold_ said hot and kinky sex if you're being an asshole," said his raven-haired boyfriend smugly. "Never thought of that, did you, sweetie?"

Naruto pouted, but shut up.

"He's got you _pussy-whipped_, 'ttedana!" crowed Kyuubi, dancing around like a maniac.

"I'm sure I misunderstood him, Naruto," said Sasuke conversationally. "Did he just infer that I have a woman's genitalia?"

"I think so," replied the blond. "I give you full rights to abuse him in any way you see fit, short of castration and murder. He needs his dick for what he and your brother do every night."

"It's not _every_ night," said Itachi in a dignified voice. "It's every _other_ night."

"Well _excuse_ _me_, 'ttebayo," said Naruto sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Footsteps were the only warning they had before the door slid open behind Kyuubi, and Fugaku and Minato walked in.

"Why is there more talking than the sound of swords clashing?" said Fugaku, raising his eyebrow in the way that Naruto had become accustomed to seeing from his boyfriend.

"We were-" Itachi tried to say, but his father cut him off.

"Naruto?" he said, looking at the blond teenager.

"Well, we were resting," said Naruto, aware of Itachi's changed demeanor. His shoulders had now slumped a little, though his facial expression remained the same. Perplexed, he looked to Sasuke for an explanation. The raven-haired teen just shook his head and mouthed "some other time."

"Well, rest time is over," the muscular raven-haired man barked, before storming out. Minato, who remained behind, gave them all an apologetic smile.

"There have been problems on the perimeter," he said by way of explanation, before walking out.

"Ne, I haven't heard of any problems on the perimeter," said Naruto, raising an eyebrow. "What's he talking about, 'ttebayo?"

"He's not talking about zombies, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi grimly. "There's been a lot of discontent among the people who are out there twenty-four-seven. There're so few people inside the barrier that those guarding it are spread thin, and they sometimes go without rest for two days. It's getting colder out there, too, so people are starting to complain about that."

"Why don't they have a guard rotation then?" asked Naruto.

"They do," said Itachi, "but the people in here also have their immediate families to worry about, along with illness and injury. That's why we're training."

"Well, I'm going," said Kyuubi. He made to leave the opposite way from whence he'd come in, but the second he opened the sliding door, two people tumbled in with a loud cry of surprise.

Namely, Uzumaki Naruko and Uchiha Sai tumbled in with a loud cry of surprise. Apparently they hadn't counted on anyone coming out any time soon, so they had decided to have some fun while they waited to use the dojo to spar. Sai had Naruko's _haori_ half-off, and was kissing her neck and cupping her exposed breasts. Naruko's hands were moving toward Sai's _hakama_. The look on Kyuubi's face was priceless, as were the reactions on Sai and Naruko's faces.

For one awkward moment, everyone looked at each other, not sure what they should do, and then…

"WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU DOING TO MY _SISTER_, YOU PUNK!?" roared Kyuubi, lunging at Sai.

"Kyuu-nii, that's my _boyfriend_!" squealed Naruko, trying to stop Kyuubi from throttling the pale boy, who had a bemused smile on his face. "_Naruto, help me_!"

Naruto was just taking in the scene before him as if he didn't know what to make of it, and a few feet away Sasuke and Itachi were doing the same.

"Naruko," he asked finally, "why in the _hell _were you about to have _sex_, with _Sai_, in an area accessible to the general public?"

"We weren't about to have sex," said his twin sister, blushing. "We were passing the time while you all _bantered_ in there!"

"What, so you were going to have sex in _here_?!" asked Itachi incredulously.

"No!" yelled Naruko. "We were going to spar and then have an archery contest! Now would _one_ of you come and stop Kyuubi from killing Sai!?"

"I think I would like him better if he _were_ dead," commented Sasuke casually. "He's quite an asshole. I don't know how we share even a _few_ of the same genetics."

"Don't _touch_ my sister, 'ttedana!" Kyuubi was snarling, and all the while Sai's face was turning from a crimson red to a dark purple.

"_What the __hell__ is going on here_!?" roared Fugaku, drawn toward the sound of the yelling. Minato was right behind him.

"What's going on here!?" he asked urgently. "And Kyuubi, stop trying to strangle this boy!"

"He was about to fuck my little sister, 'ttedana! I caught them making out on the other side of this door, and her shirt was already half-off!" yelled Kyuubi angrily. Minato's eyes narrowed dangerously as he looked at his daughter.

"Is this true?" he asked softly.

Naruto gulped, even though it wasn't him that his father's fury was being directed at. He would hate to be in his sister's position right now.

"Y-yes, Father," she said quietly, refusing to look at him.

"You listen to me, young lady," he said in a dangerously soft voice. "I don't see anything wrong with you having a boyfriend, and I don't see anything wrong with you having sex, because you're at the age where every teenager needs to explore their sensual side. But to be doing it _where anyone can __see__ you_?! That is _unacceptable_! You are grounded for two months, and you are not allowed to see your boyfriend at _all_ during that time."

"B-but…" Naruko stammered, here eyes filling with tears.

"No buts," said Minato sternly. "Go to the room you sleep in, and don't come out until dinner time."

Naruko made as if to walk away, but then she stopped in front of Kyuubi, her body shaking with rage, and her eyes flashing dangerously.

"What the _hell_, Kyuubi!?" she spat at her older brother, who looked taken aback. "You never bitch at_ Naruto_ for dating someone! Or have you not noticed the fact that he fucks Sasuke into the mattress every chance he gets, or how they're always making out!? And you don't even bitch about how they don't use _condoms_!"

She stormed away, leaving everyone in a stunned silence behind her.

"Well, so much for not telling Father until you're healed and long gone," Itachi finally said to his younger brother, trying to make light of the situation, but Sasuke was barely paying attention to him. He was paler than usual, shaking, and wide-eyed, not to mention that he had been temporarily struck speechless.

"Oh. Holy. _Shit_. What has she _done, _'ttebayo?" said Naruto shakily, almost as pale as his boyfriend.

"And _this_ is a little ensemble I would like to call 'You two are utterly and _royally_ fucked', 'ttedana," said Kyuubi nervously as both fathers turned their steely gazes on his and Itachi's younger brothers.

X3333333333333

Hehehe… The cat's out of the bag! Now what happens? How will Minato and Fugaku take the news that Naru-kun and Sasu-chan are gay for each other!?

Fred Phelps: God hates fags! Thank God for dead soldiers!

Me: #-_- Who let that crazy Christian asshole in? –Pushes Phelps off a cliff- Seriously…

Naruto: OxO Who the hell was _that_?

Me: -_- No one important. REVIEW PEOPLE! –Does my review dance-

Sasuke: -Facepalms- Really? '-_-

Me: -_- Yes, really.

Rick Santorum: Gay sex is just the precursor for man-on-dog and polyamorous activities! You are disgusting people with an even more disgusting agenda!

Naruto: 0.0 Who's _this_ guy?

Me: -_- Crazy former Republican presidential candidate. Naruto, Sasuke, meet Rick Santorum, the former governor of the lovely state of Pennsylvania.

Sasuke: 0_0 Wow. Are they _all_ this crazy?

Me: -_- What, Pennsylvanians? Some of the native ones are for sure… Like the conservative hillbilly nut jobs who go around with ballsacks on the backs of their pick-up trucks and guns under their front seats. –Thinks for a minute- On the other hand, they're in other states too, so they're not exclusive to Pennsylvania…

Sasuke: -_- I meant the presidential candidates.

Me: No; this year it's just the Republicans. :P

Santorum: If I am elected president, I will make sure that gays are thrown out of the military and that they don't get anti-discrimination rights _or_ marriage rights! In fact, I'll make it punishable by _death_ to be a homosexual!

Me: #-_- See, _this_ is why I hate fundamentalist conservative Republicans. Get the _hell_ out of my _story_, you asshole! –Pushes Santorum off of a cliff-

Sasuke: O.o What. The. Fuck. Was _that_?

Me: -_- Proof of how fucked our country is if they elect people like this into office and seriously consider them as front-runners in a presidential race. Please review, and if you _must_ vote Republican, _don't vote for Rick Santorum_! He hates gays and women, and his last name is the name of a weird homosexual sex act that I wouldn't be caught _dead_ doing! Of course, it _was_ named after him to mock his dismal record on gay rights, but _still_.

Naruto: O.o Really?

Me: 8) Yeah, it has something to do with cum mixed with shit being spread all over your partner's body or something.

Sasuke, Naruto: OxO EW! THAT IS SICK AND DISGUSTING AND WRONG IN _SOO_ MANY WAYS!

Me: Yep. This chapter's over! Review and then go away! 8D


	13. Born This Way

**Chapter 13: Born this Way**

That night at dinner was a very quiet affair. Everyone sat with their heads bowed, and about halfway through dinner Naruko got up and left. A little after she left, Sasuke vacated the table too, and Naruto followed him to make sure he was all right.

"_Koishii_," the blond called softly, but his boyfriend didn't turn around. Naruto sighed.

"Sasuke."

Silence.

"Sasuke?"

Still no answer.

"Goddammit, temee, _talk_ to me!"

"What _is_ there to talk about?!" snapped the raven-haired teenager, turning as quickly as he could while on crutches. "Naruto, don't you see what's going to happen? Our fathers are going to give us a long lecture about how 'being gay isn't okay,' _and then they're going to make sure that we never see each other again_! That's what Father did with Itachi and his last boyfriend, and that's what's going to happen to _us_!" He was shaking, though whether from fear or anger Naruto didn't know. "Father's going to put spies on us to make sure that we don't!"

Naruto stood there, shocked.

"So you're just gonna _give up_, Sasuke?" he said finally, his quiet voice shaking with emotion. "Everything between us… You're just gonna give it all _up_?!"

"What other option _is _there!?" Sasuke yelled at him.

"_Screw_ the parents, 'ttebayo!" answered the blond angrily. "If we love each other enough, we can get through _anything_! Or was all of this just for shits and giggles?"

The other boy looked taken aback, and his dark blue eyes widened. Then he hung his head in shame.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," he whispered, tears crystalline in appearance slipping slowly down his cheeks. "This… this _is_ real. I love you, a lot, and I don't want what we have to get taken away. This is just… just extremely stressful. I didn't want Father to find out yet… Oh _fuck_, Naruto, what's going to happen to us?"

The blond walked to his boyfriend and held the raven's trembling body in his arms.

"I dunno, 'ttebayo," he murmured in Sasuke's ear, "but as long as we have each other we can face _anything_ they throw at us. Why don't we go to bed? It's been a long day, and we could probably use the sleep."

The raven nodded wearily and let Naruto pick him up bridal style.

Back in their room, Naruto deposited his boyfriend gently on the bed and tucked him in. Sasuke was already asleep, and Naruto was about to join him in bed when he heard a knock on the door. Full of trepidation, he went to answer it. It would be his father, disowning him and kicking him out…

It was Naruko. Naruto's blood began to boil.

"What?" he said tersely. "I'm tired, and I wanna sleep."

"Just please listen to me, Naruto," his sister said pleadingly. "I'm _really_ sorry that I outed you and Sasuke. I was just so angry at Kyuu-nii that I said the first thing that came to mind-"

"And the first thing that came to mind was essentially '_Your youngest sons are gay for each other'_?" the blond hissed with such venom that Naruko stepped back. "Goddammit, d'you know what you've _done_!? You're causing _us_ unneeded stress _in the middle of an __already__ exponential crisis_, 'ttebayo! _I'm_ as scared as hell of our dads' reactions, Sasuke almost had an _asthma attack_ worrying about our dads' reactions this afternoon, and I blame _you_! You outed us before we were ready to tell our fathers! And then you come and apologize and think that everything's gonna be all _rainbows and sunshine_ again!? No! If you want to apologize, try putting yourself in _our_ position first! And apologize when we're _both_ awake! Now get the fuck away from the door, and let me go to _sleep_!"

He shut the door in Naruko's shocked, pale face and took a deep breath to calm himself before climbing into Sasuke's bed next to him and putting his arm over the raven's body in a protective gesture. His boyfriend sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer to Naruto's warm body. Despite the seriousness of their situation, the blond smiled gently.

"I love you, S'uke…"

X333333333333

Two days later, Sasuke finally got the cast off, and could now walk without crutches, albeit with a just noticeable limp. In celebration, even though they were both stressed because of the unknown impending consequences of Naruko's outing of their relationship, he took Naruto on a walk to the lake in the middle of the Uchiha compound.

"Wow, I didn't know you had a lake in the middle of your compound, 'ttebayo!" Naruto whistled. "Do you have an _onsen_ too?"

"Actually, yes," said Sasuke, pointing to an area just beyond the lake, where steam rose up from behind a bamboo thicket. "Do you want to go over there?"

"_Do_ I!?" cheered Naruto, dragging his boyfriend along. "I was just kidding when I asked, but _hell_ yeah!"

Sasuke chuckled.

"You are utterly hopeless," he said, amused.

"And that's why you love me," quipped Naruto.

"True enough," agreed the raven-haired teenager, one of those infrequent genuine smiles gracing his rosy lips.

When they got to the _onsen_, they exchanged their clothes for two white _yukata_ and two towels and gratefully sank into the steaming water.

"Oh _wow_, 'ttebayo," sighed Naruto. "It's been months since I've actually felt this relaxed. We should do this more often…"

"Well, seeing as it's owned by one of my uncles and his wife, we _are_ pretty much guaranteed access whenever we want," Sasuke replied. "Besides, I come here frequently, as it seems to help with my asthma. Now how did you get out of training?"

"I snuck away," said Naruto, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, which in retrospect, it really was.

Just then, the water rippled, startling the two boys.

"That wasn't you, was it?" asked the blond.

"No," replied his raven-haired lover. "You?"

"No," said Naruto, suddenly on edge. "Who's there?"

"Relax, Naruto," said a familiar voice, "it's just me."

Naruto's sky blue eyes widened in shock.

"_Dad_?" he asked.

"Right in one, kiddo," said Minato, coming over and giving his son a noogie.

"Ow, ow, ow!" cried Naruto, trying to push him off. "I'm not _five_ anymore, Dad! Argh! Get _off_, 'ttebayo!"

Sasuke watched bemusedly. Were _all_ the Uzumaki-Namikazes so immature? At this time, Minato noticed him and stopped noogie-ing Naruto and grinned.

"Hey, Sasuke-chan," he said amiably. "How is your leg feeling?"

"It's feeling fine, thanks," said the raven, feeling a bit self-conscious because he was naked and a little irritated but by now resigned to the fact that he would never be able to get people to stop calling him "Sasuke-chan". "At least I can get at the itch that has been bugging me for two months now…"

Minato threw back his head and laughed. Sasuke decided that he liked Naruto's dad… Why couldn't Father be more amiable? But then, he thought to himself with a sigh, Uchihas in general weren't very amiable people…

"So how're you feeling otherwise?" the tall man asked, smiling kindly, sitting down a little ways away from the couple.

"We're all right," said Naruto, taking Sasuke's hand in his own. Then he seemed to remember something. "Hey, wait! I thought you weren't talking to me or something because I'm gay, 'ttebayo!"

Minato's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"This is news to me," he said. "Wherever did you get _that_ idea?"

"Well, you seemed angry when Naruko said that Sasuke and I were dating."

"Oh _that_?" said his father airily. "I'm fine with that. I was just miffed when she said you weren't using condoms. But honestly," he said, his voice becoming more serious, "I couldn't care less if you were dating a boy or a girl, as long as you're happy. You're sixteen, so I think you should have a general idea of who you are already. Besides, I've known for a while, even if your mother was in denial."

Naruto had an amazed expression on his face. He glanced sideways at Sasuke, who felt just as shocked as his boyfriend looked.

"Y-you _have_?!" he said faintly. "_How_!?"

"Oh come on, Naruto," said Minato, rolling his eyes. "I'm not _that _stupid. Most boys have had at _least_ three girlfriends by their senior year, and you haven't had a single one. The only females you've ever kissed are your mother and Naruko, and only ever on the cheek. And did you _really_ think you were hiding those _Playgirl_ magazine subscriptions well?"

Naruto blushed as red as a tomato.

"Dad…" he mumbled, while Sasuke tried not to laugh and failed horribly. "Not in front of my boyfriend… Goddammit, Sasuke, it's not _funny_!"

"_Playgirl_?" said his lover, smirking. "_Really_? _That_ soft-core eye candy?"

"All right," snapped Naruto, "what magazine do _you_ subscribe to that's just _sooo_ much better, temee?"

"Who said I subscribed to any _magazines_, usuratonkachi?" Sasuke asked coyly, grinning mischievously.

"_Way_ too much information, boys," said Minato, blanching. "I'll leave you to it then. And Naruto," he added to his son, "you really _should_ use a condom."

Naruto threw one of his _geta _at his dad, who just laughed and ran.

"SCREW YOU, 'TTEBAYO!"

X333333333333333

When they got out, Uchiha Fugaku was waiting for them. Sasuke's breath became trapped in his lungs… He'd almost completely forgotten about his father's reaction to him and Naruto. He steeled himself for something, anything, but all Fugaku said to them was, "Come."

They looked at each other, both with trepidation, each knowing exactly what the other was thinking, and then followed.

Fugaku led them through the hallways of the main house of the Uchiha compound, and they entered a tastefully decorated study, with an enormous oak desk and armchairs and a roaring fire in the grate. This would normally be comforting, but there was another person in the room, an unknown female, and Sasuke had a nasty suspicion that she wasn't there for a tea party.

He was right. As soon as Fugaku sat down, he started in.

"Sasuke, this is your tenth cousin twice removed, Uchiha Shizuka. Her father and I have been talking, and I decided that I made a mistake with Itachi that I will not be making with you. The marriage is already arranged-"

"The _what_?" Naruto cut in, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Sasuke felt the barely suppressed murderous rage radiating off of him, but if Fugaku or Shizuka noticed, they made no indication.

"-And you are going to be married a week from today. I _will not_ take no for an answer, as I mean to have grandchildren who can carry on the main branch of the Uchiha clan. You are dismissed."

Sasuke felt a lump in his throat and an unpleasant cold shriveling feeling in his stomach. God no, this couldn't be happening. This was worse than he'd ever thought it would be. He barely even noticed when his father turned to Naruto and fixed him with a steely, triumphant glare.

"_You_, you ungrateful brat, will not touch my youngest son again. He is officially betrothed to someone else, and being intimate with anyone else besides Shizuka from this point on is a violation of the rules of the clan head, namely me."

"No."

The word leapt unbidden from Sasuke's mouth, and his father froze, a muscle twitching in his face.

"_Excuse me_?" said Fugaku, turning to the raven. "I'm _sure_ I misheard you, Sasuke. Are you defying your father?"

The ebony-haired teenager was shaking from head to toe, not only with fear, but with barely controlled rage. "You heard _exactly_ what I said," he said, in a cold, clear, controlled voice that was entirely at odds with what he was feeling. "I said no. I will not do it. I will _not_ marry someone I have only met in passing on the street. I am _not_ going to marry a _girl_."

"You _will_ do it!" roared Fugaku. "You have brought shame upon the main branch of this illustrious clan through your unnatural affairs with _this boy_!" He pointed at Naruto, whose glare rivaled Sasuke's in intensity and killing intent.

"What is unnatural, _Father_," spat the infuriated teenager, "is how close-minded you are. If you _really_ loved your sons, you wouldn't care about who they fell in love with, or who they let into their beds. Instead you are trying to force me into a relationship that is _entirely_ at odds with who I am, a relationship that would be unfair to all three of us." He indicated himself, Naruto, and Shizuka with a shaking hand. "I am _not_ going to let you break up me and Naruto and walk all over us like you did with Itachi and Shisui."

"What the _hell_ is going on in here?" said a soft and dangerous voice. Everyone turned to see Uzumaki Kushina and Namikaze Minato standing in the doorway.

"Ah," said Fugaku, relieved. "Minato, your son needs to learn to respect the decisions of his elders. I have just set up a marriage arrangement between Sasuke and Shizuka, and yet Naruto is impudent enough to think he has a say in the matter."

"Well, quite frankly, Fugaku," said Minato calmly, "seeing as you are threatening his and Sasuke's future together, they _both _have a say in the matter. I don't see anything good coming out of forcing your son into a relationship with someone he doesn't love. And I'm not going to let you hurt my son either by tearing him apart from the one that _he_ loves."

"They will learn to _cope_ with it, Minato! And they will either get married or I will disown him!"

"Then _disown_ me, you bastard!" Sasuke screamed at his father, finally snapping and throwing away all semblances of formality or of trying to keep himself under control. "It's none of your damn business who the hell I choose to _date_, or _love_, or _fuck_! I _will not_ marry this, this _girl_ that I have no love for and never _will_! I am _gay_, and you need to _deal_ with it! And if you _can't_ deal with it, then tough shit!" He felt Naruto squeezing his hand gently, and squeezed back. "_I don't care_ if I came out of your sexual exploits with Mom; you are _not_ my father anymore. A _real_ father would support me and love me no matter what, and _you're_ acting like a five-year-old who just found out he's not getting the toy he wanted so much for his birthday!"

He stormed out, slamming the door so hard that the wooden frame splintered. Naruto followed him after giving Fugaku a look that would kill the most stoic individual, leaving the parents alone with Shizuka.

After an awkward silence, Kushina went over to the pale girl, who looked very uncomfortable.

"Here, honey," she said kindly, "why don't I take you back home? I'll talk to your father for you about annulling the marriage contract, 'ttebane. Wait outside for me."

Shizuka bowed gratefully and walked out, shutting the door softly behind her. When she was gone, Naruto's parents both turned to Fugaku. Minato seemed perfectly calm, except for his eyes, which smoldered with anger, and Kushina was visibly enraged.

"_What the hell were you __thinking__, 'ttebane_!?" she snarled at Fugaku, who for the first time looked incredibly weary. He didn't seem to hear her; he put his head in his hands.

"Am I a bad father?" he asked no one in particular. "Did I not bring my sons up the right way? First Itachi and now Sasuke. What did I do wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong in bringing them up," said Minato evenly. "They didn't _choose_ to be gay, or bisexual; they were _born_ the way they are, the same as Kyuubi and Naruto."

"Kyuubi too?!" said Kushina, shocked.

"Now is not the time, Kushina," said Minato. "The point is, your sons both grew up to be strong individuals who will fight for what they believe in and protect those that they care the most about, much like you and Mikoto. The only problem here seems to be with the way you're handling this. You can't bend Itachi or Sasuke to your will. The only thing you can do is figure out if you love your sons enough to get past your homophobic tendencies."

"And if you try to break them up again, 'ttebane," growled Kushina, seeming to have quickly gotten over the shock of finding out that both of her sons harbored feelings for the same sex, "you _will_ answer to _us_!"

"Now honey," said her husband pleadingly, "_please_ don't make this issue bigger than it already is."

"If he hurts my Naru-chan I swear I'll twist his balls till they pop off!" the red-haired woman shrieked as Minato pulled her out of the study.

"Please don't do anything you'll regret later," he pleaded with Fugaku.

"Are you _threatening_ me, Namikaze?!"

"No, Fugaku," said the blond man softly. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't do anything to further undermine your own relationship with your sons."

They left Fugaku alone with his tumultuous thoughts in the solitude of his study.

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Whaddya know? Love trumps all! Fugaku has a huge chip on his shoulder… What an asshole. Anyways, review!

Oh, and if I offended anyone with my spiel at the end of the last chapter, I am _soo _not sorry. I may be a generally accepting person at my core, but I do not suffer fools gladly. And by fools I mean Rick Santorum, Fred Phelps, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Rick Perry, and basically anyone who is an extremely fundamentalist gun-toting conservative Christian Republican. All fucking nuts and I can't believe people take them seriously! Don't get me _started_ on Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, or Rush Limbaugh, because I will give you a _long_ tirade about why I hate these morons. Especially Rush Limbaugh. I only tolerate Mitt Romney because his gaffs are funny as hell and it makes The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that much more hilarious. Now review, slave monkeys! Review!

Naruto: 0.0 What the hell?!

Me: 8D Exactly.

Sasuke: 0.0 Wait, that's it?

Me: -_- Whaddya mean, "that's it?" If you mean the chapter, then yes that's it.

Sasuke: 0.0 No hot "I'm-glad-we're-still-together-and-that-I-didn't-get-married-off-to-some-girl-I-barely-know" sex?!

Me: -_- Get your mind out of the gutter, Sasuke. I'm not going to do a shitload of sex scenes just because your libido is working overtime.

Sasuke: :3 Do it for the readers!

Me: 0.0 Uhm, what are you doing?

Sasuke: :3 Begging you for more sex scenes!

Me: 0_0 I was already planning on at least one more sex scene, so you can stop doing that. It scares me when you do that. It's just so… un-Sasuke-ish.

Sasuke: -Does a happy dance- Yes! :)

Me: 0.0 What the hell are you doing _now_!?

Sasuke: :D A happy dance!

Me: 0.0 A happy dance?

Sasuke: -_- That's what I said. Do you need a hearing aid?

Me: 0.0 No, I need my sedatives. Your dancing is very disturbing, very un-Sasuke-ish, and very stripper-like. –Walks away-

Sasuke:\ Fine, _don't_ appreciate my dancing skills!

Me: Oh shut up, Mr. My-shit-don't-stink. This chapter's over. Go fuck Naruto or something.

Sasuke: #*_* HEY!

Naruto: :( Hey, _I'm_ the one who does the fucking!

Me: -_- I don't care. One of you needs to fuck the other one so that I can go to sleep! –Pulls the covers over my head and turns out the light-

Sasuke: *_* -Rummaging through his stuff for his _kusanagi_-

Naruto: -_- If you kill her, the story won't get finished, and we don't get to make out and have sex and I don't get to fuck your brains out.

Sasuke: :( Dammit.

Me: :( Go away, bastards! –Throw shoes at both of them-

Sasuke, Naruto: OW!

Naruto: 0.0 You psycho bitch!

Me: D: Damn right, and I'll be even more psycho if you don't SHUT UP, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, AND LET ME GO TO SLEEP!

Sasuke, Naruto: 0.0 -Get the fuck out of my room-

Naruto: -Sticks his head back in- But you _will_ let us have hot and kinky sex in the next chapter? 8)

Me: D: -Losing it- _YES_, GODDAMMIT YOU MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD, _YES_! NOW GET THE _FUCK_ OUT OF MY ROOM AND LET ME _SLEEP_! –Takes my vibrating alarm clock and throws it at Naruto, who squeaks and slams the door- Great, what have I agreed to? –Thinks- Never mind, I'll deal with it tomorrow. –Goes to sleep-


	14. Why Don't We Do It in the Road?

**Chapter 14: Why Don't We Do It in the Road?**

At five that evening, a fine snow started to fall. Everything was covered in an inch of the fluffy white crystals after only an hour, and it didn't show signs of letting up soon. Inside, dinner, as was becoming the norm, was quiet, except for the sounds of chopsticks on plates, spoons clinking in their bowls, and the occasional "Please pass the soup" or whatever the person happened to need.

Naruto and Sasuke were ignoring Naruko, still incensed at having been outed by her in such a sudden and rather unpleasant way. Of course, as Naruko was still grounded, they thankfully didn't have to see much of her, as she had to go straight to the den after dinner and stay there for the rest of the night. Tonight, having finished their dinners early, the couple decided to go outside and walk in the snow.

"Ne, it's so pretty when it snows," sighed Naruto, lifting his face up and opening his mouth. He stuck out his tongue, trying to catch the flakes as they drifted down. "I wish it would snow _all_ the time, 'ttebayo."

"Yeah," said his raven-haired lover, smirking, "but if it snowed _all_ the time, then people would get sick of it, and it wouldn't seem so clean and beautiful anymore."

The blond cracked an eye and glared at him, though he was grinning. "You always have to see the _negative_ in everything, 'ttebayo. You need to enjoy life more."

"Please, sweetie," snorted Sasuke, "I _do_ enjoy life; I just don't make a fool out of myself while doing it PFFFT _NARUTO_!"

At that moment, Naruto had bent down to pick up a handful of snow, and finding Sasuke with his guard down had taken the chance to stuff it down his shirt and into his face. The raven-haired teenager spluttered, wiping snow out of his eyes, shaking his shirt and jumping around, trying to get the snow out and cursing like a maniac the entire time. Naruto rolled on the ground, laughing.

"The look on your face… is so _p-p-priceless_, 'ttebayo!" he gasped between bursts of laughter. "Not so p-prim and p-p-proper _n-now,_ _are_ you, Ice Princess HOLY SHIT _COLD_!" he screamed as Sasuke retaliated by grabbing the nearby garden hose and spraying him with it. Now it was Sasuke rolling on the ground, laughing like an idiot while Naruto did a weird dance, trying to get dry and warm. The blond glared at him.

"Oh, it's _on_ now, temee," he said, picking up a ball of snow and hitting his boyfriend in the face with it. Despite having been laughing maniacally only seconds before, Sasuke quickly recovered and let fly a snowball of his own, grinning like a little kid as it exploded on Naruto's shirt.

They didn't know how they got there, but suddenly they were wrestling in the snow, shoving copious amounts of snow down each other's shirts and pants and any other place they could shove snow and laughing like children. And just as suddenly, they were making out, their lips interlocked in what seemed like a challenge.

"Ahem…"

The couple parted and looked up to see their older brothers looking down at them amusedly.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" asked Kyuubi and Itachi at the same time.

"I don't know; what are _you_ doing standing over us while we're trying to make out?" asked Sasuke.

"Not acting like sex-crazed maniacs, _that's_ for sure, 'ttedana," snickered Kyuubi.

Naruto scowled at him.

"Well if you didn't like the show then you shouldn't have watched, 'ttebayo," he said peevishly. "Get your _own_ patch of snow to make out in."

"Well, first of all, how did you guys end up wet and making out in the snow like there's no tomorrow?" asked Itachi. "You looked like you were about to strip each other naked and do the dirty deed right here, in full view of anyone who cared to walk by."

"Trust me, they'd do the nasty _anywhere_," said Kiba, who'd come out of his room to see what was going on and who had let the nuts out of the loony bin.

"Oh _yes_," said Sasuke, his voice positively dripping with sarcasm, "because we are sex-crazed exhibitionist sluts who will risk _anything_ to have sex, even our own health. Naruto shoved snow down my shirt and rubbed it in my face."

"That's what _she_ said," Kiba quipped, and then ducked as Naruto threw a shoe at him. "Goddamn, okay, I'll leave you two to fuck each other's brains out! _God_ you're so pissy!" He slammed the door just as Naruto threw the other shoe. "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!" he crowed opening the door again.

"You're right, 'ttebayo," said the blond thoughtfully. "Y'know, I was only making out with Sasuke because I was trying to keep my deep feelings for you hidden. But now, I'm not ashamed to admit it. C'mere you sexy beast you, and lemme fuck you into the ground!" he yelled, running at Kiba, who screamed like a little girl and closed the door. Naruto slammed into it and howled in pain, clutching his nose. The three viewers of this spectacle burst out laughing.

"Shut _up_, 'ttebayo!" the blond yelled at them. "I got _rid_ of him, didn't I?!"

"Yeah," said Sasuke, quieting down faster than Kyuubi and his older brother, "but you never make _me_ that kind of offer…" He pouted playfully, and Naruto felt his penis twitching. He forcibly willed it to stay down until he had his boyfriend inside, stripped naked, and tied to the bed.

"Yeah, well," said Naruto, "I'm making it now, 'ttebayo. Let's go set the bed on fire!"

The other two stopped laughing, and Sasuke eyed him weirdly.

"What?"

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Are you _shitting_ me, temee?" he asked. "You have _no_ idea what that means?"

The raven-haired teen shook his head.

"Enlighten me."

The blond sighed in exasperation.

"In _this_ context it means 'let's go inside and keep our libido at a manageable level till I can tie you to the bed and ravish your gorgeous body till you can't stand anymore to my heart's content'," he said, ignoring the disgusted looks on their brothers' faces and on the faces of Suigetsu and Juugo, who had been drawn from their rooms by the racket.

Sasuke blushed profusely.

"I think that was a little_ too_ much information, dobe," he said, noting that Karin had poked her head out the door as well and currently had a life-threatening nosebleed, most likely because of the amazingly hot, extremely vivid guy-on-guy imagery that was giving him a major hard-on in spite of the cold. "But I'd like that."

"Good, 'cause you don't have much of a choice," said Naruto, picking up his lover bridal style. "I am gonna have _major_ blue balls if I don't do something right _now_, 'ttebayo."

"Sweetie, did anyone ever tell you that you would make a _great_ gay porn novelist?" asked the raven-haired teenager as Naruto carried him off.

Everyone stared after them, even after the door to the inside had closed.

"Oh. My. God," groaned Kiba, sticking his head out of the door. "I did _not_ just hear that, and I'm going to erase _every bit_ of those last few minutes from my memory with _heavy_ sedatives."

"Just as well," Kyuubi snorted, "because you'll be hearing _a lot_ more than amazingly vivid gay porn verbal imagery tonight if you _don't_ use heavy sedatives, 'ttedana."

"Ugh," groaned the brunet, going a light shade of green.

"Karin's passed out," Juugo noted, worriedly. And indeed, the red-headed girl was unconscious on the floor, pale from the loss of blood via her nose.

"I'll get a towel," Itachi sighed.

"That's what _she_ said," joked Kiba.

Kyuubi rolled his eyes.

X33333333333333333

"So are you completely serious about _everything_ you said out there?" Sasuke asked.

"Is the sky blue?" retorted Naruto. "_Fuck_ yeah, so you'd better be _prepared_, 'ttebayo!"

"Oh, _I'm_ ready," smirked the raven-haired teenager, lifting his head up from where Naruto had placed him on the bed and capturing the blond's lips. "Are_ you_?"

Their tongues wrestled for a moment before Naruto broke away, lifting Sasuke's cold, wet clothes away to reveal his extremely ravishable body. The raven tried to help his boyfriend remove his own clothes, but Naruto produced a pair of fuzzy black cuffs, and before Sasuke knew it his hands were above his head, bound loosely to the bedpost. He could only watch, helpless to do anything about his own erection, as Naruto shed his clothes to reveal a rock-hard penis standing fully at attention. He noticed something on the underside and looked up questioningly.

"Is that a gauge on the underside of your penis?" he asked. "Why haven't I seen it before?"

"I generally take it out when I sleep or have sex," said Naruto with a smirk. "Mom went bonkers when she found out. But who cares about Mom's reaction when I'm more concerned about _yours_? You're the only person who'll ever get to enjoy the feeling of this baby inside of you." He played with the gauge. "It's perfectly positioned too, for maximum orgasmic pleasure."

The raven's breath hitched in his throat as his blond lover gently stroked a finger along the length of his dick, making the already-sensitive nerves excited.

Their mouths crashed together in a mess of moaning, tongue, and copious amounts of saliva and at the same time Naruto put his hand around his boyfriend's length and fisted it. Sasuke gasped, thrusting into his lover's hand as the blond broke their mouth-to-mouth contact and moved his lips down to the raven's neck, where he proceeded to bite, lick, and suck tenderly at his sensitive tattooed nape, eliciting panting groans from the smaller teenager.

"N-N-Naruto…!" he stuttered, trying to not lose all semblance of control just yet as his boyfriend's tongue piercing teased his neck and a tan hand palmed his erection at the same time, bringing him closer to completion. At the same time, the hand that wasn't busy pumping his erection and driving him crazy was caressing his body, exploring it, memorizing the feel of it, finding new ways to drive Sasuke mad with lust that even he hadn't known about. This was the true essence of love-making. Not just the sex, not just the emotion, but the entire experience of opening one's body to one trusted other for the purpose of being lavished with your lover's full attention, knowing that they would never intentionally hurt their partner.

Naruto's mouth ran over Sasuke's body, from his neck, to his hard nipples, over his abs, into his navel, and to the final destination… the hard member that the blond had been fisting. The raven-haired teenager's half-lidded eyes snapped open wide as he was taken into his lover's mouth.

"Naruto AGH!" he cried, and Naruto clamped down gently on his penis, not enough to hurt, but enough to cause him to buck, pushing himself farther into the blond's mouth as he licked the base of the raven's erection. At the same time, Naruto's thumbs were stroking the inside of Sasuke's thighs, very close to his testicles. He whimpered and thrust faster.

The ecstasy was unbelievable. Sasuke felt like he was flying, riding the orgasm as it rocked him to the core of his body. And when he was done, Naruto was still there with a raging hard-on, his large penis showing the raven exactly what was about to fill him to even more ecstatic heights. Naruto, sensing the gaze his lover was directing at him, smirked and bent down.

"I guess it's time to make good on what I told you earlier, isn't it, you sexy bastard?" he whispered in Sasuke's ear, biting the lobe and making him shiver both with pleasure and from the aftershock of his orgasm. "Lemme tell you something… I'm gonna stick my rock-hard dick in you, and believe you me; it's gonna stay there until I'm good and ready to pull it out. D'you like the idea of me fucking you until you can't stand, you masochistic little bitch?"

And just like that, the smaller teenager had another full-staff erection. Naruto smirked.

"I thought so, 'ttebayo," he said. "D'you want preparation like we normally do, or-?"

"_Fuck_ the preparation," snapped Sasuke. "Take me fast and hard, and _don't stop_!"

"All right," said Naruto, grabbing the lube and slathering it all over his length. Before the raven could say anything more, his legs were lifted up onto his blond boyfriend's shoulders. The taller teenager lined his penis up with his lover's entrance and thrust into Sasuke quickly.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the raven-haired teen. He cried out more from pleasure than from pain, but Naruto stopped, afraid of going too far and really hurting his boyfriend.

"Are you-?"

"I'm not a _virgin_, dammit!" Sasuke growled through gritted teeth. "I'm fine; just _go_!"

Naruto didn't need to be told twice; pulling out until the only thing left inside was the tip of his penis and the gauge, he slammed back in, filling the smaller teenager to the unbearable limits of pain and pleasure as he rode his second orgasm of the night, screaming his lover's name. His walls clenched around the blond's rock-hard erection, bringing him to orgasm with a shout. His dick seemed to start to soften momentarily, and then sprang back to attention, refilling Sasuke and trapping the semen inside the hot, steaming hole.

On and on they went, a hot, sweaty tangle of arms, legs, mouths, and saliva, until they both orgasmed a final time, not screaming this time, but panting each other's names, as that was all they had breath left for. This time, Naruto pulled all the way out, and with his exit came a long string of cum. Exhausted, he still found the energy to help his boyfriend uncuff himself from the bed. When this was done, Sasuke cuddled up to Naruto, resting his head in the crook of the blond's neck.

"We should do that more often," he joked, still a little out of breath.

Naruto laughed but shook his head.

"What, is three orgasms not enough for you, 'ttebayo?" he teased gently.

"It's not the _orgasms_," replied his boyfriend, "it's _you_. I can't get enough of _you_."

Naruto chuckled.

"Goddamn, what's _happening_ to us, 'ttebayo?" he quipped. "We're turning into the mammals they talk about in the Discovery Channel song."

Sasuke laughed.

"We've still got a ways to go before that," he said before yawning. "And it's called _The Bad Touch_."

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"I thought I was the only person on this side of the globe who knew about that song," he chuckled.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he said, kissing Naruto and cuddling closer. "I don't know where you were for the first ten years of my life, but you're not leaving it now, dobe. _God_ I love you…"

"I love you too, Sasuke," grinned the blond, kissing his lover's forehead.

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Three rooms down, Kiba was trying to beat his brains out.

"Bad images! Bad, bad, _bad_ images!"

X3333333333333333333333

So dere it be, peoples! I'm thinking last sex scene for a while…

Sasuke: -_- Since _when_ do I put up with being called a "masochistic little bitch"!?

Me: -_- Since I wrote that sex scene. It's _my_ story; _you_ just happen to be part of it, and _you_ have to do as _I_ say. And you _are _masochistic.

Naruto: 8) I think it fits. –Puts arms around Sasuke- How would you like to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel?

Sasuke: O.o That was _such_ a horrible "let's-have-sex" line that I'm officially swearing off sex with you for the foreseeable future.

Me: XD God, Sasuke, you're such a cold fish.

Sasuke: -_- What the hell does that mean?

Me: -_- It means that you're stiffing your boyfriend.

Sasuke: :( I don't speak English natively; I don't _understand_ these colloquialisms!

Me: You're not letting Naruto fuck you into the ground.

Sasuke: 0.0 Definitely not right now!

Me: Well, it's past midnight, and I have school in the morning, so I'm going to bed. Don't let me interrupt you two lovebirds! Good night!

Naruto: -_- Aren't you forgetting something?

Me: Ear plugs… check.

Sasuke: -_- Anything else?

Me: Eye mask to blind myself to anything you two may be doing… check.

Sasuke, Naruto: #-_- Oh for fuck's sake, you dumb bitch! REVIEW, PEOPLE, OR ELSE!

Me: :) Oh, that's it!

Sasuke: -Facepalms- I'm surrounded by morons. #-_-

Me: D: HEY, I'M NOT A DUMB BITCH!

Sasuke: -Vein throbs in forehead- #*_*

Naruto: By the way, whose fuzzy black handcuffs were those? /: ooO(?)

Me: Sasuke's. 8D

Sasuke: #-_- I do _not _own a pair of fuzzy black handcuffs, nor do I_ want_ to. And if I _did _own handcuffs they would be iron like those old-fashioned prison cuffs. Not fuzzy.

Me: 8) Ooh, kinky little Sasuke-chan! Review review review! -Review dances all the way to my bed, hops in, and pulls the covers over my head-


	15. Burning Down the House

**Chapter 15: Burning Down the House**

_A week later…_

The morning dawned cold and clear. Everything was coated in snow, and even from the main house people could see that the lake had frozen over. Young and old alike pulled on their ice skates and ventured out into the newly formed ice, laughing, slipping, sliding, and having an all-around good time.

"C'mon, let's go, 'ttebayo!"

"I don't ice skate, dobe."

"Please?"

"No."

"Jeez, Sasuke, what's up _your_ ass this morning?"

"Well, I know what was up it last _night_…"

Naruto glared at his boyfriend, who stared back innocently, and then shook his head.

"Well, _I'm_ going skating, 'ttebayo."

"Knock yourself out," Sasuke deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not going on that lake. The ice might break."

"You're such a _pessimist_, 'ttebayo," sighed the blond, grabbing the pair of skates Itachi had lent him, having outgrown them. "Will you at _least_ watch?"

"Do you think I'd miss a chance to watch you fall on your face and then laugh?"

Naruto glowered at Sasuke.

"Were you anyone else, _especially_ my brother or Kiba," he said, "I'd've thrown these skates at you, 'ttebayo."

"I'm honored," replied the ebony-haired teenager sarcastically. "Now let's go."

He opened the door, only to be accosted by Itachi.

"Father's in a foul mood this morning," he said, sighing in annoyance.

"And why should _I_ be bothered by that?" asked the younger Uchiha, arching his eyebrow elegantly.

"Because he's bitching at anyone that isn't in one of the many _dojos_ all over this complex practicing their asses off, or on the shooting range, using the zombies that your dad caught for target practice, 'ttedana," offered Kyuubi, coming to stand behind Itachi. "We narrowly escaped his wrath on our way to warn you."

Naruto went white.

"You mean there're zombies in _here_?! What the _fuck_, 'ttebayo!" he squeaked.

"They're locked up when people aren't using them for target practice, so you're fine, bro."

"So much for my plans for laughing as you fall on your face," said Sasuke, starting to shed his everyday clothes.

"_Whoa_!" yelled Itachi and Kyuubi, slamming the door shut.

"Come on!" the raven-haired teen yelled irritably at the door. "You've seen me naked before, Nii-san; act a _little_ more mature about it!"

"Dude, you were stripping _with the door open_," said Naruto to his lover. "Did I actually_ succeed_ in fucking your brains out last night?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the blond teenager as he put on a traditional _haori_ and pair of _hakama_ and picked up his _kusanagi_. When he turned around, he jumped a little to find Naruto suddenly so close to him. He looked into the blond's eyes, seeing there a mixture of lust and tenderness.

"Y'know," said Naruto, reaching to cup the smaller teen's chin and turn his face upward, "I always thought you looked _especially_ beautiful in traditional Japanese clothing." Leaning down, he gave Sasuke a short but sweet kiss, and then pulled away, leaving the raven blushing madly. Then he chuckled. "We don't wanna be caught outside of the _dojo_, do we?" he grinned, pulling on an outfit identical to Sasuke's. "C'mon, 'ttebayo."

The raven followed, cursing the effect that Naruto had on his body.

When they got to the _dojo_, there was already someone there… Well actually, there were _two_ someones. Naruto shuffled his feet awkwardly, and Sasuke groaned, because they had, yet again, interrupted Naruko and Sai in the middle of a make-out session. When Naruko became aware that someone else was there, she gasped and pushed Sai away, blushing and straightening her _haori_. When she saw who it was, she became extremely awkward.

"Uhh, hey, Naru-nii. Hey, Sasuke-chan," she said quietly, looking anywhere but at the two people in the doorway. "Uh, we were, uhm, just finishing up, so, uhh, you can, uhm, have the _dojo_ to yourselves…" She tried to push past them, but Naruto grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back in.

"You're just gonna say hey, like nothing happened, 'ttebayo?!" he said quietly, his normally cheerfully sky blue eyes turning into something akin to a permafrost grayish-blue.

"I _said_ I was _sorry_, dammit!" Naruko snarled, wrenching her arm from his grasp.

"Hey, get your hands off my girlfriend!" Sai growled, walking toward Naruto menacingly.

Naruto ignored him. The barely controlled anger radiating off of him was rather frightening for Sasuke; he'd seen it a week ago, but it was still scary. In fact, it was so intense and so un-Naruto-like that for a moment he wondered who this guy next to him was and what he'd done with his energetic, happy-go-lucky boyfriend.

"Have you any idea what _almost_ happened last week?" Naruto shouted.

"Yeah, I do," Naruko snapped back, "because first, Mom told me, and secondly, it was hard _not_ to miss all the yelling coming from down the hall! What do you want me to do? Get down and lick your bare feet?!"

"That'd be a really good _start_, 'ttebayo!"

For a moment the twins stood face-to-face, staring each other down, neither willing to give in. Then Naruko turned and dragged Sai out, glaring at Naruto all the way. The door slammed behind them.

"Well, _that_ was awkward," commented Sasuke.

Naruto made no response, but took his _katana_ out and vented his frustration by hacking at one of the pillars viciously. His boyfriend watched with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, if Father walks in and sees you hacking away at the pillars and using a _katana_ so ungracefully, he'll give you a painful lesson in how to properly use it."

Naruto stopped and looked at his lover.

"And you know this from experience?"

"How do you think I _got_ so good at swordplay, dobe?"

The blond teenager blanched.

"Your dad _scares_ me, 'ttebayo," he stated bluntly.

"As well he should," intoned Sasuke. "At least we know that you've got _part_ of a brain in there."

The blond glowered.

"Really?"

"Why aren't you practicing!?"

The two boys jumped and turned around, and they did a double-take, at the same time that Uchiha Fugaku poked his head in and did a double-take as well.

Aside from dinner, Naruto and Sasuke hadn't seen the Uchiha patriarch, and this was the first time they were standing face-to-face since the dark-haired teenager had blown up at his father a week ago. There was a very tense and pregnant silence as everyone sized each other up and evaluated the situation.

Fugaku was the first to break the silence surprisingly; clearing his throat uncomfortably, he nodded stiffly.

"_Ohayo gozaimasu, _Naruto-kun. _Ohayo, _Sasuke."

"_Ohayo gozaimasu, _Uchiha-san," said Naruto, looking warily between father and son, as if unsure whether to stick around or to make a break for it before World War III broke out.

"_Ohayo, chichi-ue_," Sasuke bit out, his tone every bit as tense as Fugaku's.

"I trust that your studies are coming along well?"

His only answer was a terse nod of the head from his son and a grunt from the blond teenager standing next to him. After another long, awkward silence, the elder Uchiha walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"_That_ was an extreme mindfuck," sighed Naruto.

"I'll say," Sasuke rejoined wearily, running a hand through his hair. "Come on, dobe, we've got to _WHOA_!"

The raven barely got his _kusanagi_ up in time to catch Naruto's _katana_, stopping it less than an inch from his left shoulder.

"Are you _trying _to kill me?" he asked incredulously.

"I had every confidence you'd be quick on the uptake, 'ttebayo," said his boyfriend. "Besides, aren't _you_ the one who's always bitching at me for not giving you enough of a challenge?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"True enough," he said, "but can you stand up in a fair fight?"

Pushing Naruto's blade away from him with a great burst of energy, he immediately sprang on the offensive, driving the blond back one step at a time. Naruto's eyes narrowed in concentration as he parried each one of the smaller teenager's blows.

"Goddammit, I'm getting beat by a fast midget," he groaned in mock exasperation, his crazily wiggling eyebrows and protruding tongue clinching his insult. "I think from now on I'm gonna call you The Fighting Leprechaun, 'ttebayo."

"What the _fuck_, dobe!" Sasuke snapped, practically slamming his _kusanagi_ against Naruto's _katana_, making the blond wince. "I'm not a redhead, and I _hate_ the color green!"

"But you're an insanely rich midget. You can see how someone would jump to that conclusion," said Naruto, and then laughed crazily and jumped out of the way as his boyfriend transitioned smoothly from trying to cut him to shreds to throwing one of the _geta _on the stone entrance floor at him and then back to slashing furiously at him.

Sasuke had no idea what had happened, but all of a sudden, his _kusanagi_ wasn't in his hand anymore, and he was lying on the ground with Naruto positioned over him, with the missing sword pointed at his neck. The reversal was sudden, and he growled.

"You did that on purpose," he breathlessly accused his blond lover, who was grinning like a little kid on Christmas.

"D'you actually think I'd be able to win against you in a _fair _fight, 'ttebayo?" Naruto countered, lowering the _kusanagi_. "I'd be dead."

"You'd be _so_ dead," Sasuke agreed, smirking widely, "especially for calling me a leprechaun."

"Yeah, you're a small guy, but you pack a punch," said the blond, wincing. "I think you almost sprained my wrists the way you were attacking me."

"Serves you right for making fun of my size," said his boyfriend unapologetically.

"I may have to _punish_ you tonight, 'ttebayo," Naruto said, injecting lust into his voice and lowering himself down to the floor so that he was kneeling beside Sasuke. At the same moment, Sasuke sat up and grabbed Naruto by the hair, crashing their lips together, and then pulled the blond back down on top of him.

"You're such a _pushy _little _uke_," Naruto joked.

"Shut up," muttered Sasuke. "You know you like it."

"True enough."

They were practically wrestling on the floor, tongues competing for dominance and bodies rubbing together, when an alarm split the air. The loud noise made them both jump, banging their heads together and then rolling away from each other, clutching their foreheads.

"Holy shit, what the fuck is _that_!?" Naruto yelled over the wailing siren, his eyes watering from the pain.

"_Perimeter breached! I repeat, the perimeter has been breached! All able-bodied fighters to the south gate on the double! The perimeter has been breached! This is the real shit!"_

There was a silence between the two boys, and then Naruto opened his mouth again.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" he said, his face pale.

"Yes," said Sasuke grimly. "It seems like either the zombies got out of their pens at the shooting range, or the gate finally caved in. Father never did get a chance to convert it from the traditional wooden gates to wood over reinforced steel like the others."

The words on the loudspeaker galvanized everyone across the complex into action. Doors crashed open, swords clanked, bows were drawn, and handguns and rifles were loaded. The young couple got swept up in the chaos and nearly got separated, only preventing it by grabbing each other's hands and holding on tight.

"_Fuck_ this _katana_, 'ttebayo," snarled Naruto. "Where the fuck is my semi-automatic high-powered rifle when I need it?"

"Are you looking for _this, _'ttedana?" said a voice behind them, and they spun around to see Kyuubi armed to the teeth and carrying the aforementioned weapon. Itachi was right behind him, armed in much the same way.

"What the hell is _this_, Kyuubi, the Second Coming of Rambo?" asked Naruto, taking the gun from his brother. "You _really_ went overboard with the ordinance."

"Oh shut up, you dumbass monkey of a little brother," snapped Kyuubi, "and get your ass in gear!"

"If we survive this," Naruto shot back, "I'll kick your ass, 'ttebayo."

"This is what you get for making fun of my small stature, usuratonkachi," Sasuke intoned sagely.

"Hey, I make fun of Itachi for being smaller than me all the time," said Kyuubi, "and _he_ doesn't act like a whiny little bitch about it. In fact, he comes back with his own witty insults, and they can get pretty imaginative and colorful. What the hell are _you_ complaining about, 'ttedana? Although, as a matter of interest, what _did_ he call you?"

"He called me a leprechaun."

The other three looked at him and burst out laughing.

"Good one, Naruto!" said Itachi, gasping for breath. "All he needs is the red hair and the suit."

"That's what _I_ told him!" howled Naruto.

"Itachi you sorry excuse for a brother you're _supposed_ to be _defending_ my dignity, not agreeing with the _asshole_!" snarled the raven-haired teenager, his face turning a bright red that almost rivaled Kyuubi's hair color, which only made his three companions laugh harder.

Finally Itachi calmed down enough to redirect them.

"We really _should_ be going to help," he said.

But just as they were about to move toward the south gate, the siren blared again. Kyuubi swore loudly, and Sasuke paled.

"Shit," groaned Naruto.

"_Attention, the north gate has given way! We need fighters at the north gate now!"_

Making a split-second decision, Naruto dragged Kyuubi and Sasuke along, and Kyuubi grabbed Itachi.

"The north gate is closer, so we can do more good there," he reasoned to the others.

But when they got there, they walked into a bloodbath… And the living were on the losing end. The blond teenager swore loudly and colorfully as he aimed at a freshly made zombie and shattered its skull with a well-placed headshot.

"There're too fucking _many_, 'ttebayo!" he yelled.

"Hey, where's Naruko?!" called Kyuubi.

"We caught her and Sai doing stuff on the _dojo_ floor again," said Sasuke. "She walked out after that, and we don't know."

Just then an arrow came down from one of the rooftops and with a _whoosh-thunk _embedded itself in the skull of another zombie, this one probably undead since the beginning of the crisis. Looking up, the four on the ground saw a familiar head of long blonde hair.

"Well, speak of the devil," said Itachi mildly.

"You're an _asshole_, Naruto!" yelled Naruko, knocking another arrow and pulling back the bowstring.

"Hark who's talking, 'ttebayo!" Naruto retorted, shooting an undead child. "Outed anyone who didn't wanna be _outed_ lately?"

"Are you two _still_ harping on about that, 'ttedana?" snapped Kyuubi, slinging his handguns as only a gunslinger from the Wild American West could. "That was over a _week_ ago!"

"This conversation is remarkably calm," Itachi commented dryly, "given that we're facing infection, death, and reanimation if we let these things get too close to us."

"Less talking," said Uchiha Sai, coming up behind them, "and more shooting." Then he gave Sasuke the once-over, smirking derisively, settling eyes briefly on his cousin's _kusanagi_. "Did you _really_ bring the literal knife into a gunfight? _What_ an idiot."

The raven glared at his taller, paler cousin.

"Keep your mouth shut, Sai," he warned, "or you will have a fatal accident. And I don't _care_ that my boyfriend's twin sister is dating you, so don't say 'Naruko will murder you if you do that.'"

"I always _knew_ you were a flaming queer," muttered Sai, turning away.

And oh, Sasuke wanted so _badly_ to kill the sorry fucker deader than one of these twice-dead zombies lying on the blood-soaked ground around them, but Naruko had a long range weapon, and he didn't think it wise to do anything… yet.

As if reading his boyfriend's thoughts, Naruto leaned down after shooting another zombie.

"I'll help, 'ttebayo," he said, and Sasuke laughed.

"Stop fucking around, 'ttebane!" yelled a familiar voice. "This isn't a goddamn _picnic_!"

Uzumaki Kushina ran past them, wielding a _katana_ in one hand and a sawed-off shotgun in the other.

"Hey, _language_, 'ttebayo!" yelled Naruto, grinning, as he blasted a zombie away. Kushina gave him the finger. He grinned, and Naruko laughed.

Kyuubi, on the other hand, looked grim.

"I have the feeling that we're going to be royally fucked if we don't start retreating now, 'ttedana," he muttered.

As if to confirm his out-loud thinking, the loudspeaker blared to life again.

"_Attention, the west gate has been compromised! Begin evacuation!"_

"Well, _this_ isn't good," muttered Naruto, pale-faced, as his gun clip ejected and he slammed another one home and continued to shoot.

Kushina came running back toward them.

"Where's Naruko, 'ttebane?!" she yelled frantically.

"Up here, Mom!" yelled the blonde belle, sliding down the roof and landing gracefully beside her.

"All right, now GO!" screamed the red-haired woman, pushing everyone toward the middle of the compound, away from the onslaught of zombies. Naruto tried to grab his mother's arm, but she pushed him away. "RUN, 'TTEBANE!"

Naruto felt tears welling up in his eyes, which widened when Kushina opened her jacket, revealing a wired ring of dynamite around her torso and a detonator.

"Mom?" he asked, his voice very small, almost like a little boy.

Kushina looked at her children, despair and sorrow in her aquamarine eyes.

"Listen to me," she said, watching the zombies that were slowly gaining on them. "I'm giving you time. You need go now. You Uchiha boys," she said, fixing Sasuke, Itachi, and Sai with her steely gaze, "need to take care of my kids, or serious consequences will be in store for all three of you."

"No, Mom!" screamed Naruko, starting towards her, but Sai and Kyuubi held her back.

"Look at you three, so grown up," said their mother with a smile, though tears glistened in her eyes. "I'm so sorry… I love you, 'ttebane. Now go!"

Naruto wouldn't move by himself; Sasuke had to drag him away, down a side street.

When they were three blocks away, a large explosion ripped through the area where Uzumaki Kushina had been.

"MAMA!" shrieked Naruko, sobbing.

"NO!" Naruto screamed, tears rolling down his face.

Kyuubi just stared in that direction, his face a mask of grief and sorrow.

X33333333333333

They ran along the streets, taking care to be as quiet as possible. Oddly enough, for being moving arsenals Itachi and Kyuubi were as silent as _ninja_, leading the group quietly past the undead that at times were only feet away from them.

Finally they reached the middle of the compound, and were confronted by the main group of survivors, which was preparing for evacuation. Everything was chaos; children cried hysterically, men and women shouted instructions, and mothers held their infants to their chests, hushing them. In some cases, men were putting their pregnant wives into military-issue Humvees, few having the time enough to kiss good-bye.

At the center of this mess were Uchiha Fugaku and Namikaze Minato, directing everything, trying to get Hummers and military issue trucks full of children, pregnant women, and old folk out. When they saw the six newcomers, they made a beeline for the small group.

"Are you all right?!" Minato yelled over the din. "Where's your mother?!"

Kyuubi looked down at his feet, and Naruko started crying into Naruto's shoulder. Her twin held her, looking for the entire world like a lost puppy. That in itself was answer enough for their father, whose relieved smile dropped as suddenly as if someone had taken a giant eraser to his face.

"Kushina…" he whispered.

"She died to give us more time to escape," said Sai emotionlessly, though his eyes betrayed his empathetic grief.

At that moment Gaara pushed his way through the throng.

"Where the hell have _you_ been?" he asked Sasuke.

"The north gate," answered the raven shortly. "It was completely overrun. As far as I know there were no survivors besides us from that direction."

Fugaku, who had been listening in, paled.

"We need to speed up the evacuation," he said to Minato.

"We're running out of vehicles," the tall blond said grimly.

"Dammit, I wish I still had my motorcycle, 'ttebayo," said Naruto absently.

No one really heard him.

"There are three vehicles left," said Fugaku. "We're going to have to triage. All of the expectant mothers are gone, as well as most of those sixty and over and all of the children twelve and under. That leaves anyone under the age of eighteen, and the rest of the elderly."

"B-but… Itachi-nii-san…?" asked Sasuke, a cold crushing despair creeping throughout his body.

"I'm not leaving without Kyuu-nii or Dad!" cried Naruto defiantly, looking at his father and older brother.

"Naruto, this is hard for us too," said Minato, sadness on his face. "Please don't make it any harder." Then he pulled the twins into a hug. "Be brave," he whispered in their ears, before kissing each of them on the forehead and pulling away. "Sasuke, Sai, you'd better take good care of my twins," he said sternly to the two boys standing behind them.

"I'll miss you two," said Kyuubi, also coming up and giving them a huge hug. "You'd better behave, 'ttedana. And as for you," –he pointed at Sai- "if you get my sister pregnant before the age of twenty-one or before you two are married, whichever comes first, I will come back and _haunt_ your sorry ass until I drive you insane. I don't need to worry about you two getting knocked up," he added to Sasuke and Naruto, "so just don't get any STDs. And if Sai gets her pregnant I give you full permission to beat the crap out of him."

Despite his sadness at having to leave his brother behind, Naruto still had enough left in him to snort in amusement and punch the red-headed man.

"That was unnecessary, you asshole," he growled, blushing a little. "Good-bye… I love you, Nii-san… I love you, Dad…"

"And _you_, Uzumaki Naruto," said Itachi, coming to stand beside Kyuubi and slipping a pale hand into the redhead's tan one, "had better not hurt my little brother, or I'll come back as a zombie and eat your brains."

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Well, at this point it's looking quite likely, 'ttebayo," he said as the first of the undead rounded the corner and made a beeline for the group of fresh meat. Itachi laughed and then hugged Sasuke.

"Take care of yourself," he whispered, and kissed his brother on the head.

"Sasuke."

At the sound of his father's voice, the raven-haired teenager turned around, only to be crushed in a hug. That was surprising in and of itself, but the words that came out of Uchiha Fugaku's mouth truly shocked his son.

"I thought I was doing what was best for you," he whispered. "After what happened two years ago, I only wanted to protect you. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I was a fool to ignore what I saw in front of me. You, young man," he said to Naruto, "had better take good care of my son."

And while Sasuke was trying to process what had just happened, his father gave him a push toward Naruto and toward the truck.

"Go," he said calmly, though a tear leaked from one eye. "We won't be gone, as long as you keep us in your heart."

It took them all of a second to get into the army-issue truck, and one of those left behind shut the gate. The engine started, and they began weaving their way through the streets. All around them there was carnage. Here a group of survivors held out valiantly, though outnumbered by the undead surrounding them. There, the zombies feasted on the remains of an unfortunate woman. Everywhere there was death. Sasuke buried his face in Naruto's shirt, shaking. Beside them, Naruko and Sai looked grimly out at the chaos.

X33333333333

The small band of survivors was almost surrounded by the undead. Zombies swarmed toward them, moaning terribly and gnashing their teeth. Itachi squeezed Kyuubi's hand.

"For the first time in my adult life, I'm genuinely scared," he whispered into his boyfriend's ear.

"Me too, 'ttedana," muttered Kyuubi, "but we're doing this to give our siblings and the others time to escape. Besides, with you here, I feel like I can do _anything_, even single-handedly slay a shitload of zombies."

Itachi grinned shakily.

"Are you ready?" said Minato to the two younger men.

"Ready," they said grimly. They all took hand grenades from a wooden crate.

"All right! _San_…"

The zombies were only a few yards away. Kyuubi grabbed Itachi by the waist and pulled him closer.

"_Ni_…"

Their lips locked. The zombies were only inches away.

"_Ichi_."

They pulled the pins just as the zombies reached them. They felt a brief moment of pain, and then all was bliss.

The blast obliterated the buildings nearest them. The wind created by the explosion pushed outward and destroyed or incinerated many more. All throughout the complex, wood and flesh burned.

X33333333333333333

Naruto stared out at the conflagration. A canyon had been torn in his heart, and he felt cold all over, despite the heat rolling off of the burning buildings in waves.

"It's… gone…" he mumbled numbly. "They're all… just _gone_…"

Sasuke began to cry, and Naruto pulled him closer. Beside him, Naruko was screaming "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO" and beating her fists on Sai's chest as he held her. The two boys looked at each other, a gesture that showed their helplessness, their sorrow, and their intense grief.

X3333333333333333

Now that was fucking depressing. Even worse than the chapter where Sasuke had to kill his mom. I almost cried at this one. I really did. And that's saying something, because I don't cry often. Please review, people.

Sasuke: Wait a minute. o.o

Me: What?

Sasuke: What's this about Sai being empathetic? o.O

Me: -_- Look, it's _my_ story, and _in_ my story he's an ass to everyone except Naruko.

Sasuke: You're ruining the image of him as a complete asshole! D:

Me: _ Yeah, we wouldn't want _two_ Sasukes running around, would we?

Sasuke: …Sai is not like me. At all. #-_-

Me: I dunno; you could be brothers if you got paler and he got Sharingan and took social skills classes. Wait a minute, you_ both_ need social skills classes. What am I saying? 8)

Sasuke: #-_- Grrr…

Me: 8D So review!

Sasuke: #-_- I'll kill you.

Me: -_- Case in point. Does he not need social skills classes? This is a bad case of anti-social personality disorder, AKA sociopathic behavior, if ever I saw one.

Sasuke: #*_* -Getting ready to kill me-

Me: _ We went over this multiple times. If you, Naruto, or any other character kills me, I can't finish the story.

Sasuke: -_- Dammit.

Me: 8D Review! –Does my victory dance-


	16. Heaven is Falling

**Chapter 15: Heaven is Falling**

They wound slowly through the streets of Konoha in a cold November rain, stopping only once for gas, and luckily meeting no zombies. Naruto didn't think it possible to meet any more zombies… It seemed like all of them had attacked the Uchiha compound at once, and they couldn't have survived the conflagration that lit up the sky even though they were now ten miles outside of the ravaged town.

"Where do you think we're going?" someone asked quietly.

"Dunno," the blond said. "There's only one place I can think of that's so far out this way, and that's the Hyuuga compound."

Sai looked at him oddly.

"The Hyuuga compound? How do you know where they live?"

They slowly ground to a halt, and a voice came floating through the gray downpour to them.

"Everyone out now!" shouted the voice.

"Aw shit, 'ttebayo," groaned Naruto.

"It's necessary," said Sai, shaking Naruko awake. "After what happened to our compound, they need to make sure no one who escaped is bitten."

"Ne, what will happen to those who have been bitten?" asked Naruko.

"They'll get shot," Sasuke said bluntly, standing up.

"I thought you were asleep, 'ttebayo," said Naruto quietly.

"If only," murmured the raven absently. The depth of the emptiness in his deep blue eyes scared Naruto a little.

They jumped down, and were immediately met by the sight of a pile of dead corpses. Each one had been shot thought the head. Every single one of them was naked. Every single one of them also had a bite wound somewhere on their body, including some in some really awkward places.

"Well, _this_ is a nice welcome," Naruto mumbled to himself. Sasuke heard him and nodded grimly, then shivered.

"You cold?" the blond asked his lover.

"Nothing I can't handle," he was rebuffed coldly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, and Sasuke instantly felt guilty. Why was he taking his grief and anger out on his boyfriend?

"Sorry," he said, amending his attitude, trying to smile a little, despite the fact that his heart wasn't in it.

Naruto gave him a sad half-smile back.

"It's okay, _koishii_," he said softly. "We're all grieving." He put an arm around the raven, who leaned into the embrace, finding comfort in Naruto's embrace.

"Naruto?!"

The couple broke apart and turned around. Naruto was surprised to be met with a pair of pale gray eyes…

And a pair of lips that were _not_ Sasuke's all over his own.

Shock and anger coursed through his body, and he pushed back violently, making the other teenager stumble. Beside him, Sasuke looked positively murderous and was clenching his fists in an attempt to not kill the guy who had just kissed _his _boyfriend.

"_Really_, Neji!?" the blond snarled at the long-haired offender, who was looking at him as if he'd never quite seen him before. "_This_ is why I broke up with you; you were always _too damn pushy_, 'ttebayo!"

"What?" said Hyuuga Neji, massaging his chest where Naruto had pushed him off. "Aren't you glad to see me?"

"No, not particularly," spat the blond, "especially not when you just practically _assaulted_ me!"

"I just gave you a kiss!"

"Yeah, that's great and all," said Naruto sarcastically, "except that I didn't _want_ it, seeing as I have no feelings for you _at all_ and don't _plan_ to have any for the foreseeable future, and _you did it in front of my boyfriend_!"

Neji did a double-take.

"You have a new boyfriend?" he asked.

"What," Naruto said, rolling his eyes, "are you_ really_ so conceited as to think that I've been _pining_ for you for three years, 'ttebayo?"

"Lay off of Naruto, Hyuuga," said Sasuke softly, edging closer to Naruto and putting a hand in the blond's. "He's mine."

Behind them, they heard "flaming goddamn queers" and all three turned to glare at Sai, who was looking pointedly away.

"_One more word_ in front of us about what you think of the GLBT community, you fucking prick," Naruto growled, "and I'll rip off your balls and toss 'em on that pile. Let's see you try and get my sister pregnant without _that_, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"Sai, behave," Naruko scolded him.

"He'd _better_ behave, 'ttebayo," said Naruto threateningly, "or I'll fucking kill him."

His twin glared at him.

"You too, Naruto, or I'll rip off _your_ balls," she snapped.

"Is that _your sister_?" asked Neji, practically drooling. "The last time I saw her she had such short hair, and she was as flat as a board…"

"She's taken too," Naruto deadpanned, and Neji sighed in disappointment. "He's bisexual," he added to Sasuke.

"Oh," said the dark-haired teenager, who had lost interest in what was happening and was staring off into the distance, back in the direction of where they'd come. The darkening sky was illuminated by the distant inferno that was the remains of the Uchiha compound. Naruto noticed tears in his boyfriend's eyes and pulled him close again.

"Wow, your current boyfriend's really short," Neji observed.

Both boys glared at him.

"May I kill him?" asked Sasuke.

"When I'm done with him," said Naruto. "I'm still pissed about his conceited attitude, 'ttebayo."

Just then there was a commotion at the back of the group. The guards pulled out an old woman whose graying hair was coming out of the crisp bun she had put it in when she woke up this morning. Her inky black eyes were wild with fear, and she looked pleadingly at the crowd and at the guards.

"It's just a small bite!" she pleaded. "Please, don't put me on that pile!"

"Look, I'm sorry, lady, but the rules are that anyone with a festering bite wound gets shot," said the guard, looking supremely uncomfortable. He tried to put his pistol to her head, but she was thrashing around so much that he couldn't do it; plus, Naruto saw that he was reluctant to do it anyway; Japanese culture taught younger people to respect their elders, and this act of violence was in complete violation of that which had been ingrained in the youth of Japan for centuries.

"When I was little," Sasuke whispered to him, eyes fixed on the old woman, "she took care of me and my brother. Her name is Hana."

Naruto thought for a moment, and then gently pulled his boyfriend over to the old lady. Her eyes widened at their approach, and she stretched her hands out, pleading.

"Sasuke-chan," she begged, "please…"

Naruto saw his boyfriend's eyes, full of helplessness and indecision, as he knelt beside the old woman and took her hands.

"Hana-baachan, I can't do anything," he said gently, though, his body was shaking, whether from the cold or from the stress Naruto couldn't tell.

"B-but-"

"Please, Hana-baachan, this is a stressful position for all of us," said the raven. "The best I can do is promise you a respectful burial in a marked grave."

"Not on that pile?"

"I swear on the honor of the clan."

The old woman seemed to be comforted by this and took out the ivory comb that held her hair back, letting it fall down her back in waves. She pressed it into Sasuke's hand and closed his fingers around it.

"This was my husband Mashiro's wedding gift to me," she said. "Take good care of it, Sasuke-chan."

The young raven nodded, not trusting himself to speak; if he did, he might end up crying again, and he was sick of crying.

When he stepped away, Hana pulled Naruto closer.

"Young man," she whispered, "I have seen you and Sasuke-chan together. I know what young love looks like. Listen to me; more are going to die. Whether he likes it or not, Sasuke-chan is now the head of the Uchiha clan. He will have to make some tough decisions. You need to be his anchor to sanity. Take care of him. Do not let him forget who he is."

Naruto nodded. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he fought them back.

"I promise I'll take care of him," he whispered back. "You can count on it."

Hana smiled at him.

"I'm glad. Now go."

Naruto stood up and stepped back. His lover buried his face in his chest, and the blond held him there.

"What did she say?" Naruko asked quietly.

"We'll talk some other time, 'ttebayo," said Naruto grimly.

A shot rang out, and Hana's body splashed into the mud. Her black eyes were glazed. Naruto buried his face in Sasuke's hair, willing himself not to throw up.

X333333333

"You _really_ should come to bed, 'ttebayo," Naruto said.

"There's no point," mumbled Sasuke. "I can't sleep."

The blond sighed and got off of the bed, sitting next to his lover and placing a hand over his. The raven turned his eyes to him. They weren't the eyes of a sixteen-year-old; they were the eyes of someone much older, who had been through much more suffering than a sixteen-year-old should have to go through.

"I can't _believe_ this," he said. "Yesterday everything was as fine as it could be in the middle of an epidemic of the walking dead, and today everything's gone to shit. The world has gone _completely_ crazy. I've seen enough of death in one day to last me two lifetimes, and there will very likely be more in the future. It makes you wonder what the point of living is when you could die at any minute."

'_Oh boy,' _Naruto's inner voice told him, and he mentally agreed with it. In the meantime, Sasuke continued on.

"And in the meantime, I've gotten the mantle of head of the Uchiha clan thrust upon me. I can't give it to anyone else. This means that the lives of however many Uchihas who survived the attack on our compound are now in my hands, which is a huge responsibility for anyone to take on, especially someone who's not even out of high school yet."

"You're thinking about Hana, _koishii,_" stated Naruto quietly.

"Yes," sighed his lover. "I could have done something more for her… After all, she took care of me and Itachi when we were kids. She deserved better than she got, and it's my fault."

"No it's not," said the blond, putting an arm around him. "You really need to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to the people around you. You tried to make the best out of a bad situation for her, and I think it worked. I mean, you helped oversee her burial, which was a pretty decent thing to do. So don't go blaming yourself, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke said nothing, but pressed his body closer to Naruto's. Naruto felt him shivering, though whether from the cold or from the stress he didn't know.

"Hey, you really _should_ go to bed."

"I'm fine, Naruto… Hey, put me _down_!"

"Since you weren't gonna go under your own steam, I'm taking you there myself," said Naruto reasonably as Sasuke struggled against him, though greatly weakened by exhaustion, grief, and shock. "Hey, stop that," he admonished gently, setting his boyfriend down on the bed. "I could've dropped you and accidentally hurt you, 'ttebayo."

"Well, then you shouldn't have picked me up in the _first_ place," said the raven-haired teen brusquely. "Dobe…"

"Heh," snorted the blond teenager, sitting down on Sasuke's side of the bed and running a hand gently through his lover's ebony locks. Then he let his hand rest on the raven's forehead.

"You've got a fever," he said in concern.

Sasuke swatted his hand away in annoyance.

"I'm _fine_, dammit," he said. "Are you trying to be my mother?"

There was an awkward silence between them as Sasuke processed what he'd just said, and then the raven looked down guiltily.

"I'm sorry, _koishii_," he said softly.

"There's no need to apologize, 'ttebayo," said Naruto with a gentle smile. "I understand that you're under a lot of stress."

The dark-haired teenager nodded wearily, stifling the urge to cough… The last thing he needed was to come down with a cold. Naruto was still looking at him in concern, and he tried to put on a small smile to reassure his blond lover.

"I swear I'll be fine," he intoned softly, as Naruto pulled the sheets and the quilt over him.

Naruto's face said that he knew that Sasuke wasn't all right, and the raven took it as a great accomplishment that the blond kept whatever he must be thinking to himself… He wasn't in the mood for sympathy; just for a good rest.

X3333333333333

Sasuke woke up in a strange place. He didn't know where he was; only that he'd never been here before and that it seemed empty, devoid of life.

"Hello?" he called, but his voice just echoed through the empty chamber, coming back to him a hundred fold.

Curious, he got up and started exploring the empty room. Surely there was a door around here somewhere, maybe a hidden door. But no, all the wall spaces he explored were smooth. There were no cracks to indicate any hidden doors.

As he puzzled over how this could be true, he noticed a door finally. That was strange, because Sasuke had already explored the wall that it was on, and there was nothing there before. Curious, he went up to it and opened it.

A blast of heat pushed him back, and he cried out in shock, shielding his face with his arms. It was a wall of flames, and he panicked, trying to shut the door, but for some reason it wouldn't shut.

Within the flames, human forms appeared. Sasuke wanted to look away, but he stood transfixed as they moved closer… His mother, dead by his hands; his father, with whom he had exchanged few words since he'd come to grips with his own sexual orientation; Itachi and Kyuubi, holding hands; Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina; his classmates and teachers and clansmen, all dead. And at the front of them all, a person Sasuke had tried to forget for over two years…

Finally, with a cry of horror, he managed to shut the door and turn his back on it.

The room was no longer empty or just a blank white; blood now adorned the walls, trickling from it, and dripping from the ceiling to the floor. And in the middle of the floor was Naruto, lying on his back. There was a bite on his arm, and a bullet wound in his forehead. His blue eyes were open, staring lifelessly at the ceiling.

"NO!" screamed Sasuke, bringing his hands up to his face, but when they were in front of him, he realized they were covered in blood too. Sobbing, he reached behind him for the door -facing the countless dead and the flames behind that door was better than the sight of his boyfriend lying dead in the center of the room- but there was no door any more, and he was left in the room with Naruto's corpse. With a choked cry, he fell to the ground in shock. Reaching a hand out to break his fall, he felt metal and tightened his hand around it. When he was safely on the ground where he couldn't fall again, he picked up the object.

It was a gun, still smoking. Sasuke looked at it, confused.

"It was you," said a voice.

Looking up, the raven saw that there were now two Narutos… There was the corpse in the middle of the room, and there was the shade of Naruto, unblemished, standing before him.

"What?" he said, unable to breathe.

"You shot me," said Naruto, pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke.

"No…"

"You shot me," Naruto insisted.

"No!" cried Sasuke, throwing the weapon away from him like it had just bitten him. "I couldn't have; I love you!"

"You killed me."

"NOOOOOO!"

X333333333333333333

"NOOOOO!" yelled the raven, sitting bolt upright in bed, his eyes wide and scared.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going _on_, 'ttebayo!?" said Naruto, rushing out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. "Are you okay?!" he added as he took in Sasuke's paler-than-usual countenance, the wide eyes, the heavy breathing as if the smaller teen had just run a marathon.

The dark-haired teenager shook his head, trying to bring his breathing under control… He was dangerously close to having an asthma attack, and he had realized belatedly that he had no inhaler, having forgotten it in the _dojo_ at the by now incinerated Uchiha compound, which in retrospect had not been a good idea.

Naruto came and sat down on the bed next to him and put an arm around him. Sasuke wrapped his arms around the blond's muscular torso and held on. Naruto smoothed his boyfriend's hair soothingly.

"_Oi, koishii_," he said softly, "what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare," said Sasuke, his voice slightly muffled as his face was still buried in the blond's shoulder.

"D'you wanna talk about it?" asked Naruto.

The raven shook his head.

"Hey, can I get some nightclothes on, 'ttebayo? I promise I'll come right back."

Sasuke was reluctant to let go, but he did so anyway, and Naruto got off the bed and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The raven heard him bustling around, rustling clothes, running water, getting ready for bed. He sighed wearily, running his fingers through his hair.

The little sleep he'd gotten hadn't helped his headache at all; on the contrary, it now felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to the inside of his skull. He gritted his teeth as a particularly bad wave of pain coursed through his head, and closed his eyes against the onslaught.

"Hey, Sasuke?"

He opened his eyes. Naruto was back in bed, dressed in a pair of black boxers and a matching T-shirt, and he was looking at his boyfriend in concern. The dark-haired teenager tried to smile, to reassure Naruto that he was all right, but the smile became a grimace as another wave of pain blotted out everything in his vision.

"You really _aren't_ feeling well," stated the blond, turning off the bedside lamp.

"What clued you in?" asked Sasuke sarcastically, massaging his forehead.

"Well, first you don't _want_ me to act all caring, and then you get all bitchy when I try to _ignore_ it!" said Naruto, rolling his eyes. "Which one d'you-?" He was cut off by his lover's lips on his own.

"Shut up, dobe," said the other teen, snuggling into his boyfriend's arms.

Naruto chuckled.

"You're so temperamental I could _swear_ you're a girl," he kidded.

"Don't ruin the moment, bitch," came Sasuke's muffled reply.

"Just a _moment_?" Naruto teased him.

The raven rolled his eyes, and then gritted his teeth against another wave of pain, though it wasn't as intense as it had been when the light was on.

Before they drifted off, Naruto pushed back the hair on Sasuke's forehead and kissed the pale flesh.

"I love you," he said sleepily.

"I love you too, Naruto," came the drowsy reply.

X3333333333333333333333

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

See, whenever I see two boys being all lovey-dovey with each other, like legitimately lovey-dovey, I can't stop what I like to call my "Awwww!" reflex. It's a quirk of mine. Basically I go "Awww!" when stuff like that happens. Like, with NaruSasu, or with my friend and his ex-boyfriend. It happens with other lesbian couples too, but I find it more adorable than sexy when it's two guys. Two chics making out, now that just turns me on. That's not just "Aww"; it's also "Hot damn, I want me some of that!"

But anyways, review! And just an FYI, the person Sasuke was trying to forget this chapter and the unknown incident that Fugaku referred to last chapter will have significance later in the story, so stay on your toes!

Yes, I only promised chapters 13 and 14, but think of chapters 15 and 16 as an extra treat. And why are they coming earlier than I projected? Well, I was promised a new laptop in June as part of my graduation present, and here it is, less than two weeks before college starts, but at least it's in time... :)

Hold on to your seats, ladies and gents! Next chapter brings more drama, more silliness, and more yaoi, especially yaoi! So please, sit back and enjoy the show!


	17. Desire

**Chapter 17: Desire**

When Sasuke woke up, the headache was still there. What was new were the bad coughing fits and the occasional sneeze. He mentally groaned to himself. Goddammit, he had too much to do; he didn't have time to get sick!

'_Maybe I can still work through the pain and discomfort,' _he thought. Just trying to sit up in bed showed him how wrong he was, because the second he was upright the room began to spin. Disoriented, the raven sank back onto the pillows just as Naruto walked into the room.

"_Ohayo gozaimasu, utsukushii,"_ he said with a smile on his face. "I made breakfast… You _really_ don't look good. Here, lemme check your temperature, 'ttebayo."

"N-no, it's fine," Sasuke started to protest, but Naruto had already put the tray on his lap and gone into the bathroom. The sound of him rummaging reached the dark haired teenager's ears, and he smiled a little.

"Aha!" said the blond, coming back in with a small thermometer. "Here," he said to Sasuke, "stick this under your tongue."

The raven did as told, holding back the urge to cough. After a few seconds, the device beeped and Naruto took it out and looked at it.

"A hundred and two," he said. "Damn, Sasuke, I could roast _marshmallows_ with that kind of heat."

The dark-haired teen rolled his eyes and sat up with Naruto's help. He began to eat, and then he stopped for a second and looked at it thoughtfully.

"This is really good. You said _you _made this?" he asked in a tone of awe.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, and Sasuke was reminded uncannily of himself.

"You don't have to sound so _surprised _when you say that, 'ttebayo," he said loftily. "I'm a pretty decent cook for someone who's practically in love with cup ramen."

His boyfriend laughed a little but began to cough violently and had to put down his chopsticks so he wouldn't accidentally drop any food. The blond rubbed his back soothingly until the coughing fit finally subsided, leaving him gasping for breath.

"Maybe I should go try to find you an inhaler?" Naruto asked anxiously.

"No, I'm fine now," Sasuke reassured him.

Naruto's smile came back, but now Sasuke noticed something… It wasn't his usual bright and cheerful smile; it was more strained, like he was trying too hard. The young raven didn't blame his boyfriend; after all, the survivors of the overrunning of the Uchiha compound the day before had all been through hell and back. It was just disconcerting.

Just as he was about to say something, the bedroom door that led to the outside slid open, revealing Kiba, Naruko, Gaara, and Sai. They all seemed to have had the life sucked out of them, except for Gaara, whose face was almost always devoid of any emotion. Honestly, he was Sasuke's best friend, but even the ebony-haired teenager had a hard time reading him. Sai lurked at the back of the group, apparently there against his will. None of them looked like they had slept well, except for Gaara, who had never slept well to begin with.

"I have three words for everyone," mumbled Kiba. "Worst. Night. _Ever_."

"Mm-hmm," muttered Naruko, whose eyes were bloodshot from crying.

"How about you guys?" Kiba asked the two boys on the bed.

"I've had better nights," said Sasuke, coughing a little.

"'Ttebayo," murmured Naruto by way of agreement.

"You don't look well," Gaara said bluntly to his best friend, who rolled his eyes.

"That coming from the guy who's had chronic insomnia since the age of three," the raven shot back. "You don't look much better yourself, _Tanuki-kun_."

Gaara snorted a little.

"I was being quite serious, _Taka-kun_," he intoned solemnly, though his eyes betrayed a small hint of mirth at the Uchiha's childhood nickname for him. "You _don't_ look well."

"I don't _feel_ well, either," responded Sasuke. "It's funny how the way you perceive my well-being and the way I _actually_ feel seem to correlate."

"Heh," Gaara snorted again, amused.

"Well, it's breakfast time, so we were just stopping in to see how you guys were doing and then getting food," said Kiba. "We'll be back later."

"'Kay," said Naruto, grinning that forced smile of his.

"Naru-nii, are you okay?" asked Naruko.

For a brief moment Naruto's smile slipped, and then it was back.

"I'm _fine_, 'ttebayo!" he said airily, waving his hands dismissively.

"Okay…" said his twin sister, a bit reluctantly. "We'll see you later then…"

When they left, the couple went back to eating in silence. It wasn't the usual comfortable silence; there was tenseness in the air. Sasuke could tell it wasn't directed at him, but it still made him nervous. Finally, they were done with their meal, and as he was about to ask Naruto what exactly was bothering him, the blond practically volunteered the info.

"_God_ I hate this," he almost whispered, his eyes downcast.

"Hate what, _koishii_?" asked his boyfriend quietly.

"Everything," responded Naruto. "The uncertainty of if we're gonna survive another day and the guilt about leaving Mom and Dad and Kyuu-nii behind… There's no God, or Goddess, or any divine being or beings. If there were, how could they, or it, or he, or she condone so much death and destruction? Wouldn't whoever _protect_ the decent people of the world? And yet so many of our friends are dead or undead as it were. Our friends, our parents, our siblings, our extended families… They're all fucking _gone_. They were all for the most part good people who didn't deserve to die. So _why_, 'ttebayo? Why the _fuck_ is this _happening_?"

The blond began to cry, his well-built body shaking, and Sasuke pulled him into a firm embrace. He felt so guilty. All he'd been doing was thinking about himself: what _he_ wanted, how _he_ felt, what had happened to _him_. And he'd been a jerk to Naruto yesterday when the blond was concerned about him and also feeling just as bad as he was. He wanted badly to do more to comfort his boyfriend, but what words would _ever_ be appropriate for such a tragedy?

"I don't know why this happened," the raven-haired teen murmured softly to Naruto. "I don't think _anyone_ knows why, and if they do they're either dead or in a secret bunker somewhere riding this out. I couldn't even tell you if there _is_ a divine being up there or somewhere, because I'm not even sure if I believe in a god or gods. But you said so yourself, sweetie; if we have each other, we can take anything thrown at us."

The blond teenager smiled a little against Sasuke's chest.

"Truer words have never been spoken," he murmured, sitting up and wiping his eyes.

"I _knew_ you'd see it my way," the raven kidded him. "Uh!" he added involuntarily as a bad wave of pain practically split his head in two, and sank back upon the pillows.

Naruto immediately felt his lover's hot forehead, gently brushing aside dark strands.

"I'll get a cold washcloth," he said worriedly. Before Sasuke could say a word he got up and left and then just as quickly was back with a damp cloth, which he placed over the raven's eyes and forehead. "Does that feel better, 'ttebayo?"

"I'm grateful, Naruto, I really am, but you didn't need to do that for me," protested the smaller teenager.

"Oh, I know I didn't _need_ to do anything, 'ttebayo," said the blond, smiling a real smile, "but I _wanted_ to. And besides, you're in no condition to get up and do anything yourself at the moment."

Sasuke growled.

"I am _not _helpless," he said mulishly.

"You might as _well_ be," said Naruto bluntly, "because every time you try to sit up you lose your sense of which way is up or down and weave around like a drunken sailor, which is _extremely_ amusing for me I might add. Why's it so hard for you just to ask for help, 'ttebayo?"

And goddammit, the blond was right, and that peeved Sasuke. The raven crossed his arms over his chest, trying to burn holes through his eyelids and the wet cloth, but Naruto just laughed: a genuine laugh, not a forced one.

"You're _so_ cute when you're irritated," he teased, leaning down and kissing his boyfriend on the lips.

"You _know_ you're probably going to catch whatever I have now," said the raven.

"Yeah," the other teenager said airily, "but why should I _care_?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Dobe," he murmured as Naruto crawled into bed next to him.

For a while they lay together in comfortable silence. Then Naruto spoke up.

"Y'know," he said pensively, "we've never had _morning_ sex before, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke had been about to drift off, but the statement from the blond woke him up again, and he had another coughing fit, almost choking on his disbelief.

"What the _hell_ goes on inside of your head?!" he gasped, taking the cloth from his eyes, blinking against the sudden harsh daylight, and looking at Naruto incredulously.

"You ain't seen _nothing_ yet, baby," teased the other teenager, smirking. "Of course, I could _show_ you what lives in my head right now, _if_ you feel up to it…"

His boyfriend thought for a minute and then shrugged.

"Well, I can't _go_ anywhere," he said wryly. "That doesn't mean we can't have a little fun."

Naruto pumped the air with his fist.

"_But_," interjected Sasuke, "this is the first and _last_ time we are having morning sex. _Ever._ Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Loud and clear, Mister Bastard, sir," said the blond, saluting and grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

The raven sighed.

"That grin isn't very reassuring," he said.

"Oh, shut up, 'ttebayo," responded his lover. "I've got twenty million different things I'd like to do to you right now, _all_ of them dirty as hell, and not enough time to do them all."

"Then what are you _waiting_ for?" Sasuke purred as his lips met Naruto's. "Get _started_, dammit."

"Well first I've gotta get you out of those pesky clothes," murmured the blond between kisses.

"Lucky for you it will be easy since this _juban_ is all I'm wearing- nhah!" gasped the raven as his boyfriend bit down on his lower lip, telling him nonverbally to stop talking, and then invaded his mouth with the taste of sugar, which was a little gross, but not as strong as the blond's soothing natural taste of mint and lavender. He felt a cool breeze as Naruto pulled the _juban_ down far enough to bare his chest and shoulders and shivered a little. The blond noticed this.

"Are you okay, 'ttebayo?" he murmured.

"I'm fine, dobe," said the ebony-haired teenager. "What happened to all the dirty stuff you said you wanted to do to me?"

"Oh, I'm getting there, bastard," said Naruto, smirking against Sasuke's lips. "All I ask is that you be patient and open-minded."

"Uh-oh," muttered his boyfriend, though his body was saying _'Oh _god_ yes!' _"If it has _anything_ to do with flavored lube, I am O-U-T, sweetie."

"Hey, I don't like flavored lube any more than you do. And it's not flavored lube, it's something _much _better," smirked the blond.

"Enlighten me, dobe," Sasuke smirked back.

Naruto stopped kissing the raven for a moment and rummaged under the bed. After a few seconds he came up with…

"Chocolate syrup?" groaned the smaller teenager. "_Really_? Do I _look _like an ice cream sundae to you?"

"Well, you _do_ taste awfully sweet," said Naruto, smirking. "I've also got honey, peanut butter, and raspberry jam here."

Sasuke groaned again in irritation.

"That is the worst pick-up line _ever_," he muttered. "And what the fuck did you do, raid the fridge or something?"

"Exactly. Now choose, because _one_ of these is about to be put on your body, and I'm not choosy 'cause I like all four options, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"The jam, I guess," he sighed. "This really _is_ the last time we have morning sex, and this is _definitely_ the last time I agree to let you show me what lives in your head. This is just plain weird."

Naruto just chuckled.

"Don't be such a spoilsport, 'ttebayo," he grinned, opening the jar and dipping a finger in.

When he had a goodly amount of it perched precariously on his finger, he brought it up. With the other hand, he untied the sash of Sasuke's _juban_, pulling it out with a flourish and leaving the raven's entire body bare for his perusal. The smaller teen shivered, both from the sudden chill and from the odd but pleasurable feeling of Naruto's slick jam-covered finger trailing down his body, from the nape of his neck to his nipples, which were already hard from the cold, to his navel, and finally traversing the length of his growing penis all the way to the head.

When Naruto was done teasing Sasuke, he took the discarded sash and bound the raven's wrists together, pulling them over his head. Then he crashed their lips back together, invading the smaller teenager's mouth. They mapped out each other's mouths, even though they knew already what they would find, and this stopped only when Naruto broke the kiss and laid kisses all along Sasuke's jawbone, coming to the nape of his neck, where he bit, sucked, and licked his boyfriend into a state of intense arousal. The raven was only vaguely aware that the blond's actions meant he was going to have a really big hickey there later, having already given himself over to his animalistic instincts.

"Nnnn…" he moaned, rolling his hips upward against Naruto's crotch. The blond, still for the most part clothed, felt his penis twitching uncomfortably, begging to be let out of his jeans, and he obliged it, pulling his pants and boxers down past his erection without once stopping his torturously delicious touch on Sasuke's body.

From the nape of his lover's neck he laid kisses all the way down to the raven's nipples, already hard from the cold, and then sucked and bit each one until they were red and as rock hard as both of their hardened members. From there he kissed and licked his way all the way down Sasuke's stomach, over the pale muscles to his navel, stopping there for a little while.

"Feels nice, doesn't it, 'ttebayo?" he said in between kisses and licks.

And oh god, it felt so nice that "nice" didn't even _begin_ to describe it. If being driven mad felt like this, Sasuke thought, it really wasn't so bad. He just wished that Naruto would hurry up and get to the part that involved giving him head. He'd never told Naruto –he just naturally assumed that he knew- but he absolutely loved the way that tongue piercing brushed against his skin, exciting every nerve that it touched, making it hard for him to keep from climaxing early.

Naruto, as if reading his mind, smirked.

"All good things come to those who wait," he murmured huskily, holding Sasuke's half-lidded gaze for a moment, and then he continued his journey south, finally reaching his intended destination: the raven's painfully hard erection. His boyfriend gasped, moaned, and twitched as Naruto kissed and licked his way up the length to the head and then immersed him inside of his mouth up to the balls. Teasing the area where the raven's penis connected to his testicles, he deep-throated it until he tasted the pre-cum seeping from the head of the sensitive member.

Sasuke was almost at the edge of what he could stand, and suddenly Naruto took his mouth away. The lack of stimulation left the dark-haired teen feeling very uncomfortable, and he growled in irritation. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I said all good things come to those who wait, didn't I?" he said as he grabbed a condom and rolled it onto his penis. Then he turned Sasuke over onto his stomach and helped him up so that he was on his knees facing the headboard, putting the raven's bound arms over his head and around the blond's neck. Grabbing regular lube, he slathered it all over his dick and pressed it against Sasuke's entrance.

"Are you ready?" he asked, pulling on the raven's hair so that Sasuke was forced to lean his head back to keep Naruto from pulling any out.

The smaller teenager nodded, and before he could say anything he had been invaded by the monstrosity that was his lover's penis. He cried out, but the hand that Naruto had been using to grab his hair went to his mouth, and the noise was muffled. At the same time, the hand that wasn't being used went to Sasuke's erection, fisting it, making him thrust violently into the blond's hand and impale himself further on his boyfriend's penis with another cry. The movement made Naruto cry out and he bit down on Sasuke's neck to muffle the noise, making the raven scream again, this time in pain as much as in pleasure. Blood dribbled from the wound, but neither really noticed as they reciprocated thrust for thrust, finally pulling each other over the brink of pleasure in a messy tangle of limbs, sweat, blood, cum, muffled yelling, and panting.

"_Dammit_, Naruto," groaned Sasuke as they both collapsed onto the bed, shaking from the aftereffects of their orgasms and from the cold. "That last bite _really_ hurt!"

"Sorry, Sasuke," said the blond sheepishly, still out of breath. "I didn't intend to bite as hard as I did. Oh holy _shit_," he added, looking at the damage, "I drew blood!"

"No, really?" said the raven sarcastically. "What the hell _are_ you, a vampire? We don't need _two_ types of undead beings walking around here, you know."

"Well, if I _were_ a vampire, you'd just enjoy the biting and the sex that much more, 'ttebayo," joked his boyfriend as he rolled the condom off and threw it away.

"Less talking and more helping me untie this damn knot," Sasuke responded with a smirk, struggling with the sash of his _juban_. "My hands are starting to lose feeling."

When they were both fully clothed again, they snuggled.

"So have you revised your position on morning sex, 'ttebayo?" asked Naruto, grinning.

"No, not really," replied his boyfriend, "but I _will_ say that this love-making session has been the best so far."

"Even though I bit you hard enough to draw blood?"

"Maybe even _because_ of it," said Sasuke dryly. "Crap, maybe I'm sicker than I thought."

"You're not sick, you're just a dirty and horny little masochist who likes the delicious torture I mete out," said Naruto cheekily. "And I'm a dirty and horny sadistic bastard who likes to torture you simply because it makes such delicious and sexy noises come out of your mouth."

"Hmph."

"Don't be like that…"

"Whatever, dobe," the raven murmured, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

"Now go to sleep," said Naruto, kissing his boyfriend's forehead and putting the damp cloth back over his eyes. "Your head still feels extremely hot."

"Mm-hmm," Sasuke mumbled sleepily, already drifting off.

"I love you, _koishii_…"

"I love you too…"

X3333333333333333333333

The next day Naruto woke up with a bad cough and a runny nose. Sasuke was fine, except for a mild cough left over from yesterday.

"_Goddammit_, Sasuke!" the blond snarled. "You gave me your cold!"

"It's funny how karma works," laughed the raven, fetching a damp cloth from the bathroom and laying it down over Naruto's eyes and forehead. "This is what you get for biting me hard enough to draw blood and not listening to me when I warned you I was sick."

"Ugh… I hate you, you bastard."

"I love you too."

X3333333333333333333333

So dere it be-eth, people! Review! On a side note, a _juban _is an under-kimono worn by both men and women. It's worn under the outer _kimono_ on formal occasions, but can also be used as a garment to be worn around the house, which is how it's most frequently used today.

Sasuke: o.O Why do you have so many damn sex scenes in this story?

Me: 8D Because I can. Besides, this story is longer than anything I've ever written before. I think that warrants more sex scenes than I've ever written before, and hopefully better yaoi scenes than I've ever written before.

Sasuke: -_- It looks like whenever you have writer's block you take the easy way out by writing a sex scene.

Me: 0.0 GET OUT OF MY HEAD! NARUTO, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS PLAYING WITH MY HEAD! MAKE HIM STOP!

Sasuke: '-_- Really?

Naruto: Stop fucking with her head, Sasuke! ^.^

Sasuke: I'm not; she was a fucking psycho to begin with! #-_-

Naruto: ^.^ Point.

Me: #*_* Grrrr…

Oh, and Kei-kun, I told you that the sex scenes would be kind of morbid, right? I don't think morbid was the right word. It's more just über-kinky and mildly disturbing to "normal" people who don't get a kick out of sadomasochism. Maybe if I still have enough left in my arsenal of yaoi I'll write a separate story for you where there's a lot of sadomasochism involved.

Naruto: =) You could write a morbid scene in.

Me: -_- Maybe later…

Sasuke: 8( "Maybe later"?! Why later?!

Me: '-_- Because I _said_ so, Sasuke_-chan_.

Sasuke: #-_- Grr…

Me: 8) Review!


	18. For Whom the Bell Tolls

**Chapter 18: For Whom the Bell Tolls**

_Two weeks later…_

Naruto sighed in boredom and irritation.

"There's nothing to _do_, 'ttebayo," he muttered to himself, digging his toe into the snowdrift outside of his and Sasuke's living quarters.

"Why don't you go fuck yourself?" asked Kiba, coming up beside him. "Or better yet, why don't you fuck your boyfriend? You guys have so much fun in bed you might as well start your own amusement park in the bedroom. It would be called Gayland, and all the rides would consist of bent over gay men being ridden by other horny gay men."

Naruto raised an eyebrow in an unconscious imitation of his lover, but chose to ignore everything but the first two sentences out of Kiba's mouth.

"I'd love to," he said ruefully, "but first, Sasuke is now the head of the Uchiha clan as the last surviving member of the main branch and so is busy with the head of the Hyuuga clan half the time. Secondly, we don't generally make love during the day. There's too much of a chance that someone's gonna walk in on us in a compromising situation."

"True enough," said Kiba. "You wanna go down to the _dojo_ and spar or something?"

"Eh, sure, why not?" said the blond, opening the door to the bed chamber and walking in. Kiba followed him.

"It's so _clean_," he said in awe.

"Yeah, because Sasuke is anally retentive about the cleanliness of our living quarters, especially his work area," said Naruto, going to the wardrobe and pulling off his clothes. "If I drop my clothes on the floor he tells me to pick them up and then clean that spot on the floor."

Kiba took one look at his friend's back, covered in fingernail marks, and started laughing.

"Wow, Naruto!" he crowed. "Are those…?"

"I thought you didn't wanna know what we did in bed, Inuzuka," growled the blond teenager as he got into loose-fitting pants and a tank top and put on a hoodie to block out the cold. "I thought you wanted to go spar?"

"Then come _on_, you ass!" snapped Kiba. "You wanna _go_? We'll throw down _right here_!"

"We _could _fight right here," said Naruto thoughtfully. "On the _other_ hand," he added, shuddering, "Sasuke would kill me for breaking shit and then not speak to me or have sex with me for a week, and fighting right now on the floor is _not_ worth that."

"You're always thinking with your dick," sighed the brunet, rolling his eyes. "Come on."

"Well, I have to keep Naruto, Jr. happy _somehow_, and getting into a fight with my boyfriend is _not_ the way to do it, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, smirking evilly. "I can't properly masturbate anymore because it's just not the same giving myself a hand job as it is buried up to the hilt in his ass listening to him scream my name as he comes and begging me to fuck him harder."

"That was really too much information that I did _not_ want to know," said Kiba, his face tinted green. "And if you want to listen to him scream and tell you to –ugh- 'fuck him harder,' why don't you go somewhere else so I don't have to listen to it too? _I live __right next door__, for fuck's sakes_!"

"Oh yeah," said his best friend with an innocent face. "I forgot."

"Bull_shit_ you forgot, you dick," muttered the brunet.

They made their way to the _dojo_ all right, without getting lost. There was just one problem…

When they got there someone was already there.

Namely, Sai and Naruko were already there. Sai had Naruko's shirt off and was working on her lower half, and Naruko had Sai stripped to his boxers. Kiba got an instant nosebleed, and Naruto groaned.

"Are you _shitting_ me, guys?" he growled, making them jump. "Every time I walk into a _dojo_ you two are on the floor going at it like a couple of dogs in heat!"

"You and Sasuke aren't much better," said Naruko, pushing Sai off of her and straightening her _haori_.

"We're _much_ better, because we do it in _our bedroom_, thank you very much," snapped her twin brother. "Not where everyone could possibly see us. There's no comparison, okay? Now are you done sparring, or can we use the floor?"

"Eh, you can use it," said Sai nonchalantly. "I wouldn't want to share it with a fucking queer anyway."

Naruto snarled at the wan teenager, who smiled back.

"Naruko, you tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't shut up about gay people I'm gonna shoot him in the balls, 'ttebayo," he growled.

"Sai, _please_ don't goad Naru-nii," pleaded Naruko.

"Sorry, _koishii_," said the thin teenager, looking properly chastised.

When they left, the blond sighed.

"I _swear_," he muttered, "one of these days that dickwad is gonna get it."

"_I'll_ say," growled Kiba, glaring at the closed door through which Sai and Naruko had exited a few seconds before. "_No one_ calls my best friend a fucking queer and gets away with it. That's _my_ job."

"I'm touched, Inuzuka," said an amused Naruto, "but you _still_ can't join me and Sasuke in bed."

The dog-lover choked.

"Who said anything about _joining_!?" he spluttered. "I'm _straight_, thanks very much!"

"Although you could well be a closet gay," Naruto teased him. "I've heard from multiple sources that you seem obsessed with our sex life, and I figured it was because you were jealous."

"As _if_, shit-for-brains," snapped the brunet, throwing a punch at his friend's head.

"Oh, are we starting _now_?" asked Naruto in mild surprise, so narrowly avoiding Kiba's fist that he felt the wind from the attack passing by. "My bad. D'you want me to gloat about how I'm gonna beat you now, or save it for later?"

"How about later, after I've pounded you into the fucking ground, Uzumaki?" responded his friend.

"You can _try_," smirked the blond, getting into a tiger-style fighting stance, "but the chances of that are as great as the chances of Sasuke _ever _topping in our relationship. You know I'm better than you when it comes to martial arts."

"Again, that is _way _too much information," snapped Kiba, assuming the traditional karate fighting stance. "And I've been practicing hard, okay?"

"All right, let's see then," said Naruto with a smirk. "Which one will win out, karate or kung fu?"

"You damn foreigner," the brunet joked. "We oughtta deport you back to China, or wherever the fuck it is you come from."

"I should beat your ass until you're unrecognizable just for being an ugly-as-fuck racist bastard, 'ttebayo," replied his best friend snarkily. "Shut up and fight me!"

"Yes, Master," Kiba quipped as he went for Naruto's windpipe.

Naruto easily dodged the attack and leapt into the air, turning his body into a corkscrew spin. When he hit Kiba, the impact was so hard that the brunet flew into the wall and went right through it into the garden. He landed on the ice-covered pond, crashing through the ice, while Naruto landed on all fours on the _dojo_ floor and immediately got back into his starting stance.

"G-_goddammit_, Uzumaki!" spluttered the dog lover, gasping for breath as he climbed out of the pond, shivering. "Y-you are a-a-an _asshole_!"

"It's nice to have you tell me something I _don't_ already know," smirked the blond. "I must've heard that one five times last night alone. After the third time, it really loses its effect."

"You're turning into a motherfucking _Uchiha_, you know that?" said Kiba conversationally as he came back into the _dojo,_ wringing out his clothes and dripping all over the wooden floor. "You weren't an ass before you and Duck-Butt started dating."

"No, I'm pretty sure I was an ass even _before_ I started dating Sasuke," Naruto grinned. "I'm just a bigger ass now. Let's go again; that wasn't enough of a challenge!"

"Yeah, well fuck you and the horse you rode in on."

"Yeah? Well fuck your _mom_, you whiny little bitch."

Kiba gasped and staggered as if he'd been hit by something, clutching his chest.

"You _wound_ me, Naruto!" he said dramatically.

It was sudden; one moment Kiba was firmly on the ground; the next he was airborne, again, as Naruto grabbed him and threw him and then ran after him. The brunet barely had time to reorient himself and hit the wall feet-first. Using his momentum, he propelled himself back at the blond, hitting him in the stomach and sending him flying through the same holes that Kiba had made a few minutes before in the wall and in the ice.

"WHAAAAAAA! HOLY SHIT _COOOOOOOOLD_!" screamed the blond as he surfaced. "YOU'RE A _DEAD_ MAN, INUZUKA!"

"Payback's a bitch, Uzumaki!" the dog lover called back, grinning. "GAH!" he added as his friend grabbed a chunk of ice and lobbed it at his head. "_That_ was uncalled for! Penalty!"

"This isn't soccer, dumbass!" Naruto yelled back, jumping out of the pond. "Prepare to eat _dirt_, 'ttebayo!"

They ran at each other and collided somewhere in the middle and grabbed each other in wrestling holds, each trying to bring the other down, neither getting much purchase.

Finally Naruto grabbed Kiba by the waist and flipped him over his head, back into the pond, and then held him underwater for ten seconds.

"UZUMAKI _WINS_!" he cheered as the brunet came up, coughing and gasping for breath.

"You are so _dead_, you asswipe," snarled Kiba, and he pulled Naruto in by his feet.

X333333333333

An hour later, they lay on the _dojo_ floor, shivering and still fairly damp.

"Well, _that_ was fun," said Naruto.

"Yeah," said Kiba, "apart from the part where we get pneumonia and frostbite and die horribly painful cold deaths."

"Well, it sounds better than getting zombified," said the blond with a shrug of his shoulders, getting up and helping his friend to his feet. "I'm gonna go back now. Fuck _knows_ I could do with a shower and some dry clothes."

"Yeah, me too," said the brunet, accompanying Naruto back to his room.

"Y'know, we haven't actually _talk_ talked in a while, Kiba," said Naruto. "How about we hang out again?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Maybe," said Naruto.

"What's it contingent on?" asked Kiba indignantly. "We're best friends for life!"

"Sasuke."

"Hey, bros before ho's!"

"He's been under a lot of stress lately, what with trying to run the remnants of the Uchiha clan and all," Naruto explained, ignoring his friend's comment. "Plus he's taken a lot of flak from the Hyuugas and the remaining Uchihas for being gay and 'too young to handle the stress of being a clan leader,' although between you and me I personally agree with that last part. If anything is wrong I wanna stay around to keep an eye on him."

"Dude, you act so much like a married couple," muttered the brunet. "You should just get married already."

"Good night, Kiba," said the blond, rolling his eyes.

"Night, Naruto. Oh, and thanks for going to my house and getting my clothes and some of my other shit; I was getting tired of sharing Neji's clothes and having him stare at my body all the time."

"Eh, no problem," said the blond airily. "I went to the Uchiha compound to see if I could salvage any of mine, Naruko's, or Sasuke's clothes so I figured you would want your clothes. Besides, it's between the Uchiha compound and here, so it was an easy trip."

"What's the compound look like?"

"Ninety-five percent of it was destroyed, but miraculously half of the main house survived, including all of the bedrooms and the den. Everything was covered in a fine layer of ash though, and some of the clothes were smoke damaged. I didn't have much time, since the truck was needed elsewhere, but I grabbed all of our clothes, some things from the bedrooms, and then went to your place and grabbed some of your shit. You'd better be grateful; when I was coming out of your house I almost got bitten by a zombie."

Kiba winced.

"Sorry bro…"

"It's all good," laughed Naruto. "Night, Inuzuka…"

The blond teen went into the mudroom of the living quarters set aside for him and Sasuke, stripping off his clothes as he went from the small room to the bathroom. He got into the shower and turned it on, sighing as warm water cascaded down his body, washing away the chill. Grabbing the shampoo he squirted a little into his hair and scrubbed his head vigorously, and then slathered himself in soap and let the water wash off the dirt and soap.

For a while he just stood there, reveling in the warm water. Then finally, not without some reluctance, he turned off the water and dressed himself in black boxer shorts and an orange T-shirt.

Walking into the bedroom, he noted with a bit of anxiety that his raven-haired lover still wasn't back yet. Sighing, he flopped onto the bed.

'_God, if they keep laying all of that shit on him, eventually he's gonna snap,' _the blond thought to himself.

Just then there was a knock on the door that led outside from the bedroom. The rapping brought Naruto's attention back to his current surroundings.

"Come in," he called softly.

"Hey, Naruto," said Naruko, coming in and closing the door behind her. "How're you doing?"

"Eh," said her twin, shrugging. "Tired as hell, that's for sure."

"Do you want me to come back tomorrow?" she asked.

"Nah, it's fine," responded Naruto. "I'm waiting up for Sasuke, or trying to." As if to emphasize the last part of his sentence, he yawned. Naruko smiled a little.

"They're really running him ragged, aren't they?" she asked with a considerable amount of concern in her voice.

"Yeah," said her brother wearily. "It's so frustrating sometimes. I never know which Sasuke is going to walk through the door: the tired but otherwise okay one or the tired and pissed off one. It's like being in a relationship with Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde."

"Heh," said his sister in mild amusement. "You have to admire his work ethic though…"

"Oh, I do, _believe_ me," responded Naruto. "If I were in Sasuke's place I would have snapped three minutes in, so all the more power to him. But it's taking a toll on our relationship, especially the sexual aspect, and even more importantly on his physical and emotional health. More than once I've walked in on him almost crying in frustration because he's incredibly intelligent but no one takes him seriously because he's 'only a child.'" The blond rolled his eyes.

Naruko rolled her eyes too. "I _swear_, those elders are getting more and more uppity," she said ironically. "No respect _whatsoever_."

Naruto laughed, but quickly sobered up.

"Also, there's the thing that I've been meaning to talk to you about since the Uchiha compound incident last week. You remember what happened when we first arrived here?"

"You got molested by Neji?" asked his sister. "How could I not remember? You two looked like you were about to murder him."

"After that, 'ttebayo," said Naruto.

"Oh, the old woman getting shot?"

"Hana-dono?"

"Yes, her. You had something that you were going to tell me later, if I remember correctly."

"Right," confirmed her twin. "Hana-dono said something to me right before they shot her. First of all, I have no idea _how_ she knew about me and Sasuke as a couple, because we didn't exactly try to advertise it to the general public, but she knew. Secondly, she said there would be more deaths."

"Well no _shit_ there will be more deaths," said Naruko, though she didn't look happy about it.

"Yeah, but she said something about how as the head of the Uchiha clan Sasuke will be forced to make some pretty tough decisions. Then she told me that I needed to be his anchor to reality, which is all well and good, except that I _can't_ be an anchor for him when most days I feel as if I'm losing my own mind as well."

"Why do you feel like you're losing your mind?" said Naruko worriedly.

"Well, Sasuke has his own shit to worry about, so I haven't told him, but sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up, but I'm only half-awake, and still half-dreaming. Sometimes the lines between my dreams and reality get blurred. Last night, for instance, I woke up, and I looked over at him, and for a minute I thought he was dead because I thought he was covered in blood, but then I realized it was a remnant of my dream. I almost freaked out _big-time_. Other times when I'm half-awake I hallucinate Kyuu-nii and our parents. And there are still _other_ times, when I'm fully awake, that I find myself talking to one of them, and then Sasuke walks in and asks me who the hell I'm talking to. You have _no_ idea how awkward that is, and I can't explain it to him or to myself. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality."

Naruko stared at him.

"The only way I know that you _haven't_ gone crazy," she said, "is that you recognize that you've gone around the bend. I don't think certifiably insane people realize they've lost it. And let me tell you something," she added, "I actually find myself doing the same thing sometimes. I think it's just our way of coping with the grief. Of course," she said sardonically, "if you've lost it then I wouldn't recognize it because that would mean _I've_ lost it too, meaning that you sound perfectly sane to me."

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"I think you need the anti-psychotic pills more than I do, Naruko," he said. "You're off your nut."

"You just think that because you're in denial about your own insanity," his twin sister teased.

"Shut up, you," said her brother, punching her playfully in the shoulder and then ruffling her hair affectionately.

Just then the door slid open, making the twins jump.

"_Tadaima_," Sasuke murmured quietly, sliding the door shut behind him. He saw Naruko and smiled at her, but the twins could tell that it was more of an "I'm–smiling-because-if-I-don't-I'll-cry-instead" kind of smile than an "I'm-glad-to-see-you" kind of smile.

The raven-haired teenager looked ten years older. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and his hair, which normally stuck up in the back, was drooping. Everything about him said it had been a very rough day.

The twins watched Sasuke as he crossed the room into the study and closed the door behind him, and then exchanged a look of concern, which turned to alarm when something crashed on the floor and was followed quickly by a thump and sobbing. They rushed to the door and pulled it open to reveal the ebony-haired teenager kneeling on the floor near a shattered vase, which had been on the desk. A small smattering of blood dotted the floor, and Naruto's heart leapt with fear.

"Naruko," he said to his sister, "go into the bathroom and get a roll of bandages from the medicine cabinet immediately!"

She rushed to obey, and Naruto knelt next to his lover on the floor, putting an arm around the shaking shoulders and pulling Sasuke closer to him.

"What happened?" he asked. "C'mon, Sasuke, tell me."

The raven looked up at him with an agonized expression in his dark blue eyes.

"Please tell me I'm not a bad person, Naruto," he whimpered brokenly.

"You're _not_," said the blond sincerely, "and if someone told you that I'm gonna wring their necks, 'ttebayo. Who told you that?"

"N-no one…"

"Then why d'you think that?"

"Because," said Sasuke, his eyes closed as if to steel against some sort of blow, "I just got forced into an agreement with Hiashi-san regarding a plan to bring the population of this compound down."

"Well, that doesn't sound _too_ bad, minus the part where you were forced to," said Naruko, walking back into the room with the bandages.

"You don't _understand_," snapped the raven, running shaking fingers through his dark locks irritably. "To bring the population down you can use preventative checks, such as birth control, or you can use positive checks, such as famine and plague, or some other such thing. The plan we're going with is a positive check; it helps with the issue of the population, but people have to die for it to work."

Naruto had a sick feeling in his stomach. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going, but he had to hear it from Sasuke.

"So wait… They're gonna _kill_ people?" he asked numbly. Beside him, Naruko's eyes were welling with tears, even as she got a bandage out of the box and began to wrap it around the raven's bleeding hand carefully but securely.

"_Please_, Naruto, try to understand; I didn't have much of a choice," said his boyfriend wearily. "I tried to talk to Hiashi-san about the benefits of just having most couples of reproductive age abstain from having children; I mean, after all, they were doing it in China before all the shit hit the fan, and they were having quite a bit of success curtailing rampant population growth. But he wouldn't have any of it. His mind was made up even before he called a meeting. _Ouch_!" he gasped as Naruko tied off the bandage with a violent jerk.

"_Goddammit_!" the blonde girl yelled angrily. "Those fucking elders just think they're _such hot shit_! They think that _their_ ideas are the only _good_ ones, and then when someone younger than them comes to the table with a good idea they talk over them and act like they don't exist!"

"I told Hiashi-san as much, though in much less inflammatory rhetoric," said Sasuke, smiling mirthlessly. "But do you think he'll actually take _me_ seriously? Who would ever take an _effeminate gay sixteen-year-old_ seriously?"

"Oh, I think he'd take _me_ pretty seriously," snarled Naruto.

"But you're not an _effeminate_ gay sixteen-year-old," pointed out Naruko. "You're just a gay sixteen-year-old who _isn't_ the head of the remnants of one of Konoha's largest and most influential clans."

"It doesn't _matter, _'ttebayo!" growled her brother angrily. "And how'd he force you anyways?"

"Naruto, please…"

"_Dammit_, Sasuke!"

"…He blackmailed me."

"_What_!?" yelled the twins in unison.

"What could he_ possibly_ use against you?" said Naruko indignantly. "Now that everyone in your clan knows you're gay he can't really use _that_!"

"People don't just use information about other people to blackmail them," sighed the raven-haired teenager. "They use the emotions _attached_ to that information. Hiashi-san said his mind was already made up, and that the only reason he'd called me in was to help him decide which demographic to get rid of. He said that if I didn't help him he wouldn't bother to choose; he'd kill all those sixty and over _and_ all women between the ages of sixteen and thirty-nine."

Naruko put her hands over her mouth, as white as a bedsheet. Naruto's mouth hung open, and he looked slightly sick.

"And…?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Naruko is safe, if that's what you're wondering," said Sasuke dully. "But anyone sixty and over is out of luck. Oh g-_god_, Naruto," he whispered, his voice trembling and breaking, "I feel like a _m-monster_. I did what was necessary, but I feel horrible about it. I never wanted to hurt anyone…"

"Hey," murmured Naruto, pulling his raven-haired boyfriend into his lap, "you don't have to justify _anything_ to me. And stop beating yourself up, because it hurts me to see you like this, knowing I can't do much of anything about it. You're one of the most decent people I know, Sasuke; you just got caught between a rock and a hard place. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. That does _not _make you a monster, 'ttebayo." He looked at Naruko helplessly over the smaller teenager's head, silently begging her to step in.

"No matter what happens, you've still got people who care about you and believe in you," she said quietly. "You've got Gaara, you've got me, and you'll _always_ have Naruto. We're here for you."

X333333333333

An hour later, Sasuke was finally asleep. The twins went into the living room and sat on the couch for a while, not speaking.

"Can you _believe_ it?" Naruko finally said. "This is worse than _anything_ I could've thought of. And for that bastard Hiashi to drop such a heavy burden on Sasuke-chan is inexcusable."

"I don't like this any more than you do, but I see the brutal logic behind his choice," said Naruto quietly. "When we arrived here the population of this small compound grew, meaning that food and other resources are more strained and there's less room for new children to begin to repopulate the world. If we got rid of the seniors there would be more room. They can't reproduce anymore, and they're going to die in a few years or so anyways. That means they're a drain on the resources if they stay. It's the Malthusian theory in all of its heinously twisted glory."

Naruko sighed.

"But to put that kind of choice on a _sixteen-year-old_?" she asked. "You said it yourself; this bullshit is taking a toll on his physical and emotional health, big-time."

"Sasuke knew what he was getting into when we first came here, 'ttebayo," Naruto murmured. "He knew people weren't gonna take him seriously. That he's doing this anyway is nothing short of saint-like. The best I can do is what Hana-dono told me to do."

Around midnight, Naruko left, telling Naruto to call her over if anything happened. Naruto sat up for a little while longer before going to bed. As he climbed into bed and embraced Sasuke, Naruto was overcome by a sense of pride, and a fierce need to protect his boyfriend.

'_I promise you,' _he thought, looking at the raven's sleeping form, _'I will protect you with my life. And I never go back on my promises, 'ttebayo.'_

X333333333333333

So yeah, the first half was funny, or at least I hope it was, and then it steadily went downhill. I was going to have Neji make an appearance in this chapter, but I figured, hey, that's a stupid idea.

Okay, so I'm hopeful that at least one of you knows what the Malthusian Theory is, but that's not general knowledge. Hell, I didn't know what it was until I started my Global Perspectives class in January. So I guess I'll explain it in my new crash course, called Malthusian Theory 101.

In the 1700s there was a man named Thomas Malthus, and he believed that the population increased faster than the production of food, and that to keep the world from suffering massive famine the population had to be kept in check. He had two different types of checks to keep the population down: preventative checks, such as moral restraint and birth control, and positive checks, such as war, famine, and disease. In his view, since the common masses (that is, in the 18th century, the peasants and lower class citizens) had no moral restraint and little access to birth control, the only way to keep the population down was to use positive checks. For example, he recommended that city streets be narrower and that poorer people be encouraged to be filthy, because that bred deadly diseases which would decimate the population. In this way the population could be kept at a reasonable level. It may sound inhumane and disgusting, but in a twisted way, given the state of our world today, it makes sense.

See, this is why I love zombie stories… They can be a metaphor for anything from social unrest to overpopulation to the generally shitty state of the world today. The only suck-ish thing about them is that they can't have sex or sexual orientations, or I'd be all over zombie gay love stories.

Naruto: 0.0 You're insane.

Me: 8D That's what they always say! And then someone else gets taken to the loony bin instead of me. So obviously I must not be _that_ crazy.

Sasuke: o.O No, you are _definitely_ that crazy.

Me: Says the crazy gay emo douchebag who's spent the last hundred or so chapters of the Shippuden series obsessing about revenge on Konoha and trying to kill everyone, including Karin, though I hate her, Sakura, though I really dislike her, and others. I'm surprised you're not in a mental hospital yet.

Sasuke: #-_- Because if anyone but Naruto touches me I kill them.

Me: O.o Yep, you need it worse than I do.

Naruto: -Eating popcorn- This is my favorite part. =)

Sasuke: #*_* I will fucking kill you.

Naruto: XD _Nailed_ it!

Me, Sasuke: o.o What the _fuck_ are you talking about?

Naruto: 0.0 Uhh, nothing?

Me: Whatever. Review, folks!


	19. Can't Stand Losing You

**Chapter 19: Can't Stand Losing You**

In the morning, Naruto was brought back to consciousness by the soft swishing sound of the shower in the adjoining bathroom. He groaned, not wanting to open his eyes.

"Too damn early, 'ttebayo," he muttered to himself, still trying to shake off the aftereffects of sleep and failing miserably. "Imma goin' back to bed…"

What seemed like five minutes later but was actually about an hour later, he awoke again to the sound of rain pounding on the roof and a pen scratching lightly. Thunder rumbled, and he flinched, whimpering. The pen scratching stopped, and Sasuke appeared in the doorway of the study. They looked at each other, cerulean on navy blue, and then the raven sighed.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, taking in the blond's shaking frame.

Naruto nodded.

"I should be asking _you _that, 'ttebayo," he said softly. "You look like death."

"Don't you mean 'death warmed over'?"

"Nope, I mean _death_," said the blond seriously, a little calmer now. "The only way I know you're _not_ dead is that you're breathing and talking to me."

Sasuke snorted mirthlessly.

"Before the shit hit the fan we could have included being able to move under your own power on the list of standard requirements for not being dead." He sighed again. "I hate this."

"That makes two of us," said Naruto ruefully, getting up and walking over to his boyfriend, who leaned his head on the taller teen's chest, his body shaking.

"Naruto, I can't do this," he whispered. "I can't tell my clan that we have to get rid of the clan elders to conserve resources. What kind of image would I present to them? I feel so helpless."

"Well, I dunno," said Naruto, trying not to jump as thunder boomed outside and lightning flashed. "Personally, _my_ respect for you would increase exponentially, because it takes balls of steel to tell the people looking to you as a leader that they have some nasty meds to swallow."

"Heh," said Sasuke without any humor whatsoever. "Somehow I don't think everyone else is going to think the same way that you do. You have a lot of integrity, Naruto, but you are so naïve sometimes."

"Hey," said the blond modestly, spreading his arms, "I try." That earned him a tired look from his boyfriend. He dropped his arms dejectedly.

"Sorry; just trying to lighten the mood, 'ttebayo," he mumbled, looking down at his feet.

The raven smiled sadly and walked back to the small traditional Oriental writing desk. Naruto followed him and sat quietly next to him as he resumed writing. No words were needed to express the love and support between them.

X33333333333333

Naruko and Sai were in the middle of dinner when a knock came on the wooden frame of the door that led from the kitchenette to the garden.

"Who is it?" called Naruko.

"It's me, _imouto_," said her brother, walking in and closing the door behind him.

"Ne, Naru-nii," the blonde asked her twin in concern, "are you all right?"

"Do I _look_ all right, 'ttebayo?" retorted Naruto tiredly. He took in the set table. "Maybe I should come back later?"

"Yes," responded Sai, at the same time that Naruko said, "No; join us, and eat _something_, dammit. You look too pale and like you haven't eaten all day."

"And you'd be correct," said her brother, sitting down and grabbing whatever food was within reach, "because I haven't had the motivation to do much of anything besides make sure Sasuke doesn't have another complete meltdown like last night and try to do something really stupid this time."

"That bad, hunh?" said Naruko sympathetically.

"I'd try to commit suicide too if _I_ were a fag," said Sai serenely.

"Don't _start_ with me, you fucking prick," snarled Naruto. "I've got enough on my plate without having to listen to your homophobic bullshit. Plus, we haven't done anything to you. I'd never actually _met_ you before this all started, and Sasuke's sacrificed a lot for the surviving Uchiha clansmen and women."

"_Both_ of you need to cut it out," said Naruko angrily, "because if you don't I will beat the _shit_ out of you. And you, Sai, have you _any_ idea what your cousin's going through right now?"

"I have no clue," said the pale teen. "How would _you_ know?"

"Tell him later, 'Ruko-chan," said Naruto. "Actually, what I came here for was to give you a notice. Sasuke's called a clan meeting for tomorrow morning. He said something about wanting to tell the clan what he told us last night before Hiashi has a chance to twist it. And believe me," he added as the other two opened their mouths, "the motherfucker would do it too. He was trying to play mind games with us when he first came to visit four days ago."

"He came to visit you?" asked Naruko.

"Yeah, something about wanting to make sure our accommodations were comfortable and clean and have a chat with Sasuke, but by the time he left, let's just say that the vibe was enough to kill a lesser person."

"_God_ that man is a slimeball," Naruko snarled angrily. "How many times did he write out the notice?" she added as her brother produced a stack of paper from his jacket.

Naruto gave her a weird look.

"Once," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "The main house has a photocopier, so I copied it a few dozen or so times."

"Okay, but why are you giving all of these to us?" asked the blonde.

"I'm not, unless you'd like to take these around to the rest of the Uchiha clan, which I'd be grateful for, actually," said Naruto, a plea in his eyes.

Naruko nodded and smiled, taking the notices from him.

"You should go back," she said. "I'm sure Sasuke-chan is wondering where you are."

"Yeah," said Naruto. "I told him I'd only be gone for half an hour…"

"And how long has it been since you told him that?"

"Erm," said her twin, checking his watch, "about forty-five minutes…"

"You idiot," she said in exasperation, raising an eyebrow. "You'd better hurry up!"

"Yeah, you're right, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, going to the door and opening it. A huge lightning flash lit up the yard behind him, followed by a clap of thunder, and he flinched, but walked out anyways. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, I guess."

He shut the door behind him.

"What a pain in the ass," groaned Sai.

"You want to know what's _really_ a pain in the ass?" Naruko growled. "You taking potshots at Naru-nii and Sasuke-chan every chance you get. Their sexual orientation has _nothing_ to do with their personalities. You keep being an ass to my twin brother and your cousin, and I will _never_ have sex with you. Now come on, we have notices to deliver."

She stalked out into the rain, and Sai followed, sighing.

X3333333333333333

When Naruto got home, he found Sasuke slumped over the writing desk, sleeping fitfully. Mostly incoherent words came out of his mouth as he constantly shifted around, although a few clearer words caught the blond's attention. He jumped and almost cried out when Naruto gently stroked his cheek to wake him up.

"Sleeping in that position could give you permanent damage to the muscles and vertebrae in your neck, 'ttebayo," the blond said.

His boyfriend blinked, trying to reorient himself.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily.

"Fifteen minutes of twenty-three hundred," replied Naruto. "We should both be getting to bed; we're gonna be in for the long haul tomorrow."

They had just crawled into bed and turned off the lights when Naruto turned to Sasuke, a curious look on his face.

"Just out of curiosity," he asked, "what were you dreaming about? Because when I walked in you were mumbling incoherently and whimpering. The only words I could make out were 'love,' 'kill,' and my name."

"It's nothing, dobe," said the raven irritably, trying to turn his back, but Naruto wouldn't let him, grabbing onto his shoulder to keep him facing toward the blond.

"It's obviously _not_ 'nothing', 'ttebayo," he said quietly, "because I can tell you're trying to avoid the subject, and you were crying in your sleep, just before I woke you up. Something's bothering you."

"What, you mean _besides_ the obvious?" snapped Sasuke.

"_Yes_, I mean besides the obvious," retorted his boyfriend.

They glared at each other for a moment, and then Sasuke capitulated with a sigh.

"It started the night we got here, and I've had it every night since," he said quietly. "It's always the same dream. I'm in this white room with no doors, no windows, no anything, and then suddenly this door appears out of nowhere, and I open it and there are my dead family members and your dead family members and our dead friends, and they're all engulfed in flames. I shut the door, turn around, and the walls and ceiling are so covered in blood that the room itself seems to be bleeding. You're always in the center of the floor, a bite on your arm and a bullet hole through your forehead, and then a gun appears on the floor beside me, and your ghost keeps telling me that I killed you." He let out another long, shuddering sigh. "Not exactly the sort of dream conducive to a good night's sleep."

Of course, he omitted the part about the person who had haunted him for over two years.

"Tcheh, you _can't_ kill me, 'ttebayo," joked Naruto. "I'm _invincible_, temee! I have abs and balls of steel, and my head is like the skull in _Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull_!"

"If only that _were_ true," said his lover ruefully, chuckling.

"But on a more serious note," continued the blond, sobering up quickly, "I know it's a lot to ask, but if I ever _do_ get bitten, and there's no known cure by then, I want you to be the one to kill me."

"Are you _shitting_ me?" said the raven, feeling cold inside.

"No I'm _not_ shitting you, Sasuke," said Naruto seriously. "I don't plan on getting bitten, but if I do, there's no one else I'd rather have shoot me. A lot of shit's been happening around and to you lately, and I know you don't wanna kill anyone, but please; just grant me that one request, as my lover."

Sasuke looked at him reluctantly.

"I-" he started, but then faltered when his boyfriend looked at him with pleading eyes. "Fine. The same goes for me. If _I_ get bitten, _you_ have to shoot me."

"All right," said the blond. "Keep in mind that I don't plan on this pact _ever_ becoming a necessity, 'ttebayo."

"Well, no one except those survivalist gun nuts ever planned on the zombie apocalypse happening, but here it is."

"True enough," said Naruto, "but I stand by what I said."

"I like guys who stand by what they say," murmured Sasuke, kissing the blond. "Now go to sleep, dobe; tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"What, no good night sex?" said Naruto in mock disappointment.

The raven rolled his eyes.

"Is sex _all_ you can think about?" he asked, flicking his boyfriend's nose.

"_Itai_, S'uke!" whined the blond, rubbing his stinging nose. "No that's _not_ all I can think about. Although it's _half_ of what I think about."

"Well, keep it in your pants tonight, Romeo," said the dark-haired teenager, snuggling closer to Naruto and resting his head on his tan shoulder.

"How'm I supposed to keep it in my pants when you're rubbing right up against it and making me hard, 'ttebayo?" groaned the blond. "And if I'm Romeo, does that make you Juliet?"

Sasuke bit him hard on the shoulder, and he yelped in surprise and pain.

"_Dammit_, Sasuke!"

"I'm _not_ a girl," growled the raven.

"Well, then you shouldn't have called me Romeo, my little Juliet," smirked the blond.

Sasuke sighed in irritation.

"One of these days I'm going to refuse to have sex with you, and _then_ where will you be? Jerking off into your pillow?"

"If I'm _horny_ enough, yeah," said Naruto, a smirk playing across his face. "Although I think you should know that I _can't_ really masturbate anymore, because my hand doesn't compare in _any_ way to the feeling of being buried balls-deep in your ass."

His boyfriend sighed again, burying his face in the blond's chest.

"Sometimes you are a _Neanderthal _and a _pain in my ass_, did you know that?"

"Literally _and_ figuratively, 'ttebayo," Naruto responded, grinning cheekily. "Double trouble."

Sasuke hit him with the pillow.

X33333333333333333

When they woke up, the rain was now a blizzard of epic proportions, blotting out everything but the area two feet in front of the door that led from their bedroom to the garden, and while they were sleeping, somehow their shirts had been discarded and the blankets had been tossed off, so now, despite being entwined in each other's arms, they were freezing.

"What the _hell_…?" murmured Naruto as he got a good look at himself. "I'm _pretty_ sure I went to bed with a shirt on."

"And when the fuck did it get so _cold_?" muttered Sasuke unhappily, shivering.

"Well, there _is_ a blizzard outside," the blond pointed out. "I don't know _why_ the weather's been acting so crazy lately…"

His lover sat up, got a look at what was outside, and groaned.

"What a _great_ start to a day that was promising to be shitty as early as yesterday," he snapped, getting back into bed and covering his head with a pillow. "I _really_ want to call off the fucking meeting…"

"The longer you wait, the longer Hiashi-san has to perpetrate his own story of the way things transpired," said Naruto softly.

Sasuke scowled into the mattress, but he knew the blue-eyed blond dobe was right. With a muttered "fuck," he got out of bed and started getting ready.

X3333333333333

When they finally got to the meeting place, a _dojo_ that had been hastily converted into a meeting area for the Uchiha clan and anyone else not of the Hyuuga clan, half of the clan was already there, with people still trickling in. Those not of the clan were there too; Sasaki and Sayuki were there, but Naruto could only see one of the other two triplets, and Karin, Juugo, and Suigetsu sat in the far corner.

"Nice turnout," he muttered to Sasuke, who was taking off his coat and scarf and hanging them up to dry.

"I sincerely _hate_ crowds," was the raven's only response.

Suddenly they were both attacked by a blur of sunshine yellow.

"_Goddammit_, Naruko!" Naruto whined as his twin sister practically crushed him in a bear hug.

"_Get off_!" gasped Sasuke, struggling to break free of her vise-like grip.

"What was _that_ for?" her brother asked when she finally let go.

"Nothing," she said airily, grinning. "Just a spontaneous act of love for my wonderful brother and his adorable boyfriend."

The couple looked at each other bemusedly.

"And _this_ is for luck," she said, smiling. Leaning down slightly, she planted a kiss on Sasuke's forehead and then walked away.

The raven looked after her, nonplussed. Then he sighed in annoyance.

"She is _way_ too happy given the circumstances," he grumbled.

"It's her way of coping," said Naruto. "When something bad happens she tries to pretend that nothing has changed." Then he looked out at the crowd, which had grown since they'd entered. "That looks like everyone," he said softly, parting his fingers in a Vulcan hand sign. "May the Force be with you, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the blond.

"You're mixing your science fiction movies, dobe," he muttered amusedly, and then moved away from his lover, catching the crowd's attention.

"Hey, why the _hell_ are we out here in the middle of a _blizzard_?" someone asked.

"Because this is important," said the raven calmly, resisting the urge roll his eyes again. Didn't they think that if he would have called it off if he had actually had the luxury of doing so? "Two days ago Hiashi-san and I had a meeting about the connection between a growing population and potential food shortages, and we were both agreed on the fact that the population has to come down. Where we disagreed was on the methodology."

"So get to the point," the same person said irritably, and Naruto seriously wanted to kill the bastard for being so rude.

"Okay. Uhm," said Sasuke, clearly rattled. "Well, I suggested that we impose a one-child law on couples of child-bearing age without children in the compound. Since the seventies China has been doing it with relative success in curbing rampant overpopulation, and it would work even better on a smaller scale. Unfortunately, Hiashi-san had already chosen the other method, which essentially amounts to mass murder." He looked calm, except for his eyes, which betrayed fear, anger, and uncertainty.

The entire room immediately broke out into fearful murmuring.

"What does that mean?" asked a middle-aged woman near the back.

"It means that we had to make a choice which demographic goes: women between the ages of sixteen and thirty-nine, or those sixty and over," he said, trying to stay calm. His trembling voice, however, belied his stoic demeanor.

"And who goes?" said someone in the front, a girl about their age with her short ebony hair brushed forward in an emo hairstyle. She was trembling.

There was a long silence as Sasuke tried to get up the strength to say what he had to say next.

"S-senior citizens," he said at last.

Those two words were spoken quietly, but they carried across the room. People stared in shock, and others started crying. One man jumped up, came to the front of the crowd, and got in the raven-haired teenager's face.

"This is _your_ fault!" he bellowed, and Sasuke flinched, though he held his ground. "Fugaku-san would _never_ allow such a thing to happen!"

"As a clan leader you have to make hard decisions, Hatsu-san," said the teenager softly, trying to make the irate man in front of him understand with his eyes how sincere he was, but Hatsu either couldn't or wouldn't see the pain this decision had caused the raven.

"Hatsu…" said a woman, probably his wife, coming up and taking his elbow, but he shook her off.

"Shut up!" he roared. "If you weren't just a _boy_, and a sickly, small, girly, _gay_ boy at that, maybe Hyuuga Hiashi would've taken you more seriously! You should've stepped down and let someone more experienced take the job, but no, you're too _prideful_! _All_ of you main house Uchihas are!"

He put his both hands on Sasuke's chest and shoved him. The raven-haired teen was thrown off-balance and sat down hard on the floor. Naruto jumped in between them, snarling angrily.

"_Watch_ it, you dick," he growled, getting up in Hatsu's face. "Lay another hand on my boyfriend and you might not get it back."

"Is that a _threat_, you fucking faggot!?" yelled Hatsu.

"No, that's a fucking _promise_, shit-licker!" Naruto shouted back, pissed beyond all reason. "Threaten _me_, insult _me_, hit _me_, _I_ don't care! But don't you _dare_ lay a hand on Sasuke or blame him for everything that's been going wrong! He's sacrificed more for your sorry ass than _I_ ever would, and you're bitching at him because the head of the Hyuuga clan is a fuckhead who wouldn't know a good suggestion if it came up to him and kicked him in the _balls_! He fucking _tried_, so don't even _think_ about belittling him!"

The blond was about to go on with his rant, but a scream from Naruko and a thud from behind distracted him. He turned to find the raven-haired teenager on the ground in a ball, clutching at his chest, wheezing and hyperventilating, unable to catch his breath. Cold beads of sweat had pooled on his forehead, and it occurred to Naruto that this was the first time he'd ever witnessed a severe asthma attack. Along with that came the cold and heartrending realization that he had no idea what to do.

"Sasuke!" he cried, dropping to his knees beside his stricken boyfriend as Naruko ran over.

"Where's your inhaler?" she asked the dark-haired teenager urgently, but he couldn't answer.

"It burned up in the fire a little over a week ago," said Naruto grimly.

"You have to get him out of here," said Sasaki, coming over.

Naruto looked at her, confused.

"The stressful environment triggered it, so you have to _remove_ him from it!" she said, exasperated.

Naruto didn't need telling twice. Picking his lover up bridal style he ran out of the room. Behind him, Hatsu's wife was chastising him in a loud voice.

"The doctor!" said Naruko, running out behind him.

"Where?" asked her brother.

"Come on, I'll show you," she said grimly, picking up the pace. "It's closer than your living quarters."

Naruto looked down at Sasuke, who was still desperately gasping for air like a fish out of water.

"Hold on, _koishii,_" he said quietly.

X333333333333

_Two hours later…_

"You are lucky you showed up when you did," said the old woman grimly. "An asthma attack of this magnitude could have been fatal, especially since he hasn't taken his inhaler in… How long did you say it was?"

"A little over two weeks," said Naruto, not looking up from the bed upon which Sasuke lay, now unconscious. An oxygen mask covered his mouth and nose, regulating his breathing, which was gradually returning to normal. "Will he be all right, uh…?"

"Just call me Chiyo-baachan," said the old woman kindly. "I already know about Hiashi-dono's mandate, and how this poor boy was forced into signing on. That is a terrible burden to place on one so young."

"H-how'd you know, Chiyo-baachan?" asked the blond, flustered.

"I have connections within the main house. I know what goes on," said the old woman, winking. "I know I will be left to die in little more than a week, which is when the mandate will finally kick in, but I have lived a full life, and I have saved many others in the process." She smiled. "I have no regrets."

"Wow," said Naruto, awed, turning and looking at her. "I hope I exhibit that kind of attitude when death has _me_ in its sights."

Chiyo laughed.

"That kind of attitude only comes with the fulfillment of your life, young man," she said kindly, "and you are too young to have done everything you need to and want to do. You have too many left that care about you."

"Whaddya mean?" the blond asked bitterly. "All my family except for my twin sister Naruko is gone, and outside of my biological family there's Sasuke and my best friend Kiba. That's three people, 'ttebayo."

"Yes, but these three people have had and _will_ have a greater impact on your life than you can ever imagine," said Chiyo, taking a seat beside Naruto and patting his hand. "You cannot discount them just because there are _only_ three of them. As long as they are around, you have at least three reasons to live, though I certainly hope you have more."

Naruto smiled wanly.

"Yeah, I have other reasons, but they're my main ones," he said softly, stroking his boyfriend's cheek gently, "especially Sasuke. I dunno _what_ I'd do if he died. He's an extremely important part of my life, and if something happened to him there'd be a gaping hole in my heart that I doubt I'd ever be able to refill. Life without Sasuke would be empty, colorless, and not worth living."

"That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say, dobe," said a familiar soft velvety voice, and the blond saw his lover's eyes slowly fluttering open. His breath hitched in his throat as those beautiful dark sapphire blue eyes fixed on his own sky blue orbs.

"Y-you're okay, 'ttebayo?" he asked.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"I'm invincible, Naruto," he smirked, removing the oxygen mask. "I wouldn't let such an insignificant thing as an asthma attack do me in. Or do you have that little faith in your lover?"

The blond was silent for a minute, processing the raven-haired teen's words, and then he smacked him.

"You _asshole_!" he screamed at Sasuke, tears sliding down his cheeks. "I was fucking _worried_ about you, dattebayo! I was scared as _fuck_ when you collapsed! D'you know how _close_ you were to having _potentially __fatal__ convulsions_?! For a while it was touch-and-go, and I couldn't do anything except sit there and _watch_ you suffer! And you're acting so goddamned _flippant_ about it?!"

All through Naruto's outburst, Sasuke lay there with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide.

"N-Naruto…?" he said weakly, but before he could say another word the blond pulled him into a rough embrace.

"Don't _ever_ do that again, you bastard!" he cried into the raven's hair, shaking. "_Ever_!"

"I'm sorry for making you worry so much, _koishii_," Sasuke murmured, tilting his head to capture Naruto's lips in a chaste kiss.

Chiyo watched, smiling.

X333333333333333333333

Well, that was chapter nineteen! Originally there was a different ending to this chapter, but it was _really_ lame, so I reworked it a bit. Hopefully it isn't as lame, although for you to make a comparison you'd have to be able to read the other ending, which isn't possible since I got rid of it.

Naruto: Yeah, because cheesy speeches proclaiming your undying love for your boyfriend to an old lady make for _great_ chapter endings.

Me: =D But it might get you great sex later!

Naruto: 0.0 Really!? When!?

Me: -.- Note that I said "might," not "definitely."

Naruto: T_T Dammit.

Me: 8D REVIEW! –Review dances to my bed and gets in-

Naruto: '-_- Why does she always do that?

Sasuke: Because she's a certified lunatic. The correct question is why do _we_ put up with it?

Naruto: Uhm, the kinky sex scenes? Just a guess…

Sasuke: …Yeah, that was my guess too.


	20. Give Me Your Hand

**Chapter 20: Give Me Your Hand**

_Two weeks later…_

When Sasuke opened the door of his and Naruto's living quarters, he was in a bad mood and just wanted to go to sleep. Of course, knowing Naruto, he should have known that wasn't going to happen; the second he opened the door his ears were assaulted by the loudest, most cheerful, and most obnoxious music he'd ever heard.

"Naruto!" he yelled, clapping his hands over his ears, which were ringing. "What the _hell_ is this _noise_!?"

The music decreased in volume, and Naruko and Naruto appeared at the door with identical grins on their faces.

"Someone isn't full of the Christmas spirit!" Naruko teased in a singsong voice. "Just wait till he sees what we've done with the living room," she added to Naruto, who laughed excitedly.

"Come on, S'uke," the blond added, "you've been down, especially since last week. You _really _need a pick-me-up, 'ttebayo."

The raven-haired teen bemusedly allowed himself to be dragged into the room by the twins, and what he saw there dumbfounded him.

The entire room was a swirl of light and color. Garland and tinsel were everywhere, and there was a stereo in the corner, from which Christmas music emanated. The stone fireplace, which had been cold and empty when Sasuke had left this morning, was filled with logs and crackling merrily. Across the chestnut mantle were decorated oversized socks with names written on them in fabric paint, each filled with many little somethings. There was a pine tree in the corner, and it had been covered in lights and decorated with _origami_ cranes and stars made from brightly patterned paper. On the top was an _origami_ angel with golden foil for the little halo and plain white paper for the wings. Wound around the bottom was a _maru obi_, on top of which were placed well-wrapped presents. Emanating from the kitchenette were strange but wonderful smells. It definitely didn't smell like Japanese cooking, but Sasuke couldn't tell what it was that _was _cooking.

"You did _all_ of this while I was out?" he asked, awestruck. "Where did you find the pine tree?"

"Easy," said Naruko. "Naruto and I recruited friends to help us. Everyone else stood watch while Nii-san, Kiba, and I cut the tree down, and then we all had a hand in carrying it back. And that is the story of how you two now have a tree growing in your living room."

"And how long did it take you to fold all of those cranes and stars and that angel?"

Naruto laughed.

"Are you _kidding_?" he said. "It would be a fucking Christmas _miracle_ if we'd done all of that folding today."

Naruko grinned.

"Naruto and I have been working on them for the last week," she said. "We wanted everything to be a surprise for you, so we did it all over at mine and Sai's place."

"There had _better_ be some amazing presents for me under that tree or some _damn_ good Christmas sex for putting up with Sai's shit for a week without beating the crap out of him," growled Naruto. "All I ever heard coming out of his mouth when he addressed me was 'fucking faggot this' and 'goddamn queer that'. How Naruko puts up with him all the time I have _no_ idea."

"Because other than the homophobic bullshit he's a really nice guy," said his twin sister, punching him in the arm and making him wince and rub his shoulder.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Are you _sure_ we're talking about the same Sai?" he asked incredulously. "The Sai that I know has been a dick to _everyone_ his entire life. I don't know _how_ a nice girl like _you_ started dating a guy like _him_, sweetie."

"Argh, you two _seriously_ need to lay off my boyfriend!" snapped Naruko.

"As soon as he lays off of us and stops acting like a dickhead," said Naruto.

Naruko sighed in resignation. Then she looked up and giggled. Naruto and Sasuke looked at her, wondering what she was giggling about. As an answer she pointed to the area above Sasuke's head.

"Mistletoe," she said by way of explanation. Naruto looked up and then smirked.

"Ne, Naruto," said his boyfriend, looking up at the green plant above his head, "_why_ the hell is that hanging there? What _is_ it? And why the _hell_ are you smirking?"

"Well, obviously you don't know about the mistletoe tradition, Sasuke," said the blond. "Shall I explain?"

"Just _do_ it!" said Naruko impatiently.

"You're right," said her twin, "it's _much_ more fun to demonstrate, 'ttebayo." He walked closer to his raven-haired lover, put an arm around his waist, and drew him near. Their lips met in a slow, loving, "welcome home" kiss. They stayed that way for a few seconds, not wanting the moment ever to end, and then pulled away.

"I like that tradition," Sasuke said, smiling a rare genuine smile.

"I knew you would," chirped Naruto, smiling happily at the light blush spreading across his boyfriend's cheeks.

"_That_ was the _single _most_ disgusting _thing I've _ever_ had the misfortune to witness," muttered Sai, standing in the doorway, clearly unhappy to be there. The other three occupants of the room glared at him.

"It's _Christmas_, Sai," said Naruko in an irritable tone of voice. "Can't you _try_ to be civil so that we can have a nice family and friends get-together?"

Sai nodded reluctantly, and Naruko went over to him and kissed him quickly on the lips. Then she looked at the clock and growled in frustration.

"Goddammit," she snapped, "where _are_ they?"

"Where are who?" asked Sasuke.

"The others, 'ttebayo," said Naruto cryptically.

"There are others?"

There was a knock on the door.

"Finally!" said Naruko.

"Naruko _did_ say 'friends and family'," Naruto finished.

They filed in one-by-one, everyone toting presents: Kiba, sporting a Santa Claus hat; Sasaki and Sayuki, both wearing red–and-green plaid barrettes; Shikamaru, sprouting reindeer antlers; Juugo, Karin, and Suigetsu; and finally Gaara, who seemed to have been coerced into wearing reindeer antlers and a red nose that lit up. Sasuke took one look at his best friend and burst out laughing.

"Oh my god sweetie, you look _horrible_! What the fuck did you _do_ to yourself?" he gasped in between bursts of laughter. "Did you get in a fight with a reindeer and a tangle of Christmas lights and lose?"

"Uruse, Sasuke," growled the redhead. "This wasn't my idea."

"Whose was it?" asked the raven, snickering. "I'd like to give them a bouquet of flowers and a medal for bravery in the face of pure evil."

Naruto laughed.

"It was my idea," said Naruko, grinning widely. "I figured we could all use a laugh."

"Kudos to you, then," said the dark-haired teenager, wiping his eyes to get rid of the mirthful tears that had congregated there. "You have officially become my hero."

Gaara sighed.

"You'd _better_ be compensating me for this, bitch," he snapped at Naruko, who just flipped him the bird and went over to the kitchenette, checking the oven. Using an oven mitt, she pulled open the door and coughed as smoke billowed out.

"Crap!" she said, waving her hands to dispel the smoke.

"Is it burnt?" asked Naruto anxiously.

"Nope!" said his twin sister happily. "It's just really hot, that's all." Getting the other oven mitt she reached in and pulled out a cooked turkey. "_Frohes Weihnachten_!" she added merrily.

"_Frohes Weihnachten_ yourself, sis," responded Naruto.

"Fro-hes Vine-what?" said Sasuke, confused.

"_Frohes Weihnachten._ It's German for 'Merry Christmas'," Naruto explained. "We're a quarter German on Dad's side. His dad, our grandfather, was the son of an assistant for the German ambassador in Japan during World War Two, and his dad, our paternal great-granddad, brought him along when he traveled. He met the daughter of one of the Japanese nobles and they became friends, then lovers, then spouses. Don't ask," he added when his boyfriend opened his mouth, "Dad was obsessed with us knowing our lineage. Something about never wanting us to forget where we came from."

"That's such a romantic story," said Sasaki, smiling.

"Yeah," replied Naruko, "but it has _no_ bearing on Christmas dinner! Sit _down_, dammit!" She pointed a two-pronged sharp fork at them.

"You shouldn't point dangerous weapons at people, _imouto_," Naruto playfully admonished his sister as they sat.

"Bite me," was her response. "_You_ don't get to sit down yet. _You_ get to help me with the food."

"But-"

"I thought you wanted it to be an _extremely_ special day, asshole," said Naruko, and her eyes flicked briefly to Sasuke and then back to Naruto, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by the former, who raised an eyebrow slightly, perplexed. "If you want it to be extremely special in a _good_ way then help me out."

"Yes, bitch," said Naruto snarkily as he got out of his seat.

"I'm not just _any_ bitch," the blonde-haired girl admonished her twin brother, "I am _the_ bitch. And I am also the bitch that has been handling the _cooking _all afternoon. Do you want to rethink your attitude lest I '_accidentally_' poison your food?"

"Sorry," smirked Naruto. "I should have said 'Yes, Your Royal Bitchiness' and then bowed and licked the royal feet clean. Is that better, 'ttebayo?"

Sai glared at Naruto. Everyone else snorted or snickered, including Naruko.

"Less talking, King Douchebag," she replied, "and more moving food to the table."

When everything was finally on the table and everyone was seated, the twins bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and clasped their hands together. Everyone looked at them awkwardly, but did likewise out of respect.

"Our Lord and Savior," said Naruko, "we humbly thank You for all that we see here before us: the food, our friends, and our family. We are grateful for You watching over us in this time of trial and suffering, and pray that You continue to bless us with Your good graces."

"And we here on Earth who have to deal with Naruko on a daily basis humbly pray that you will make her stop being a bitch all the time," said Naruto with a straight face, eyes still closed, making a few people snort.

Naruko opened one eye to glare at her twin but otherwise ignored him.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," she said, crossing herself. "Amen."

"Amen," said Naruto. "Now let's eat, 'ttebayo!"

"I don't think God appreciates you praying to Him to make me stop PMS-ing," said Naruko irritably.

"Hey," protested her brother, "in regards to family the Ten Commandments only say 'Honor thy father and thy mother.'"

"True," said his twin sister, "but in regards to siblings and other annoying people it says 'Thou shalt not kill.'"

Sasuke and Sai both snickered, and then glared at each other.

"I didn't know you were Christian," said Sasaki in surprise.

"Roman Catholic, more specifically," said the twins.

"Or Naruko is," corrected Naruto. "I'm an Agnostic. I'm not sure if I believe in the Man or Woman or Thing Behind It All."

"Mom's dad was a devout Catholic," explained Naruko. "Of course, he was Irish, so he had two religions: Catholicism and alcoholism."

"She was half Irish," said Naruto.

"First you're a quarter German," said Kiba, rolling his eyes, "and now you're a quarter _Irish_. Is there _anything_ else?"

"A quarter Chinese," said the twins together.

"Granddaddy Maher was a missionary," said Naruko. "He met Grammy through the church, and they fell in love. He married her and took her back to Ireland with him, and nine months later out popped Xi-mei Maher. According to Granddaddy Maher, the registrar asked him and Grammy three times if they were _sure _they wanted to name their kid that."

Kiba snorted.

"Xi-mei?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah," said Naruto as he passed the potatoes around. "She changed it to Uzumaki Kushina when she married Dad to sound Japanese, even though she obviously isn't."

"So, you're only one quarter _Japanese_," said Sayuki.

"He's a regular Mendel experiment," joked Kiba.

Naruto rolled his eyes and gave Kiba the finger, but otherwise said nothing.

"No thanks, Uzumaki," said Kiba, "I don't swing that way."

"No sexual innuendoes at the table," said Naruko mildly, passing the turkey around.

"Wow, Naruko," said Sasaki, slicing off some of the turkey and taking a bite, "you can cook _really_ well."

"I think it runs in the family," Sasuke told her. "Naruto cooks amazingly well too."

Naruto and Naruko blushed at the compliments but thanked them.

"Mom taught us," said Naruko. "God, she was _amazing_. She didn't just make meals, she made _artwork_."

"That is _not_ an over-exaggeration, by the way," added Naruto. "She _literally_ made it into art. We had our very own gourmet chef in the house."

Naruko giggled.

"Remember the time when Dad tried to help her out by making dinner when she was on an important case?"

Naruto smirked.

"Mom was _furious_, 'ttebayo," he recalled. "He either burned or undercooked everything. The little flour crepe shells were runny."

"They tasted nasty too," grinned Naruko. "I think the only thing he _didn't_ mess up was the salad."

They laughed.

"I remember when my mom was out working a case," Sasuke reminisced. "I think I was seven at the time, Nii-san was twelve, and Father couldn't be bothered with cooking us dinner. So Nii-san tried to make dinner, but he could only cook omelets and pancakes. So he was flipping an omelet in the pan, trying to show off, and he flipped it too high, and it stuck to the ceiling."

Everyone laughed.

"I bet your dad was pissed off," said Naruto.

"Not as pissed off as Mom was when she came home," said his boyfriend, grinning. "Itachi's ex-boyfriend Shisui lived a fair ways down the road, and the next day he came over and asked if we were okay, because he'd heard Mom yelling at Father from his house. She was red in the face." He put on an angry face, mimicking his mother's voice. "'What kind of father _are_ you, Fugaku!? Your son could have burned down the house or seriously hurt himself; why weren't _you_ cooking dinner!?' 'Itachi, you're _grounded_! I don't _care_ if you did it because you were trying to impress your little brother, you should know better! You are _grounded_, young man! Now clean up the ceiling!' Nii-san was livid."

Naruto was roaring with laughter, and Naruko was hiccupping from laughing so much. Everyone else was either snickering or trying to turn their laughter into a coughing fit.

"Hey, I almost forgot!" said the blonde-haired girl in a singsong voice when everyone had calmed down, clapping her hands together. "I've got alcohol!"

Everyone stopped laughing and looked at her strangely.

"How the _hell_ did you get alcohol?" Sai asked her.

"Snatched some, smuggled the rest," said the blonde happily.

"We're all _well_ under drinking age here, Naruko," Naruto reminded her.

"Yeah, well, it's Christmas," said his sister. "I don't think anyone will begrudge us a little fun. Plus, isn't it supposed to be an _extra_-special occasion?" she added, with another lightning-quick glance at Sasuke.

"Will you stop _doing_ that?" snapped the raven.

"Doing what, Sasuke-chan?" asked Naruko innocently, looking him in the eye and smiling.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he muttered.

Naruto shot Naruko a dirty glance across the dinner table as he took a bite out of his potatoes, a gesture that Sasuke also noticed but ignored.

When they'd finished up, Naruko brought out the alcohol: two six packs of Guinness and several bottles of _sake_. She took a bottle of Guinness and downed it in three gulps.

"All right, who wants to open presents?" she said excitedly. Before anyone could answer she'd run to the tree and grabbed one. She danced around, shaking it. "It's for 'Ruko-chan from Naru-nii!"

"She drank Guinness earlier too," Naruto explained to everyone else. "I _strongly_ advise against letting her have another one, Sai; she doesn't hold her alcohol well."

"Of _course_ I do, silly!" said his sister, giggling maniacally. "I'm _Irish_!"

"You're a _quarter_ Irish," Kiba corrected her, grinning.

"A mere technicality," said the blonde airily, waving her hand dismissively and starting to tear the wrapping paper off.

"Goddammit, Naruko," snapped Naruto, "wait until _everyone's_ over there! It's a matter of common courtesy!"

"Well then hurry up, _big brother_!" she said, waving the present in her brother's face and sticking her tongue out. His eyebrow twitched.

"And they say _I'm_ immature, 'ttebayo," he muttered. "All right, fine; just hold on!"

When everyone was seated, she tore off the wrapping paper, revealing a jewelry box.

"Wow, where'd ya find _this_?" she asked Naruto, awestruck. "I hope ya didn't steal it."

"Please," said her twin, snorting. "When I had some free time on Tuesday I explored a few of the abandoned houses outside, and I found this in one of them."

"Have you no concern for your personal safety?" Sasuke asked him irritably.

"Hey, I checked the perimeter first, 'ttebayo!" the blond protested. "Besides, I found some _awesome_ shit!"

"Usuratonkachi," muttered his raven-haired lover.

"Hey, why don't _you_ open one?" suggested Naruto, grabbing one. "How about this one?" He handed a cushy but heavy package to his boyfriend, who eyed it with confusion and interest. "It's not gonna open itself, you know," he smirked.

Sasuke smacked him in the back of the head and opened the package. Then he unraveled the item inside and looked at it with nothing short of bewilderment and disgust.

"What the _fuck_ is _this_, dobe?" he asked.

"It's a white embroidered silk _kimono_, 'ttebayo," said Naruto with a straight face.

"First of all, where the _hell_ did you find this?"

"Another patrol," said the blond honestly.

"And secondly, _what_ makes you think I would wear a women's _kimono_?" he said. "I'm pretty sure the last time I checked I had a _dick_. I may be a gay and _incredibly_ effeminate guy, but a guy nonetheless."

"Eh, I know," said Naruto with a grin, "but I thought it would look cute on you on certain occasions."

Sasuke covered his eyes with the palm of his hand, massaging his forehead.

"_Baka_," he groaned.

X3333333

An hour and three cups of sake later, Sasuke was slightly buzzed.

"Who the hell's cleaning up all the wrapping paper?" he asked, his words a little slurred.

"N'r'to'll do it," slurred Naruko, who hadn't heeded Sai or Naruto, drunk another Guinness, and was now utterly and hopelessly shitfaced. "Wontcha, N'ru-nii?"

"Well, since no one _else_ seems to be able to stand up without stumbling or falling on their ass," said Naruto, who had only drunk one beer and one cup of _sake_, "I guess so. Honestly, am I the _only_ one who can hold my alcohol well here?" He got up and started to pick up the wrapping paper, and something fell out of his pocket.

"Hey, N'ru-nii," said Naruko, "ya dropped sumpthin!"

Everyone looked down at the floor near the blond teenager, and sure enough there was a small present with an intricately tied bow lying there on the floor.

"Oh hey!" said Naruto. "I almost forgot about that!" He picked it up and sat back down. "This is for you, Sasuke," he said, handing the small package to the raven-haired teenager.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow in question, and the blond laughed.

"It's nothing _bad_ if that's what you're wondering, 'ttebayo," he said, smiling. "Itachi and Kyuubi helped me out with this one about a month ago. I know it's kind of early, what with how young we both are and the short amount of time we've been dating, but with what's been going on lately, you never know if we'll have another chance, and it seemed like the right move given the intensity of my feelings for you, so…"

The raven carefully tore off the wrapping paper, revealing a small box, the kind that jewelry came in. He looked up at Naruto, who nodded encouragingly, and then opened the box, to reveal a gold ring with a simple but elegant braid of small diamonds all the way around. He gasped, navy blue eyes suddenly brimming with tears.

"You mean…?" he asked, almost afraid to say the words.

"Uchiha Sasuke, I love you more than anything else, even life itself, and I would be the happiest dobe in the world, or what's left of it, if you would marry me," said Naruto, smiling softly.

"Yes," breathed the raven, silent tears of joy sliding down his cheeks, and as Naruto slipped the ring over his finger he grabbed his hair, pulling the blond to him in a passionate kiss. "Oh my god, I love you so much. Of _course_ I'll marry you, Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto laughed.

"_Now_ do you see why I got you that _uchikake_?" he asked between kisses.

"So that's what it is? Do you _honestly_ think I'm wearing an _uchikake_ for our wedding?" retorted the raven, slightly out of breath.

"Yes," said the blond, smirking.

And for once, Sasuke didn't argue about how he wasn't a girl.

"I'll wear it for you, and _only_ for you," he murmured. "Now less talking and more kissing."

"I've got a better idea," said Naruto, picking up his now-fiancé bridal style and going into the bedroom. The door closed behind them.

Kiba stared after them.

"Is it _legal_ for gays to marry in Japan?" he asked.

"No," said Sasaki, rolling her eyes, "but there's really no problem because in case you haven't noticed, most of Japan, and most of the _world_ for that matter, doesn't exist anymore."

"Dey're so _cyute_!" said Naruko. She tried to jump up and do a dance, but she lost her balance and would have fallen hard if Sai hadn't caught her.

"Right," he said, "I'm taking Naruko and leaving before she passes out and before _they_ start making all sorts of noises. I suggest you all do the same." He carried her out.

X3333333333333

Naruto couldn't care less about what everyone else's plans for the night happened to be, and whether they stayed or not. Right now, his all of his attention was focused solely on the cute, blushing, and so _very_ fuckable boy in front of him.

"So, Sasuke," he said, massaging his now-fiancé's ass over the jeans. "Where do you want to begin?"

"Begin… dobe?" said the raven between kisses. "What do you _mean_ –agh- begin? I thought… you'd already… started."

"I mean, on what surfaces would you like me to fuck you until you can't remember your name or where you came from?"

"I don't know; we've never done it standing up before…"

"Standing up?" asked Naruto, pulling away slightly. Sasuke mewled in protest and pushed forward, not wanting the caress of those lips to end.

"Yes, standing up," he responded softly. "And I've also never ridden anyone, so I want to try it with you."

Naruto's eyes watched half-lidded as his boyfriend stripped himself of all clothing articles, and then began to strip Naruto of his pants and boxers gently, lovingly, teasingly. He groaned and gasped in pleasured protest as Sasuke's long, pale fingers pulled his shirt off and caressed and explored his skin, whilst the raven's tongue did torturously delicious things to his mouth and neck. Gradually those kisses and licks got lower, and lower, and lower, until the raven was face-to-face with his lover's impossibly large erection. He stopped there.

"You should feel _privileged_, Uzumaki," he smirked. "I've never given anyone a blow job before. According to Nii-san, anyone who gets a blow job from an Uchiha should consider themselves lucky," –here he gave Naruto's penis a teasing lick- "because we have the best mouths for the job."

Naruto glared at the dripping conceit in Sasuke's words, but the glare quickly lost its intensity when his fiancé brought his penis to his mouth and began stroking it, planting little kisses all along its length, playing with the gauge near the tip, licking it with that soft, petal-like tongue of his, and finally immersed Naruto in his mouth. Naruto groaned and struggled to remain standing when Sasuke deep-throated him. His body reverberated with the soft but bone-shaking moans coming out of the raven's mouth as he sucked on it.

"Yeah, I can't argue with Itachi's logic, 'ttebayo," groaned Naruto. "S-Sasu, I-I-ahh! Y-you _had_ to have done this before…"

"Never," was the muffled reply, and Naruto cried out as his boyfriend's teeth clamped down on his dick –not hard- and scraped along the twitching sensitive member, bringing Naruto over the edge with a loud gasp and a mouthful of cum, which Sasuke swallowed. Slowly pulling the monstrosity out of his mouth, he smirked at the blond, whose eyelids were at half-mast as he watched the raven-haired teenager.

"You taste good, Naruto-sama," he purred sexily.

And just like that Naruto's member twitched to life again.

"You," he growled, grabbing Sasuke's wrist and dragging him into the bathroom, "are in _so_ much trouble."

"Oh dear," sighed the smaller teen, grinning a little. "What have I done _this_ time?"

"_You_, my little _uke_," Naruto said, bringing a pair of handcuffs that he'd gotten at a sex shop from behind his back, "are under arrest for being too damn sexy and for using your seductive powers on someone who is utterly helpless against such adorable _uke_-ness."

He bound Sasuke's wrists and then pushed him against the bathroom wall and pulled them over his head.

"How doth the defendant plead?" he murmured huskily in his fiancé's ear, kissing his neck.

"G-guilty as ch-ch-charged, N-Naruto-sama," gasped the raven as the tattoo on his neck was mercilessly abused.

"By his own admission," smirked the blond. "And what do _you_ think we should do about this serious transgression, Sasuke dearest?" The hand that was supporting him from the front raked down his chest, making him shiver and suck in his stomach in a futile attempt to avoid the delicious torture those fingers provided.

"My body is yours to do with as you will, Naruto-sama," moaned the smaller Uchiha. "Whatever punishment you see fit I am willing to take."

Naruto smirked.

"The defendant has spoken," he grinned, "and a punishment most fitting has been found. Get ready, Uchiha Sasuke, because you're about to get fucked within an inch of your life."

He took Sasuke and pushed him into the bathroom vanity, facing the mirror. When the ebony-haired teenager looked into the glass he saw himself, small, pale, flushed, and a little scared. Behind him he saw Naruto, also flushed, but smirking triumphantly, and wondered with some trepidation what was going to happen to him now that he'd given his fiancé permission to do what he would with him.

Not once stopping his ravaging of the raven's body the blond reached into the cabinet and pulled out something odd that Sasuke had never seen before… It seemed to be like a condom, except that there was no tip. The more appropriate word might be a sleeve. It was made of leather, and there were small square-shaped studs up and down its length. He shivered as Naruto slid it on, knowing that the circumference of the blond's penis would be enlarged by at least one centimeter. Having that monstrosity stuck in him without the sleeve caused extreme discomfort already as it was, but he'd told Naruto he could do anything to him.

"And I'm not going to get murdered in my sleep later if your ass hurts like hell, 'ttebayo?" said the blond.

"I said you can do anything you want, dobe," Sasuke panted as Naruto's fingers massaged circles on his lower abdomen, extremely close to his length, which was bobbing impatiently. "Nothing's too raunchy when celebrating an engagement."

"All right," said Naruto. The hand that was holding his wrists to the mirror released them and came toward his mouth. He shied away from it a little, but Naruto yanked his hair, none too gently.

"Suck," he commanded imperiously, and Sasuke obediently opened his mouth for the fingers that invaded it, choking him.

When Naruto had had enough of this, he pulled his fingers out, leaving a long trail of saliva stretched between his fingers and Sasuke's rosy lips. Bringing his fingers around to the back, he stuck them into his fiancé, smirking at the gasp the smaller teen emitted as he pushed the fingers apart, stretching the tight entrance. Naruto smirked. At the same time his other hand grabbed Sasuke's erection, pumping it. The dark-haired teen let out a shuddering moan.

Without warning, Naruto thrust into his boyfriend. The high-pitched scream of pain was delicious and music to the blond's ears as he pulled out and pushed back in, spearing Sasuke with his rod, going faster and faster, at the same time increasing the pressure of his hand on the raven's hard member. They thrust and bucked, screamed and moaned, and within moments both had come.

"I can't… _believe_… I said yes… to marrying… a fucking _sadist_," Sasuke panted, glaring at the taller blond in the mirror. "You could… have given me… some _warning_… before you just… pushed yourself in like that… dobe."

"Well, every good sadist knows that the ends justify the means," said Naruto with a smirk. "Do you still want to ride me, or does your ass hurt too much for that?"

"Hmph," grunted the raven, limping into the bedroom. "At least I'm not bleeding. Now get on that fucking bed, Uzumaki. And leave that sleeve on," he added as the blond went to take it off. "I didn't think I'd like it, but it felt really good."

"Are you sure, 'ttebayo?" asked Naruto uncertainly. "You looked like you were in agony when I was nailing you into the bathroom sink with it on."

"Then why were you doing it?" said his fiancé.

"Because I'm a sadist," he said, smirking.

"Well, I'm a masochist, so it all works out," said Sasuke with an evil little laugh. "Come here, dammit."

Naruto obediently came, thinking he had the sexiest, coolest, most evil boyfriend in the history of the world, and before he knew it he was being pushed onto the bed and was having his mouth molested by one pained but still very horny Uchiha.

"You know," he murmured, "I don't think I've _ever_ had such amazing sex before."

Sasuke pouted into the kisses.

"Not even with _me_?" he queried. "So are you saying that everything we did together before this was _nothing_?"

Naruto eyed him warily.

"I only meant that you've been at your personal best tonight," he said, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh I don't know, you may be singing a similar tune on our wedding night. Because on our wedding night," the raven continued, moving himself up so that his ass was positioned right above Naruto's quivering cock, "I intend to have you fuck me so hard that my brain explodes from the pleasure."

"Well, I don't think we'd want _that_ despite the amazingly sexy images that are popping into my head at this moment, 'ttebayo," smirked Naruto. "After all, no matter _how_ sexy you are, and you are so sexy that 'sexy' doesn't even _begin_ to describe it, your intelligence is _always_ going to be the best part of you."

"Oh?" asked Sasuke. "_I_ thought you said the best part was the way that I moan and scream your name while you're fucking me into sweet oblivion."

Without giving Naruto a moment to process what he had said, he lowered himself until the enormous member was pressed against his entrance, and grabbing it, he slid himself onto it all at once. The action left him gasping for breath, trying to blink the stars from his vision, and Naruto looked up at him worriedly.

"Are you all right, _koishii_?" he asked, reaching a hand up to caress Sasuke's cheek. The raven bit the hand, and he jerked back. "_Hey_!"

"Don't ask if I'm all right," he said, grinding his ass into Naruto's crotch, impaling himself further on the blond's dick. "Start _moving_ already."

"Jeez, you're such an evil and _demanding_ _uke_," said his fiancé, undulating his hips upwards, burrowing further into the warm insides of the raven-haired teenager.

"You love it," gasped Sasuke, trying to stay in control of himself as Naruto stopped just short of his prostate again and again. A particularly hard thrust had him arching his back, and his mouth opened in a shout of pain and ecstasy.

"Right there!" he cried, and Naruto hit it again. "Oh god, Naruto…"

At the same time, Naruto brought a hand back to his length and fisted it. With two simultaneous thrusts, one each at the front and back, the raven came with a wavering cry, his seed spilling over Naruto's chest. The blond gave one last thrust, coming inside of him for the last time that night, and then pulled his limp fiancé off of his dick.

"For such a small guy you seem to have the stamina in the bedroom of someone twice your size, 'ttebayo," he chuckled.

"Like you?" said Sasuke, quirking an eyebrow.

"Tcheh, I said _twice_ your size, not _three_ times. No one can outlast me in the bedroom."

"You overestimate yourself, Uzumaki," growled the raven.

"Oh really?" smirked Naruto. "Do you want to see how long you can last until I fuck you unconscious on our wedding night? Because if you _really_ want to try and match my stamina, that's what will happen."

"And I'm sure I will enjoy the sensation of being ravaged with even _more_ intensity on our wedding night," said his smaller fiancé, biting his earlobe and then giving him a chaste kiss. "Just don't let your plus-sized ego inflate that head of yours any more than it already is and we'll be fine, sweetie."

Naruto laughed.

"You, Sasuke, are something else."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Would you _like _me to be like everyone else?"

"Naw, I love you just the way you are. Good night, temee."

"Good night, dobe."

X33333333333333333

Chapter twenty, all! I know, right!? Chapter motherfucking twenty! I've had a story with twenty chapters before, but never one that's been this long, page-wise! This story pwns, lengthwise! And I've still got maybe five chapters left to go! Of course, I said that a few chapters back, but this time I mean it, hopefully. You never know where your imagination is going to take you when you write a story.

Yes, this was personally my favorite sex scene to write. I actually got the inspiration for this from a big long fuckfic called _Sasu-chan in Art School, _by Kasa Nichi. It is (so far) forty-five chapters of über-awesome kinky NaruSasuNaru yaoi, and each time is extremely inspirational, especially to someone like me, who has an incredibly twisted sadistic mind. If anyone likes a shitload of NaruSasu rough sex, this is the fic to read. The first few chapters are a little slow, but it gets better around chapter four or five. (No offense, Kasa Nichi-sempai.)

Oh, and before I go, the _uchikake_ is only worn by a Japanese bride on her wedding day. It's either white with white embroidery or very colorful with red as the base color. It's actually more of an overcoat, to be worn over the actual _kimono_ and _obi_, and it's supposed to drag along the floor.


	21. Dude Looks Like a Lady

**Chapter 21: Dude Looks like a Lady**

_Two days later…_

"This is so fucking _hot_," Sasuke complained. "How women actually wear this I will _never_ be able to comprehend."

"They don't wear it _all_ the time," said Naruko, "just on their wedding day. All other times they wear regular clothing. Now stop squirming; I'm trying to make sure this all fits perfectly, and I don't want to prick you by accident."

"Why he couldn't have just gotten a _male_ wedding _kimono_ is beyond me…"

"He did, for himself. He's establishing his role as the more dominant male in the relationship," smirked Naruko, putting another pin in the elaborately colored and patterned _kimono_ underneath the _uchikake_. "You bitch more than I do on my period."

Sasuke ignored the last comment.

"Isn't it enough that just our friends and more immediate family know who's _seme_?" he asked irritably.

"Nope, I bet you anything he wants _everyone_ to know who tops," said Naruko, grinning. "I think it's a good idea actually; one, it will get that manslut Hyuuga Neji that he used to date off of your backs; two, the _kimono_ has _your _family _kamon_ on it, not ours; and three, he'd look _horrible_ wearing the _uchikake_. His body is too muscular. Plus, he rescued the _kimono_ from the ruins of the Uchiha complex and helped me clean it for you just for this occasion; it would hurt his feelings if you _didn't_ wear it. There," she added in satisfaction, standing up and stepping away. "See how that length is for you. If it's too long, just tell me."

"Wait," said the raven, "what's your family _kamon_?"

"A red circle with a spiral inside," said the blonde. "I've got a tramp stamp of it. Aren't we getting a little off topic?"

The second Sasuke stepped down he tripped over the hem of the _uchikake_ and went sprawling. Pins dug into his legs, and he hissed in pain. Naruko burst out laughing, and he glared at her.

"It's not _funny_!" he growled.

"Oh, but it _is_," she said, grinning. "Seeing as you're a guy and have little to no experience with women's clothing, I think it's _very_ funny indeed."

"I think you would be surprised, sweetie," Sasuke told her. "Back in my bedroom at home I had an entire section of my closet dedicated to women's clothing and accessories. I thought it was fun to dress up and fuck with the minds of cute, stupid straight guys. Imagine how funny it was when we started making out and in the middle of it they suddenly realized that they were kissing another boy."

Naruko's eyes were wide, and her grin was so big it looked like it might split her face in two.

"And when did _they_ make this discovery?" she asked.

"When they slid their hands up under my mini-skirt," said the raven, smirking. "They said the stupidest things when they found out." He deepened his voice. "'Holy shit, when did you become a boy?!' It was a riot. Itachi caught me at it once, but he joined in after I took him along once and showed him how I did it. We just did it for kicks. We always had a good laugh afterwards."

Naruko laughed loudly.

"That's the best thing I've ever heard," she said, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "But I assume the skirts were all mini-skirts, or at least shorter than the skirts of this _kimono_. So you've got to practice walking in the _kimono_ and the _uchikake_, not just with bare feet, but also with _zori_, because that's what you'll be wearing on your feet before and after the ceremony."

"I've worn a _furisode_ before," griped the raven, but he got up and began walking around the room, trying not to let the hem of the _uchikake_ get underfoot. "Why couldn't it have just been the two of us wearing _suits_?"

"Naruto likes traditional Japanese dress a lot," said the blonde girl. "I think he's just trying to compensate for only being a quarter Japanese. Besides, if you _both_ wear suits they don't know who gives the rough kinky horny butt sex and who gets it."

Sasuke snorted.

"Really, sweetie, I have no idea _what_ lives in your head, but anything pertaining to what Naruto and I do in bed needs to get thrown out because you'll never get to see or hear about _any_ of it," he said, rolling his eyes. "Hey, do you have any make-up?"

"Yes," said Naruko. "Naru-nii got it during a scavenging session in town. He said it was the biggest and most over-the-top make-up kit he'd ever seen, so naturally he got it for me. In fact, he got _two_ for me, just in case one ran out."

Sasuke frowned.

"You don't generally wear a lot of make-up, do you?" he asked.

"Nope," said the blonde teenager. "Just eyeliner and mascara, except for special occasions. That's when I go all out. Would you like the extra make-up kit? I'm probably never going to need another one; Naruto really _did_ get me a big one."

"Sure," said the raven, the excitement sparkling in his dark blue eyes belying his nonchalant shrug.

"Awesome!" Naruko chirped. "I'll be right back!"

She ran out of the room, leaving Sasuke alone. He sighed and sat down on the bed, ignoring the loose _uchikake_ getting wrinkled underneath him.

The bedroom door slid open again, and he started, but it was just Naruto. He sighed.

"Where have you been?" he asked curiously.

"Talking with Hiashi-san," the blond said. "Generally a marriage is done by a priest, but seeing as we have no priests here, Hiashi-san seemed like a viable option."

"So what did he say?" queried Sasuke anxiously.

"He said he'd do it on New Year's Eve, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, grinning. Then he picked up the head piece that went with the _uchikake_. "Aren't you wearing this?"

The raven wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"_Fuck_ no," he said contemptuously. "I've never worn a hat, formal or informal, in my life. I'm not going to start now. Besides, it looks stupid."

"But-!"

"I'll wear the _kanzashi_ you rescued from the Uchiha compound, but I'm _not_ wearing that damn hat," was Sasuke's firm reply. "That's _final_."

As Naruto was about to protest, the door slid open, and Naruko came back in carrying a huge make-up case.

"Trouble in paradise already?" she teased as she handed the raven the make-up case. "What're you two arguing about?"

"The headdress part of the ensemble," said Naruto, eyeing the case curiously. "Isn't that the make-up case I gave you, 'ttebayo?"

"It's the second one you gave me," said Naruko, "the one that I'm never going to use because the first one's so abundant."

"So you're giving it to _Sasuke_," he stated incredulously.

"Yeah," said his sister. "So?"

"Nothing," said Naruto. "I didn't know you had an interest in make-up, S'uke."

"Well now you do," said the raven, smirking. "I suppose you'll want to see me wearing it next."

"Well, now that you mention it, yes," said his blond fiancé.

"_Please_, Sasuke-chan?" begged Naruko, making a puppy dog face. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"You don't have to _beg_," said the young Uchiha in amusement. "I was going to do it anyways. But first, please help me take off this thing; it's too _hot_!"

"Always finding _something_ to complain about," muttered Naruko as she carefully helped pull off the _uchikake_ and fold it.

"You know me too well," the raven-haired teen shot back sardonically as he took the make-up kit into the bathroom.

"Wait, shouldn't Naruko come in and help you?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke stuck his head back out and glared.

"Do you _honestly_ think I don't know how to put on make-up?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Please, Naruto. I may not have had real sex before we started dating, but I can do a pretty convincing cross-dress, and part of that was learning how to apply make-up properly."

"You _cross-dress_?!" said the blond, shocked. "But you're always complaining about how you're not a girl and how I should stop teasing you about your feminine beauty and just because you're the _uke_ doesn't mean I'm always the one wearing the pants in this relationship!"

"And that's all true," responded his fiancé, ducking back into the bathroom. "Of course, the numerous guys I picked up didn't know that I _wasn't_ a girl until they tried to go to second base with me." He snickered. "That was a lot of fun."

The look on Naruto's face was priceless. His eyes bugged out, and his mouth opened and closed like a fish. Naruko giggled.

"I think you just blew his mind, Sasuke," she said. "He has that kind of fish-on-land expression."

A snort came from the bathroom.

"Wait till he sees _this_ then," he said. "He'll have convulsions."

After a few seconds of silence, the raven spoke again.

"Hey Naruko, will you come help me put the _uchikake_ back on and arrange the _kanzashi_ in my hair?"

"Yeah," said Naruko, picking up the heavy white _uchikake_ and carrying it into the bathroom. Then she squealed.

"_Kyaaaa_, Sasuke-chan! You look so _cute_!"

"Thank you," said the raven, sounding genuinely flattered. Then he groaned. "Oh _god_, _why_ does this have to be one hundred percent silk and brocade?"

"Stop bitching," said the blonde, and there was rustling as she arranged the skirts of the _uchikake_ and the brightly colored _kimono_ underneath.

Naruto's first thought was _'Holy shit, who _is_ this?!' _ His second thought was _'Damn!'_

Sasuke wasn't lying when he said he knew how to put on make-up. In fact, he was even better at it than Naruko. If not for the duck's ass hairstyle, Naruto would never have known that this was his male fiancé. Black liquid eyeliner sat on the rim of the raven's eyelids, the eyelashes looked longer and more girly due to the mascara, and the rest of each eyelid was taken up by a light purple eyeshadow. Blush adorned his cheeks, and naturally light reddish lips were covered in tinted cherry lip gloss.

Naruto's jaw dropped and stayed there, and his eyes went blank. Blood dripped from his nose.

Naruko snickered.

"I think this is the only time he's ever been turned on by a girl," she ribbed Sasuke as she walked over and waved a hand in front of her brother's face. "He's catatonic."

"Yeah, well, just so long as it's only me," the raven quipped, grinning mischievously. "I actually had hair extensions all the other times I've cross-dressed."

Just then the door slid open and Kiba and Shikamaru poked their heads in.

"We were just wondering if Naruto wanted to go spar with us WHOA!" they said as they got a look at the room's occupants.

"Is Naruto having a nosebleed over a _girl_?" asked Kiba incredulously. "This must be a new milestone in his sexual development."

Shikamaru went up to Sasuke and put his arm around him.

"Hey baby," he purred, "if I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Naruko snickered, and Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"When my fiancé snaps out of his catatonic state he'll kick your ass," he said calmly. "That was one of the _oldest and stupidest_ _pick-up lines_ _ever_."

The effect that hearing his voice had on the two boys was laughable. Shikamaru jumped backwards, looking shocked; Kiba, surprised by the male voice coming from this "female's" mouth, jumped backward and fell over.

"Holy _shit_!" said Shikamaru, awestruck. "She's a _guy_!"

"It's _Sasuke_, you morons!" said Naruko, smirking widely.

Shikamaru's jaw dropped.

Kiba climbed back up onto the wooden walkway.

"Let me tell you, Uchiha, you make for one sexy broad," he grinned.

Sasuke grabbed one of the white lacquered _zori_ on the floor and threw it at him. It hit him on the head and bounced back into the bedroom.

"While I am _flattered_ that you think I look good as a girl," he remarked coolly, "the terminology is offensive."

Shikamaru finally closed his jaw.

"Did _you_ do this?!" he asked Naruko, indicating the raven-haired teen's make-up.

"No, Sasuke did," she responded.

Shikamaru's jaw dropped again.

"What happened?" asked Naruto, finally snapping out of his catatonic state. When he focused enough on the people around him and again saw Sasuke, he went back into his previous state. The raven clapped a hand to his forehead.

"What an idiot," he groaned.

"I'll get the smelling salts," said Naruko. "I think you'd better take off the make-up lest he turn comatose again."

"I think I had better," said the raven with a roll of his eyes, heading for the bathroom. "And I need to take this damn _uchikake _off before _I_ become comatose from lack of air."

"Who needs air when you've got beauty?" joked Naruko, following Sasuke into the bathroom.

"I don't know, Naruko," replied the raven sarcastically. "I don't know."

Kiba and Shikamaru looked at each other and then got out as fast as they could.

X333333333333333333333333

Me: 8D Cross-dresser! Cross-dresser! Cross-dresser! –Dancing around-

Sasuke: …Why are you so happy?

Me: 8D Because you're a cross-dresser! –Laughs maniacally-

Sasuke: -Facepalms- Crazy bitch… -_-

Me: #*_* What did you say? –In evil demonic voice-

Sasuke: 0_0 Uhh, nothing? Please don't kill me?

Me: 8D Okay! –Goes back to dancing-

Sasuke: -Muttering- It's true though… -_-

Me: -Dances over to my chainsaw and revs it- 8D

Sasuke: 0.0 Uhm, and now would be a good time to leave. –Runs-

Me: -Chasing Sasuke with a chainsaw- REVIEW, PLEASE! OR SASUKE DIES! 8D

Sasuke: AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! D8

Naruto: -_-' I have no words to describe what I'm feeling watching this, except wow. Just… wow.

Sasuke: SOME HELP WOULD BE _REALLY_ NICE RIGHT ABOUT NOW! D8

Naruto: o.O Are you kidding? Do you think I want to be chased by that psycho?

Me: -Switches gears and goes after Naruto- 8D

Naruto: I WAS _KIDDING_! –Runs- 0.0

Me: 8D REVIEW! OR NARUTO DIES! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Sasuke: '^.^ This is a nice reversal…

Naruto: AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! D8

Uh, yes. So, _kanzashi_ are hair ornaments, such as jade hairpins, silk flowers, and intricately carved wooden combs. (If you watch the movie version of _Memoirs of _a _Geisha, _you'll see _kanzashi _aplenty.) A _furisode_ is the most formal type of _kimono _worn by an unmarried girl or woman. They're mostly worn at coming-of-age ceremonies, but they can be worn for other ceremonies too. For example, the unmarried friends of a bride can wear them at her wedding ceremony. And a _kamon_ is a family crest, which is worn on the _kimono_ either as an appliqué or embroidered into the overall design. Different types of _kimono_ have varying numbers of _kamon_ on them. For instance, an _irotomesode_, which is a formal _kimono_ for married women that is of one color and patterned only below the waistline, typically has anywhere from three to five _kamon_.

Yes, so please stay tuned for chapters twenty-two and twenty-three! They will probably be up sometime in the next few days, so keep an eye out! I'm trying to finish uploading this story before college starts, hence the reason why my updates come so frequently now and in great quantity. So please enjoy!


	22. China White

**Chapter 22: China White**

_New Year's Eve morning_

When Sasuke woke up, Naruto was gone. It was curious, the young raven thought, because Naruto was _never_ up before him…

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!" a female sing-songy voice yelled, and he found himself having the air knocked out of him by a blur of blonde hair. He groaned; _now_ he knew why Naruto was up before him.

"Naruko, I'm trying to _sleep_," he mumbled, eyes closed again, trying to push her off, but she wouldn't let go.

"You've got to prepare for the wedding!" she said. "Besides, it's six in the morning!"

Sasuke opened one eye and glared at her.

"The wedding is _tonight_," he growled. "I'm _never_ up before seven _unless absolutely necessary_. Whatever excuse you have, it had better be _damn_ good, bitch, or I _swear_ I will murder you while you sleep tonight."

"Naruto's right," Naruko grinned. "You _are_ cute when you're pissed off, Sasuke-chan." She laughed crazily and dodged the alarm clock the raven threw at her. "You've got to get painted for the ceremony tonight."

Her only response was a long-suffering sigh as the raven got out of bed and grabbed his clothes and headed for the shower.

"I'm not a virgin, why the _hell _do I have to get painted?" he asked irritably as he came out ten minutes later, clothed in a plain black long-sleeved shirt and jeans, drying his hair with a towel.

"Because it's a tradition," said Naruko, as if that explained everything. "Now drop the towel and come on!"

She dragged Sasuke out the door before he had a chance to grab his coat.

"Hey!" he protested, trying to break free of her vise-like grip. "Let _go_, dammit! I can walk there on my own!"

Naruko let go, and the raven rubbed his wrist, wincing a little. They walked in silence for a little while, and then stopped at a door. Naruko knocked.

"_Oi_, Hina-chan!" she called. "It's me, 'Ruko-chan! Open up!"

A few seconds later, the door was thrown open, and Naruko and Sasuke were met by a small girl with dark blue-ish hair and light gray eyes. Obviously she was one of the Hyuuga clan. When she saw the two of them, she beamed.

"C-come in!" she said. "It's all set up, so w-we can get started right away!"

She led them through the rooms into the bathroom. When she'd closed the door, both girls stared expectantly at Sasuke. He looked impassively back at them.

"_Nani_?" he asked irritably.

"Well, y-you need to t-take off all of your c-clothes," said Hinata, "s-so that I can paint y-you."

"I don't think you need to paint his face anymore," said Naruko, smirking. "What's wrong? Hinata's a lesbian; I couldn't think of anyone better to do it."

"The only people who have ever seen my bare-naked body are me, Naruto, and my parents and brother when I was little," said the raven stubbornly. "I'm not inclined to change that right now, even if the person painting me _is_ a lesbian."

"You don't have much of a choice," said Naruko. "It's tradition for the bride to be painted white from head to toe before her, or in this case his, wedding. And you can't move _at all_ during the process, except to flip over from the front to the back, so you can't do it yourself. I could leave; would that make you feel more comfortable?"

Sasuke considered for a moment.

"Yes. But why the _entire body_?"

"I dunno, ask the ones who invented the stupid tradition," said the blonde, rolling her eyes. "By the entire body, in your case, I mean _everything_. Not excluding ass, dick, or ballsack."

Sasuke glared at her, his cheeks now bright red with embarrassment.

"You're _really_ enjoying this, aren't you?" he snarled.

"Yep!" chirped Naruko. "Now be a good boy and let Hinata paint you while I go get the wedding ensemble!" She skipped out, closing the door behind her.

"I'll _murder_ her," growled Sasuke, reluctantly beginning to shed his clothes. "I don't _care_ if she's my soon-to-be husband's twin sister; I swear to you I will fucking _murder_ her _right here and right now_."

Hinata laughed nervously.

"I-I don't really like this a-any more than you do," she said quietly, grabbing the paint, "but Naruko and I are friends. Th-that, and she blackmailed me into it."

The raven-haired teen raised his eyebrows as he sat down, naked except for a locket around his neckthat held a picture of him and Naruto on one side and a picture of him and his family on the other.

"How'd she do that?"

"She threatened to release p-pictures of me and my girlfriend to my f-father," came the quiet reply.

"Oh sweetie, that's just _dirty_," said the young Uchiha sympathetically.

"I-isn't it?" said Hinata. "Y-you're going to h-have to take off the locket, S-Sasuke-kun, if you d-don't want it t-to get covered in p-paint…"

The ebony-haired teenager reluctantly took off the locket and laid down, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch; he felt extremely self-conscious about exposing himself to someone he barely knew, and even more uncomfortable with someone other than Naruto touching him in certain areas, even if that someone held no attraction to him whatsoever.

X33333333333

"Hey, Kiba, hurry up!" Naruto called softly. "We've gotta get back by five so I can get dressed for the ceremony."

"Why didn't you get this over with the last time you went scavenging?" snapped Kiba.

"Because we had an undead Jabba the Hutt riding our asses, 'ttebayo," the blond shot back. "Or maybe you didn't notice? It was kind of hard _not_ to, because he was still struggling to get unstuck from the doorway when we left."

"I dunno about this, dude, are you _sure_ you want to get married this young?" asked the brunette. "You're both still minors, after all… Plus Uchiha's only the second boy you've ever dated –compared to Hyuuga Neji, _anyone_ would look better- and you're his first _real _boyfriend, according to Itachi per two months ago. Don't you think you two should explore other dudes before you commit to something as serious and as binding as marriage?"

"Aww, are you offering to let me explore with you, Kiba?" said Naruto mockingly. "I didn't know you cared for me in that kind of way."

"We've been _over_ this, Naruto," said the dog lover, sneering. "You're my _bro_, _not_ my fuck buddy."

"Tcheh, your loss, 'ttebayo," said the blond, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Switching gears," he added in a more serious tone, "I'm positive. Given the present state of things and what happened over a month ago at the Uchiha compound, Sasuke and I might not have another chance. We're not rushing into it," he said as Kiba opened his mouth. "We've spent hours working though it over the last week, making sure that this is what both of us want."

"_Hours_?" snorted Kiba. "You two are _really_ girly sometimes. My philosophy is, if it has a skirt and legs and is single and female, then it's mine for the taking."

"Well, I'm not a _whore_ like you, Inuzuka," Naruto said, sticking his tongue out at his best friend. "Focus," he added, "we're coming up on the jewelry store. Be prepared to break the glass if necessary."

"Some people will do _anything_ for sex," joked Kiba.

"_Love_, you moron," Naruto corrected absently as he focused on checking out the inside of the store to make sure nothing hinky was going on. "Some people will do anything for _love_."

"Yeah, okay, Uzumaki," said the brunet, sliding over next to his friend. "So what type of ring are we talking?"

"Just a simple band, 'ttebayo," answered Naruto.

"You sure?" asked Kiba.

"Do either Sasuke or I look like the type to wear a garish diamond-encrusted ugly ring, 'ttebayo?" asked the blond, raising an eyebrow in a very Uchiha-ish way. His friend shook his head.

"You _are_ turning into an Uchiha," he muttered.

"Less talking," responded Naruto, "and more glass-breaking."

"Why don't you just use a lock pick or something?" asked Kiba.

"Uh, because I don't have one?" retorted Naruto.

"You could just use bobby pins or paper clips," suggested the brunet.

"Do I look like I just _happen_ to have that shit with me?" said the blond. "Paper clips are at home. As for the bobby pins, you can ask Naruko or Sasuke; I'm sure one of _them_ has some, or maybe even _both_ of them. I don't. You'd better cover your eyes, Kiba."

The brunet did as told, and with an earsplitting crash Naruto broke the glass of the jewelry store door. The second he did, an alarm went off inside.

"Shit," snapped the blond. "Kiba, shut off the alarm; I'll block the door!"

The brunet took his baseball bat and smashed the alarm while Naruto grabbed a display table and put it up against the shattered front door.

"All right, let's get searching."

After a few minutes, Kiba called Naruto over.

"What about this?" he asked, holding up a ring that was plain white gold.

"It looks simple enough, 'ttebayo," said Naruto. "Good job! But what size is it?"

Kiba was stalled.

"What's _size_ have to do with it?" he asked.

"Well, a ring that fits one person won't fit someone else," explained the blond patiently as if explaining to a two-year-old how two plus two equals four, not five. "Like I'm a size five, so this ring would fit me perfectly, but seeing as Sasuke's a size four, it wouldn't fit him."

"So you mean we have to go in back and find a size four in this ring?"

"Yeah, that's about the gist of it."

"God," groaned Kiba as he followed his friend into the back, "I can feel myself getting gayer by the minute. I had no idea you were _interested_ in this shit."

"I'm not, really," replied Naruto. "Naruko is though, and she made me sit there while she memorized ring sizes and facts about ring sizes. I don't know why. After a while her words got stuck in my head."

"Naruko memorized _ring_ sizes?" asked Kiba.

"I know, right?"

They were quiet for a while as they rummaged, and then a shout of victory came from Naruto.

"I got it!" he crowed, holding up a ring that was indistinguishable from the one that had been in the display case. Kiba raised an eyebrow.

"What's the difference?" he asked.

"This ring's slightly smaller, dumbass," said the blond, holding the two rings beside each other for comparison.

"Oh, well excuse me for _not caring_," said the brunet. "Can we get out of here now?"

"No," responded Naruto, "I've got to find one for myself."

"You've _got_ one!" said Kiba in frustration. "God, it's like shopping with a _girl_!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"You are _so_ lucky I'm in a good mood today, Kiba," he said warningly. "I might beat the shit out of you otherwise. I just want a plain wedding band with no embellishment whatsoever. No diamonds, no jewels, no _nothing_."

"Well, I can tell you that if you're late for the wedding or get yourself bitten by a zombie Uchiha isn't going to be happy. That is one situation I would _hate_ to be you in. Of course, it's _your_ ass, not _mine_."

"Thanks for caring about my well-being," said Naruto, grabbing a simple gold wedding band, "but I can take care of myself, 'ttebayo."

Just then, there was a low moan from the supply closet that made the hair on the back of both boys' necks stand on end.

"What the-" was all Naruto had time to say before the closet door caved and one of the undead stumbled out. It was an old man in a hospital gown with his stomach ripped out. He saw the two boys and made a beeline for them, the remains of his intestines dragging on the ground behind him.

"Ugh!" said Kiba as he brought up his _katana _and separated the zombie's head from its body. "Now can we get out?"

"Aa," agreed Naruto, his face a light shade of green.

They went to the front door and moved the table, making as if to leave, but they had barely gotten ten steps from the door when they spotted an undead hoard.

"Oh shit," groaned Kiba, sheathing his _katana _and pulling out his metal baseball bat.

"Well this sucks," said Naruto, putting a silencer on his rifle and readying it.

As they got closer, Naruto noticed something. Every single one of these undead looked to be about sixty and older. Every single one of them looked to be relatively fresh. And at least a few dozen of them had the Uchiha crest somewhere on their tattered clothing. He saw Chiyo-baachan near the front of the group and fought the growing nausea rising up inside him. These zombies were the results of the exectutive order Hiashi had forced Sasuke to sign on to. Beside him, Kiba must have noticed the same thing.

"Oh my god," he said faintly.

"If we get out of this," said Naruto grimly, "which we had damn well better, you are not to speak about this at all, especially not in front of Sasuke. He was depressed for days after the executive order was carried out, and it would be better for his health if we let him believe that the people whose lives he was forced into signing away found a way to survive outside the compound. Got it, Kiba?"

"Loud and clear, Naruto," said his dog-loving best friend, readying the baseball bat.

X3333333333333333

"Can I come in?"

"No!"

"But I've gotta help you put on the _kimono _and _uchikake_!" whined Naruko.

"There is no _way_ you are seeing me naked, Naruko," snapped Sasuke. "Just hand the stuff to Hinata!"

"But as Naruto's twin I share more than eighty-five percent of my DNA with him, so if I cut my hair I wouldn't _look_ that different…"

"Except for the fact that you are a _straight girl _who acts like a freaking fangirl whenever Naruto and I do anything _remotely_ couple-like in front of you! Even when you were fitting the _kimono_ and _uchikake_ I was already wearing the _hiyoku_ so you didn't see anything!"

"Oh, _I_ see how it is," said Naruko, hurt. "We're friends, but you won't let me see you naked. But _Hina-chan_, whom you _barely know_… _You_, Uchiha Sasuke, are a _dick_!"

Sasuke snorted.

"I do _have_ one, sweetie, but it doesn't _define_ me," he said wryly. "I think it's funny how you take it so personally. And six hours in a room with one other person and nothing to do except talk leaves a lot of time to get to know someone. I've heard some interesting shit about you."

Naruko gasped.

"Like _what_?" she asked angrily. "Hinata, what the hell did you _tell_ him?!"

"That you got drunk and did drugs before you and Naruto got out of middle school, unbeknownst to the rest of your family, and that you blackmailed Hinata into helping out with this by threatening to show Harashi-san pictures of her and her girlfriend," responded the raven-haired teenager matter-of-factly.

"_Dammit_, Hinata!" the blonde snapped. "Betrayed by my own friend!"

Sasuke sighed in irritation.

"Will you just put the undergarments on the floor outside the bathroom door already? This is uncomfortable enough. You can help me out once I've got the _hiyoku _and _nagajuban_ on."

"Fine," huffed Naruko, putting the aforementioned undergarments on the floor outside the door and backing away. The door opened a crack, and the clothes were snatched in. There was a click as the door was relocked.

"So I've always wondered," said the blonde conversationally, "how do you make sure that the paint doesn't ruin the _kimono_?"

"Y-you wait for it t-to dry, 'Ruko-chan," said Hinata.

"You _really_ didn't think before you asked that question, did you, sweetie?" asked Sasuke in a mockingly sweet voice.

"Shut up, Saa-chan," rejoined Naruko irritably.

There was an incensed snarl from the bathroom.

"I-I-I think you t-touched a nerve," Hinata said nervously. "H-he looks m-murderous and r-r-really sc-scary."

"Aww," Naruko purred tauntingly, "did I hurt _Saa-chan's_ feelings?"

The bathroom door slammed open, and Naruko was doused in white paint. She spluttered, wiping the paint out of her eyes.

"_Dammit_, Sasuke!" she yelled at the ebony-haired teenager, who was standing there, clothed in the _nagajuban_ and _hiyoku_ and looking like a ghost straight of a Japanese _kabuki_ play. "You're _lucky_ I'm not wearing my _furisode_ yet, or Naruto would _already_ be a widower!"

"_Never_ call me 'Saa-chan' again," growled Sasuke in response. "_Ever_."

"It's _someone's_ time of the month," teased the blonde girl. "I'd have thought that being engaged to Naruto you would have pulled that tree out of your ass by now."

"You'd better shut up, Naruko," said the raven, glaring intensely at her. "If you don't, I _swear_ I will tell Naruto what Hinata told me about you snorting crack in seventh grade."

Naruko went pale.

"You _wouldn't_," she gasped.

"Oh," smirked Sasuke, "but I _would_."

"_Fine_, you jerk," she snapped.

"_Excuse_ me, bitch?" said the young raven, raising one delicate eyebrow.

"I mean, fine, Your Royal Jerkiness."

"That's _much_ better."

"You know," muttered Naruko as she grabbed the _datejime_ from the pile of fabric, "maybe I shouldn't be helping you."

"Yeah, well," responded the raven-haired teen, "I _could_ put everything on myself, but it would end up looking shitty, I'm sure. I had to have Nii-san help me with my _furisode _all the time."

"Were you as much of a pain in the ass to him as you are to me sometimes?" asked the blonde as she grabbed the _kimono_ and put it over everything, tied it shut, and then started tying the _maru obi_ carefully around Sasuke's waist.

"Probably, except that he had to help me put in the hair extensions too," he said, grinning. Then he sighed and frowned. "I wish Itachi could be here. He'd be happy for me, even if the rest of my immediate and extended family isn't."

Naruko smiled sadly.

"That's the best thing about older siblings," she said softly. "They care about you no matter what. Kyuubi would have loved to watch you and Naruto getting married."

"He'd have wolf-whistled at me," said the raven blandly. "I _know_ he would."

Naruko snorted as she put the _uchikake_ over the _kimono_.

"He was a pervert," she said, "though he wasn't as much of one as our uncle, Jiraiya. Jiraiya wrote porn novels. Naruto got the habit of calling him Ero-sannin from Dad and Kyuu-nii."

Sasuke laughed.

"Ero-sannin?" he asked. Then his eyes lit up in recognition. "Wait a second, Kakashi-sensei was always reading his books!"

"Oh, I've heard a lot about Kakashi-sensei from Naruto," said the blonde girl. "Is it true that he read passages from his porn novels to the class to illustrate whatever he happened to be trying to teach?"

"Yes," said the raven, shuddering. "I had him in eleventh grade, and his class was a nightmare. I think he knew somehow that I was gay, because whenever he read from his book to our class it was almost always a part where the guy was wanking off, and he'd sneak looks at me the entire time he was reading it."

Naruko shuddered.

"Oh god, was he a _pedophile_?"

"I don't know, but it was weird as hell," said Sasuke. "It was also _extremely_ embarrassing."

Naruko's eyes went wide.

"You didn't," she said, the beginnings of a smirk on her face.

"If you tell Naruto what I'm about to tell you, I will murder you and hide the body where no one will find it until I'm _long_ dead and gone," said the dark-haired teen sincerely. "Let's just say that after his class I was going to the bathroom a _lot_, and not for the purpose that bathrooms are usually used for. I was _extremely_ glad when my year of Lit with him was over."

Naruto snickered.

"And no one caught you? I mean, you're pretty loud when it comes to stuff like that. On Christmas night Kiba came and asked me and Sai if he could sleep on our _futon_, and when we asked why, he said it was because you and Naruto were making too much noise."

"Well, he can go fuck himself," said Sasuke. "And I wasn't _always_ that loud. There's a difference between your reactions during masturbation and actual sex. It's just because Naruto has such a big dick. It still hurts, even though I've gotten used to it."

Naruko blanched.

"I may have shared a womb with Naruto for nine months and slept and bathed with him in the tub for the first five or six years of my life, but that info was strictly need-to-know, and _I_ did not."

"Uh-hunh, and what happened to you being so interested in what we do in bed earlier this week? You were all _over_ the guy-on-guy action, sweetie. Does Sai know how interested you are in that sort of stuff? Because if he did, I have a feeling you'd find him all over some other guy when you get home if he thinks it'll please you- ouch!" gasped the raven as Naruko yanked his hair roughly.

"Shut up, _Saa-chan,_" she growled.

Sasuke spun around and leveled her with a glare that if it were a laser beam would have reduced her to nothing more than an inch-high pile of ashes. The intensity of the glare made her step back a little, afraid for her life.

"Do you have a fucking _death_ wish?" he said in a dangerously low voice, but Naruko saw a flicker of something else besides rage in his glare… Was that fear and sadness, with a little bit of humiliation thrown in? What was _that_ about?

He must have seen her frightened confusion, because he turned away.

"Forget about it," he said softly. "Just help me put this on."

X33333333333333333

Oh crap, I've lost track of the number of chapters. What chapter number is this? Anyone? Please help me out a little here?

Sasuke: -_- This is chapter twenty-two, moron.

Me: D: Well excuse me for being so wrapped up in the actual story that I forget what chapter I'm on!

Sasuke: Excuses excuses. And what happened to there only being a few more chapters left?

Me: #-_- Look, the ideas are flowing like cum, and as long as I keep thinking up good new ideas for this story it won't be finished. Although, I probably will try to cut it short before anything _too_ over the top comes into my head.

Naruto: 8) Can you do m-preg?

Sasuke: o.O Just for _suggesting_ that I will not have sex with you for the next week or so.

Me: XD Way to go, Naruto. Hey, that rhymes! But no, absolutely _no_ m-preg. None.

Sasuke: ^.^ Thank you.

Naruto: D: Aww, you suck the fun out of everything.

Me: Well, I try to read NaruSasu m-preg sometimes, but I always get weirded out. After all, men can't _get_ pregnant, and I don't know how the hell they'd give birth, even if they _did_ get pregnant.

Naruto: Out of their ass?

Me: What, you think they just shit out a baby and there you have it?

Naruto: o.O Isn't that what women do?

Me, Sasuke: -Facepalm- X(

Me: We women have this thing called a vagina, okay? If they're straight or bi, unlike me, a man sticks his dick in it, _sans_ condom, and when he ejaculates the sperm fertilizes the female egg and the woman becomes pregnant. Nine months later, out of the vaginal cavity pops an annoying whiny little shit that pukes all over you and keeps you up all night demanding to be fed or burped or changed. We do _not_ shit out babies. Although some women produce babies as frequently as they take a shit, so I can see where you'd have a problem differentiating between the two. 8D

Sasuke: I can't _believe_ you didn't know that, dobe.

Naruto: D: Shut up!

Me: -_- Next he'll be saying that Uruguay is a country in Africa.

Naruto: 0.0 But I thought Africa _was_ a country!

Me, Sasuke: -Facepalm- X( Jesus Christ. Review please!

As for all the Japanese clothing terminology, a _datejime_ is an under-sash that holds the _nagajuban _beneath it and the _kimono_ on top of it in place. A _nagajuban_ is just a type of _juban_ that lies below the outer _kimono_ to keep it from touching the wearer's skin. This is necessary because outer _kimono_ are generally hard to clean due to being made from pure silk and brocade. A _hiyoku _is an under-_kimono_ that women generally only wear on special occasions. And a _maru obi_ is a specific type of _obi_ that is only worn for the most formal occasions. It's also the longest, most decorative, heaviest, and generally most expensive of the four different types of _obi_.


	23. Forever in My Life

**Chapter 23: Forever in My Life**

_New Year's Eve, 1750 hours_

"You're lucky you weren't bitten during your excursion," said Gaara tonelessly to Naruto and Kiba as they all arrived at the Hyuuga shrine, adjusting their formal clothing.

"So you keep telling us, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, disentangling his _haori-himo_ from itself. "I'm just glad I was able to find the right size rings and get here on time and in one piece. Sasuke would _murder_ me for being late for our own wedding."

"Oh, I think he'd murder Naruko first," said Gaara.

"Why?" asked Kiba curiously.

"It's tradition for the bride to get painted from head to toe before the wedding in order to signify maiden status to the gods."

Kiba burst out laughing.

"No _way_," he snickered.

"Well, if we _believe_ in the gods, which we _don't_, then this marriage is already royally fucked," said Naruto, snickering, "because Sasuke is neither a maiden in the biological sense nor a maiden in the sexual sense."

"That didn't stop Naruko from having him painted," said Gaara, "which is why he's pissed off."

"Hey, we've still got a few minutes before the ceremony," said Kiba, getting a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Whatever you're thinking, Dog-Breath," said Naruto, "you might wanna stop it, because I'm not doing anything that could potentially mess up my best clothing. I am _not_ getting married looking like I just got in a fight. Besides, Hiashi-san was very clear with me and Sasuke that he only had half an hour with which to conduct the ceremony, due to the fact that I approached him only a few days ago with the request to marry us on New Year's Eve. We're not going to waste his time, seeing as he was so kind as to interrupt his time with his family celebrating New Year's Eve to bind us in holy matrimony."

"I was actually going to suggest alcohol," said the brunet, "but if you wanna be Mr. Goody Two-Shoes then okay…"

"I don't think I need or want any alcohol at the moment," said the blond, "seeing as alcohol is part of the marriage ceremony."

"For _you_ two," whined Kiba, "but not for _us_!"

"I don't think you need any, Inuzuka," said a familiar voice, and the three boys spun around. Naruko was coming up the garden path, dressed in a lavender _furisode_ patterned with flowers with the Uzumaki _kamon_ inside each flower. Walking behind her was an extremely pale, unhappy-looking girl, her long ebony hair pinned up in an elegant knot. The flowery _kanzashi_ in her hair framed her pale face, and her painted red lips only added to her beauty.

"_Damn_, girl!" said Kiba, going up to her. "You know, after this wedding, do you wanna ditch and come back to my place? You know, have some drinks and make the bed rock?"

Naruto snorted. The girl gritted her teeth and eyeballed Kiba dangerously, and everyone else looked extremely awkward. Finally Gaara spoke up.

"Uh, Inuzuka," he said, "that's not a girl. That's Sasuke. Although when I last saw him he didn't have the hair extensions in yet."

"No way!" gasped Kiba, his jaw dropping.

"One word about _any_ femininity on my part, Inuzuka," snarled Sasuke, "and I promise I'll kill you in the most painful way _imaginable_. And I will _not, _I repeat _not_, be going back to your place with you afterwards."

"Ooh, this kitten's got _claws_," the brunet teased, and then winced as the raven made sure to trod on his foot as he passed by. He stopped near Naruto and sighed.

"_Ano ne, utsukushii_," said the blond, trying to cheer up his fiancé. "You ready?"

"I don't know," said the young raven, sighing again and moving closer so no one could hear him but Naruto. "I love you, and I _really _want this, but at the same time I'm a little scared and nervous. It doesn't help that I look like an _onryo _straight out of a _kabuki_ play."

The blond laughed a little.

"Yeah, Gaara told us about Naruko forcing you to get painted," he said. "I'll have to talk to her about that later. And honestly, I feel the same way you do. But I think that we're ready for this." Then he smiled. "No matter what anyone else says, you _do_ look beautiful."

"Do I look like I _care_ what anyone else thinks?" asked Sasuke, but a small smile flitted across his lips.

"It's eighteen hundred hours," Naruko said, looking at her watch. "Are you _sure_ you guys want to do this? Because once we go in, there's no going back."

The couple looked at each other.

"Ladies first, 'ttebayo," said Naruto softly, smirking, holding out a hand to his raven-haired fiancé.

"Is there anything in the marriage vows on the subject of not killing your spouse?" asked Sasuke irritably, taking the proffered hand and stepping up carefully.

"I dunno," said the blond, stepping up beside him. "What I _do_ know is that Hiashi-san is waiting."

The raven shot him a dirty look as he slipped out of the white lacquered _zori_ and then they walked toward the altar, where the Hyuuga head was waiting.

Hyuuga Hiashi looked at both of them.

"Are you sure you two want to do this?"

"Isn't it a little late to turn back?" they both responded.

He smiled.

"Then shall we get straight to the marriage vows?"

The two teenagers nodded.

"Do you have the rings?"

Sasuke looked a little nervous, but Naruto nodded, producing the rings from the pocket of his _hakama_ and handing them to the Hyuuga head for safekeeping until the time was right.

"Then let us begin. Do you, Uzumaki Naruto, take Uchiha Sasuke to be your lawfully wedded spouse?"

"I do," said Naruto, his sky blue eyes resting on Sasuke's dark sapphire ones, and the raven felt his heart leap a little.

"Then repeat after me. I will never leave you…"

"I will never leave you…" Naruto recited, taking his fiancé's hands in his own.

"Or turn back from following you…"

"Or turn back from following you…"

"…For better or for worse…"

"…For better or for worse…"

"…In sickness and in health…"

"…In sickness and in health…"

"…For where you go, I will go…"

"…For where you go, I will go…"

"…And where you lodge I will lodge."

"…And where you lodge I will lodge."

"Your people shall be my people…"

"Your people shall be my people…"

"…And your god my god."

"…And your god my god."

"Where you die I will die…"

"Where you die I will die…"

"…And there I will be buried…"

"…And there I will be buried…"

"…So help me God, until death do us part."

"…So help me God, until death do us part."

"And do you, Uchiha Sasuke," said Hyuuga Hiashi, turning to the young raven, "take Uzumaki Naruto to be your lawfully wedded spouse?"

There was a slight, suspenseful pause, and then…

"I do," said Sasuke, his voice shaking a little with suppressed emotion.

Hiashi repeated the same oath with Sasuke that he had done with Naruto, and then gave them each a simple ceramic saké bowl. Three times he poured the saké, and three times they drank. All the while, Hiashi chanted for the continued good health and happiness and prosperity of the couple. Then he held out the rings.

Naruto was the first to do it. Taking Sasuke's left hand, he slid the white gold ring down to rest at the base of the raven's ring finger. When he was done, Sasuke did the same with him. They both then turned to face Hiashi again.

"With the exchanging of these rings," said the Hyuuga clan head, "I now pronounce you wedded. You may now kiss."

"Who ever knew that we needed permission just to _kiss, _'ttebayo?" quipped Naruto softly.

"Just shut up and do it, dobe," Sasuke laughed, taking the blond by the hair and pulling him forward. Their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss. Everyone clapped. Someone, probably Kiba, wolf-whistled, but they ignored him.

"Hey, guys, stand up and pose for the camera!" called Naruko.

"Ugh," groaned Sasuke, "do we have to?"

"Don't you want a photographic record of our wedding, temee?" asked Naruto.

"Fine," grumbled the raven-haired teen, putting on a small smile as Naruko took their picture. "I wish you hadn't given Naruko that camcorder-slash-camera for Christmas."

"Don't be a spoilsport, temee. You ready to go home and celebrate the New Year and our marriage in style?" asked Naruto, picking up Sasuke and carrying him out of the shrine. Behind them the camera clicked and flashed.

"After I get this paint off," replied the raven. "Then we can celebrate as much as we want."

"I can deal with that," said the blond.

X3333333333333

"God, you're taking _forever_!" said Naruto. "Surely it can't be _that_ hard to wash all of the paint off…"

"I think Hinata got some in my hair," groaned Sasuke. Then a thump and a yelp came from the bathroom. Naruto's heart skipped a beat.

"Sasuke?!" he cried, running into the bathroom and pulling back the shower door.

The ebony-haired teenager was sprawled at the bottom of the tub, rubbing the back of his head. He'd already taken out the hair extensions and gotten most of the paint off, but he still had yet to get the paint off of the lower part of his legs and his feet. He groaned as he tried to sit up.

"I'm so _glad_ I don't have to go through the process of getting painted _ever_ again," he snapped. "It's slippery and hard to get off."

Naruto laughed and then frowned anxiously, turning off the shower nozzle.

"Are you okay, 'ttebayo?" he asked.

Sasuke glared up at him from the tub.

"Other than the fact that I'm sprawled out in the bottom of our tub, and the back of my head hurts?" he clipped. "I'm fine."

"Can you sit up?" the blond asked.

"Yeah," said the raven, wincing a little.

"Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?" said Naruto, waving three fingers in front of Sasuke's face.

The raven pretended to be confused.

"What fingers?" he asked.

Naruto paled.

"I'm _kidding_, dobe," said his husband, smirking. "You're holding up three, and I do _not_ have a concussion. It's just a little lump, really."

"Are you sure?" asked the blond, not looking entirely convinced.

"I'm positive," said Sasuke, turning the bathtub spigot on. "I'm _not_ standing up again while I have that paint on the bottoms of my feet though."

"Well, why don't I help you wash up, _koishii_?" Naruto said, grinning mischievously. "After all, _I_ need a bath too."

"Oh no you don't, dobe," said Sasuke. "Your sister, Sai, Hina-chan, and our friends are coming over in half an hour to celebrate our marriage and the New Year. We can have a romantic bath some other time."

Naruto pouted.

"Please?" he said.

"No," said his spouse firmly, closing the shower door.

"Dammit."

X3333333333

When the knock sounded at the door, Naruto ran to get it, now clothed in jeans and a tee-shirt worn over a plain white long-sleeved shirt.

"Congratulations and Happy New Year!" cried everyone, throwing confetti.

"Gah!" cried the blond, trying to keep the brightly colored paper out of his hair. "_Seriously_, 'ttebayo!? _Confetti_!? Naruko, stop taking pictures, you're blinding me!"

"_Who's_ throwing confetti?" yelled Sasuke from the kitchenette. "Whoever threw it is cleaning it up, because I sure as hell am _not_!"

"Stop acting like you've got a _tree_ up your ass all the time, Uchiha," Kiba called, smirking. "You're killing all the fun."

"Who says I'm _acting_?" retorted the raven, coming to the door in a black turtleneck and jeans that hugged his hips snugly, showing off curves that were almost unnatural for a male. His husband put an arm around his waist, pulling him closer, and they shared a quick kiss. "Everyone except Inuzuka is allowed in."

"_Hey_!" yelled Kiba as everyone walked past him. "If this is about me mistaking you for a girl earlier I'm seriously _sorry_, okay?"

"Aww, come on, S'uke," said Naruto pleadingly. "Forgive and forget? Besides, that _was_ pretty funny. Ouch!" he gasped as the raven stepped on his foot, clad only in socks, and dug his heel in.

"I'll forgive you _this_ time," he said sweetly to the brunet, "but trust me, I _don't_ forget."

Kiba shuddered and gulped as he stepped past the newly-wed couple and into the family room.

"Ooh, I smell something sweet cooking!" said Naruko, grinning. "Is Sasuke-chan learning how to be a good housewife?"

"They're never going to let me live down the cross-dressing and the white paint, are they?" the raven sighed to his partner.

"Nope, never," said Naruto with a huge grin. "It's dark chocolate cake," he added to everyone else.

Naruko stuck out her tongue.

"Eew," she said, "dark chocolate is so _bitter_!"

"Well, I hate sweet things," rejoined Sasuke.

"Don't worry, I made a regular chocolate cake as well," said the blond.

"Wait, so Uchiha _didn't_ make the cake?" asked Kiba. "Thank goodness; I was afraid of getting poisoned."

Sasuke growled.

"He iced it, 'ttebayo," said Naruto with a straight face, "so there's still a chance that you'll end up on the floor twitching."

"If you make one more quip about how I can't cook worth shit," snarled the raven, "you will spend the first night of our life together as a wedded couple sleeping on the couch." Naruto gulped, and he smirked.

"I_ love_ how you've already got him whipped," said Naruko appreciatively. "In sixteen years I have _never_ seen him that nervous. Good job!"

Sasuke laughed.

"Thank you," he said, throwing a smirk over his shoulder at the taller blond, who just rolled his eyes. "Is anyone up for a bottle of Kirin Ichiban?"

"Ooh, where?" said Shikamaru, finally showing some interest for the first time that night.

"Over there in the sink," said the raven. "We've had them in the freezer for a while so I had Naruko put them in the sink to defrost this afternoon. Not all of them are," he added with a sigh.

"Hey, I'm not complaining," said Shikamaru, grabbing a bottle.

X33333333333333333333

At almost midnight, everyone minus Naruto, who had begged off drinking any more alcohol, Sai, who had decided to have only two small cups of saké, and Sasuke, who had stopped after half a beer, was shitfaced falling down drunk off of their asses.

"Hey N'r'to!" yelled Naruko, holding her camcorder at a tilted angle, trying to record but failing to hold it still. "D'ya got da fireworks?!"

Naruto looked at her and shook his head.

"I keep telling her _not_ to drink so much and she _still_ ignores me, 'ttebayo," he muttered to his husband and Sai. In a louder voice, he said, "I thought _you_ had them!"

"Ya hafta go _find_ 'em!" singsonged Naruko, starting to strip.

"Dear _god_, Naruko," pleaded Sai, "keep your pants on!"

"Wha'," she retorted, taking them off to reveal lacy underwear, "ya dun like meh nekkid?"

"Naruko," Naruto said calmly, "you're shitfaced and you're in front of a group of mostly inebriated people, some of whom might jump your bones given the slightest provocation. Put your pants back on. And turn off the camcorder."

His twin sister gave along-suffering sigh but pulled her pants back up and turned off the device.

"Ya take da fun outta ev'rything, N'ru-nii," she griped.

"How many beers have you had, _koishii_?" asked Sai.

"Only a couple of 'em!" the blonde said defensively.

"Five," said Sasuke. "I was counting."

"Holy shit," muttered Naruto, clapping a hand to his forehead.

"Hey, if yer not gonna finish that can I have it?" asked his sister, pointing at Sasuke's half-finished beer.

"Absolutely not," chorused the three teenagers.

"Although I'm surprised that you only drank half," added the blond.

"I _stop_ when I feel myself getting buzzed, dobe," said the raven by way of explanation. "Besides, I wouldn't want to be out of it when we consummate our marriage by having kinky and amazing sex."

Sai and Naruto stared at him and everyone else perked up a little.

"Are you _sure_ you're not drunk, S'uke?" asked Naruto finally. "I don't think you'd _ever_ say anything like that while sober."

"Or maybe I do and you've just never witnessed it _before_ now," said the raven-haired teen, smirking at his husband. "Slightly buzzed does _not_ a drunk person make, so yeah, I'm pretty sure I know _exactly_ what I'm saying."

"Just so long as you know exactly what you're bringing down on yourself," said the blond, picking up his spouse. "All right, let's go have kinky marriage sex anywhere we can think of."

"Wait, _anywhere_?" asked Sasuke, grinning evilly.

"_Yes_, anywhere, 'ttebayo," replied Naruto in exasperation. "Except outside. It's too cold for that."

"Agreed."

"Holy _shit_," muttered Kiba, turning a pale green, "not _again_."

"Hey, it's not _our_ fault that you're always around when we get horny," protested his blond friend.

"All right," said Sai with a sigh, "everyone clear out. We'll leave them alone to celebrate their marriage."

The newly-wedded couple stared at Sai as if he'd just sprouted three heads.

"Naruto, is he…?" asked Sasuke, bewildered.

"Helping us out by clearing everyone out without making any jibes _whatsoever_ about us being fags?" finished Naruto, his eyebrows raised. "Yeah."

"Quick," said the raven, "pinch me."

"I don't think you're dreaming, Sasuke," said the blond, "because if you are then I'm having the same dream, and what are the chances of _that_?"

Sai blushed.

"Shut up, you goddamn queers," he muttered, "and go fuck each other's brains out."

They sighed in relief and disappeared into the bedroom.

The last to leave were Naruko and Sai, owing mainly to the fact that Naruko wanted to spy on her brother and brother-in-law having sex.

"C'mon, Sai," she whined. "Please?"

"I'm _not_ staying!" hissed her boyfriend.

"Not even if I offer to have sex with you right now?" purred the blonde, stroking his crotch.

Sai shuddered, trying to keep himself from getting a hard-on.

"We both know you're drunk," he said evenly, "and I'm not about to take advantage of you while you're drunk. Besides, if we were to have sex it wouldn't be here with your gay twin brother and my cousin the Fag Queen in the next room."

Naruko pouted but finally allowed herself to be led out by Sai.

X333333333333333

"Are they gone?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah," said Naruto, closing the door to their bedroom. "God it _took_ them long enough. I _really_ hope you meant anywhere, because I am _dying_ to fuck you on the table in the kitchenette."

"Oh, you'll get your chance," said the raven, capturing his husband's lips, "but first, since we're already here, why don't we take a shower?"

"I like your thinking," smirked Naruto, breaking their lip contact and dragging his smaller partner into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and then backed the teen up against the bathroom sink, holding him close with one hand at the small of his back, melding their lips together again as he traced a path with his fingers down to the hem of Sasuke's shirt and lifted it to get at the soft sensitive pale flesh beneath. The raven shuddered as Naruto's hands grabbed him just below the armpits and thumbs massaged his nipples into a hardened state.

Then the tan hands continued, pulling his shirt over his head, trapping his arms. Naruto went back to kissing him, and at the same time the hand that wasn't holding his arms above his head was slowly unbuttoning his pants, pulling them down, and pulling his boxers down past a growing erection. Naruto held the erection in his hand and smiled.

"Is that for _me_, S'uke?" he said slyly, squeezing his spouse's testicles lightly.

The raven's knees felt weak and shaky, like he was going to collapse. He barely had a moment to catch his breath as Naruto pulled off his own shirt before the blond's lips were back on his own. He licked Sasuke's lower lip, asking for entrance, and the smaller teen willingly gave it. Their tongues explored each other's mouths, though they knew the territory so well. At the same time, Naruto pulled down his own jeans and his boxers, and they stood there for a moment, naked and making out, before edging their way into the shower.

The steaming water hit their bodies, but they didn't seem to notice as their hair became matted by the steady stream, so engrossed were they in foreplay.

"I've been meaning to ask," said Naruto as he nibbled at the tattoo on Sasuke's neck, "when did you get that?"

"Th-the tattoo?" responded his husband, trying to focus on the question despite the fact that he had a raging hard-on and Naruto was teasing his neck mercilessly. "I got it f-for my sixteenth birthday augh!" he cried as Naruto clamped down roughly on it. "I-it's really sensitive…"

"I know that," smirked the blond, "that's why I like biting it. It makes such beautiful music come out of your mouth. Now, get down on your knees and suck."

"Oh, with pleasure," responded Sasuke, sliding down until he was at eye level with Naruto's dick and the gauge at the tip of it. The blond gasped as the raven-haired teenager took it in his hands and planted little butterfly kisses all along the length of it before opening his mouth and sheathing Naruto in it all the way up to the hilt. His tongue licked the base of the blond's shaft, swirling it around, tasting the pre-cum coming from the head of it, feeling it, and memorizing it, even though he already knew every facet of it intimately, as he brought his partner closer and closer to completion one lick at a time.

Finally Naruto couldn't take it anymore and came with a loud groan, his seed shooting into Sasuke's mouth. The raven swallowed it and gave him one last teasing lick, and he shuddered in pleasure.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" the raven asked, turning off the shower. "I did you, now it's your turn."

"Oh you _bet_ it's my turn," smirked Naruto, picking up Sasuke and moving from the bathroom to the kitchen table. "I'm going to enjoy this little game as much as you will."

"Hm, bondage?" said the raven, smiling evilly, looking at the wicked assortment of chains that Naruto grabbed as they went. "There's nothing more marriage-related and fun than _that_."

"I _knew_ you'd enjoy it," smirked Naruto, setting his smaller spouse down on the floor and chaining him to one of the table legs by the wrists and by the waist. "I'll be right back."

Sasuke waited impatiently, powerless to do anything about his erection, until Naruto came back with two strips of black cloth. The raven eyed them with intrigue.

"Blindfold and gag," explained the blond. "If you're fine with that, that is."

"Go ahead with the blindfold," responded his husband. "I'm not so keen about the gag."

"Fair enough," said Naruto, tying the black strip of cloth around Sasuke's eyes.

Then he pounced. Forced to use senses other than his sight to experience the immense pleasure, the raven felt his body being ravaged with even more intensity than ever before, and he strained against the chains, trying to make Naruto understand without words that he needed more of him, and now. The blond's teeth teased his nipples, nibbling them till he was sure they would turn into diamonds they were so hard. His mouth then continued on down until it got to Sasuke's hardened penis, which was already seeping pre-cum. He smirked.

"Isn't it a little soon?" he asked the raven, kissing the head of his penis and making him gasp. "Oh well; the best is yet to come." And he went to work sucking, licking, and scraping his teeth along the length of his partner's hardened member until finally with a loud moan Sasuke ejaculated into the blond's mouth.

"Don't think I'm finished with you yet, Sasuke," said Naruto, nipping the smaller teenager's earlobe, causing him to moan and shudder.

"G-goddammit, Naruto," he gasped, "how horny _are_ you?"

"Pretty damn horny," responded the blond. "I could go all night long like the Energizer bunny, but I don't think _you_ could."

"And you would be right," said Sasuke, regaining some composure.

"You know, the thought of you being too sore to stand up tomorrow actually _really_ turns me on," said his spouse, licking his lips. "Let's see how long it takes for that to happen."

"You're one sadistic motherfucker," said the raven, but he was smirking.

"And you're a masochistic little bitch who _loves_ the idea of not being able to stand up, let alone walk, after amazingly kinky anal sex," replied Naruto as he unchained Sasuke and pulled him to his feet, only to cuff his wrists and ankles and loop them around the blond's neck and waist. "I hope you're ready for this one, because I'm going to fuck you until there's no way that you _can't_ get pregnant."

"Oh really, dobe AKH!" cried the raven as he was slammed up against the kitchen wall and at the same time Naruto slammed into him, pumping in and out as quickly as he possibly could. The combination of friction and force both hurt and exhilarated him as he was speared again and again by the blond's impossibly thick penis. "NNHHHARUTO PLEASE _AGH_!" he shouted as he came for the second time that night, semen covering his and his husband's chests. And yet even though he was finished, Naruto still went on. Finally, screaming Sasuke's name, he came inside of the raven teen.

They were both panting, covered in sweat, but Naruto's penis was back up again just as fast as it had gone down, and he was going to make good on his resolution to make sure that Sasuke couldn't stand when they woke up the next day. Carrying his partner into the bedroom he pressed him in between his larger body and the mattress and just as quickly was back inside of him, stretching him until he was ready to beg for mercy, for the intense pain and pleasure to stop, for just five minutes to recuperate; but no, there was no rest for the wicked as Naruto's penis invaded him, fucking him into the mattress so hard that he incoherently thought that Naruto might _actually_ get him pregnant.

Finally, with a scream they both came. Semen was everywhere; all over Sasuke and Naruto, all over the mattress, and no doubt elsewhere in their living quarters.

"You're right, Naruto," panted the raven as his spouse unshackled him and took off the blindfold, "I _loved_ that game."

"I knew it," smirked the blond. "Although we might have a problem in the morning with Kiba."

"Why?"

"Because his living area is right next to ours, and I think his bedroom is in approximately the area where I slammed you up against the kitchenette wall."

Sasuke laughed.

"I don't care what Inuzuka says," he said, kissing Naruto. "That was definitely some really kinky amazingly hot marriage sex."

"Go to sleep, Sasuke," Naruto laughed, kissing his husband back. "I'm sure you're tired as hell."

"Now that you mention it," said the raven, stifling a yawn, "yeah, I am. Damn you and your overpowering libido, Uzumaki." He snuggled closer to the blond and closed his eyes.

"You know you like it," teased the blond, also yawning. "Happy New Year, _koishii_."

"Happy New Year, Naruto," said his partner sleepily. "I love you…"

"I love you too…"

X333333333333333333

That's it for the kinky horny and dirty gay sex, people! And why is this the last yaoi scene? Because I'm shit out of ideas, that's why. Five was pushing it. And I mean, that was _really_ pushing it, because I realized as soon as I started that I was almost on empty before I even got the yaoi car out of the idea garage. From now on, note to self: If I _ever_ write a story of this magnitude again, and that's a _big_ "if," only three or four yaoi scenes at the most.

As far as sex scenes go this one was kinda crappy, in my opinion, mainly because I stayed up all night to write it, on a school night. The only thing that helped with this is that I was listening to my fuck music, which is what I call the playlist that is made up solely of kinky sex songs. "You and Me and the Devil Makes 3" by Marilyn Manson (_really_ gets my sex story mojo flowing and I suggest you try it), "Ich tu dir Weh" and "Bück Dich" by Rammstein, "Twisted Transistor" by Korn, "Government Hooker" by Lady Gaga…

But anyways, the fuck music helps when I'm writing particularly rough sex scenes or kinky sex scenes or _any_ kind of sex scene really.

Sasuke: 0.0 Have I told you before that you are a sick human being?

Me: -.- You and Naruto tell me this all the time. Why do you mention this?

Sasuke: 0.0 I'm emphasizing the point. You are a sick human being.

Me: 8) I'm not human, idiot! Only a _sex goddess_ would have the sort of pornographic prowess that _I_ do! 8D

Sasuke: Oh yeah, I forgot we live in the world of your delusions, where _you're_ sane and everyone _else_ is a depraved individual.

Me: I wouldn't go so far as to say _depraved_, and I think that's true in _everyone's_ individual reality to some degree, but yes. 8)

Sasuke: :( And what was that reference to m-preg?

Me: -.- Oh that? That was just a reference to how hard Naruto was fucking you into the mattress.

Sasuke: o.O Really? Because _now_ Naruto wants me to take a _pregnancy test_.

Me: 0.0 What the _fuck_?! Naruto, men don't _get_ pregnant, dammit!

Naruto: o.o But you said-

Me: D: I said _what_, you fucker?!

Naruto: O.o That… there's no… way… Sasuke… couldn't… become… pregnant… the way… I… was… slamming… him… into… the… mattress…?

Me: -Facepalm- '-_- You're a certified idiot. _Males do __not__ get __pregnant_! That particular pain is reserved for us _females_! Maybe it's as punishment for putting up with so many sub-par males. Get that through your thick skull!

Naruto: D: Hey!

Sasuke: -_- Shut up, Naruto, and say what we need to say.

Naruto o.o What's that?

Me, Sasuke: '-_- Review, please!

Sasuke: Does that ring a bell?

Naruto: ^.^ Oh.

Sasuke: -Facepalm- X( Really?

Naruto: o.O You know, Sasaki, you're a really weird person.

Me: Did you just _notice_ said weirdness…?

Sasuke: -_- "_Weird_" is an understatement. "_Psychotic_" works better.

Me: 8D Well, so does _your mom_ when I'm riding her _ass_!

Sasuke: #*_* Grrrrrrrr…

Me: 8) Literally.

Sasuke: D8 My mom's _dead_, you bitch!

Me: Oh, get over it.

Sasuke: #*_* -Grabs his _kusanagi_ and flows Chidori through it- _You're_ going to die painfully, and _I'm_ going to enjoy every second of it. 8)

Me: But if you kill me right now, I can't finish the story! We've been over this a shitload of times throughout the course of this story!

Naruto: '-_- She's right, S'uke…

Sasuke: :( Fuck.

Me: 8) No thanks.

Sasuke: #-_- Grrrr…

Ah. Before I forget, an _onryo_ is the spirit of a person who is wronged in their last moments of life and held to the earth by intense negative emotions, such as hate or anger, i.e. Kayako Saeki from _Ju-on_ _(The Grudge) _or Sadako Yamamura from _Ringu (The Ring)._ They haunt their place of death and anyone who comes upon their place of death will suffer. In _Kabuki _Theater, _onryo_ are usually characterized by a white burial _kimono_, long black hair that covers their faces, and white make-up with purple around the eyes, called _aigumi._ And before you ask how I know so much about _onryo_, I did a research paper on them for Mythology. I had a lot of fun learning about them and finding examples. For example, Bloody Mary could be considered an _onryo_.

The marriage vow is something almost word-for-word out of the Bible. (I'm not religious, but I wanted to become educated in how to deal with homophobic Bible-beaters, so there you have it.) Did you know that the marriage vows that we have today stem from the pledge of loyalty and love from one woman to another? That's right, people; there were lesbians in the Bible! If you read the book of Ruth, the vows that Naruto and Sasuke make to each other are almost word for word what Ruth says to Naomi. And there are other homosexual couples in there! (So suck it, Rick Santorum and Fred Phelps and Dan Cathy (president of Chick-Fil-A)!) Jonathan and David? The Bible says, and I quote, "The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself," and later on, "…David rose from the south side and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And [he and Jonathan] kissed each other and wept together…"

So you know those annoying Bible beaters? If any of my readers are GLBTQ like me and anyone comes up to you and starts quoting Leviticus or Corinthians or Romans and telling you you're going to Hell because you were born gay, or lesbian, or bi, or trans, cite Ruth and Naomi, or David and Jonathan. Most people also take verses that are typically thought of as anti-GLBTQ completely out of context, so since I haven't the space or time or patience to educate you on the true meanings myself, educate yourself on these meanings. After all, knowledge is power, and if you know the true meaning of all those Bible verses, they can't use them against you without being made to look like idiots, which they kind of are.

And a _haori-himo_ is a decorative ornament that hangs off of a male _haori_ for special occasions, such as weddings.


	24. Snow White Queen

**Chapter 24: Snow White Queen**

_2300 hours, Valentine's Day_

Naruko paced the living room floor, clad in a red _furisode_ with a pattern of falling cherry blossoms. She was worried; Sai should have been home hours ago, and dinner had long since gone cold.

'_Maybe he got caught in the rain,'_ she thought.

'_Or maybe a zombie got him,' _the nasty voice in her head told her, and she willed it away, continuing to pace.

Just then the door slid open, and Sai stepped in, dripping wet.

"It's about _time_!" Naruko yelled, striding over. "I had dinner ready, and we were going to have a romantic evening and _everything_! I was fucking _worried_ about you!"

As soon as she got near him she knew something was very wrong. His eyes were bloodshot, and she could smell the hard liqueur on his breath. Not only had he been drinking; she saw a fine white powder around his nose, and his eyes were dilated. He'd been doing drugs as well.

"Sai, have you been _using_?!" she asked.

But he wasn't paying attention to her words, because he was determinedly untying her _han haba obi_, trying to kiss her. She pushed him away angrily.

"Sai, _listen_ to me!" she yelled.

"Come on," said the dark-haired teen, slurring his words. "So what if I used?"

"So," said Naruko, crossing her arms over her chest, "I'm _not_ going to have sex with you in this state!"

"But I _want_ to," Sai whined huskily, fumbling with her _obi_ again.

"Goddammit, Sai!" she snapped, pushing her boyfriend off again. "I _told_ you I'm not having sex with you until I'm ready!"

It all happened so quickly… One second, Sai was trying to get into Naruko's _furisode_ for the third time, and the next second a slap resounded throughout the apartment. Sai lurched away, clutching his cheek, and Naruko pulled the flaps of her _furisode _back into place.

"If you're going to be like this, I'm going to sleep over with Hinata or at Naruto and Sasuke's place!" she yelled. "You're such a fucking _pig_! Why can't you be more like your cousin?!"

She opened the door and had one foot out of the apartment when rough hands grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back in. She was thrown up against the wall, and her head collided with the door frame violently. With a cry of pain she slid down the door frame, clutching her aching head in her hands, but Sai grabbed her hair again. Pulling her up, he started hitting her anywhere he could reach, ignoring the pleas for him to stop, and then threw her across the room. She crashed into the stove and lay on the floor of the kitchenette, dazed.

The sound of footsteps got closer and stopped, and then Sai roughly grabbed her clothing, tearing it from her body, not caring if he hurt her or ripped anything.

"Please, Sai," she said, pleading with him. "Don't do this…"

"_Quiet_, bitch!" he snarled, slapping her across the face again and grabbing a kitchen knife. "You _belong_ to me! You don't get to refuse me what I want; if I want _sex_ from you I'll _get_ sex."

Unzipping his pants, he pulled them down and fell on her like a ravenous wolf. Their lips smashed together, and he invaded her mouth with a bruising force, making her gag as he shoved his tongue down her throat. At the same time he was pinching every part of her that he could reach, from her nipples to the insides of her thighs and her clitoris. She weakly pushed against his chest, trying to get him off, but he simply wouldn't have it. Bringing the knife down, he slashed a horizontal line in her right cheek, and she screamed, though the sound was muffled by his mouth upon hers.

"_Now_ who will think you're beautiful?" he snarled, grinning sadistically as he carved two more lines on the right and then did three more lines to match on the left. "No one will look at you. You belong to _me_!"

He pulled away from Naruko, and she prayed fervently that it was over. She should have known better; taking his hand, he forced three fingers into her vagina, then four, and then his whole hand. Forming a fist, he pushed and pulled in and out of her. Naruko felt as well as heard something ripping, most likely the flesh around that most intimate part of her, and the pain was intense as he pummeled her insides constantly. Tears slid down her face, and blood dripped from her torn and abused vagina.

"P-please," she whimpered, "no more…"

But Sai wasn't done. Taking his fist out, he immediately filled her with his dick, which had grown impossibly large and was already dripping pre-cum.

"Now you're mine," he panted, smirking sadistically as he thrust violently in and out of her. "Where's your god _now_? He's not here, is he? It's just me and you."

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he shuddered and released his semen into her body. Pulling out, he pulled his pants up and went into the bathroom, only pausing to kick her in the side as he left. Naruko curled up in a ball on the floor as the shower nozzle turned on, in a state of shock and disbelief. Sai had always been an asshole to everyone else, but he'd never treated her badly before tonight. Surely it was the drugs, or the drinking, or a combination. Or was it her?

Regardless, the one thing she did know was that she had to get out before Sai finished showering and came back. She couldn't allow him to get another chance to do more damage to her.

She stood up, groaning in pain, and hobbled into the bedroom, where she grabbed the first things she found: a blue tank top and a matching pair of shorts. Pulling them on, she staggered out the door into the cold wet night.

X333333333

_0020 hours, February 15_

Sasuke was tired and pissed off. During today's clan head meeting, Hiashi had saddled him with a pile of paperwork, and then just dismissed him, like a fucking kid. This action effectively ruined the Valentine's Day he and Naruto had been planning for a few weeks, and although they'd had a romantic dinner and exchanged gifts, Sasuke had to get right back to work after that.

To Naruto's credit, he had stayed up with his partner as long as possible, but now he was sprawled facedown on the floor with his head cushioned by the book he'd been reading. Sasuke bet everything he had that there would be an imprint of the book cover on the blond's face when he woke up. There was also a widening puddle of drool beneath his head, and the raven-haired teenager shook his head in exasperation. When Naruto woke up, he would be the one cleaning up his mess. Sasuke did it too often, and it pissed him off. He had enough to do without cleaning up after his husband.

A knocking on the door startled the raven out of his work-induced stupor, and he looked up, perplexed. It was past midnight; no one should be calling. Or maybe he was just tired enough that he was hallucinating things. Sighing, he wearily rubbed the gathering sleep out of his eyes and went back to work.

The knock came again, louder this time. With an exasperated sigh, Sasuke put down his pen and shook Naruto awake.

"There's someone at the door," he said when the blond opened his mouth in sleepy protest.

"Ya _sure_ you're not imagining it?" asked Naruto groggily.

"I doubt I'm imagining things, because it came twice in a row," responded his raven-haired spouse. "You go get it; it's probably Inuzuka sleep-walking again."

Naruto snickered and stood up, stretching, and went to the door. Sasuke noted that there was an imprint of the book's cover on his face and smirked.

"Kiba, I _swear to god_ if you're sleepwalking again I'll kick you in the balls to wake you up holy _shit!"_ he said as he opened the door. "Naruko, what in the name of fuck _happened_ to you!?"

"Ne, what's wrong?" asked Sasuke, looking up from his work with a concerned expression. Then he got a good look at Naruto's twin sister. "Sonofabitch!" he cried in shock and horror, jumping up, his tiredness and all of the work on the small Oriental writing desk instantly forgotten.

Naruko looked at both of them, not really seeing them, and then fainted. Naruto caught her and lifted her into his arms, headed for the bathroom, and Sasuke followed, stopping to grab a clean white _juban_ from the large walk-in closet.

By the time he got to the bathroom, Naruto already had his sister's clothes off and had put her in the tub, which was slowly filling with warm water.

"It looks like rape," said the blond grimly, and Sasuke nodded. He didn't need Naruto to tell him that; he knew what rape looked like.

Naruko's body was covered in bruises and lacerations, especially on her thighs and crotch, where it looked like someone had ripped open her vagina. Her face was the second most bruised and cut up area: she had two black eyes, her mouth was black and blue, and on each cheek she sported three horizontal gashes that reminded Sasuke of the tattoos that Naruto sported on his own cheeks. As the water rose, it turned pink; the blood from her abused nether region was mixing with the water.

"I'll wash her up," he said to his spouse. "Get the bandages and lay them out, and then get the bed ready for her."

Naruto didn't hesitate to obey. When he left, the raven took up the washcloth and began gently rubbing the blonde girl's body, washing off the blood and dirt, revealing lesser cuts and bruises. The more he saw, the sicker he felt… Whoever had done this was a monster with a complete and utter disregard for the pain and suffering of others. He had an idea of the pain and terror Naruko must have felt, and how traumatized she would be when she woke up.

Finally he was done washing her. He pulled the plug, letting the water out, and began to bandage her wounds. Starting with her torn and mutilated vagina, he put butterfly band-aids along the cuts and then wrapped bandages around everything, holding them in place with medical tape. Finishing bandaging the worst of her injuries, he pulled her out of the tub and wrapped her in the _juban_, only half thinking about what he was doing.

"How bad is it?" asked Naruto, coming up behind his husband, making the raven-haired teen jump.

"Pretty bad," he replied by way of explanation. "I think at least one of us should keep her company when we put her to bed, just to make sure that she doesn't wake up alone and start to panic."

"Yeah, probably," said the blond, "or you could come to bed with me and we could both keep her company. You could use the sleep."

"Naruto, I have work to do," Sasuke protested, but Naruto cut him off by kissing him.

"Not tonight you don't," he said softly into the raven-haired teen's ear. "Come on, Sasuke; just turn off the light in the study and come to bed."

The raven glowered, but it was ruined by a long yawn. Naruto looked at him, eyebrows raised and a smirk in place.

"Fine," he growled irritably. "But I just want to let you know that that was a low shot."

"Oh, I know," said his blond spouse, smirking even more. "But name once in the last month that I've gone to bed _after_ you. Most of the time I go to sleep at eleven and you're up for at least two hours after that. Sometimes I wake up and you're asleep at your desk. Trust me; you look like you need the sleep."

After they'd put Naruko into bed and Sasuke had turned off the study light and bedroom light, they crawled into the other side of the bed together. Naruto put an arm around his partner's waist, pulling him closer, and their lips touched for a moment. Finally the raven broke the kiss, twining his hand in the taller blond's and laying his head down upon the blond's chest, snuggling into the warmth that was Naruto's embrace, trying to find a safe haven from all the suppressed memories coming back to the surface.

"I still want to know who could have done this to Naruko," said Naruto, and his voice was soft but steely.

"Isn't it _obvious_?" said his husband. "Someone with no regard for the pain of others." His voice started to shake angrily. "It's someone who enjoys having power over people weaker than himself and isn't afraid to show it."

"Hey," said Naruto, bewildered by the suppressed rage coming off of Sasuke. "Is there something you wanna talk about? I know it angers me, and I'm not surprised you're angry about it too, but anger _this_ intense? It's irrational, unless-"

"Don't you tell me it's _irrational_, Uzumaki Naruto!" hissed the raven like an angry cat, pulling away from Naruto and jumping up. "You know what's irrational? When people blame the victim instead of the rapist! The pain and terror the victim goes through! _That's_ irrational!"

He finished his tirade in a volume that was almost a shout and then burst into tears. Naruto sat up, wanting to do something, but not exactly sure what to do, or what exactly Sasuke had to be crying about.

"Whoa, hey," he said weakly, "please explain to me where all of this is coming from?"

"Isn't it _obvious_?!" yelled the raven.

There was a rushing silence as Naruto sorted through the pieces in his head and quickly put them together…

"You were raped," he said quietly. "Weren't you? But wait, I thought you said you were a virgin before we started dating…"

"When did I _ever_ say that I was a virgin, dobe?" snapped Sasuke irritably. "I said I'd never had real sex before. Do you _honestly_ think I was going to count something like _that_ as my first time? I _know_ what I said, okay?"

"When?" asked Naruto, still trying to process.

"Three years ago," replied his husband softly, "over winter break. My father made me take twelfth grade Chemistry, but it was really hard, and I would have failed a class for the first time in my life if not for the tutor that Father hired. It was this guy who was obsessed with snakes named Orochimaru, and he was weird –he even had a 'special nickname' for me. He called me 'Saa-chan'; do you think that's normal? But my father wouldn't hear of it when I said I didn't like him. His teaching _was_ producing results, after all. Maybe if I'd kept failing he would have fired him and it wouldn't have happened, but my grade went from failing to a C-plus, so Father kept him. He gave Itachi and Mom the creeps too.

"Father didn't like the kitchen table being taken up by all of mine and Itachi-nii's homework, so he took to sending Orochimaru to my room when he came. I _hated_ having him in my bedroom –it was _my_ room; I only ever allowed certain people in it, and he wouldn't have been one if I'd had _any_ say in the matter- but there he was, so Itachi and I came up with a system; Nii-san would stand outside the door, and if ever anything started to sound wrong he'd come in on some pretext. Of course, it wasn't foolproof.

"One day while Orochimaru was tutoring me, Itachi got called to help Father with something. Mom wasn't home, or she would probably have taken his place outside the door. I don't blame Nii-san, because if he hadn't gone Father would have been suspicious. As soon as he was gone the creep started making all sorts of sexual innuendoes toward me. I ignored him; then I tried to get him off of the track he was on by asking pointed questions about the homework. He started touching me, and I asked him to stop. It got to the point where I actually pushed him off, and he fell over and banged his head on the floor. He wouldn't have fallen on the floor, but when I fought back it took him by surprise."

Naruto was shaking, both in horror and anger. He wished he didn't have to hear what Sasuke told him next, but still he listened, rapt with horrified, disgusted fascination.

"That was when he got out of control. I only remember fragments after he hit his head –I think I either blocked out some of it or was unconscious for parts- but I remember being pushed hard, losing my balance, and hitting my head on the desk hard enough to see stars, and then being pulled up and slammed into the desk with enough force to knock the wind out of me." The raven started to sob again. "He took the chance to block the door. It hurt so much when it went in –he didn't bother with any preparation- and it was humiliating. I remember screaming so loudly that they could probably hear it from all the way down the road. All the while I was thinking that Father would be disgusted with me, because Uchihas don't get raped, or some other stupid fourteen-year-old shit. I wanted to die; anything in the world would be better than the mortification and the intense pain of getting nailed into the desk by this pedophile in my own bedroom. And all the while he was telling me how much he wanted me, and how what he wanted he _always _got. And the worst part was, a small part of me actually fucking _enjoyed _it.

"When I was going to therapy for the PTSD they told me what happened next. Mom said that she, Father, and Itachi finally got the door open and found me in a ball on the floor, crying, half-conscious, and covered in sweat, cum, vomit, and blood from my torn rectum where that bastard had pushed in without any preparation. Orochimaru was lying calmly on my bed, smoking a cigarette. Father shut him in the closet and locked it and Itachi used his cell phone to call an ambulance. Itachi told me that they tried to get me to put on a pair of night pants but that I struggled so violently that they gave up and put on a bathrobe instead. When the ambulance came they tried to put me on the gurney. I fought back, scratching one of the paramedics, and they were forced to sedate me with a heavy dose of painkillers.

"The next thing I remember was lying in a hospital bed, and Mom and Nii-san were sitting there, telling me that everything would be all right; that Father had had the bastard arrested. I was relieved, certainly, but I was also angry. Father was the one who had _hired_ Orochimaru, and he hadn't listened to our objections. I felt ashamed -maybe I'd done something to deserve this; I was humiliated –before then I'd been ignorant, thinking that only girls got raped, and I thought maybe I'd given off an overly feminine vibe; I was depressed, because he'd stolen my virginity and my self-confidence, two of the most important things to me; and I was afraid –it's terrifying to realize that there are people like that out there and that anyone can get raped.

"Later Father came in and tried to act as if nothing had happened, as if his decisions weren't the reason why his son was in the hospital, unable to move without the slightest pain because he'd been raped by the tutor that his father hired. At one point I think it became too much, and with Mom, Nii-san, and Gaara there I snapped and started yelling at him. It became a blamefest; he pointed the finger at me, I pointed it back at him, and Itachi and Mom joined in. Gaara tried to stay out of it. It got to the point where I had an asthma attack and the nurse kicked everyone out.

"As if the actual rape weren't enough, the trial was nerve-wracking. Here I am, fourteen years old, and I got sat down in front of a crowd and made to repeat the story that I just told you, and then sit through a cross-examination, and the whole time the pedophile is staring at me from across the room, and I almost had another asthma attack because I was terrified as fuck… What if, even after _all_ of the testimonial and evidence presented, he _still_ walked? I wanted him put away; not just because I was scared of him, but I was also determined that he wouldn't rape anyone else, subject them to the same humiliation that he'd subjected me to. He was convicted and given twenty-to-life in prison, and as far as I know he's still there, or he's a zombie."

The retelling of how he'd been raped seemed to take a lot out of Sasuke, and he sank down onto the mattress, shaking with leftover emotions and exhaustion. Naruto pulled his partner into his arms, and they sank back onto the pillows, arms around each other.

"I never knew," whispered Naruto, stroking the raven's hair as he cried. "I'm so sorry. You must have felt so alone..."

As the couple fell asleep, on the other side of the bed Naruko lay with her eyes wide open and brimmed with tears. Sasuke's words stayed with her as she fell back into a restless sleep.

X3333333333333333333

_0400 hours, February 15_

As Naruko slowly regained consciousness two hours later, the first thing she registered was that she was lying on something soft. She didn't know where she was, but she never wanted to get off of this soft mattress or blanket or something that she was lying on.

The second thing she noticed was the sounds of soft, even breathing coming from relatively close-by. At this she immediately opened her eyes, terrified, struggling out of the bedsheets and falling off the bed onto the floor with a loud cry of pain that woke up whoever was in bed with her. The sounds of padding feet came closer, and hands grabbed her loosely by the wrists. She struggled, sobbing.

"No, not again," she whimpered, "not again…"

"Naruko!" said a familiar voice, and as the bedside lamp clicked on she came face-to-face, not with Sai, but with Naruto and Sasuke, who had evidently been sleeping on the other side of the bed and been woken up by her thrashing. As the events that had transpired throughout the night came back to her, she stopped struggling, though tears still adorned her cheeks. Sitting up, ignoring the pain that ripped through her body, she sat up and hugged both of them. Sasuke hugged her back, Naruto put his arms around the two of them, and the three of them sat there, a protective human cocoon almost.

Finally the couple pulled away, looking at her anxiously.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Sasuke asked her.

"Where does it hurt the most?" added Naruto.

She tried to smile wanly at the two of them.

"_Everything_ hurts the most," she said quietly. "I can barely move without pain. What do _you_ think?"

Sasuke nodded sympathetically.

"Who did this to you?" asked Naruto. When Naruko shook her head, he took her by the shoulders, ignoring the warning hand his spouse put on his arm. "Come on, Naruko. Tell us who it was."

"Naruto, if she doesn't want to tell you then leave it be," said Sasuke, but the blond ignored him.

After a long pause, Naruko took a deep breath and exhaled.

"It was S-Sai…"

The blond's reaction was immediate and intense.

"I _knew _he was a jackass," he growled, his eyes the color of ice and holding as much warmth, "but _this_? This is _beyond_ 'jackass' behavior. When I get my hands on that motherfucking sonofabitch I am gonna rip him limb from limb. I am gonna cut his balls off, shove them up his ass, eviscerate him, and put a mirror in front of him so he can watch every second of it."

Both Naruko and Sasuke backed as far away from him as possible, frightened of his wrath. This was so much worse than some of the other times he'd gotten angry, and Sasuke had to stop himself from trembling. This was much like the time when Father had found out Itachi was bi. That had been pretty bad too, but somehow it was worse when the person getting impossibly angry was your normally happy-go-lucky smiling husband.

"Naruto," he said quietly, but the blond either didn't hear him in his anger or ignored him.

"Where is the sorry motherfucker?" he asked.

"Naruto, you're incredibly angry," said Naruko, trying to calm him down, "and you're scaring us, first of all. Secondly, you're not going to help the situation by going over there while you're this angry."

"I don't care," growled her twin brother. "He did _more_ than just _cross_ the line; he flew across the line at a hundred miles per hour in one of those souped up sports convertibles, kept going, and thumbed his nose at the highway patrolman as he passed by! He _raped_ you, for the love of all you hold dear! And you're telling me to _calm down_!? If Kyuubi, Mom, and Dad were still alive they would have killed him, brought him back to life, cloned him, and killed him and his clones! And they'd have killed his parents for good measure, for giving _birth_ to the little fucker!"

Just then there was a knock on the exterior door, and Naruko looked up, her eyes filled with a new kind of fear. Sasuke felt it too; Naruto was enraged enough that he might kill the person on the other side of the door, and the raven had a feeling that he knew who was on the other side.

"I'll get it," he said to Naruto, who had gotten up, his face grim. "Sit back down, and don't move. I'm not going to let you get blood on your hands and possibly get expelled from this community, and I don't want your sister traumatized any more than she is now."

Going into the study, Sasuke grabbed his _kusanagi_, fully aware that if the person on the other side -possibly Sai- had a gun then he didn't stand much of a chance, and carefully slid open the door. The ebony-haired teenager noticed that Sai had his hands up, palms facing outwards, and he relaxed his grip on the _kusanagi's_ hilt, but only a little bit.

"Explain yourself, you sorry bastard," he said to his cousin in a soft but deadly voice. "Otherwise I will kill you where you stand."

"I only came to talk to Naruko," said Sai quietly, pleadingly.

"What is there to talk about?" the ebony-haired teen snarled, his grip tightening around the _kusanagi's_ hilt again. "You _raped_ her."

Please, Sasuke, just let me talk to Naruko," said his cousin. "I want to apologize and beg for her forgiveness."

Sasuke eyed him doubtfully and apprehensively, and then put down the _kusanagi_.

"Stay here," he said warningly, his voice leaving no room for compromise, and shut the door in Sai's face.

"It's Sai," came a voice from behind him, making him jump. Turning, he saw Naruko leaning on Naruto for support. He nodded in confirmation, even though he knew that she already knew.

"He wants to talk to you," he said softly.

Naruko sighed.

"If I talk to him," she said pleadingly, "do you promise you'll stay here?"

"If that's what you want," said Naruto, but Sasuke interrupted him.

"We'll be here," he said, "but we'll wait outside the door. If you really think you're ready so soon after what's transpired you and Sai need to talk about it between yourselves, not with us in the room."

"But wh-what if he tries it again?" asked the blonde, shaking.

"Then we'll be right outside the door waiting for any sign of trouble," said the raven. "Don't worry, sweetie; we won't give him a chance to do anything else to you."

Naruko took a deep breath and then nodded.

"I'll do it," she said shakily. "I'll talk to him."

"All right," he said, opening the door and letting Sai in. Naruto growled and stepped toward the teen, who flinched, and Sasuke put a restraining hand on his shoulder and looked at him warningly.

"You," he said to his seething husband, "in the bedroom. Now. And _you_," he added to Sai just before he left the room, "if we hear _anything_ remotely out of place, you had _better_ have a _damned_ good excuse or start preparing to meet your maker, _because if Naruto doesn't kill you then I will_."

Sai gulped and tried to look anywhere but at Naruko or his smaller cousin; Naruko was giving him the kind of look you'd see on the face of a kicked puppy, and Sasuke's eyes, for the moment a frigid, empty, tempestuous dark gray, promised death and much worse for him should he step out of line. He couldn't decide which was worse.

When the door shut, the disgraced teenager focused on his hands.

"Naruko," he said softly, "I… I don't know where to start. I came home tonight, drunk and high, and I… I…"

"You raped me," stated the blonde emotionlessly, her sky blue eyes now a stormcloud gray. "If you're trying to apologize, I accept your apology, but I won't forgive you. My virginity was important to me, and you _stole_ it. I told you no penetration until I told you it was okay, and you ignored that. And the scariest part of everything that happened between us tonight is that you were drunk and high when you did it. If you're capable of things like rape when you're on drugs and alcohol, what else are you capable of? I feel like I don't know you anymore."

Sai opened his mouth and closed it several times, trying to come up with a rebuttal to Naruko's cutting words. Finally, he closed his mouth and hung his head.

"I will be around tomorrow to collect my things," Naruko said. "As of this moment, Sai, you and I are no longer a couple. We are officially over."

Sai flinched, as if the words had physically hurt him, but nodded and got up. Naruko held the door open, and he stepped out and trudged off into the rainy night. With a sigh the blonde girl closed it and sank to the ground.

'_That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life_,' she thought to herself. '_Better go ask Naruto and Sasuke if I can stay with them for a while until I find new living quarters and if one of them will accompany me tomorrow when I go get my things."_ She yawned. _"On second thought, I'll ask in the morning.'_

X3333333333333333

Of course, the next morning when Naruko woke up she hurt all over and felt sick to her stomach.

"Holy shit, I don't feel so good," she moaned, sitting up.

She heard a wry laugh and turned to her right to see Sasuke standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching her theatrics with a raised eyebrow.

"_That_, I assume, is the understatement of the century," he said, moving closer to the bed.

"True enough," said Naruko.

"Well, since you don't really have anywhere else to go at the moment, Naruto and I _insist_ that you stay with us," said the raven, sitting down on the bed. "He's at Sai's place getting your things right now."

"You let him go _alone_?" asked Naruko incredulously. "Are you _shitting_ me? He'll _kill_ him!"

"Well, he'd deserve it," muttered Sasuke, his deep blue eyes darkening in anger.

"Reowr!" the blonde teased him, making her hands into claws. "That's pretty vindictive for you."

"And you _don't_ think he deserves to be locked up?" the ebony-haired teen asked her, an eyebrow raised.

"Well," she said, her eyes falling, "I suppose. But then, when it happened to you it wasn't someone you loved. In fact, I _knew_ the guy; he was the creepy biology and chemistry teacher at my school, Konoha Gakuen. He had this weird obsession with snakes and splicing snake genes to try and create the perfect snake. Hardly anyone took his class; he had all these body parts suspended in formaldehyde all around his room. He made sexual innuendoes toward all the boys, especially those who looked effeminate." She shuddered at the memory.

The look on Sasuke's face was priceless.

"I thought you were _asleep_ when I told Naruto!" he said faintly.

"I _was_," said Naruko wryly, "but then I got woken up by _someone's _loud voice. I heard every word," she said in a more serious tone, "and what the bastard did to you was inexcusable. So yeah, I can kind of understand where you're coming from with locking him up for life and throwing away the key. And I now know why you reacted so strongly when I called you 'Saa-chan' on New Year's Eve." Sasuke flinched at the use of the nickname, and Naruko put her hand over his in a soothing, apologetic gesture. "But at the same time, even though I broke up with Sai, I both love him still and hate him with every fiber of my being. I mean, he was my _boyfriend_; how _could_ he?"

Bile rose in her throat, and she just barely made it to the bathroom in time before she vomited, bringing up nothing but white bile and spit, since she hadn't eaten yet. Sasuke held her hair out of the way with one hand, looking both disgusted and concerned, and rubbed her back with the other one.

"Urgh," she groaned as she raised her head from the toilet bowl. "Do you know how long it takes for sperm to reach the egg or for morning sickness to set in? I think he might've gotten me pregnant."

"Do I _look_ like a girl to you?" asked Sasuke, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Any mention of my wedding outfit and you'll get a bruise on your shoulder," he added in warning as Naruko opened her mouth. "I'm gay; there's a snowball's chance in hell of me getting _anyone_ pregnant, and the same likelihood of _me_ getting pregnant. Don't ask me about it."

"Well thanks for helping, Sasuke," said Naruko, crossing her arms.

"Any time, sweetie," the raven smirked.

Just then the exterior door opened, and they both heard Naruto's loud "_Tadaima_!" from the study over the sound of him stomping the snow that had started accumulating in the early hours of the morning off of his shoes.

"It's about time!" shouted Naruko, before bending over the toilet seat again and retching.

"Oh _ew_," groaned Sasuke, "I think you got vomit on my hand."

"Dammit, Sasuke-chan," panted Naruko, "you're such a _girl_."

The raven looked at her irritably.

"Just for that," he said, "when you're fully healed I'm going to throw you to the zombies."

"Don't deny it, Sas_uke_," grinned Naruto, coming into the bathroom, "you secretly wish you could've been born a girl."

"Yeah," said the dark-haired teen sarcastically, "because I _definitely_ need the added risk of pregnancy and the minor issue of _blood _coming out of my vagina for one week every month to make me even bitchier. Don't you think that having _one_ hole to fuck is enough? Well two," he added thoughtfully, "if you count oral sex."

Naruko turned a pale shade of green again.

"I think the imagery was a _little_ too graphic," she said. "Naruto, do you have a pee stick?"

"A what?" screeched Naruto.

"Oh for fuck's sakes," snapped Sasuke, "a _pregnancy test_, dobe!"

"I've got a few; why?" asked the blond, coming into the bathroom. "Did the fucker get her pregnant?"

"We don't _know_, smart one," growled Naruko. "That's why I need a _pee stick_!"

"Wait," said Sasuke suspiciously as Naruto went to get them. "Why do _you_ have a few pregnancy tests?"

"Uh," said the blond, stalling for time and looking incredibly uncomfortable.

There was an awkward silence, in which Naruko and Sasuke stared at Naruto, and he looked anywhere but at them.

"Uh, well," said the blond, "they're, uh, they were for you."

"You're _shitting_ me, right?" asked the raven incredulously. "You know that men don't _get_ pregnant, right?"

"A guy can hope!" snapped his husband defensively, blushing furiously. "That, and I, uh, kinda forgot who I was shopping for, for a moment…"

"Oh _hell_ no," Sasuke snarled. "He did _not_ just say that, because if he did, I swear on my _life_ that he _will _be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future."

"I'm _pretty_ sure he just said that," said Naruko, also looking at Naruto incredulously.

"I love you," Naruto said to the raven, smiling nervously, in an attempt to appease his irate husband.

X33333333333333

It turned out that Naruko was pregnant.

On a side note, Naruto slept on the couch that night, despite his repeated and vehement apologies. It was a week before Sasuke would talk to him again.

X3333333333333333333

So now you know who the mysterious man in Sasuke's nightmares is, and it's the same as the one in my nightmares, except that in my dreams he goes by the name of Michael Jackson. XD You also know what incident Fugaku was referencing earlier. But seriously, sexual assault is nothing to be laughed at, people.

But anyways, the chapter is called "Snow White Queen" after an Evanescence song which details what amounts to what could be interpreted as emotional or physical rape. The original chapter name was "Naked in the Rain," another song title, but I thought it was too emotionally removed from the chapter subject, so I changed the name.

To make it clear, I have no idea how long it takes for morning sickness to set in after conception, so please don't bitch me out. Or maybe if you know please tell me? So I can revise the last section of this chapter? Thank you!

In case you haven't noticed, all of my chapter titles are the titles of songs, new(er) and old(er). At the end of this story I will provide you a list of the song titles, along with the artists that originally performed them.


	25. Broken

**Chapter 25: Broken**

As the weeks turned to months, Naruko's belly became bigger. Someone who had been trained as a doctor before the outbreak had an ultrasound, and a look inside of her womb in the fourth month revealed that she was having twins: two boys. Her stomach got so big that she could barely move by her fourth month, and even if she could have moved more, she still would have refused to go out in public, so ashamed was she of being pregnant.

Of course, being pregnant also meant that she ate more. Despite the Hyuuga compound being prepared for any apocalyptic possibility short of nuclear war, including having their own farming area and stash of livestock, they were slowly running out of food. Even periodic trips to the local supermarkets didn't yield much, as anyone who had survived the original outbreak had already looted them, and whatever was left had by now gone bad. This meant that when Naruto went on scavenging missions with Kiba, Gaara (whom Naruko was now dating), Shikamaru, and others, they had to go further each time.

It also meant that Sasuke spent many sleepless nights taking care of Naruko, drinking copious amounts of black tea, and trying to work, not wanting to fall asleep in case his husband came home, and usually falling asleep anyways, still fully clothed. Tonight was one of those nights.

"You know, one of these days you're going to collapse from the stress and sleep deprivation," Naruko said sleepily from the _futon_ in Sasuke and Naruto's bedroom, which was right beside the door to the study, "and then Naruto's gonna start bitching at me. 'Naruko, you should've made sure Sasuke went to bed at a reasonable time!' He can be such a mother hen sometimes…" She paused thoughtfully. "Gaara would probably ride my ass too."

"Don't _I_ know it," Sasuke laughed. "They would do the same thing to me regarding you. I keep telling them not to worry about either of us, that I am _perfectly_ capable of taking care of both of us while he's out, but I don't think they believe me. Naruto has been even _more_ protective since Valentine's Day…" A cloud passed over his face as he recalled the events of the aforementioned day. "It's nice to know that he cares, but sometimes it feels like he's overprotective almost to the point of being _controlling_."

"Why don't you tell him that, Sasuke?" asked Naruko, sliding over so that she was lying on her side facing the young Uchiha as he worked and watching him with eyes that reflected the soft lamplight. "Nii-san may be up people's asses about some things, but most times he doesn't even realize it, and if you tell him to lay off a little, he'll probably do it."

"Yeah," sighed the raven as he bent over the book he was going through, wrote something down on a loose-leaf sheet of notebook paper, and then turned the page. "He's been gone for a while now… I miss him."

"It's hard not going without sex for so long," said Naruko sagely, and laughed as Sasuke threw his pen at her and missed. "Careful," she joked, "that pen might've caused me to go into labor."

The raven rolled his eyes.

"Please," he said, "you are _not_ that delicate, Naruko. If you were I would have no respect for you _whatsoever_."

"I thought you _already_ had no respect for me," said the blonde, sticking her tongue out.

"Well, I had _plenty_ of respect for you before you forced me to get painted," amended Sasuke.

"Are you _still_ going on about that?" said Naruko, letting her breath out in an exasperated huff. "That was six _months_ ago."

"And it doesn't get any less difficult to deal with when Inuzuka starts making quips about it." The raven imitated Kiba's voice. "'When're you two gonna start trying for a baby, Sasuko-chan?' I don't care if he _is_ Naruto's best friend, I am going to take my _kusanagi_ and cut out his tongue if that dumbass calls me 'Sasuko-chan' one more time."

"I agree that cutting out his tongue might improve him a bit," said Naruko, "but look at it this way; that means he thinks you look cute!"

"As a _girl_, sweetie," Sasuke reminded her. "Not as a _boy_. And even if he swung the same way I do and I weren't married, I wouldn't date him anyhow. He's a pure _idiot_, where Naruto is only half. Guys like him are always thinking with their dicks, not their heads."

"And the straight guys that you and Itachi picked up didn't?"

"Well that was merely for our amusement," said the raven, smirking. "I remember this one time Nii-san and I both dressed up, in my junior year of high school, and we got these two cute but really stupid college guys to take us clubbing. They were best friends, and they were really excited. They thought they were going to get lucky that night with two really hot sisters.

"So they got really drunk, and they took us to their car, and we were in the backseat making out, and one of them slides his hand up under Itachi-nii's miniskirt to finger him, still thinking he's a girl, and he grabs him, and Itachi says, in this higher register effeminate voice, 'I'd really appreciate it if you didn't touch my dick on the first date.' The look on his date's face when he lifted up Itachi's skirt was priceless. I almost passed out from laughing so hard."

"Wow, Sasuke," said Naruko, laughing, "you two _really_ knew how to pick them, didn't you?"

"Well, we were going for looks, not brains," said her friend, chortling. "The cute ones who thought with their dicks were the ones whose reactions were funniest."

"Didn't you ever worry about anything happening?"

"Well, we always made sure that when we did it we weren't somewhere where we couldn't get help. There were a few times where shit almost went down. Once, we got these two hot guys. One of them turned out to be bisexual. When he found out he kept going, and we had to convince him that yes, we had only been doing it for shits and giggles and no, we did _not_ want to have a threesome with him."

"I thought you liked hot guys," said Naruko.

"Well, this one may have been hot, but he was as dumb as a brick," said Sasuke. "And a _threesome_ is not my idea of fun, nor was it Itachi's, especially when the other guy in the threesome is your brother."

"You could have tag-teamed him."

"No thanks," said the raven, shuddering. "Besides, by that point I just really, _really_ wanted to get out of there. The car became too claustrophobic for me when we both realized he was bi and wanted to go farther. Any longer and I'd have started hyperventilating or had an asthma attack."

Naruko nodded sympathetically, not needing an explanation.

At that moment the _rat-a-tat-tat-tat_ of machine gun fire sounded in the distance, and both of them looked up. When it didn't sound again, they lost interest.

"I'm worried about Naru-nii and Gaara-kun… I wonder how far they had to go this time," Naruko mused.

"Well, they've been gone for two weeks," said Sasuke, thinking out loud. "I'd say that if there are a large number of stalled cars on the road, even with the plough on the front of their truck, maybe they went as far as Tokyo. When they came home from Kyoto, which is normally an hour's drive from Konoha, Naruto and Gaara told us about having to clear out entire blocks of the city to get to where the supplies might be. As you know, getting there, getting the supplies, and coming back took them a whole week."

The machine gun fire sounded again, much closer this time, and they jumped up. Or more, Sasuke jumped up and Naruko tried to but fell back over when she overbalanced. The raven went quickly to her.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," responded Naruko. "It sounds like they're back; you should go greet them."

"You sound almost like you're trying to get _rid_ of me," said the dark-haired teenager suspiciously. "Are you going to do something stupid while I'm out?"

"No," snorted the blonde girl, shaking her long hair out. "You just have that kind of look in your eyes."

"What _kind_ of look?"

"The look that says 'I'm finally getting laid,'" said Naruko with a straight face.

Sasuke whacked her on the back of the head and then grabbed his _zori_ and ran out with her laughter echoing after him.

X3333333333333333

When he got to the main gate the military-issue truck was already within the gates, and people were unloading scavenged supplies. He spotted Gaara and walked over. When the redhead saw his best friend, he smiled a little, but the raven could tell it was strained.

"How's 'Ruko-chan?" he asked.

"She's worried about you and Naruto, but she's fine," replied the raven. "Do you want some help with that?" he queried, but Gaara shook his head.

"Sasuke, I think you should see this," he said in a serious tone, setting the box he was holding down.

It was then that the raven noticed that his husband wasn't among those who had come back.

"Where's Naruto?" he asked, dread pooling in his stomach.

"He's here," said Gaara. "That's what I wanted to show you."

"Gaara, what happened to him?" asked the raven, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe.

The redhead hesitated for a moment.

"He got bitten. He's not gone yet," he said hastily, seeing the look on Sasuke's face, "but I don't know how much longer he can hold on; he's been fighting the infection for two days already, and it's really taken a toll on him. He's been almost delirious for the last hour or so. The only reason he hasn't gotten shot yet is because he kept saying he had to talk to you. Something about a pact you guys made."

"All right, where is he, Gaara?" asked the ebony-haired teen softly.

Without a word Gaara nodded to the back of the truck. Walking over, Sasuke hoisted himself into the back and stood up, looking around.

There, in the back corner, lay Naruto. His face was pale, and his usually sun-colored hair had lost much of its sheen, but it was still him. The young raven walked over to him, afraid of him and for him at the same time. At the sound of the softly approaching footsteps, the blond opened his eyes a little to see who it was.

_"Oi, utsukushii_," he said quietly when he saw Sasuke, trying to smile a little and grimacing instead. "I knew you'd stop by sooner or later; I'm just glad it wasn't later. Another fifteen minutes and you might have been treated to a sight much less pretty than the sorry ass in front of you."

The raven tried to smile, though he felt a burning sensation in his eyes.

"You're a wiseass to the very end," he said.

"So I've been told, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, before coughing into his hand. The hand came away stained red. "I don't have much time left…"

"What happened?" asked Sasuke, kneeling next to him and taking his hand in his own. He tried to ignore how cold it felt.

"Well, we went all the way to Tokyo, as I'm sure you've figured out," said the blond. "On our way back, we got ambushed by a group of zombies. They surrounded us, and they ate Kiba and Shikamaru. I was an idiot and tried to rescue them, even knowing that they were fucked if they got bitten even once and that it was suicide to try to rescue them, and lo and behold, one of the undead bit me on the arm."

A lone tear trickled down his cheek, and Sasuke felt for him.

"But that's beside the point, 'ttebayo," said Naruto, bringing himself back to Earth. "Do you remember the pact we made months ago?"

"I have a photographic memory, dobe," said the raven. He'd secretly hoped that Naruto would have forgotten about it. "Except for what happened to me as a sophomore, I remember everything from the time I was one with perfect clarity."

"If you were a computer you'd crash from the information overload," joked Naruto. "Well, since you remember the pact, I guess I'm collecting on it."

He groped for something under the blanket and handed it to Sasuke. The raven stared mutely at the Glock in his hands. There was no way of getting around it now; Naruto was going to die whether Sasuke killed him or not, and if not shot in the head he would reanimate and bite more people. The raven looked at the Glock a little longer, and then at his husband, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"I can't," he said faintly. "I _can't_ shoot you, Naruto. This is worse than when I had to kill Mom."

"Butchya hafta, Sasuke," said Naruto gently, caressing his husband's cheek, his words starting to become slurred and weaker. "We promised each other that this is what we'd do if either of us got bitten. I just got bitten first. Before you do though, c'mere a moment." He coughed again, and more blood came up.

The raven leaned closer to his spouse, fighting not to break down in front of the blond. He wanted to put Naruto at ease.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"I love you more than words or actions can describe, Sasuke," said the blond, planting a bloody kiss on his smaller partner's forehead and caressing his pale cheek. "Don't _ever_ forget that, 'ttebayo. Tell Naruko I love her too. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, dobe, I will _never_ forget you," promised Sasuke, also kissing his husband's forehead and then standing up and pressing the muzzle of the Glock against it, still looking into those bright sky blue eyes that had made him fall in love with the blond in the first place. "I love you so much, Naruto, with all my heart."

The noise when he pulled the trigger was loud. Naruto was thrown backward by the impact, and the back of his head exploded, bits of bone and brain matter flying out along with the blood. And oh god, there was _so_ much blood. The wall behind and the floor beneath the blond were painted a dark crimson, and it occurred to Sasuke that this was as it had been in his nightmares, except so much worse, because it was actually happening.

The Glock dropped from slackened fingers as the raven sank to his knees, staring blankly at the corpse of his husband. The unthinkable had happened… Uzumaki Naruto, the love of his life, was dead. No more obnoxious smirk, no more laughter, no more whispered "I love yous" at night, no more being made love to or making love to, no more of that sunny blond hair and those bright blue eyes that he'd fallen in love with. All of it was gone. Naruto had come into Sasuke's life with a bang on the first day of seventh grade, when they had run into each other in the hallway, and then just as suddenly left it, tearing out the raven's heart and taking it with him.

He didn't move as four men took Naruto's body out of the truck bed. He didn't protest when Gaara came up behind him and gently pulled him to his feet. He didn't fight as he was led back toward the living quarters that he and Naruto had shared. He was quiet as the life he had rebuilt since his parents and older brother had died crashed down around him.

X33333333333333333333333

Luna Midnight Moon, I'm sure you liked the end of this chapter. Everyone else, sorry, but Naruto is dead, and done bun can't be undone, in the words of the famous horror novelist Stephen King.

Naruto: D8 You killed me off!

Me: -_- Yes. It was all for the greater good of the story.

Naruto: 8( Why couldn't you have killed off Sai?

Me: -_- Because this story needs to end _some_ time. I'm running out of ideas for shit to happen in here. Sai is a minor character, so killing him off would have little effect on ending the story plot. On the other hand, killing off you or Sasuke would do just that. And Sasuke _already_ dies in too many of my stories, so it's your turn. In my stories the characters pull their own weight.

Naruto: #-_- You are a despicable human being.

Me: -_- I get that a lot. Review, please! Where is Sasuke, anyhow?

Naruto: 8) Getting the chainsaw.

Me: o.O Seriously?

Sasuke: 8( Yes, seriously; you killed off Naruto!

Me: First you get pissed when I kill _you_ off; then you get pissed when I kill _Naruto_ off. _One_ of you had to die to bring the story towards its conclusion, and this time it was Naruto. No matter _what_ I do I _can't_ make you happy. You're _just_ like my mother.

Sasuke: :( Do _not_ compare me to that bitch.

Me: -.- Well, I'm glad we're agreed on _one_ part of that statement.

Sasuke: o.O What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?

Me: O.o Absolutely nothing. Review!


	26. When I'm Gone

**Chapter 26: When I'm Gone**

_Two days later_

Naruko was waddling around, cleaning up after her bath, when a knock came at the door. Rushing to put on her clothes –a black _mofuku_ and a _haori_ jacket with the Uzumaki _kamon_ on the back- she went to the study door and opened it, revealing Gaara.

"_Ohayo_, Gaara-kun," she said softly, motioning for the redhead to come in and kissing him.

"_Ohayo,_ _koishii_," he said just as quietly, returning her kiss. "How are you?"

"Well, I'm here, both in the mental and physical sense," said the blonde, smiling ruefully and sadly. "I can't say the same for Sasuke-chan though," she said, lowering her voice to almost a whisper. "Physically he's here. Mentally though…"

"What do you mean by 'mentally,' _koishii_?" asked Gaara, in the same soft voice.

"Well, I don't think letting him go to the funeral was a good idea," said Naruko.

"Why?"

"Oh come on, Gaara, you know what I mean," hissed Naruko. "He didn't stop crying for a second throughout the entire ceremony, and when we got home he immediately changed, got into bed, and didn't come out for twenty-four hours -except to go to the bathroom. I made breakfast, but he didn't touch it. And when I went into the bathroom this morning for a bath, there were little dried reddish brown spots in the sink which I'm positive were blood."

Gaara's eyes widened a little.

"From what?"

"I don't know," answered the blonde, "but I'll bet you anything it was Sasuke's. He was the last person to use the bathroom last night and the first one to use it this morning, and there was no blood in the sink when I used it last night. And this morning when I came in to see him he had a bandage on his wrist."

"Oh _hell_ no," growled Gaara softly. "My best friend is _not_ cutting himself."

"I don't even know if it's that," said Naruko. "That's part of why I haven't really tried to talk to him about it yet. It could have been an accident and he might have slipped and hurt himself and not said anything."

"Don't you think you would have _heard_, Naruko?"

"Not necessarily," said the pregnant blonde. "At one point I had earbuds in and was listening to music pretty loudly, trying to get my mind off of the funeral."

"Where is he right now anyways?"

"Well, I coaxed him outside this morning… Right now he's in the garden under the weeping willow, beside Naruto's grave."

Gaara briefly appreciated the irony of the tree name as he walked into the garden. Taking a short path, he came to a small koi pond. Beside it was the willow, its drooping branches shading the pond. Under the willow was Naruto's gravestone, with a bouquet of flowers and a picture of the blond in front of it and incense burning in a small holder beside it. And sitting quietly in the shade beside the empty grave, holding the small urn that contained Naruto's ashes, was Sasuke. Gaara hesitated and then approached cautiously.

All life seemed to have left the raven-haired teenager. He was dressed in a _mofuku _similar to Naruko's except that it had a small Uchiha _kamon _on the left side of the chest, and Gaara noted with a touch of worry that the _mofuku _seemed too large for the raven's small thin frame. His shoulders were slumped and the duck's butt hair that usually stuck straight out in the back was drooping. There was a bandage around his left wrist, and Gaara felt anger welling up inside of him. He pushed it down, trying to maintain a calm posture so as not to upset his friend further.

Worst of all were the eyes. The eyes are the most expressive part of the body, and Sasuke's were no exception. Gaara had come to be able to read his friend's eyes very well, even when the raven had no recognizable expression to speak of. But this time was different. Dark blue eyes were blank and completely unreadable, and that scared the redhead.

"Hey," he said quietly, sitting down beside his best friend, but there was no response, not even a slight shift. Sasuke seemed lost in a different world, somewhere where Gaara's voice couldn't reach him.

They sat in complete silence for a while, watching the koi fish swim to and fro, each lost in his own thoughts. Finally Gaara broke the silence again.

"Naruko told me that she found blood in the sink this morning," he murmured, carefully watching Sasuke for any reaction. The only thing that told him the raven had heard him was a slight paling of the cheeks. "I know it wasn't hers, because she told me that when she left the bathroom last night there were no small dark red stains in the sink, and this morning when she went in to shower they were there. The only logical explanation is that it's yours."

When his friend didn't answer, he sighed.

"Sasuke, should we be worried about you?"

For the first time since Gaara had gotten there, Sasuke turned to look at him, and he got a look at the dark circles under his eyes.

"What do _you_ think?" he muttered.

"I don't know," snapped Gaara. "I don't know _what_ to think! It would be _really_ nice if you would give us an _insight_ as to your state of mind, but you're not, so I don't _know_ what to think!"

"Well maybe if you had started out by asking 'how are you?' then we wouldn't be having an unnecessary conversation," stated the dark-haired teenager shortly. "Either way, the answer is that I'm doing about as well as I must look."

"So, shitty?" asked Gaara, trying to some sort of reaction out of his friend, but Sasuke merely gave him his "no shit" look and went back to watching the koi fish. "'Ruko-chan doesn't blame you, if that's part of what you're worried about."

Thin shoulders tensed.

"Why not?" he asked bitterly. "I killed her twin brother."

"Because you _had_ to, Sasuke," said Gaara, "not because you _wanted_ to. There's a big difference. And because you loved him." The raven looked like he was going to start crying any moment. "When you shot him, it was an act of love. You helped him die with his dignity intact, and at the same time prevented a new zombie from being made. If anyone else had done it, it would have been considered necessary but inhumane. He wanted to die by your hands alone."

Sasuke turned away, but Gaara heard the half-bitter laugh, half-sob that came from his mouth.

"I never took the pact seriously," he said quietly. "I thought that it was just a precaution. Naruto told me it would never happen, and I believed him. I was a _fool_."

"I wouldn't say _that_," murmured Gaara. "You didn't want anything bad to happen to him, never mind _thinking_ about the possibility that something could happen to him. I think that everyone has problems with denial when it involves the people they love. You're only human, Sasuke, so don't beat yourself up over it."

"How could I _not_?!" snapped the ebony-haired teenager, his head whipping around to face the redhead, voice trembling with the effort of keeping the tears in his eyes from falling. "I looked into his eyes as I shot him, watched the light go out of them. I saw the fear in them, the reluctance!"

"He was reluctant probably because he didn't want to leave you and Naruko!" Gaara growled angrily. "While we were out scavenging for food and other supplies all he ever thought about was you. He worried about you not getting enough sleep while he was away, and he worried about Naruko's twins being healthy. And he worried about what would happen to both of you if he died. I'm pretty sure he lost a lot of sleep thinking about that one, and I'm thinking right now that he was _justified_ in worrying! What do you think he'd say if he could see how you're handling this? What do you think he'd say if he could see that you hurt yourself?!"

There was a tense silence as the two friends glared at each other, each daring the other to say something more. Then Sasuke began to cry, quietly at first, as if not wanting anyone to hear, but soon Gaara was holding him as his thin, fragile, porcelain-like body shook with sobs. Over the raven's shoulder he saw Naruko standing in the bushes, silent tears creating tracks down her lovely face.

An hour later, as he left, he remembered something.

"Here," he said, pulling out two envelopes, one addressed to Naruko, the other to Sasuke. "Naruto wrote these a while ago and gave copies to me and Kiba, to be given to the two of you in the event that he died. I'm sorry."

Giving them the respective envelopes, hugging them both, and kissing Naruko, he left.

X33333333333333333

That night, when Naruko had gone to the bathroom to take another shower, Sasuke went into his study to read the letter Naruto had written. Sitting down, he carefully slit open the seal and pulled out the sheet of paper and began to read.

_おい、美しい。_

_If you're reading this, the chances are that the pact we made months ago has been carried out and that I'm truly dead, not like the zombies wandering around Konoha. Chances are that you're feeling a lot of guilt in addition to everything else, so I want to tell you that I am truly grateful that you agreed to be the one to kill me if I was ever bitten. Being shot by anyone else would be impersonal, and if that happened and I didn't get to see your beautiful face right before I died, I would have died unfulfilled._

_Do you remember Chiyo-baachan, the old woman who saved your life when you had that severe asthma attack back in December? She said that fulfillment only comes when you're dying after having lived a long life. I believed it then, but now I'm not so sure. Everything that's happened over the last six months since the outbreak started really forced me to grow up, and I realized that fulfillment doesn't have to be over the natural span of a person's lifetime. And when I look at the time we've been together since the beginning of this crisis, as friends, as boyfriends, and as husbands, I feel the sense of fulfillment that Chiyo-baachan talked about._

_The first time I really met you was seventh grade. Do you remember us bumping into each other in the hallway? Wait, of course you do; you keep reminding me that you have a photographic memory, temee. Anyway, you called me "dobe" for the first time, and for a while I thought you were an incredible asshole. In the middle of ninth grade I broke up with Neji, and as the rest of our time together in middle and high school progressed I realized that I had a huge crush on you, one that I held on to first because I was scared of being laughed at and called a fag, and then because I was afraid you would reject me. I now wish I hadn't just held on to it, because if I'd acted on it earlier we might have had more time together._

_Now, you already know this, but I'm going to say it again: I love you, Sasuke. You mean more to me than life itself. And I thank whoever is up there __every day__ for your presence in my life. Your sweet laughter, all the smirks and the smiles, the warmth of your body against mine as we fall asleep at night, and the way you scream my name while I'm fucking you into the mattress or whatever surface we happen to be making love on; I don't know how __you__, the senior class president, fell in love with and got married to __me__, the senior class loser, but I must have done __something__ right __somewhere__ along the line. _

_In the back of my underwear drawer I have a bundle of drawings I've done since the zombie virus first appeared. Those drawings are now yours, mostly because you're the subject of most of them. I've got to stop writing now (my hand's cramping up), but I want you to live on, since if you're reading this I'm obviously not, and help Naruko with her twins._

_愛してるぜ、サスケ。_

_Forever yours,_

_**渦巻 ナルト**_

Sasuke didn't know when he'd started crying. Tears dotted the page, smearing the words, but he didn't care. Putting down the letter, he picked up the photograph of him and Naruto on their wedding day and clutched it to his chest, sobbing miserably. If only they had been able to spend more time as a couple. If only Naruto hadn't died. If only…

When he finally calmed down a bit, the raven-haired teenager went to the dresser and went to the drawer Naruto had told him to look in. Sure enough, there was a bundle of paper at the back, tied with a red ribbon. Taking it back to his desk in the study, he took the ribbon off and unfolded the bundle.

The raven had always been entranced by his husband's drawing style, a blend of realism and _manga_, and the meticulous attention to detail. There were some pictures of the koi pond in the garden, the sakura trees in bloom, a few of snow-covered landscapes, and even one of a hand, probably Naruto's, cupping a sakura blossom against a background of flower petals. But for the most part, as Naruto had said, they were pictures of Sasuke.

The blond must have drawn these pictures from memory or while he was asleep, because Sasuke would have remembered posing for them, and he hadn't, at least not consciously. There were pictures of the raven sleeping, laughing, crying, a few of him naked, and even a few of him and Naruto together. There were a few extremely awkward pictures of them in the middle of sex, although the sight of Naruto did turn Sasuke on a little. But the one that really caught his attention was a picture that Naruto must have drawn after New Year's Eve.

At first he was confused, because who the hell was that girl? But when he looked at the face more closely, he realized that it was him.

'_I did _not_ look that girly,' _he thought irritably to himself. _'Did I?'_

The second thing he noticed was his facial expression. Sasuke had a frown on his face, as if he were irritated with something, and was glowering at something, or someone, that was outside of the frame. He was puzzled at first, but then he remembered Kiba's comments to him that night. His eye involuntarily twitched.

'_He had to draw a picture of _that_?'_ he thought. _'Really?' _Then he chuckled quietly. In retrospect, it was kind of funny that Kiba had mistaken him for a girl.

"Ne, Sasuke-chan?"

The raven jumped and turned around. Naruko was standing behind him, a puzzled look on her face. Her sky blue gaze took in the bundle of drawings, the slight sparkle of mirth in Sasuke's eyes, and the drawing in his hand. Then she understood. A slight smile graced her lips.

"He must have thought it was significant enough to merit a drawing," she said. "That _was_ funny, Kiba mistaking you for a girl."

"Yeah," agreed the dark-haired teen, wiping away the tears that had gathered again in the corners of his eyes.

Maybe it would get better. Maybe he could live without Naruto, as Naruto would have done had their roles been reversed.

X33333333333

Sasuke: -Crying in a corner- T_T

Me: Really?! Dude, get a _grip_!

Sasuke: T_T You're such a _dick_!

Me: Well unlike _you_, I don't have one. Given the way you're acting, however, maybe _you_ should be the one with the vagina.

Sasuke: #*_* Grrrrrrrr…

Naruto: D: I _still_ can't believe you killed me off!

Me: #-_- _I_ still can't believe I haven't killed _either_ of you off in the author's commentary at the end of each chapter. You guys are starting to piss me off more.

Naruto: It's a special talent.

Me: -_- Okay, whatever. So the Japanese characters in the letter near the end of the chapter? The heading in Romanji is "oi, utsukushii," which means "hey, beautiful." Near the end, I wrote "aishiteruze," which is "I love you," and the katakana after "aishiteruze" is "Sasuke." And the signature at the bottom is "Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto: T_T That chapter was depressing.

Me: Generally chapters where people die and chapters with funerals are depressing. Besides, this story is a tragedy, more than anything else, as was my end goal when I began writing this story.

Sasuke: ^.^ Like a _Romeo and Juliet_ kind of tragedy?

Me: Why do you think I made a reference to _Romeo and Juliet_ in chapter nineteen, dumbass? And no, the tragedy is a kind of mix of _Othello_ and _Romeo and Juliet_. When Shakespeare writes tragedies, _he writes tragedies. _Not stupid melodramas; they're pure tragedies.

Naruto: It sounds like he's your role model.

Me: ^_^ No, that's John Lennon. But Shakespeare is my literary idol, along with Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe, and Lafcadio Hearn.

Naruto: o.O Who's Lafcadio Hearn?

Sasuke: '-_- An American man of Greek and Irish ancestry who became a naturalized Japanese citizen and wrote the anthology _Kwaidan_.

Me: _Kwaidan_ has to be one of the most amazing Japanese horror movies of all time. I mean, it's old school, but it's fucking _amazing_. =) And it was all shot in a converted plane hangar.

Sasuke: -_- Well there's more to the book _Kwaidan _than those four stories.

Me: I'm not stupid, asshole. I know that, having read portions of the book myself. That's why Lafcadio Hearn is one of my literary idols.

Sasuke: o.O Why are all your literary idols except for Shakespeare horror writers?

Me: Because I'm addicted to mind-numbing terror and spine-tingling creepiness.

Sasuke, Naruto: … '^.^

Me: #-_- Oh shut up. Review! We've got three more chapters, so hang tight! The end is in sight! –Cries-

Naruto: ^_^ Don't cry, Sasaki-chan! –hugs-

Me: -Dries eyes- You're right; I can always start another story where I torture you both. =)

Naruto:-backs away- I take back my niceness. 0.0

Sasuke: o.O She's fucking insane; why would you expect _anything_ different?

Me: I'm only a _little_ insane! 8)

Sasuke: '-_- Bullshit.

Me: Reowr. Down, asshole kitty. 8D

Sasuke: #-_- Grr…

Naruto: o.O You two have a completely dysfunctional partnership/ friendship/ whatever-it-is-ship.

Me, Sasuke: Did you _just_ notice this?

Oh yes. Before this chapter ends I would just like to say a few words. I understand that there are people out there who don't like yaoi, or NaruSasu/SasuNaru. Now, some readers may say "BLASPHEMY!" However, keep in mind that everyone is entitled to their opinion.

That said, I would like to say that being entitled to one's opinion does not give one author license to go onto another author's page and harrass them and threaten to get their story deleted just because they don't like NaruSasu/SasuNaru or just yaoi in general. I received just such a message from some person who evidently does not understand the meaning of respecting other peoples' right to write and post stories about whomever and whatever they so choose to, and I would like to say to that person, even though they most likely aren't reading this, that I don't take kindly to being intimidated. I respect your opinion, even though I don't agree with it, but when you try to force it on me that is unacceptable. So if you really don't like NaruSasu/SasuNaru... IGNORE IT! Don't go trying to intimidate people; IGNORE IT! And to my readers, if this story happens to get deleted, you know what happened.

That is all. Carry on...

Unfortunately I feel kind of ill, so I can only post one chapter tonight, but I'll try to post the other three tomorrow. Please review!


	27. Together Again

**Chapter 27: Together Again**

One month later, things seemed to be improving slightly for most. Naruko moved in with Gaara as their relationship became more serious, but she came over to visit Sasuke often. Her stomach was huge, and it was hard to believe that she was only five months along. Gaara came less often, due to still being on the scavenging team, but when he did he always brought something with him, like a picture or a vase or some other room accessory. Sasuke had so many home décor accessories from Gaara's trips that he had no idea what to do with them all, so sometimes he gave the stuff away to Sayuki and Sasaki, or to Hinata and her girlfriend Amaru, who had turned up in March outside the gates, begging to be let in.

As for Sasuke himself, life without Naruto seemed to not only have not improved but had gotten worse, though the raven didn't know _how_ it could have gotten worse. He was frequently distracted and irritable during clan head meetings with Hiashi. He still burst into tears frequently and with very little provocation, got migraines almost every other day, and spent many sleepless nights in bed holding the urn that contained Naruto's ashes, crying and missing the warmth of Naruto's body against his; often when he did fall asleep he woke up hugging his pillow instead of resting his head on it and with a deep aching pain in his neck. Gaara was trying to find a suitable replacement for the pillow that was about the size of a human, but so far had had no luck finding anything other than a blowup sex doll, which Sasuke had immediately vetoed.

There _was_ a stray pregnant female calico that came around a lot. A few days before Naruko had moved into Kiba's old apartment next door with Gaara, Sasuke had been awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of rain, as well as a faint yowling and scratching on the door. He had been fully prepared to shoo away the cat making the annoying noise, but the second he'd opened the door a wet ball of fur had shot between his legs and dived under the writing desk. Upon somewhat closer inspection the cat was revealed to be a pregnant female. He'd received some nasty gashes trying to dislodge her and so finally just gave up and went back to bed.

He had hoped she would be gone when he woke up –he could barely find the energy to take care of himself, much less an animal- but it was not to be. When the raven woke up, Naruko was playing with the calico and cooing at her, and she was purring. The sight warmed his heart a little –at least more than it had been since Naruto's death- and he'd let Naruko talk him into jointly caring for the cat, who now only responded to the name Koko-chan, with her. Sometimes when the stress of running the Uchiha clan on top of trying to get over his husband's death became too much, Sasuke would lie down on the floor, and if she was around Koko-chan would come over and curl up on his stomach. It helped him forget his irritation and grief, if only for a little while.

The nightmares were back. When he fell asleep in Naruto's arms the nightmares had gone away for the most part, or at least not mattered as much, and Naruko's presence had helped mitigate them somewhat, but now that the apartment was empty they came back full force. Naruko and Gaara had taken Kiba's old apartment so they could keep a closer eye on Sasuke, and one night the dreams had been so bad that when they ran into the raven's apartment, awakened by terrified screams, they'd found him huddled in a corner on the floor between the couch and the wall, shaking and crying and saying "It's my fault" over and over again.

Sasuke hated it all… He hated the dreams; he hated the emptiness; he hated Hiashi, for assigning Naruto to the scavenging team; he hated Naruko and Gaara, for being around so often when most times he just wanted to be left alone to cry and hate himself; he hated Naruto, for insisting on being a part of the scavenging team and leaving him like this; and he hated himself most of all, for letting Naruto go and for not being able to move on as his husband had asked him to do. More than once he caught himself looking longingly at his _kusanagi_, wanting to end it all with two deep gashes, one on each forearm, or maybe just one across his throat, or a quick thrust through the heart. He was actually amazed that Naruko hadn't taken away the weapon…

He just wanted to die, to be with Naruto again. But death was merciful, and if there was anyone planning their lives and deaths, as Naruko seemed to so fervently believe, Sasuke was willing to bet that they or it planned to make him suffer as much as possible before finally letting him die.

X333333333333

One day in late July, Sasuke was startled out of his sleep by a cacophony of noise. Sitting bolt up right, he looked around frantically for the sound of the noise. As it turned out, he didn't have to look far; Naruko was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the study, wearing a party hat and blowing a whistle while spinning a noisemaker around. When she saw the raven, she grinned.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke-chan!" she yelled.

The ebony-haired teenager sat up and groggily looked around for the calendar. It verified that today was indeed July twenty-second, his seventeenth birthday.

"You've got to be _shitting_ me," he muttered, looking out the bedroom window at the dark sky. "What time is it?"

"It's nine o'clock at night," said Naruko, rubbing Koko-chan's stomach, which like her own was getting bigger every day. "You slept all day. I think you're turning into a slacker, Sasuke-chan!"

Said Uchiha groaned. He couldn't believe he'd slept the entire day.

"Look, Naruko," he said, "I appreciate the sentiment, sweetie, _really_ I do, but even when I was feeling fine and everything _hadn't_ gone to hell in a handbasket I didn't like my birthday."

The look on Naruko's face would have been comical if Sasuke were in the mood for laughter.

"You don't like your _birthday_?!" she said, shocked. "But _everyone_ likes their birthday, Sasuke-chan! Presents and cake and dancing and getting drunk and birthday sex… There are _so many_ reasons to like your birthday!"

"Yeah, okay," said the raven, crossing his arms over his chest, "but you're forgetting that I'm _not_ everyone. You're talking to one of the few people in the world who hates sweets and has never been to a dance in his life."

Naruko's jaw dropped.

"Oh my _god_," she said faintly, "do you live in a _cave_ or something?"

"Yes," responded Sasuke with a straight face. "Now go away and let me go back to sleep."

"You can't _still_ be tired," said Naruko incredulously. "You slept all day and all of last night, for the first time in a month and a half. How can you still be _tired_?"

"That's what I'm thinking too," said the raven dryly. "It's probably the sleeping pills I took."

"Well that explains why I didn't get woken up by the usual screaming last night," said the blonde wryly.

"Probably," he said, turning away, though he didn't miss Naruko's look of worry before he did. "Now go away." _'And stop fucking worrying about me; I don't _want_ your pity!' _he mentally shouted.

Instead of going away, Naruko waddled over and sat down on the end of the bed… right on top of Sasuke's feet. The sudden weight was incredibly painful, and the raven cried out as he felt something pop in his right ankle. The pregnant blonde immediately jumped up, and when she realized where she'd sat, her hands went to her mouth. Koko-chan waddled away as fast as her legs would carry her, hissing her displeasure at the loud noise.

"Oh god, Sasuke, I'm so sorry!" she cried. "Are you all right?!" Without waiting for an answer she pulled back the covers.

The raven's left foot had been turned to the side when Naruko inadvertently sat on him and had been supported by the mattress, so hadn't been hurt. His right leg, on the other hand, had been extended with the toes turned upward, and when Naruko had sat down, she'd sat on the sole of his foot, pushing the foot back until tendons tore. The ankle was already swelling. Naruko gasped.

"Holy shit," she said. "I'll get some ice! Don't move!" she said, running into the kitchen.

'_I _can't_ move, thanks to you!'_ Inner Sasuke said irritably. The raven looked down at his ankle, which was already turning a dark purple, and gritted his teeth against the pain that shot up his leg when he tried to move it to a more comfortable position.

Naruko came back in a few minutes with a bag of ice wrapped in a dish towel and a pillow. She placed the raven's ankle on top of the pillow, and then put the bag of ice upon it. He gasped and shuddered as the cold package touched his skin, then winced as the shudder made his right leg move slightly.

Naruko looked at him worriedly, and he angrily wished she would go away. It was irrational anger; he knew that she hadn't meant to sit on him and sprain his ankle, and he didn't even think he was really mad at her per se. He tried to tell himself that, to calm down, but he felt resentment bubbling up anyway.

"Do you need anything?" she asked after a little while. "A drink? Sleeping pills? Pain-killers? I could stay with you tonight; Gaara's not due to return until tomorrow. I could sleep on the couch-"

"Naruko," Sasuke hissed through clenched teeth, "go away."

"I could- wait what?" said the blonde.

"I said," said the raven, gritting his teeth, "go away. My _head_ hurts, my _leg_ hurts, and I am _sick_ and _tired_ of being pitied by you and Gaara. I do it enough by myself."

"S-Sasuke-chan…?" said Naruko uncertainly, her eyes betraying bewilderment.

Sasuke would have just stopped there, but a dam had been opened, and now he couldn't stop the resentment from pouring out.

"_Why_ do I have to _repeat_ myself?!" he snapped. "I am _sick and tired_ of being pitied and treated like a sick person, or an unreasonable child, or a ticking _time bomb_! Do you think I don't notice it when you and Gaara talk in low tones? I'm still grieving, Naruko; that doesn't mean I don't pay attention!"

"So _what_ if we're worried?!" Naruko yelled back. "It's been a month and a half since Naruto died, and when you're not busy with work or in meetings with Hiashi-san you're either sleeping fitfully or sitting next to Nii-san's grave crying! It's been a little over a _month_, for fuck's sakes, and you're still acting like it happened _yesterday_!"

"_You_ weren't the one who had to _shoot_ him!" Sasuke screamed at her. "_You_ aren't the one with his _blood_ on your hands! Do you have _any_ idea how it feels, knowing that you're the one who killed your own husband and that you could have prevented it from happening?!"

"You couldn't have; you weren't _there_ when he was bitten!" the blonde cried.

"I _could_ have!" the raven said, anguish in his dark sapphire eyes. "When we created the list of all able-bodied men in the community Naruto's name was on the list. I couldn't exclude him, but when I was told he was going to go on scavenging missions to the cities I balked and said no. Hiashi didn't like the decision but he accepted it. Naruto didn't agree; if Kiba was going to be risking his life to bring supplies back here, he wanted to be there with him. We got into a huge fight over it, and eventually I caved; Kiba was his best friend, and I was being irrational anyhow, and maybe even a little jealous of his bond with Kiba. I wish I hadn't given in; he might still be alive."

By the time he'd finished telling Naruko he was crying. This made him hate himself even more. He was seventeen now, not seven; he should be able to control his emotions and not burst into tears at the slightest provocation. This was pathetic. The thought just made him cry harder.

A hand gently brushed his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. He didn't want sympathy; Naruko should hate him for killing her brother. After all, he couldn't forgive himself; what use was someone else's forgiveness?

There was a certain tenseness in the air.

"You couldn't have stopped him anyways, Sasuke-chan," Naruko finally said softly. "He loved you deeply and unconditionally, but he was his own man, with his own reasons for doing things. None of this was your fault, or Naruto's, or Hiashi's, or anyone else's. It was simply a part of God's plan."

Shortly afterward there came the quiet sound of retreating footsteps and padding paws, and the door slid open and then shut again as she and Koko-chan left.

X3333333333333

An hour later, all tears finally exhausted, Sasuke got out of bed, ignoring the pain from his sprained ankle, and limped over to his desk. Sinking onto the floor in front of it, he picked up the picture of him and Naruto on their wedding day and looked at the blond's smiling face. He was so happy, not knowing that he had a little less than six months to live. They were both so happy, not knowing that they only had less than six months to enjoy their time as a married couple.

Looking at the picture, Sasuke came to a conclusion. He couldn't do it anymore. He'd tried for only a month and a half, but every day the pain and grief only got worse, and he couldn't keep living without Naruto. Life without Naruto was like living in a world with no air and no color. He knew Naruto would be disappointed with him, but he wanted to see his husband again, to feel those strong protective arms around him, to hear his name coming out of the blond's mouth.

Taking up a pen and a piece of paper, he began to write. All the while, the small urn stood in its spot of honor on the desk, beckoning to him.

X33333333333

Gaara sighed in relief. This was the last time he would go on scavenging duty for a while, thank goodness; he wanted to take care of Naruko and her twins, and he didn't want a repeat of what had happened last month. Naruko and Sasuke were still recovering from the shock and grief associated with Naruto's death, and another death of someone close to them would send the two of them over the edge, he was sure. Of course, he was less worried about Naruko doing something stupid; she had her twins to care for.

When he got to the quarters he and Naruko shared and opened the door, he saw that the bed was empty, and there was a light on in the living room slash kitchenette. Going into the room, he saw her sitting on the sofa, a mug of tea in one hand, the other rubbing that stupid cat's swollen belly soothingly. Honestly, Gaara didn't know why it seemed to like Naruko and Sasuke but not him, even though he was usually the one who put out milk for it when it came to him and Naruko.

When Gaara stepped in Naruko looked up, revealing tired sky blue eyes, and smiled wanly at him.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey yourself," said Gaara, kissing her, ignoring Koko-chan's irritable hiss at him for taking away her source of stomach rubs. "I know I'm early, but here I am… How are you? How are the twins?"

"They're healthy, but they're moving around more than I'd like them to," replied Naruko dryly. "I think they're going to become great gymnasts someday. As for me, I'm tired. I couldn't fall asleep."

"Why?" asked the redhead.

"Just worrying," she said. She didn't have to clarify; Gaara knew what she meant.

"How is Sasuke?" he asked.

"Well, I learned that he doesn't like his birthday," said the blonde wryly. "I've never met _anyone_ who doesn't like their birthday."

"Well, Sasuke isn't 'anyone'," said Gaara. "He's just odd like that. That didn't really answer my question though."

Naruko's face fell.

"Well, I went to sit on the end of the bed and accidentally sat on his foot at a bad angle and sprained his ankle. Then we got into a fight."

"What was it about?" asked Gaara, surprised. Sasuke and Naruko were usually on very good terms.

"Nothing in particular," said Naruko, and Gaara saw the truth of what she said in her eyes. "He still blames himself for Naruto's death even though they made a pact and believes I should hate him. I don't know how to convince him otherwise. I tried to tell him that, but he wasn't in the mood. Of course, _I_ might have created that particular problem, since I woke him up with a party noisemaker."

Gaara blanched.

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" he sputtered. "The first and _only_ time I did something like that we were ten. I woke Sasuke up with an air horn as a prank and he almost strangled me. I say almost because Itachi came in to see what the yelling was about and pulled him off. My throat hurts just _thinking_ about it. Come to think of it, he almost killed Itachi too, for laughing at him."

Naruko laughed, but then sobered quickly.

"But seriously, I'm worried about him," she said. "I woke him up at nine tonight, and he said it might be because he'd taken sleeping pills the night before. I'd like to know where he _got_ sleeping pills since when I left I took away everything except his _kusanagi _to keep him from attempting suicide, first of all; and secondly, no kind of sleeping pill can knock you out for that long unless you're overdosing on them."

Shit.

"Why did you leave his _kusanagi_?"

"In case the compound is overrun and he needs to defend himself," said Naruko.

"You know what, I'm going to go check on him," said Gaara, getting to his feet.

"He'll probably be asleep," Naruko said quietly. "When I left he was crying again, and crying really tires a person out. Besides, a sprained ankle doesn't allow for a lot of mobility."

"Maybe not, but I still want to make sure he hasn't done anything stupid."

"Define 'hasn't done anything stupid'," said Naruko sardonically.

"Heh," said Gaara as he put his shoes back on.

When he was outside Sasuke's living quarters, he noted that all lights were off. Maybe Naruko was right and the raven-haired teenager was asleep, but Gaara had a distinctly uneasy feeling in his stomach. Lifting his hand, he knocked on the door.

"Hey, Taka-kun," he called softly, using his friend's childhood nickname, but no one answered. He did the same thing at the bedroom door, but there was still no answer, so he let himself in.

The place was as silent as a tomb. Nothing stirred, and the only noise Gaara could hear was the distant rumble of thunder. A flash of lightning briefly lit up the interior of the bedroom, showing Sasuke to be exactly where Naruko had predicted he would be; in bed, asleep.

But if he were asleep, Gaara would be able to hear slow and even breathing, wouldn't he?

The redhead moved around the bed to Sasuke's side, but he tripped over something and went sprawling. Whatever it was rattled as it rolled away, and Gaara's heart froze in his chest. The rattle sounded like that of a medicine bottle. Standing back up, his heart full of dread, already knowing what he would find, he clicked on the bedside lamp.

His presumption was right; Sasuke wasn't breathing, and his already pale skin was now the color of white marble. He must have been dead for somewhere around an hour. Dark locks fanned out over the pillow, making alabaster skin seem positively ghostly, and a small smile graced his lips. One delicate feminine hand was upturned, hanging limply over the side of the bed, and when Gaara looked down he saw small white pills scattered on the floor. Not far away was the medicine bottle that he had tripped over. The other hand rested lightly on the raven's chest, and in that hand was a note. Gaara numbly took the note from Sasuke's hand, briefly noting how cold it was, and opened it.

_おい、ヶアラ と ナルコ。_

_By the time you read this, I will (hopefully) be elsewhere. Hopefully it's wherever Naruto happens to be at this moment in time, because I miss him. A lot. 'Ruko-chan, I apologize for taking my frustration and anger out on you earlier. Gaara, I'm sorry. I know you're coming back tomorrow night, and I would have liked to see you again before I went through with this. Please don't blame yourselves; I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger._

_I've been trying to move on, but it seems that the more I try to move on, the more I get held back, and now I realize it's because I can't live without Naruto. The harder I try to move on, the more it hurts. Things that I used to enjoy, like drawing or listening to music, give me no comfort. When I look at the world it now seems devoid of all color, of all life. I find myself thinking about suicide almost constantly, crying more, and suffering from insomnia. (It seems fitting then that I would choose to end my life simply by falling asleep.) Everything and everyone reminds me of Naruto. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane from the grief. I'm sick of going through the motions of trying to move on when for all intents and purposes I died last month with Naruto._

_You and Naruko make a great couple, Gaara. Take care of each other, and of the twins. Everything that was mine and Naruto's is now yours. The only request I have is for you to mix my ashes with his._

_貴様 の 友達、_

_**うちは サスケ**_

A scream of shock and horror came from the direction of the doorway, and Gaara looked up to see Naruko standing there, her hands over her face. As he watched she took slow steps toward the bed and then sank to the floor, shaking.

"Oh _god_," she murmured faintly as Gaara went to her and wrapped her in his arms, hiding the body from her line of sight. "I should have stayed… I should have stayed…"

Gaara felt a stab of anger, and a pang of sorrow. He was angry at Sasuke for killing himself when there were still people who obviously cared. But he also felt sorrow, because he'd watched his best friend struggle to carry on with life over the last month and a half, and guilt, because he'd subconsciously known for a while that this was coming and hadn't done anything as a precaution against it. He had denied the signs; he had swept them under the rug, believing that Sasuke was strong enough to deal with the grief, and now Sasuke was dead.

Gaara remembered the assembly they'd sat through as ninth graders, about how to recognize signs of suicidal behavior, and how he and Sasuke had scoffed and told each other they'd never do something so stupid. They'd even made lists of all the things they had to live for and given them to each other, that way if they started feeling that way they'd have someone else to remind them what they were here on Earth for. He still had Sasuke's in his bedroom at home, and he vaguely wondered if Sasuke had held onto his.

That memory triggered something in him, and suddenly he couldn't keep the building tears in anymore. He began to cry, and Naruko held onto him, trying to comfort him. Thunder rumbled, much closer this time, and it started to rain. It was as if the sky were commiserating with them, sharing their grief.

X333333333333333333333333

Naruto: T_T Well, that was thoroughly depressing.

Me: -.- After you died it got more interesting for a short period of time.

Naruto: 8( Hey!

Sasuke: -_- So, what now?

Me: ^.^ Well, there are two more chapters.

Sasuke: About what?

Me: o.O Well, the final one is the afterward.

Naruto: O.o But what about the next chapter?

Me: -_- Guess you'll have to wait and see like everyone else.

Naruto: -Pouts- You're no fun! 8(

Me: '-_- Oh, bite me. I'm _plenty_ of fun.

Naruto: So is your mom in bed! 8D

Me: Trust me, you _don't_ wanna go there. My mom is a _bitch_.

Sasuke: -_- But fun and bitchiness aren't mutually exclusive.

Me: -_- They are with her.

Naruto: They are with your _face_! 8D

Me: … o.O What the hell is up with the lame comebacks?

Sasuke: Don't ask. He's been doing that a lot more lately.

Me: '-_- I see. Review!

Naruto: I'll review your mom! 8D

Me: #-_- How did you fall in love with an idiot like that?

Sasuke: -_- I don't know. I really don't.

おい = oi = hey

ヶアラ = Gaara

と = to = and

ナルコ = Naruko

貴様 の 友達 = kisama no tomodachi = your friend

うちは サスケ = Uchiha Sasuke

Me: =) My desktop computer is amazing. It has a Japanese character function that's pretty easy to use when it decides to work. You've just got to know the Romanji version of what you're trying to write.

Sasuke: -_- And how to read _kanji_.

Me: #-_- Well if my _kanji_ is messed up, then oh well. I'm still working on that part. Review! And if I sound amazed it's because I just figured this out.

Sasuke: -_- And because she's an idiot.

Me: #-_- Your mother is an idiot.

Sasuke: Come on, not you too.

Me: 8) Yes, me too! The "your mom" shit was mine in the first place, and Naruto stole it from me, so nyah! XP

Sasuke: #-_- -to readers- Save me, please. I'm surrounded by five-year-olds…


	28. Dead Memories

**Chapter 28: Dead Memories**

It was a full week before Gaara and Naruko felt ready to go back to what had been Sasuke and Naruto's apartment, in order to sort through their personal effects and clean house. They were both still haunted by the memory of Sasuke lying on the bed, with a face so peaceful he could have been asleep if not for the fact that he wasn't breathing. When they entered on the gloomy July morning, they avoided the bedroom except when they had to walk through it; the half-empty bottle of sleeping pills that Gaara had tripped over a week ago was still in the corner of the room, and little white pills still dotted the _tatami_ mat flooring in the bedroom, a cruel reminder of the still-raw loss of their friend.

"Hey, where's Koko-chan?" asked Gaara after sweeping up the pills and the bottle and looking around the apartment twice.

"I don't know," said Naruko, grabbing a broom and a mop from the kitchenette. "I haven't seen her in three days. Do you think she ran away, or maybe died, or she's having her kittens?"

"I don't know, maybe…"

They worked in silence for the most part, and after two hours the easiest and most tedious part of their visit was over, and the emotionally charged part began.

"God I feel awkward going through their stuff," murmured Naruko as she grabbed a bunch of Naruto's clothes and put them on the bed. "It feels almost like desecrating a shrine."

"I don't know if I feel like _that_," said Gaara, helping her out when she dropped some things, "but it certainly _does_ feel like we're invading their privacy. Maybe you should sit down, and I'll get the stuff and you sort through it." He patted the bed.

"Fuck no," said Naruko, paling. "I am not sitting on the end of the same bed that Sasuke died in. Besides," she added, "it just feels wrong. This bed is the place where they shared so many memories."

"That's not all they shared in this bed," muttered Gaara under his breath before returning to normal volume. "Fine, sit on the floor if you want," he said, "but you can still help me out and sort. Anything of sentimental value goes on one pile to be sorted through again later, and anything else goes on the burn pile."

"God that will be hard," said Naruko softly. "Like this cap," she said, holding up a black baseball cap. "Nii-san was wearing this when he hit a baseball through the neighbor's window when we were twelve. Mom grounded him for two months and made him pay the neighbors for the cost of the window out of his own allowance. It's quite funny to think about now, his face turning red with anger."

"I'd be pissed too, but I'd also be more careful," said Gaara, picking up a tube of lipstick. "Oh god, this is the lipstick tube Sasuke used on me when I lost a bet with him! I can't believe he kept it!"

"What was the bet?" asked Naruko curiously.

"That Itachi couldn't fool their father into thinking he was a girl," said Gaara. "I didn't believe he could, but Sasuke was positive he could, so we made a bet. Whoever lost had to do whatever the other one said for a week. I lost, so I was wearing hair extensions and a skirt to school for a week. The bastard took great pleasure in treating me like a doll. One day he made me go out in public wearing a loli dress. Now _that_ was humiliating. I know for a fact that the pictures he took are still around."

Naruko laughed.

"Why is it that the majority of the stories I hear about Sasuke involve cross-dressing in one form or another?" she asked.

"Because he did it a lot more than he probably ever let on," said Gaara.

Before they knew it they found themselves sharing all sorts of stories about the couple before they became a couple.

"…And then Kyuu-nii walked in on Naruto, while he was getting off to his _Playgirl_ magazine!"

"…The look on his face when he emerged from the water was priceless! Itachi almost died that day."

"…the idiot shot _himself_ in the foot with a bow and arrow; how much more stupid can you get?!"

"…That just goes to show you how much Sasuke loved those stupid tomatoes…"

After a while they ran out of stories to tell. Naruko sighed as she wiped her eyes.

"God I miss them…"

"Well they're not gone," said Gaara, also wiping his eyes, "as long as we keep memories like the ones we shared in our hearts."

"True story, brah," said Naruko, giggling.

The redhead glowered.

"What the hell?"

"It's nothing, ignore me," she said. "I'm high from laughing too hard."

Gaara snorted.

"Yeah, okay," he said. "We've still got their papers to go through, so get your fat ass up and get moving."

"Just for that," said Naruko, glowering at the redhead as she stood up, "I'm never going to have sex with you."

"Well, fine," said Gaara, crossing his arms in mock hurt. "I see how it is."

Naruko stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend as she walked forward, but she tripped over an item of clothing and went sprawling.

"Naruko, are you all right?" asked Gaara frantically.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Naruko, sitting up and wincing. "What the hell?"

What she had tripped over was the _uchikake_ Sasuke had worn for his and Naruto's wedding. Sighing, she bent down and reluctantly put it back on the pile of clothes to be gotten rid of. She really wished she could wear it for her wedding, but she didn't know if she could get married in an outfit that her dead friend had worn to his wedding. Just then, a carefully folded sheet of paper fell out of one of the sleeves.

"What the hell…?" she muttered to herself as she unfolded it, revealing the meticulously formed, almost calligraphic characters that comprised Sasuke's handwriting. Gaara came over as she read aloud.

_Naruko,_

_I have no use for this anymore, so I thought, why not give it to someone who can use it? Take care of it… At least until you and Gaara are married with a few kids and grandkids; then I don't give a flying fuck what you do with it. Suggestions: make it a tablecloth for special occasions, or completely undo it and make a new kimono out of it. Though I personally suggest the tablecloth; the white is a good accent color to offset the dark red in your apartment._

_Oh, and before I go, you asked me how the maternity dress looked on you. Let me tell you honestly, sweetie, it makes your ass look HUGE!_

_Sasuke-chan_

Below the note was a quick chibi drawing of her in her maternity dress. Sticking out to each side was a huge ass.

"I will never get what it is with gay men and interior design," said Gaara, shaking his head. "And I have to agree with him, your ass _does_ look pretty big in that."

Naruko crumpled the note and threw it as hard as she could across the room.

"You, Uchiha Sasuke, are _still_ a _dick_!" she yelled angrily. "And _thank you_ for putting the idea that my ass looks big in Gaara's head! And _you_! Asshole! My ass does _not_ look big in this, no matter _what_ Duck Butt says!"

"_I_ meant it as a compliment," snickered Gaara, going over to the note, picking it up, and uncrumpling it. He reread it, and when he came to the drawing, he burst out laughing.

"What the _hell_, Gaara!" snapped Naruko, turning beet red.

"That's a pretty accurate drawing," said Gaara, smirking evilly.

Naruko yelled incoherently and began to throw everything she could reach at him. He laughed and dodged. All the while both of them could hear faint laughter that no longer belonged to this world, but to the next. There was no one else there that they could see except for them, but it comforted them, to an extent.

Naruko couldn't explain it. One moment she was throwing stuff at Gaara; the next moment she felt an odd sensation at her back, and then warmth spread over and through her, and suddenly she knew where Koko-chan was and why. She told Gaara so and he got an odd look on his face, something between awe and suspicion.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"I don't know," said Naruko honestly, and she told him of the odd feeling and warmth that had spread throughout her body when she had the revelation.

"Is it still there?" he queried cautiously.

She nodded.

"Do you think it's…"

"Sasuke-chan? Yeah. Or it could be Nii-san."

Gaara stepped closer to her.

"Sasuke, or Naruto, if one of you is here please give us an identifying sign."

There was a moment of tense silence as they waited for something to happen. Then the light flickered and went out, and at the same time a voice spoke to them. It was faint, and sounded as if it were coming from underwater, but the words were understandable, the voice unmistakable.

"_Remember the lists, Gaara,"_ said Sasuke.

They looked at each other, stunned.

"Oh my god," Gaara murmured.

"What lists?" asked Naruko, confused.

"When we were in ninth grade the two of us made lists of the things we had to live for," explained Gaara. "We gave them to each other in case one of us felt suicidal. I forgot about the lists in the months after the zombie apocalypse, and was only reminded of them last week."

"It's a little late for remembering them, don't you think?" said Naruko wryly.

"Well, yes," he said. "I thought Sasuke forgot about them too. Apparently not."

They heard a faint snort, and the light in the study went out.

"_Photographic memory, dipshit."_

"Stop turning off lights, Sasuke-chan!" said Naruko irritably, her face pale. "This is creepy enough without lights turning on and off. Use our energy if you want to speak."

The lights in the bedroom and study turned back on, and an invisible hand brushed her in an apologetic manner.

"Thank you. Now where's Koko-chan?"

The warmth once again enveloped her and seeped into her, and she allowed it to direct her feet where they needed to go.

"Hey, where are you going?" asked Gaara.

"To wherever Koko-chan is," responded Naruko.

"That could be anywhere," her boyfriend responded nervously.

Naruko felt a twinge of irritation that she didn't own, and a thought that was also not hers popped into her head. She communicated it to Gaara.

"Sasuke wouldn't lead us on a wild goose chase. It's not far," she said, stepping down and setting off down the garden path toward the koi pond and toward Sasuke and Naruto's gravestones. Gaara looked hesitant, but followed her.

The willow had grown long throughout the spring and summer, and now the drooping branches with their feather-like leaves hid everything from view. Sasuke, Naruto, Gaara, and Naruko had talked about cutting the branches back and putting in a wooden bench back in March, long before Naruto's death, but they'd never gotten around to it, so now the branches formed a curtain that touched the earthen ground and that they had to push away to enter the area.

Koko-chan was there, by the trunk of the tree, yowling and putting up such a fuss that Naruko thought the only way they hadn't heard her was that the curtain of branches was so thick. As they got closer, they saw little bundles of fur coming out of her, each of them making a plaintive mewling sound.

Koko-chan was giving birth.

"Oh my god," said Gaara, his face turning a pale green. "If that's what you'll look like in a few months, Naruko, I am _not_ going to be there."

"You are if you want to keep on being my boyfriend and become the adopted father of my twins, you bastard," said Naruko plainly. Sasuke's laughter echoed in her head, and the warmth that had led her to this spot faded away.

Except that it wasn't just warmth anymore; it was now a glowing ball of light, roughly the size of a basketball. And as it floated toward the tombstones another materialized and joined it, one that floated just a little bit higher. Gaara and Naruko watched as they illuminated Koko-chan and her newborn kittens, which were mewling pitifully. As they floated closer, Koko-chan hissed and batted at them, her claws out. The higher orb, which they assumed was Naruto, bobbed irritably. Naruko laughed.

"She's going to want to protect her kittens, Nii-san," she said, giggling.

"You're crying, _koishii_," said Gaara softly.

Naruko brought her hand up to her face in surprise; it came away wet.

"When did that start?" she wondered out loud, wiping the tears away. More came to replace them.

"Let it out, _koishii_," said the redhead quietly, and Naruko did. Burying her head in Gaara's chest she cried like she hadn't cried before. After Naruto's death she hadn't cried properly because she had to be strong for Sasuke. After Sasuke's death, she hadn't really cried because she'd been shocked, even though she supposed his suicide shouldn't have come as much of a surprise to her… He'd been going downhill ever since he had to shoot Naruto, weighed down by overwhelming guilt, grief, and post-traumatic stress.

Now, it felt like a dam had broken inside of her. Holding onto her boyfriend, she cried rivers. She cried for Naruto, for Sasuke, for Kiba, for herself and Gaara, for her parents, for Kyuubi, for Itachi, and for the loss of their normal lives almost a year ago in the face of this plague that had swept across the planet. Because the zombie plague was the _real_ cause of all the loss and pain; the _real_ reason why all of her family was dead; the _real_ reason why Sasuke had been driven to suicide; the _real_ reason why she was crying like a small child, here under the willow in Gaara's arms.

She and Gaara were suddenly encircled by glowing light. It flowed over them protectively, and Naruko smiled through her tears.

"Thanks, you guys," she said quietly, drying her eyes.

As they watched, the balls of light that had enveloped them moved back, elongating, stretching, and transforming until Sasuke and Naruto stood before them, transparent but clear as day. They were floating off the ground a little, and surrounded by a soft pulsating light, but it was unmistakably them. If not for the little touches of the paranormal, Naruko would have thought them still alive.

As she marveled at this, Naruto's lips parted and he began to speak.

"_We'll watch over you," _he said softly. _"You may not be able to see us all the time, but we'll be here."_

"How will we know?" asked Naruko, hating how she sounded like a scared child.

"_You'll know," _he murmured. _"You'll see. We'll give signs to let you know it's us."_

"Oh great," groaned Gaara. "As if my life needed a little more weirdness in it."

Sasuke snorted.

"_It will get weirder," _he promised, taking his husband's ethereal hand.

They began to fade, but Naruko wasn't done.

"Naru-nii! Sasuke-chan!" she cried.

Their forms became a little more solidified, and they looked at her questioningly.

"Do you know if there's an afterlife?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

The couple looked at each other, then at her, and then slowly nodded.

"Are you two in Heaven?"

They looked at each other again, and then back at her, again.

"_You'll just have to find out when you get here, sweetie," _laughed Sasuke. Naruto joined him.

And they faded away, leaving the living couple in a decidedly strange silence.

"Well, that was decidedly weird," said Gaara awkwardly. "I never really believed in ghosts until just then. Earlier I was still holding out, hoping that it was a hoax or something, but holy _shit_."

"Well it's a good thing you believe now," said Naruko warningly, "because they'll be around for a while from the looks of it."

Gaara laughed a little.

"It's good to know that they're not entirely gone," he said.

"Even if there were no afterlife, they'd be here, in our hearts and minds," said Naruko, kissing her boyfriend. He smiled and kissed her back, rubbing her burgeoning belly.

He'd been nervous about adopting Naruko's twins and marrying her, but after everything that had happened in the last ten months, he knew one thing…

Life is short, so you have to take the moments as they come. Gaara was ready for the challenge.

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Me: =3 All right children, one more chapter!

Sasuke, Naruto: -Groan- -_-

Me: #-_- Oh bite me!

Sasuke: -.- No thanks. What's the final chapter?

Me: The epilogue. Duh…

Sasuke: #-_- Oh shut up. Tell us!

Me: No. You get to find out for yourselves. Review, please! And I'm sorry if this chapter sucked… I stayed up all night finishing it.

Naruto: -_- No you didn't. You stayed up all night reading yaoi and working on another NaruSasu fanfic.

Me: D8 SHUT UP, PUNK! IWAS WORKING ON THIS ONE TOO!

Sasuke: -_- You're procrastinating.

Me: D8 I have every right to, just so long as I finish the story! I've been working on this story for almost a year, and I'm _tired_ of it! This is the last zombie story I ever write! I apologize, dear readers, for any suckish qualities that these last two chapters may have! Please forgive me! –Bows deeply-

Naruto: '-_- This chapter sucks.

Me: #-_- Well, you suck too, Fishcake. You suck dick.

Naruto: D8 I don't just suck _any_ dick! I'm not a manwhore!

Me: Oh right, I should have added Sasuke's name before I said dick. 8D

Sasuke: _ Yeah, whatever.

Me: The chapter sucks because I was fighting major writer's block, even as I get new ideas for my other NaruSasu fanfics! And because I wrote most of it at or after midnight! And it's short because I have writer's block! D8

Sasuke: '-_- Smart planning, idiot.

Me: D8 At least it's not during the school year anymore!

Sasuke: '-_- I was talking about the creative flow of ideas.

Me: _ Well, I don't care what you were talking about. You can kiss my asshole.

Sasuke: o.O Ew. I'd rather not if it's all the same to you.

Me: It is _not_ all the same to me! Get down and kiss it! 8D

Sasuke: 0.0 …No.

Naruto: -Laughs- Shot down! =D

Me: 8D I will find great pleasure in torturing you two in future fanfics.

Sasuke, Naruto: '-_- Oh god.

Me: -Cackles evilly- Review, puny human toadies! Review! 8D


	29. In My Life

**Chapter 29: In My Life**

_15 years later_

"Mom!"

Naruko banged her head on the table, wishing for the umpteenth time that day that she had earplugs and a pair of blinders.

"What?!" she yelled.

"Make Megumi get out of my room!"

This exclamation was accompanied by a thump and a loud wailing from her five-year-old daughter.

The blonde woman sighed. Her ten-year-old daughter was so high-maintenance. She couldn't remember having been this high-maintenance at ten.

"Rii-chan, don't hit your sister!" she yelled irritably. "I've told you so many times to just shut the door!"

"I _can't_ close it; my room's too _hot_!"

"Then get a fan to put in there!"

"_You_ put them away for the season, remember?"

Naruko groaned.

'_Mary mother of Jesus,' _she silently prayed, _'please give me the fortitude to not kill my children…'_

The front door clicked open.

"_Tadaima_!" called her fifteen-year-old son Shiori.

"Shiori, please go upstairs and make sure Megumi isn't hurt," she said. "She and Rii-chan have been fighting again. Where's Satoru?"

Shiori came into the kitchen and dropped his bag. He looked at his mother, who had her head in her hands, and groaned.

"You're the mom," he said. "_You_ do it! And even if we _are_ twins, how the hell am _I_ supposed to know where Satoru is? Contrary to the old adage, I am _not_ my brother's keeper."

"You need to watch your language," snarled Naruko. "I've been dealing with your sisters fighting since Ritsu got home from school, and I have a raging headache."

Her eldest child rolled his eyes, and she growled.

"I brought you into this world, and I can just as easily take you out of it. Do what I say, you little turd!"

Shiori's face paled even more than it naturally was, and he practically ran up the stairs to get away from his mother's glare. Naruko looked after him wearily and then put her head back on the table with a sigh. Chihiro, one of the family's three cats, rubbed his glossy calico head against her leg, demanding her attention, and she wearily scratched him behind the ears.

Chihiro was one of Koko-chan's grand-kittens, as were their other two cats. They hadn't seen Koko-chan since she'd given birth next to Naruto and Sasuke's gravestones, mainly because she wouldn't let them get anywhere near her kittens, but three years later one of those kittens, now grown, had come out of the same grove, pregnant, and given birth to a bunch of kittens herself. After a good many scratches, Gaara had been able to clean off the kittens, and he'd given two of the kittens and the mother to Hinata and her girlfriend Amaru. The other three they'd kept.

A lot had changed since July 2013. Naruko had gotten married to Gaara on hers and Naruto's birthday, and in November, after hours of labor without the aid of an epidural, the twins were born. That personally was much more painful than the way in which they were conceived, so painful that Naruko made Gaara wait for five years to try for another. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way though; the pain of labor reminded her of the countless deaths and pain, and she felt like it was worth it to bring new life into a world where death was accepted as the norm, the status quo. Birth was an act of defiance.

Seven years ago the zombies in Japan had finally been contained with the help of a UN-controlled Japanese task force that had apparently been withheld until the UN scientists were sure there was no cure for the zombie bacteria. Nowadays if you wanted to see a zombie you had to go to the zoo, where you could look at them from behind protective Plexiglass.

Naruko thought the extermination of the monsters hadn't happened soon enough, and still held a grudge against the Japanese government. If they'd begun the containment and extermination procedures as soon as the outbreak started so many members of her friends circle and her family wouldn't have died, and her children could have had the relatively normal childhood that she, Kyuubi, and Naruto had had.

Megumi had been born after the zombie containment and so only knew of the vile things from stories told by her parents and siblings and from the zoo, but Ritsu, Satoru, and Shiori had had very close calls as children. These experiences had permanently scarred them. Naruko herself still dreamed often about everyone she loved turning into zombies and chasing her, moaning her name until she felt like she would go insane. And she was still terrified of going out in public without a handgun, as was Gaara.

Even with the traumatizing early childhoods, her four children seemed to be turning out all right. Megumi was the only one to have had a relatively normal childhood. She was a red-haired, blue-eyed free spirit, happy and unburdened by the fear of what might lurk behind the corners. Maybe a little too unburdened… She had a habit of not looking where she was going, and Naruko worried that it might get her hurt. Ten-year-old Ritsu was very outgoing, and incredibly interested in boys and make-up. She reminded Naruko a lot of Naruto, with her smiles and laughter and easy-going attitude.

The twins… Well, they had very little in common. They were supposed to be identical twins, but they weren't quite there… While they both had short, slightly wavy hair the color of a raven's wings, pale skin, and were the same height and same build (skinny but muscular), their eyes told them apart. Shiori had his mom's light blue eyes, but Satoru took after neither Naruko nor Sai. He had these expressive deep sea blue eyes that sparkled like sapphires when the light hit them the right way. More than once Naruko had called him "Sasuke-chan" by mistake; he looked so much like the raven. It didn't help that they shared the same first kana character.

There were other ways in which the elder twin reminded Naruko of Sasuke… While Shiori was only interested in one thing –girls- Satoru was more interested in books and his martial arts training. Shiori had tons of friends, but Satoru seemed to shun the affections of most people, instead choosing to stick with his two close friends, Risa-chan and Mahiro-kun. Whereas Shiori expressed himself loudly and often, Satoru was more subdued. And Satoru had a very dry sense of humor.

Gaara and Naruko had never really told their kids how they came to be together, nor had they told the kids much about Sasuke and Naruto. All the kids knew about them was that they were their uncles, they'd been gay, they'd been dead for years, and their ashes were in one of the intricately patterned urns, most of which were symbolic, on the family shrine. Naruko had been meaning to tell the twins and Ritsu about their grandparents and their uncles, but she'd never really gotten around to it.

The paranormal activity that had started in July 2013 had abated a little, but Naruko still got all sorts of signs that her brother and brother-in-law were still watching over them. Dishes moved from one side of the kitchen to the other without anyone visible touching them, and if Naruko left the house with dirty dishes in the sink, she would come back to find them perfectly clean. (She attributed this to Sasuke; he had been so OCD at times when he was alive.) More than once the kids had actually spotted them, both individually and together, and when Naruko was really stressed, she could usually count on a ghostly hand on her shoulder, or invisible arms around her waist, telling her that she had to ride it out, that everything would be okay.

On a related note, it was funny that she hadn't felt the hand or the arms once today, even though she was ready to tear her hair out. Maybe Sasuke and Naruto were taking one of their personal days, as she liked to call the days when they didn't show up at all.

The front door swung open, jarring her out of her reverie.

"_Tadaima_," said Gaara gruffly, shuffling into the kitchen. "I brought the take-out that you asked for."

"Thank _God_," said Naruko. "I'm too tired to cook. Megumi has been annoying the crap out of Ritsu since they got home. And work was exhausting."

"I bet," said the redhead.

There was a crash.

"Megumi, I told you to stay out of my room!" Shiori yelled irritably from upstairs. "Now look what you've done; you dropped my iPad! There's a huge crack in it!"

"I didn't _drop_ your iPad, stinky-face!" yelled Megumi.

"Yeah you did; I watched it slip from your _hands_!"

"Do you _see_ what I have to deal with?" groaned Naruko.

"It's a _wonder_ you haven't killed them yet," mused Gaara.

"I just think about how Satoru and Shiori will be graduating in two years, and then I only have _two_ brats to deal with."

"Satoru's not a brat," said Gaara, quirking a smile.

"I know; he's the only one of our children that_ isn't_. I don't know what we did or didn't do with him that didn't catch on with the other three."

Her husband shrugged.

"That could always change."

"Please God, _don't_ let it change," groaned Naruko.

"Let this be a lesson to you," he said, smirking a little. "Never have more than two kids."

"Great life lesson, a little too late," said the blonde, rolling her eyes. "The appropriate lesson here is, no _more _children."

The door slammed open, and there was a mild "_tadaima_" from the front foyer as Satoru finally walked in. He had his friend Mahiro in tow.

"Where were you, Satoru?" asked Gaara.

"Over at Mahiro's house, hanging out," replied the raven-haired boy. "I was wondering if he could have dinner with us and stay the weekend."

Naruko cocked her head, grinning.

"Of _course_!" she beamed. "The more the merrier!"

"What was it you just said about no more kids, Naruko?" Gaara reminded her, smirking, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

Satoru gave his mom a slight smile, but it seemed like there was something strained about it. Naruko wanted to ask what it was, but she figured he'd tell her in time… Everything comes to those who wait.

"Hey, it's dinnertime!" she yelled up the stairs. "You lot stop fighting!"

"What's for dinner?" yelled Shiori.

"Come down and find out," said his mom as she walked away.

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"So, Mahiro," said Gaara during dinner, "how are your studies coming along?"

"Eh, they're not bad," responded the brunet as he bit into a spring roll. "I have a few teachers who are being a drag, but that's nothing I can't handle. We dissected a twice-dead zombie in biology today."

Naruko shuddered.

"I still can't believe they're using zombies in high school science labs now," she said. "They're dangerous even when they've been properly neutralized. Their bodily fluids could get into orifices and cuts and infect people."

"I'm sure they take the proper precautions before they let students do anything with undead bodies," said Gaara.

"Yeah, you're probably right," said Naruko. "So Satoru, how are you and Risa-chan doing?"

"What do you mean, Mom?" asked Satoru.

"I mean, how's the relationship with her working out?"

The air changed subtly, but enough that it was palpably tense. Shiori snickered, and Satoru carefully set his chopsticks down.

"Uhm, actually," he said uncomfortably.

"What do you mean?" asked his mom. "I was so sure you two were going out. I mean, you two are _unusually_ close for just friends. Did you and Risa have a fight? I haven't seen her in a while."

"Well, we did _kind of_ have a falling-out," said her son, "but it's never been like that. We've never been going out. We've never been more than friends. I see her as a sister."

"What was the fight about?" asked Shiori, grinning evilly.

"It was about how I am going to _kill_ you if you don't shut up," snapped Satoru, irritation flickering in his dark blue eyes. "She told me she liked me, and I told her that I wasn't interested in her as anything more than an older sister figure. I told her there was someone else I was interested in."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," said Naruko. "If she's a good friend she'll come around eventually…"

"So who's the lucky girl?" asked Gaara.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Uhm, well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," said Satoru, looking down at his hands. "There _is_ no lucky girl. I… I'm gay."

Everything stilled. Satoru, shaking a little, went on.

"I'm gay, and I've been dating Mahiro for a little over a month. The reason I was late is that we went to his house to tell his parents. When we told them, they went ape and kicked us out."

It was still silent.

"Please don't hate me," he finished in a whisper, looking at the floor. Mahiro took his hand and rubbed it soothingly.

"My son is _gay_?!" said Naruko, looking livid. "And I wasn't the _first_ to know about it!? How did this _happen_!? Did you forget that I had a gay twin _brother_!? Who had a _husband _who was your father's _best friend_?! And that mine and Naruto's older brother was _bisexual_?! Our son doesn't trust me," she sobbed, burying her face in Gaara's shoulder.

"There there," he said quietly. "Honestly Satoru, I don't know _why_ you would be scared of telling _us_."

"Well honestly, after the response from my parents we needed a little positive reaffirmation," responded Mahiro, breathing a sigh of relief. "They chased us out. If there's any worse response than being chased out and called a harlot by your own parents, I'd like to know what it is."

"Well actually, there is," said Naruko. "I outed my brother and his boyfriend in a fit of anger at our older brother Kyuubi, and Sasuke's father tried to separate them by arranging a marriage between his son and one of his distant cousins. I was grounded at the time, but I heard the yelling from all the way down the hall."

"Yelling?" said Shiori.

"Yeah," replied the blonde woman. "I felt horrible."

"Really?" said Gaara.

"Why does my feeling bad about almost separating Sasuke and Naruto come as a surprise to you, you dick?" snapped Naruko.

"Because I heard you bitching about their apparent lack of interest in talking to you to Sai the week before the Uchiha compound got overrun. 'I don't understand why they can't just get the hell over it; I didn't mean to!' You didn't sound very repentant _then_."

"Do _not_ talk about Sai to me!" growled Naruko, prodding her husband's chest with her index finger.

"Hey, Mom, Dad," said Satoru awkwardly, interrupting them, "there are small children at the table, in case you forgot."

"Oh, oops!" said Naruko. "Megumi-chan, Rii-chan, Mommy and Daddy said some very bad words. I want you to go upstairs and pretend that you didn't hear these bad words, and _never_ repeat them to anyone else!"

"Okay Mommy," chorused the girls together, "but what about reading time?"

"Why don't I do reading time with you tonight?" said Gaara, getting up from the table and leaving with the girls.

"Come back down when you're done," Naruko called after him. "I think it's time."

"You can tell the story fine by yourself," her husband said back.

"I can't tell _your_ side," whined Naruko.

"Ugh, fine, whatever," sighed the redhead. "Oh, and Mahiro?"

"Yeah, Sabaku-san?"

"You can stay here as long as you need to. Just, if you want to do anything with my son, please please _please_ wear a condom."

"Dad!" screeched Satoru while Shiori snickered.

"Thanks, Sabaku-san," called Mahiro gratefully. "I will remember that. Why was he so emphatic about the condom?" he asked when Gaara was gone.

"Well, once we've told you about my brother and brother-in law, hopefully you'll understand," said the blonde woman with a giggle.

"You know, Mom, you _really_ don't have to tell us an inspirational story about Naruto-jiisan and Sasuke-jiichan," said Satoru, blushing. "Just a gracious acceptance of our relationship and my sexual orientation is fine."

"Oh come on, Saa-chan," said Mahiro playfully, "what better way to bond with your parents than by learning about their childhood? Besides, I'm _interested_ now! You can't just _not_ tell the story!"

Naruko inwardly flinched at the use of "Saa-chan," remembering the effect that that particular nickname had had on Sasuke.

"If you were anyone else," grumbled his boyfriend, "I'd say you were a _creeper_, Maa-kun."

"We were going to tell you the story anyway, and now seems as good a time as any," explained Naruko. "Maybe you can take some important lessons away from it."

"That's great, but are we ever going to learn why there's a photo on the family shrine of a teenaged guy and girl in traditional Japanese wedding clothes?" asked Shiori.

"Actually, they're _both_ guys," said Naruko, stifling a giggle. "Naruto gave me a camera for Christmas and I couldn't wait to use it. Sasuke-jiichan is the one in the _kimono_. He was a pain in the ass when I was helping him put it on. You'd think he'd have been more grateful, but _no_, he was bitching and complaining about how heavy and hot it was the _entire_ time… Half the time I could almost _swear_ he had a vagina."

The looks on all three teens' faces were priceless.

"No way!" gasped Mahiro. "Are you serious?! That girl is a _guy_?!"

"She's _totally_ serious," responded Gaara with a straight face, coming back down. "No insulting the dead, Naruko. All right, let's tell them."

It's not bad if they can still repudiate said insults," retorted Naruko. "Anyways, you guys should get comfortable."

"Dually noted," said all three teenagers.

Shiori tilted his chair back and crossed his arms over his chest. Mahiro took Satoru's hand, and the raven-haired teenager laid his head down upon his boyfriend's lap, closing his eyes in contentment. Shiori pretended to gag, and Satoru flipped him off without looking at him.

"No thanks, that's incest," the younger twin said. "And even if we weren't twins I don't swing that way, so you can forget it."

"I wouldn't want to do you anyhow," smirked Satoru. "You think too highly of yourself. Just because you have _soo _many friends…"

"Shut up and suck it, Satoru," growled Shiori.

"You're sending me mixed messages," said his twin in mock frustration. "Do you _want_ to or do you _not_ want to?"

Naruko almost snorted, reminded very forcibly of Sasuke in this moment.

'_Just think, you guys, these brats would've been _your_ sons if you were still alive,' _she thought wistfully. _'Then you'd be the ones telling them what we're about to tell them.'_

To hide her amusement and sadness she clapped her hands, drawing the boys' attention to herself.

"Do you want to hear it or not?" she growled.

"Proceed," said Gaara.

Naruko grinned.

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OWARI 3

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Me: XD I'M _DONE_ BIIIIIIIIIIIITCHEEEES! I'M DONE! I'M DONE! JE SUIS FINIS! SOY ES FINITO! I AM _DONE-SKIES_, MAN! –Does victory dance-

Sasuke: 0.0 Holy crap, calm down before you break something!

Me: 8D I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done-

Naruto: DX We get the point already!

Me: 8D I don't think you do, so I'm gonna rub it in more. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done…

Naruto: #-_- _Now_ we can kill her.

Sasuke: '^.^ _Finally_! –Grabs _kusanagi _and streams Chidori through it-

Naruto: =) See, patience pays off!

Me: =( You're evil, Naruto!

Naruto: =( Well, so are you for killing us off.

Me: D8 If I didn't kill you off the story would _never_ end! Hold up with the killing for a bit so I can give them the fanfic soundtrack.

Sasuke: X( This fanfic has a _soundtrack_?!

Me: '-_- You see it at the beginning of every chapter, you dolt. What do you _not_ understand about what I just said?

Naruto: o.O All of it.

Me: X( You're idiots. So here are the songs and artists, in order.

Chapter 1: _It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)_ by R.E.M.

Chapter 2: _Children of the Grave_ by Black Sabbath

Chapter 3: _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ by Green Day

Chapter 4: _Commotion_ by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Chapter 5: _Couldn't Stand the Weather_ by Double Trouble and Stevie Ray Vaughn (über-suckish song)

Chapter 6: _Mother_ by John Lennon

Chapter 7: _The Dark Night of the Soul_ by Loreena McKennitt (one of the best Celtic singers _ever_)

Chapter 8: _Shoot to Thrill_ by AC/ DC

Chapter 9: _Dead Bodies Everywhere_ by Korn

Chapter 10: _Comatose _by Skillet

Chapter 11: _Here in My Room_ by Incubus

Chapter 12: _Everything's Ruined_ by Fountains of Wayne

Chapter 13: _Born This Way_ by Lady Gaga

Chapter 14: _Why Don't We Do it in the Road?_ by The Beatles (song title explains it all. XD The entire song consists of Paul McCartney singing "why don't we do it in the road?")

Chapter 15: _Burning Down the House_ by Talking Heads

Chapter 16: _Heaven is Falling_ by The Ataris

Chapter 17: _Desire_ by U2

Chapter 18: _For Whom the Bell Tolls_ by Metallica

Chapter 19: _Can't Stand Losing You_ by The Police (Really suckish song)

Chapter 20: _Give Me Your Hand_ by Dirk Freymuth (old Scots-Irish love song)

Chapter 21: _Dude (Looks Like a Lady)_ by Aerosmith

Chapter 22: _China White_ by The Scorpions

Chapter 23: _Forever in My Life_ by Prince

Chapter 24: _Snow White Queen_ by Evanescence

Chapter 25: _Broken _by Seether (doesn't matter if it's the Amy Lee version or not)

Chapter 26: _When I'm Gone _by Eminem

Chapter 27: _Together Again_ by Evanescence (a newer, lesser known single by them)

Chapter 28: _Dead Memories_ by Slipknot

Chapter 29: _In My Life_ by The Beatles (Doesn't matter if it's the original or the _Glee _version. Both are very good.)

Me: =) And there you have it. Some songs are there because they actually relate to the chapter plotline. Others are just there because the titles sounded cool and their content has nothing to do with the chapter plot whatsoever. _Now_ you can try to kill me. –Runs-

Sasuke, Naruto: :O Hey!

Me: 8) I said "try". The stipulation is that you have to _catch_ me first. Hahahaha! –Running faster-

Sasuke: #-_- Dammit.

Naruto: ^.^ I don't wanna run…

Sasuke, Naruto: -Run anyways-

Me: 8D Hahahaha, I'm a fucking _genius_! I crushed up my Vicodin and put it in their drinks earlier. They should pass out from exhaustion… -checks watch- Now.

Sasuke, Naruto: -Pass out from exhaustion- X_X

Me: =) Excellent timing. Now I'm going to go work on another fanfic. Also NaruSasu. I dunno, I think I need to branch out a little, so I want to do a _Naruto_/ _Glee_ crossover, but then would that really work? (The answer is yes, by the way.) Anyway, review please! And if there are any more epic stories after this, please review those too! Do it! See ya next time!

Oh yes, and before I go jiisan is uncle and jiichan is aunt.


End file.
